Yes, YOU demanded it! YOU! We know who you are, Gary. Stop trying to deny you demanded more Lash LaRue. Because he’s here and he’s not going away. Lash LaRue is going through my fridge and eating my leftovers and snoozing on my couch. I’m sending you a bill for my couch cleaning, Gary!

With Alien Outlaw, you can see Lash LaRue, aliens who break the law, and gunfights with said lawbreaker aliens. These alien outlaws break all the laws, even Ape Law! Watch as they mockingly stroll into the Forbidden Zone! Luckily, alien lawbreaking jerks easily die to bullets and fishhooks. And if that isn’t enough to get you to order Alien Outlaw right now on RiffTrax.com, I don’t know what else to say!

When you see a title like Alien Outlaw, you know to expect one thing: a heavy focus on rural gunfighting shows and the agencies that book them to regional fairs. What’s that? You expect some quantity of alien outlaw activity? Well, there is some of that, sure, a small amount. But surely the next thing you expect is a healthy dose of elderly whipmaster Lash LaRue, sort of wandering around the set and shouting things at other characters? And that he’ll be shirtless at some point? Okay, good, glad we’re on the same page there at least.

When last we saw Lash LaRue he was fighting ancient Native American zombies over a sacred rental property in The Dark Power. This time he and his protégé, the young pantsless gunfighting phenom Jesse Jamison, are defending a tiny mountain community from alien outlaws – no, that’s not a typo, despite the title Alien Outlaw there are actually multiple alien outlaws in this movie. It’s also not entirely clear that they’re outlaws, and it’s even less clear why they came to Earth or what their plans are at any point in the story. But one thing’s for sure: they love old-timey Wild West gunfights! Because okay, why not!

Homemade Predator costumes, Lash LaRue AND his fat hillbilly sidekick buddy from The Dark Power, an alien killed with a fishing hook, what more could anyone ask for? For Lash to use the whipping talent that made him famous at some point in the movie, maybe? Good luck with that! It’s time for befuddlement and laughter, join Mike, Kevin and Bill for Alien Outlaw!

Like the rest of Planet Earth, I’m a big fan of 1970s movies about girls with supernatural powers that they use to slay their enemies. Thus, RiffTrax’s new VOD, Kiss of the Tarantula, is simply a must-get. Not only does the heroine get her revenge with an army of tarantulas that she controls, but there’s also a creepy uncle! Unfortunately, there isn’t a giant spider made out of an old VW Beetle, so this can’t be the best spider movie ever. But it’s the best spider movie where the spiders are controlled by a teenage girl ever!

Buy it now at RiffTrax.com!

Did you ever watch the movie Carrie and think, “hm, pretty good, but her creepy home life wasn’t nearly creepy enough”? Then boy, have we got something for you!

Meet Susan. She’s just like any other troubled teen, except her dad is an undertaker, their house is a mortuary full of corpses, she’s got a sleazy uncle who’s around a little too often, and a room full of pet tarantulas who do her bidding. And what’s her bidding, exactly? Revenge murder against those who’ve wronged her, of course! And how exactly do the tarantulas kill her enemies, given that tarantulas are really not that dangerous to humans? Well, they… um… you’ll just have to watch the movie and see if you can figure it out, because we really can’t.

Some of the slowest murders in film history, a final sequence so drawn out that the first time we screened it we were in tears (the laughing kind of tears, mostly), and middle-aged teenagers galore! Time to pucker up for your Kiss of the Tarantula!

“Oh, Lash LaRue, I always wondered what happened to him!” — Nobody, Ever. Well, unfortunately, Nobody is going to get an answer, because Lash LaRue is featured in The Dark Power, which is the latest RiffTrax VOD! It’s got zombies, it’s got college kids played by actors that are close to collecting retirement, it’s got…well, that’s all it’s got. Luckily, the RiffTrax guys are what we got, and The Dark Power is the perfect fodder for their jokes. In fact, this movie might be too easy for the jokes. You might seriously die as you are bored by the film and laughing from the jokes, your body not knowing how to react and thus giving up. But it’s worth it, I hear. I can’t die thanks to my time serving as a prison guard on death row when this magic guy showed up….

Hey, Toltec Zombies! How often does that happen? George Romero, eat your heart out! Buy The Dark Power today, or you will face the wrath of very slow, very cheap Toltec Zombies. Eventually.

Hollywood legend Lash LaRue returns to the silver screen in this thrilling tale of zombies, the occult, and stretching the definition of “Hollywood legend” as far as our lawyers will allow us! Lash LaRue, as you’ll undoubtedly recall, was famous for being playing a cowboy that used a whip. In every movie he was in, he found a way to pick up a whip and crack it a few times. Cattle rustlers? Whip! Pistols at dawn? Whip! Bankrupt from loss of cattle because trying to stop cattle rustlers with just a whip is incredibly stupid? Whip! Dead from ignoring the pistols part of pistols at dawn and instead bringing a—Well, you get the idea.

Yes, Lash and his whip were inseparable. It’s even claimed that he taught Harrison Ford how to use the bullwhip! Sadly for Lash, he was providing his “whip lessons” on the set of Regarding Henry, and was escorted off the lot by security after startling Harrison in the bathroom.

But that didn’t stop Lash, and he’s still flinging his whip around in The Dark Power. And it’s a good thing too, because four ancient Toltec Indian chiefs have risen from the dead and are terrorizing a house full of college students who don’t look a day over 32. Turns out that defiling their burial ground was a bad idea! Who knew?

Can Lash drive his Chrysler there with his blinker on the entire way before the students are picked off one by one? Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this RiffTrax to find out!

Who do you call when there is trouble in the high-stakes world of jai alai? No, not that Jai Alai Busters, that would be ridiculous. You call a team of funky ladies who wear skimpy suits and beat up bad guys! Duh! Luckily, Wonder Women is another of those low-budget action films made in the Philippines that are simultaneously amazing but also ridiculous and dumb. And also luckily we have the RiffTrax guys along for the ride, to dole out ridiculous puns.

Remember when jai alai was a thing? Of course you don’t! I bet 80% of the people reading the plot description had to google the name, only to realize it’s that sport with the weird gloves shaped like Tostitos Scoops! (The exclamation point is part of the name!) Now if you excuse me, I’m going to go eat some Tostitos Scoops!, because that’s what winners do, and I am a winner.

Buy Wonder Women on RiffTrax.com!

This post was NOT sponsored by Tostitos Scoops!, in fact, they are sending a pack of angry lawyers upset that they are now associated with Wonder Women! Someone get help! Preferably a band of funky women in skimpy clothes…

A fiendish super-villain is kidnapping star jai alai players in order to harvest their organs! Even more shocking, someone pitched that plot to a Hollywood executive and they said “Yes, we’ll make that movie!”

And when you want an obscure paddle sport champion kidnapped, there’s only one group to turn to: The Wonder Women! No job is too big, no outfit too skimpy, no catfight with fellow Wonder Women worth passing up! (Warning: Please note that we said Women, not Woman. This movie does not contain any invisible airplanes or golden lassos. If you or a loved one dons an American flag style leotard at any point during the viewing, please consult a doctor, especially if it’s grandpa doing the donning.)

The only thing that stands in their way is Ross Hagen. Well, Ross Hagen and several thousand Filipino citizens who were apparently unaware that a movie was being filmed and literally stand in the way during the movie’s several chase scenes. Fortunately, their lives were endangered, quite possibly lost, for a quality production, one that uses something called “Brain Sex” as a central plot point.

Mike, Kevin, and Bill don Linda Carter’s Bracelets of Submission to riff Wonder Women, the rare sort of movie that manages to rip off Charlie’s Angels despite coming out three years before Charlie’s Angels.

via RiffTrax

There is a whole world of crazy obscure wacky weird films out there, and Fun in Balloonland is one of the most of all those things, and so much more, and soooo much painfully scary! Basically, it is perfect for RiffTrax, and their new VOD of Fun in Balloonland is guaranteed to be one of their classics that will be mentioned for decades to come in hushed tones of awe. If you only get one RiffTrax VOD in your life, I can recommend this entirely just upon being familiar with the original version and not having seen the RiffTrax version, because it’s just that crazy that it is magically perfect. Like the producers knew long ago that in the future people would record goofy commentaries about it on the internet. There can be no other explanation, because it’s just that screwed up! But don’t take my word for it, throw your money at RiffTrax.com right now!

We would say that Fun In Balloonland is our favorite RiffTrax movie that we’ve ever done, but there’s just one problem: it’s hard to really describe it as a movie. It is an event. To attempt to describe its plot to you would be like attempting to divide by zero. There are balloons, there are kids, there is a parade, and there were mercifully cameras rolling to capture the madness. It’s a spectacle so cracked and baffling that you’ll have to double check to make sure it wasn’t recorded at Pirates World, home of Santa and the Ice Cream Bunny.

In fact, the Ice Cream Bunny would have taken one look at this flick and begged off saying “Too weird for me man! Even I have my limits! Oh whoops, lost another kid off the back of the fire engine. Well, you’re gonna get that.” Fun In Balloon Land throws a whole casserole of crazy at the screen: kindergartners in gold lamé diapers, giant Indian stereotypes, a maniac of a parade host, blow fish who halfheartedly tell jokes, a lengthy guessing game, The Farmer In The Dell, two headed cats, and something called The Marrying Turkey. Then Santa shows up. Trust us, it will all make sense when you sit down and watch it.*

We’ve been holding this one back for the holiday season ever since we discovered it at the beginning of the year and we’re delighted to finally present—no, unleash would be the better word—we’re delighted to unleash it to all of you. Please join Mike, Kevin, Bill, and the Marrying Turkey for: Fun In Balloonland.

*100% untrue.