Follow-up to the rarely seen, totally imaginary films Ennui at Eightkiller and Nausea at Ninekiller, Terror at Tenkiller really brings the goods! And by “the goods” we mostly mean there’s a character named Tor in it. Seriously, at this point the Venn diagram of “movies featuring a character or actor named Tor” and “movies we have riffed” must be approaching a perfect circle. Why does this keep happening? We don’t know, but you can be sure an insane scientist in some B movie is hard at work on the answer, and that his name is Tor!

This particular Tor lives at a lake called Tenkiller, where his hobbies include boat maintenance, wearing upsettingly tiny shorts, and purifying the world of unclean people with murder. Oh, that Tor! He works with Preacher, an old creep whose voice seems to have been dubbed in a bathroom stall by a sleepy hillbilly. When two cute college coeds show up at the lake to get away from an overbearing boyfriend, and the fact that they’re somehow roommates despite a 15 year age difference, it’s time for terror! And phone calls. And long conversations about restaurant management. And naps. And people waking up from naps. And peaceful walks to the dock. But mostly, the first thing! What was it again? Oh yeah, TERROR!

Join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and Tor for a relaxing spa murder weekend to Terror at Tenkiller!

The real question is: “How far behind is Tars in the RiffTrax VODs?” Answer: Very! But I like that they’re there for when I do have time in the future. Keep pumping this stuff out so I have lots to watch and love whenever I do have free time!

The three episodes premiere April 1st and are called Demon Bat, Badass Dion Bird, and Pig Love. Prepare your VCRs/DVRs/Google Glass Recording Programs!

No word yet on if the shows will be available on RiffTrax.com or if they are the trial run of a full series (or just an April Fools Day prank!)

But enough about how you owe me a bunch of money due to your terrible drinking problem, let’s talk about Cyborg Cop 2. It’s crazy, the trailer should be enough to sell you, and if you need more, their cool writeup is below. Cyborg Cop 2 is available on RiffTrax.com. It looks cool enough that I might actually make time I don’t have to get caught up with the RiffTrax VODs and check it out.

Cyborg Cop 2 is the special kind of terrible movie that has failed before you’re even done reading the title. That’s right folks, Cyborg Cop 2 does not even manage to contain a single cyborg cop. Technically, the main character, Jack Ryan (before his shadow was recruited) is a DEA agent, so he is actually neither a cyborg nor a cop.

The second thing we should tell you about Cyborg Cop 2 is that multiple characters wear gigantic fanny packs all the time. Like the kind a tourist without any dignity would wear instead of just sporting a sandwich board that says “Please pickpocket me and my idiot family.” The fanny packs are never addressed or commented on. Perhaps they are meant to distract from the fact that there is not a cyborg cop in the movie Cyborg Cop 2.

None of the RiffTrax performers have seen Cyborg Cop 1, nor have any members of the writing staff seen Cyborg Cop 1, yet we were able to follow the plot fairly well. This is not meant to imply that we did not have any questions. We did, namely “So is the cop a cyborg?” and “Seriously, is there a cyborg cop in this thing or not?”

Take David Carradine’s Future Force, remove the robotic remote controlled arm as it is makes the cop too much like a cyborg, and you’ve got Cyborg Cop 2. Strap on your fanny pack and join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for low budget action cheese at its finest.

Note: contains some pointless nudity.

Buy RiffTrax Night of the Lepus here!

RABBIT! The very word strikes fear into the heart of anyone with a very strange definition of the word fear! Their very existence seems to bring terror, what with their gnawing on vegetables and hopping and…twitching their little tails… Starring in a surprisingly wide array of beloved books, cartoons, and other children’s entertainment, OK, look, rabbits aren’t scary, at all. But what if, through a combination of terrible editing and confusing camera angles, we pretended like they were very big? Hey, where are you going!

So it goes in Night of the Lepus (Latin for rabbit, as characters frequently remind each other and the audience.) When rabbits overrun a farmer’s land, he turns to a local scientist for a cure rather than poison them. Thus the true message of this movie: poison rules. When the scientist’s cure backfires, the rabbits grow to enormous size and the real conflict begins: that of the special effects team vs the movie producers who evidently budgeted next to nothing for the special effects team.

Using an innovative technique known as “replaying the same damn shot over and over again” the makers of Night of the Lepus manage to create the eerily convincing sensation that you are watching normal sized rabbits run towards a camera in slow motion. Occasionally they run across the screen right to left in slow motion. That Cadbury commercial where the rabbit clucks like a chicken is infinitely scarier. So is the mustache that DeForest Kelley sports in this movie.

Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for Night of the Lepus, the least scary thing involving rabbits since Bugs Bunny dressed up like a woman and seduced Elmer Fudd.