Lizzie Borden Took An Ax to trailer town!


We are getting ever closer to seeing Christina Ricci go all lumberjack on her parents with Lizzie Borden Took An Ax on Lifetime! It’s choppin’ time!

The nursery rhyme “Lizzie Borden took an ax…and gave her mother forty whacks…when she saw what she had done, she gave her father forty-one” has been folklore for generations. But, in fact, it was Lizzie Borden — one of the most legendary figures in American history — who first whetted the public’s voracious interest in scandalous crimes in the 1800s with her own gruesome story involving the brutal murder of her parents. Starring Golden Globe® and Emmy® Award nominee Christina Ricci (Monster), Golden Globe® Nominee Billy Campbell (The Killing) and Screen Actors Guild Award® winner Clea DuVall (Argo), the Lifetime Original Movie Lizzie Borden Took An Ax premieres January 25, 2014, at 8pm ET/PT.

Lizzie borden took an ax lifetime

Godzilla Marvel 23 cover

Godzilla #23 (June 1979)


Godzilla Marvel 23

Billion dollar franchise, and we still gotta play zookeeper!


Godzilla #23 – The King Once More (June 1979)
Writer – Doug Moench
Penciler – Herb Trimpe
Editor – Archie Goodwin
Godzilla Marvel 23

This always happens when you badmouth the boss or a giant atomic lizard


Godzilla is back in black except not black and his brain is still scrambled from the time traveling. So he’s mad. Mean mad! He’s mad at the Behemoth, attacking the flying helicarrier.

Reed Richards and Dum Dum plan to lure Big G into the river, neither one bothers to admit that putting the time machine in Time’s Square was dumb dumb. And the Avengers show up!

Godzilla walks by J. Jonah Jameson and Robbie Robertson in their office, because we need more cameos! J. Jonah Jameson yells at him, which is exactly what I expect Jameson to do. Godzilla blasts him with hot air.

The Vision, Iron Man, the Scarlet Witch, Yellowjacket, Thor, The Wasp, and Captain America move in to attack (though Captain America and the Scarlet Witch stay behind because they can’t fly (at least that’s what Thor says!))

Dum Dum is like “WTF?” He is getting ready to yell at more super heroes when the Avengers knock Godzilla into the water…

And then he gets right out of it! D’oh!

TO BE CONCLUDED!

Remember to catch up with the Godzilla Marvel Splash Page if you have no clue what is happening. Comics can be confusing!

Godzilla Marvel 23

A joke everyone wanted to see so much it kept going and going!

Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Zu: The Warriors from the Magic Mountain

Zu: The Warriors from the Magic Mountain

aka 新蜀山劍俠 aka Xin shu shan jian ke
Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain
1983
Written by Shui Chung-Yuet and Sze-To Cheuk-Hon
Directed by Tsui Hark

Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain
My life having gone through the binge period of renting blurry Hong Kong VHS second generation dubs with hard to read subtitles from locally owned video stores in the 90s, Zu: The Warriors from the Magic Mountain is one of those films that unleashes giant waves of nostalgia. Despite the bad conditions it was being viewed under, the energy and effects magics caused it to rise above the masses. I’ve since seen it on first generation VHS, vcd, and DVD, each time being a fun experience as an idealistic young fighter is caught in the world of wuxia masters, who turn out to have just as many problems as the normal folk (only their problems are a million times more dangerous!) With Tsui Hark’s direction (and choreography work done by Corey Yuen Kwai, Yuen Biao, Fung Hak-On, and Mang Hoi), Zu is visually distinctive. The choreography and effects jumpstarted the look of modern Hong Kong film from the 1980s, while the color and humorous tone helped distinguish it from the Shaw Brothers films that it often shared rental store space with.

The effects look a bit dated now, flying people on obvious wires, old school makeup effects, and cartoon lasers zapping around. But a lot of the practical effects still look nice, and the pulsating monster seems more dangerous as a jiggling puppet than it would as just a bunch of lifeless CGI. The effects were pushed to show that Hong Kong could produce films on par with Star Wars and other early 80s effects-laden films from Hollywood. While I don’t think they quite match the talent, much is accomplished on what is obviously an insanely smaller budget (and Hong Kong effects would develop much further thanks to experience from producing films like this one!)
Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain
Despite the effects, much of the film is character driven. Dik Ming Kei’s endless idealism, Ding Yan’s tough exterior hiding a lonesome and good man, Yat Jan being a royal screw up, and the Ice Queen being the total opposite of her name when it comes to Ding Yan. It’s Moon Lee’s first major role, she would go on to be a major player in the Girls with Guns films of the late 80s/early 90s. Brigitte Lin began her domination as a martial arts queen that would ripen with Swordsman II and The Bride with White Hair.

The energy of Zu: The Warriors from the Magic Mountain is infectious, it covers so much that we’re sprinting from concept to concept. Despite that, the basic story is simple to follow. They even stop to remind everyone that it is just good vs. evil!
Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Dik Ming Kei (Yuen Biao) – A former scout turned man fed up with war, who then gets entangled in drama in the martial world. He will become involved on a quest to literally save the planet. Through it all, his optimism and hope for the future becomes almost as powerful a weapon as the martial art skills he learns along the way.
Ding Yan (Adam Cheng Siu-Chow) – Ding Yan of Nam-Hoi, a lone martial fighter who fights against evil and lives a solitary life. Ding Yan is proud and stern, but he’s also loyal to his friends.
Yat Jan (Mang Hoi) – The student of Hiu Yu, a goofy klutz who doesn’t feel he is worthy to carry on the legacy of the Kwan-Leung school. Needs a healthy dose of confidence. Wears a turtle shell on his back.
Hiu Yu (Norman Chu Siu-Keung) – Leader of Kwan-Leun school and trains his student, Yat Jan. Is called Heaven’s Blade. Poisoned early in the film, requiring the help of the Ice Queen.
Ice Queen (Brigitte Lin Ching-Hsia) – the Lady lives in her secluded palace and has the power to heal those injured by supernatural means. But it also costs her much energy to heal them, and she usually decides to heal or not to heal based on fate, things ouside her control. Her isolation is argued to cause her to be cold, but she does have humanity in her (as evidenced by her interactions with Ding Yan)
Ice Queen’s Guard (Moon Lee Choi-Fung) – One of the guards of Ice Queen’s palace, she is tricked by Dik Ming Kei and Hiu Yu when they embarass her to try to get past. She gets revenge on them by embarrassing them much more, and is the only member of Ice Queen’s crew to escape her palace. She joins the heroes on their quest as she has nowhere else to go.
Chang Mei (Sammo Hung Kam-Bo) – Founder of Ngo-Mei School and fighter against evil. He holds the big villain at bay for 49 days with only a mirror and his eyebrows, surviving only with the hope the dopey goofs he sent on the quest to save the planet actually get their act together.

Zu Warriors From Magic Mountain

Descendants – Disney villain offspring go High School Muscial!

Disney Villains

“What Time Is It?” Villain Time, suckers!


Disney Channel original movies have become far more bigger spectacles in the wake of High School Musical, with several becoming highly promoted events. Descendants looks like it may top everything that comes before it, because it combines the Princess Franchise with the good clean teens having good clean fun franchises. Actually, the Disney Villains also have their own franchise. It’s a tornado of ideas that could come together into something mystical and magical. Or it could just be offensively boring and dumb. But I have hope, that there will be less winks and nods and awful jokes, and more of a central storyline that just happens to star all these kids of famous evil beings. Largely because Kenny Ortega will be directing, and I don’t think he’d just churn out boring crap.

In a present day idyllic kingdom, the benevolent teenaged son of the King and Queen (Beast and Belle from Disney’s iconic Beauty and the Beast) is poised to take the throne. His first proclamation: offer a chance at redemption to the trouble-making offspring of Cruella De Vil, Maleficent, the Evil Queen and Jafar who have been imprisoned on a forbidden island with all the other villains, sidekicks, evil step-mothers and step-sisters. These villainous descendants (Carlos, Mal, Evvie and Jay, respectively) are allowed into the kingdom to attend prep school alongside the offspring of iconic Disney heroes including Fairy Godmother, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Mulan. However, the evil teens face a dilemma. Should they follow in their nefarious parents’ footsteps and help all the villains regain power or embrace their innate goodness and save the kingdom?

Kenny Ortega, the Emmy Award-winning director and choreographer of Disney’s record-setting High School Musical TV movies and feature film, returns to Disney Channel to direct Descendants.

For those of you keeping track of the film franchises: Belle and Beast have a son, and Fairy Godmother, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Mulan also have unnamed children. The focus of the film seems to be on the villain offspring, as they actually have names in the press release: Carlos De Vil is the son of Cruella De Vil, Mal is the offspring of Maleficent, Evvie is the daughter of the Evil Queen from Snow White, and Jay is the child of Jafar. So far no one has been cast yet, but imagine diverse mall kids with California tans. Will they all go straight, or go evil? There are just enough villains for each to score a hero/ine boy/girlfriend, though there will be one hero/ine left over! Unless someone dates the parrot offspring of Iago!

The important question is will Angelina Jolie cameo as Maleficent???

via D23

Dr. Who: Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. – New RiffTrax VOD!

Just when you thought it was safe to have Christmas without non-canon Dr. Who, suddenly Dr. Who: Daleks – Invasion Earth: 2150 A.D. is dropped into your life care of RiffTrax! This is the second Peter Cushing Dr. Who film to get the RiffTrax treatment, and this one features more Daleks, more time travel, more British stuff, and probably more other stuff, but maybe not (I’ve not seen this film).

The Doctor is in, and he’s less canonical than ever! Yes, Grand Moff Peter Cushing is back in this follow-up to fan favorite Dr. Who and the Daleks. Those cheerful, not-at-all-soul-crushingly-annoying Daleks have come to Earth, and they’ve brought along the longest, most ridiculous movie title in Rifftrax history. Luckily, the fate of the human race is safe in the hands of Dr. Who (an elderly human, not alien, no powers, possibly not even a doctor), his young granddaughter, and the menagerie of other people he’s chosen to recklessly endanger this time.

The Doc and his crew of allies/victims travel to 2150 AD for reasons that are, somehow, seriously, never explained. Once there, they find humanity dominated and subjugated by a race of heartless authoritarian overlords – so, y’know, a big bold departure for Doctor Who and sci-fi stories in general.

Will they save Earth? Will the title get any longer? Will our dashing hero get home in time for Matlock? Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill to find out in Dr. Who: Daleks etc. etc. so on and so forth AD!

Dr. Who Daleks Invasion Earth 2150 RiffTrax

golem Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow S01E10 – “The Golem”

golem Sleepy Hollow

This meeting of the Lydia From Beetlejuice Fan Club will come to order!


Sleepy HollowThe Golem
Story by Alex Kurtzman
Teleplay by Mark Goffman & Jose Molina
Directed by J. Miller Tobin
golem Sleepy Hollow

Golem smash irony!


Last time on Sleepy Hollow, we found out that Ichabod had a son he never knew about, the name and even the name of the child is a mystery. So now it’s time to go mystery hunting, as our heroes find out whatever happened to Baby Crane. Also there is a monster and some great character scenes. There is a special focus on parentage of many of the characters, particularly the male ones. This makes sense, as many are from fractured families, and they are on the way to forming their own little family that fights the forces of darkness. Beyond that, there is hints of grave danger, which is to be expected, with a two-hour season finale coming up shortly (only one regular episode left!)

We find out more about Ichabod’s unknown child, Jeremy Crane. But just so you know, the answers were be slowly sprinkled throughout the episode, both in order to help build on suspense, but also because there is a secret sort of twist. And possibly more going on that the characters conclude at the finale of the episode, but I’ll cross that bridge when we reach it.

Sin Eater Henry Parrish (John Noble) returns, and he loves puzzles. He does crosswords all the time, because they help center him. Because of his powers, he lives an isolated life, so spending his time doing hobbies like that aren’t surprising. The puzzlework will come in handy, because the entire show is one huge puzzle of crazy awesome. It’s like those huge jumbo puzzle magazines I would get from PennyPress when I was younger and needed stuff to do on plane rides and bus rides.

golem Sleepy Hollow

Crossword puzzles got so much easier when I just used nonsense Lord of the Rings words!


Parrish and Crane share some moments of their fathers, Parrish mentioning that he never got to thank his father for what he gave him (his father now resides in a home, suffering from Alzheimer’s), while Crane laments never getting to be a father to his boy like his dad was to him. If there is one thing Sleepy Hollow does exceptionally well, it is to have well crafted moments between its characters while they’re discussion family relations.

Fear not, there is more Ichabod vs. The Modern World shenanigans going on! Especially amazing is the wordplay of the “awful intercourse” conversation. Which makes since and is very dirty. This episode is more scattered, so some of the analysis will be cut and run with the recap section. Don’t be a gongoozler, it’s time to dive in with “The Golem

golem Sleepy Hollow

The return of Evil Mongo!