• Home
  • Category Archives: Movie Reviews
Cazadores de Espías

Cazadores de Espías (Review)

Cazadores de Espías

aka Spy Hunter
Cazadores de Espías
1969
Story by Adolfo Torres Portillo
Screenplay by Rafael Baledón
Directed by Rafael Baledón

Still more exciting than whenever Mantaur wrestled!

In 1969, Mexico had noticed the whole secret agents thing has gotten a little ridiculous and thus ripe for parody. Enter Cazadores de Espías, a comedic film filled with secret agents, double crosses, identical twins, a carnivorous plant, a masked villain, a seductive villainess, a luchador, a mad scientist, and even a robot. There is plenty of goofy action across the board, lending Cazadores de Espías the power to potentially be something bigger than it is. Unfortunately, there is no subtitled version at all, and the first half of the film leans heavily on verbal jokes, leaving people like me to be forced to lean on their rusty Spanish. At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles, but they probably would have come in handy here! Despite the lack of clear understanding of a few plot points, the general gist was easy to get, and no one needs subtitles when a robot is running around! Cazadores de Espías is fun, but thanks to the language veil it isn’t as fun as it should have been.
Cazadores de Espías
Cazadores de Espías was filmed around the same time as Muñecas Peligrosas and Con Licencia Para Matar, which is pretty obvious. It features familiar sets and cast members, and all are directed by Rafael Baledón (though this time the original story is by Adolfo Torres Portillo). The sets usually used at the villain’s lair is now a hotel, a control room is now a villain lair, and the familiar nightclub returns, though there is now a big wrestling ring in part of it. The goons of the mysterious Mr. X were big X’s on their uniforms (instead of G’s or K’s!) Mexican villains are all sponsored by the same letters that sponsor Sesame Street!

As the film is rather obscure, please enjoy the longer film synopsis review. But as the film is hard to follow at parts, please forgive any errors that creep in due to confusion or language barriers. As usual, I blame those nefarious Spider Gnomes of Jupiter, who cause me no end of troubles. I will defeat you one day, Spider Gnomes of Jupiter! Fans of random Mexican song interludes will enjoy the performances by Los Rockyn Devil’s, The Shadow of the Beast, Manolo Muñoz, Rubin “Penjamo” Mendez, and Jose Antonio Zevala. Non-fans will find a convenient time to go to the bathroom. Now on with the show!
Cazadores de Espías

Ricardo (Carlos East) – Ricardo’s twin brother Ramiro is murdered right in front of him, and Ricardo goes on a quest for revenge, which puts him in the middle of two rival criminal espionage groups and some innocent people. Part of his cover is disguising as the luchador Rayo De Oro, because that’s how you go undercover in Mexico, dress as a flamboyant wrestler.
Chelelo Ochoa (Eleazar García “Chelelo”) – A relative of the dead Mr. X who inherits part of the property that becomes the center of espionage conflicts. Wants to promote wrestling matches for money. At one point has to disguise himself as Rayo De Oro when Ricardo goes missing. Is either Leonor’s husband or distant cousin with the same last name (I was unable to figure this out). Eleazar García has a nickname, so we know from experience to prepare for comedic pain. Though, really, Chelelo isn’t that unfunny. He might be the most entertaining nicknamed Mexican comedian I’ve seen in a film. And I’ve seen quite a few! So many nicknamed Mexican comedians…
Leonorilda “Leonor” Ochoa (Leonorilda Ochoa) – Leonor is one of the not really deceased Mr. X’s long lost relatives who gain ownership of a property he controls, thus everyone tries to kill her and Chelelo. They keep failing at it. She wants to turn the property into a gogo dancing hall. Leonorilda Ochoa also appears in Muñecas Peligrosas and Con Licencia Para Matar.
Sylvana (Maura Monti) – Leader of a villainous faction that is trying to gain possession of the property everyone wants. Owns a Carnivorous Plant and a bunch of goons. Maura Monti also appears in Muñecas Peligrosas, Con Licencia Para Matar, La Mujer Murciélago, S.O.S. Conspiracion Bikini, El Planeta de las Mujeres Invasoras, and Santo Contra la Invasion de los Marcianos.
Mr. X (Héctor Andremar) – The mysterious Mr. X is very mysterious. Most mysterious of all is his plan, which makes no real sense. Hides out under the property in question all day and gives his men branded uniforms. He also has a twin brother, but he kills him to fake his own death. I’m pretty sure this is Héctor Andremar.
Carnivorous Plant (itself) – A very hungry plant that is eager to eat anything and anyone it can get its vines on! Used by Sylvana to threaten her enemies.
Robot (???) – A remote controlled robot that looks like a modified diving suit with a stove grill in the front of it. Controlled by the Mad Scientist Guy using a remote in his cane. Uses it to kill the enemies of his group, and also as a wrestling opponent in a bid to kill off Ricardo.
Mad Scientist Guy (???) – One of Sylvana’s goons who controls the Robot that kills people and wrestles. Takes great joy in seeing his creating destroy the living both inside and outside the ring. Forgot to use circuit breakers, proving he really is mad. Meets a shocking end. I am not sure who played him.

Cazadores de Espías

Nanny Cam

Nanny Cam (Review)

Nanny Cam

aka Sitter Cam
Nanny Cam
2014
Written by Brian McAuley
Directed by Nancy Leopardi

Nanny Cam
Oh, Lifetime. Just when you think your films have gotten boring, you throw out some crazy gems like Nanny Cam! Crazy teenage babysitters are what you get when you don’t hire exclusively through that club of babysitters, though since all those girls are grown up now, it’s what you have to do. But in addition to the baby sitter being nuts, we have a mom with secrets, adoption and abortion tragedies, parents working too hard, paranoia, and even dementia! Nanny Cam is some good Lifetime fun, bringing just enough crazy to entertain, and spreading it out to keep tight pacing.

Linda Kessler (Laura Allen) is your typical working mom who is always on her phone, to the point where her husband Mark (Cam Gigandet) hates her phone. Their one night out to celebrate their anniversary is cut short when their daughter Chloe (Farrah Mackenzie) is injured as their older babysitter Barbara has a senior moment while cooking some mac and cheese. Linda blames herself and is resolved to get a new, younger sitter. But good sitters are hard to find, and until then Chloe has to hang out at the house Mark is renovating to flip, being left unsupervised to play with nail guns.
Nanny Cam
It’s there that she makes a friend, teenage girl Heather Lambert (India Eisley), who used to nanny and is looking for some extra money before she starts school in the fall. Mark is instantly on board, but Linda is suspicious, and not just because Heather is a hot teenage girl. But her reference checks out, and Linda reluctantly hires her. Linda does get a nanny cam, hidden in an alarm clock, so she can keep an eye at home and make sure Chloe isn’t hurt again.
Nanny Cam

Grump Cat's Worst Christmas Ever

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever (Review)

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever

Grump Cat's Worst Christmas Ever
2014
Written by Tim Hill and Jeff Morris
Directed by Tim Hill

Grump Cat's Worst Christmas Ever
What to do about Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever? That is the mystery, because the noxious exploitation of a deformed cat has already got everyone beat by predicting their own movie would be awful and makes that joke over and over again. And in a way, the movie is awful. But in a way, part of it isn’t. Part of it tries so hard and comes so far, but in the end, it really doesn’t matter. It’s crawling in its own skin, and other lyrics. This isn’t going to be an angry screed against the film, because it doesn’t deserve that, and angry rants against this movie will seem forced and uninteresting. It’s more of a statement on the film and US culture today.

Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever takes place in a mall, once the bastion of American consumerism. Malls are dying all over America, as shopping moves online, teenagers switch up where they hang out, and overpriced chain stores fail to compete with discount chains as far as the shrinking wallet of American consumers is concerned. The economic recovery that produced jobs that pay insultingly low raises, people trapped due to lack of opportunity, young people graduating to a world where they can’t find a job related to their degrees. Into this world we dump a movie about a talking deformed cat.
Grump Cat's Worst Christmas Ever
The mall setting mirrors with the commercial exploitation of the Grumpy Cat into a marketing line. Grumpy Cat is no longer a cat, but a product. The movie even includes scenes that hawk the Grumpy Cat website and Grumpy Cat swag. Grumpy Cat is a success story for the owner, who went from being a waitress to a millionaire, built on the back of a cat and not any actual talent. It’s all about selling out, making all the money you can possibly rake in. The film is even set up in a mall pet store, not an animal shelter. A pet store filled with animals begging for homes, but the only one with a future is a papered pedigree dog worth a million dollars. The animals are commodities, their personalities disabled by a dismissive quip or two from Grumpy Cat.
Grump Cat's Worst Christmas Ever

Yeke Bezan

Yeke Bezan (Review)

Yeke Bezan

aka یکه بزن aka Little Hero aka Yekeh Bezan
Yeke Bezan
1967
Written and directed by Reza Safai
Yeke Bezan
Three Iranian Supermen (including a Superwoman!) Now that got your attention, let me deflate your joy for a bit by explaining that three characters dress up as Superman and fly around for a few minutes in the middle of the film, powered by a magic wand that also turns them into Tarzan characters and gunfighters out of an Old West movie. But, still, Iranian people running around dressed as Superman is not something you expect to see. The global image of Iranian cinema is a bunch of art house films all banned in their home country, but readers of TarsTarkas.NET know that Iranian cinema is much more than that. As we saw with Shab Neshini Dar Jahanam/A Party In Hell, pre-Revolution Iran put out a wide degree of cinema, including fantasy elements. There is even a term for these silly films, Filmfarsi, coined by Iranian film critic Houshang Kavoosi. Filmfarsi movies are low-budget populist fare that takes tropes and queues from other countries’ movies, particularly Indian cinema. The genre still continues today, though now the stories are worked around the censors, requiring directors to either tow the line or be very creative in their subversion.

Our focus is on 1967’s Yeke Bezan (The internet tells me that translates to Little Hero, but there is no giant octopi firing babies at genderbending kung fu starlets!) It is a goofy comedic fantasy film with roots all over. The long sequences of characters punching and shooting at each other seems lifted from Hollywood’s serials, giving it a common feel to the Turkish Super Hero movies that also feature large-scale “borrowing” of American pop culture. The characters break out into song, with beats that fit right in with Indian film. They even follow the Indian character breakdowns: A Handsome Hero, a Behrouz as his sidekick, a good girl who the hero ends up loving, and a bad girl who hangs out with the villains. Both the Handsome Hero and Behrouz spend time chasing after the bad girl, who we know is bad because she wears towels while talking to the men!
Yeke Bezan
In fact, there is a large amount of attractive women who shuffle through the film. 1960s Iran must have been a swinging place. Like several countries, the cinematography when women are on screen focuses on specific parts of their bodies, here it is either their bare backs (in the case of the bad girl in towels mentioned above), or more often, their legs, with the women almost exclusively wearing short shorts.

Overall, Yeke Bezan is interesting to watch because it’s unlike what you think films from Iran would be like, but it’s similarities to other genre cinemas of the time will also preview how much you will enjoy it. If you like the midstream Turkish Superhero movies that spend more time punching and goofing than superheroing, then Yeke Bezan will be up your alley. Otherwise, you’ll probably be bored for half an hour, entertained for 20 minutes, then bored for the conclusion of the film.
Yeke Bezan
Writer/Director Reza Safai is hard to find information on, partially because he shares a name with an up and coming actor/director named Reza Sixo Safai. I don’t know if they are related, all I can definitively find out about Reza Safai is he directed a string of fifty‐two Filmfarsi movies from 1961 to 1978, but his career cratered out after the Revolution. He wrote, produced, and even acted in many of those films. There was a brief attempt at a revival post-Revolution, but he ran into censorship problems. He was efficient with resources (aka cheap), would extend filming hours to cut down on the number of days on location, made promotional material out of outtakes, and often had one film shooting while another was processing in the lab. Reza Safai at one point dated starlet Mercedeh Kamyab, a fact that was more important than mentioning his actual career in at least one book about Iranian cinema.

Despite the goofy Filmfarsi cinema getting critical disdain, Yeke Bezan is a cinema classic in Iran. So much so that it was even remade in 2004 as Sharlatan (Charlatan), which follows the original plot rather closely, including the magic wand turning them into Superman scenes! So that’s two Iranian Superman movies! The film follows the original close enough I stole some of the character names from it to use for characters here. If anyone who has seen Yeke Bekan can help out, that would be great. I fully expect someone to stop by 7 years after an internet hero fansubs Yeke Bekan, outraged that I got a character’s name wrong. Sharlatan is released on DVD with English subtitles, unlike Yeke Bezan, which was taken from an internet rip of a vcd rip of a VHS tape that is probably second generation of a degraded negative that has two obvious missing scenes. With no subtitles, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

The fun part of doing research on Yeke Bezan was that even though I drew a blank on a lot of things I tried to discover about this film, I stumbled across several other exciting things. Needless to say, expect a whole pack of obscure Iranian fantasy films to appear in the next few months, and hopefully more once I identify what movies are on a few mystery posters. I did get a few of the cast, but some of them are mysteries. Frank Myrqhary and Hassan Rezaei are listed in the credits, I’m not sure who is who.
Yeke Bezan
But for now it’s time to get farsi, filmfarsi, with Yeke Bekan!

Hasan (Reza Beyk Imanverdi) – Our intrepid hero, who spends the day doing good things and being a free spirit floater. And occasional hero for hire. Defeats the villains, gains a magic wand and the girl. Reza Beyk Imanverdi was an Iranian theater actor whose big break came when he met director Samuel Khachikian at a car accident, and Khachikian cast him in one of his films. That ballooned to a huge career that not only headlined many Iranian films, but gained him international stardom and roles in films in Turkey and Italy. He was forced out of Iran after the Revolution and eventually settled in America, becoming a truck driver. He died in 2003 of lung cancer.
Behrouz (Dariush Asadzadeh) – Hasan’s goofy sidekick who is usually sporting a sideways hat. He’s the comic relief, though manages to be a little less annoying than the traditional comic relief guy. Actor Dariush Asadzadeh is still performing on Iranian dramas into his 90s, but beyond that there is little biographical information about him in English.
Mahshid (Mina) – Rich lady under the care of her uncle, though all her wealth seems consecrated in a necklace that everyone wants. Hasan crushes on her. I was unable to find anything out about Mina.
Maryam (???) – Maryam is the bad gal who gives the heroes someone to perv on while maintaining Mashid’s chaste nature. Because she’s a sultry seductress she has to be evil, thus she’s allied with the villain, Homayoun. I don’t know who played her.
Homayoun (???) – The Bald Eyepatch Villain who menaces Mahshid in pursuit of her necklace that’s worth tons of money. Is repeatedly foiled by Hasan and Behrouz. Not sure who played him.

Yeke Bezan

One Christmas Eve Hallmark

One Christmas Eve (Review)

One Christmas Eve

One Christmas Eve Hallmark
2014
Written by Holly Goldberg Sloan
Directed by Jay Russell

One Christmas Eve Hallmark
Ever have one of those crazy nights where all sorts of weird stuff happens, and then you pick up a bunch of new best friends and a dog? Sure, we all have many times, and One Christmas Eve celebrates that phenomenon with Christmas flair! One Christmas Eve is a comedy movie which I didn’t know Hallmark even did, but I guess so because here it is! One Christmas Eve is an uneven holiday film that jumps around tonally and has some major missteps, but also does a few things surprisingly well that worked out enough to win me over in the end.

Nell Blackmore (Anne Heche) is freaking out trying to ensure the first Christmas after her divorce is a magical one for her two children. Opera-obsessed bad singer Emma (Alissa Skovbye) and video gamer Alden (Griffin Kane) are less than worried that Christmas won’t be special, because kids will be kids. Cesar Cortez (Carlos Gómez) is a worker looking to get him and be miserable during Christmas break, only to find someone dumped a puppy in front of his store. With no one around as it’s late at night on Christmas Eve, he looks for a happy family to dump the dog on the doorstep of to pass the buck. He picks the Blackmores, but his attempt to flee after buzzing the doorbell is foiled when he slips on a sled and injures his leg. Nell suddenly has to deal with someone injured on her property while a mystery dog entrances her children.

Thus begins the troubles for the night, as they go to the hospital. Nell parks the van in the loading zone, thinking it will just be a minute, but ends up taking forever (as someone who has been to the ER several times, you should expect to sacrifice many hours waiting around). She also first meets Dr. Chen (Brian Tee), who will take care of the family during each of their visits tonight. Alden takes the dog for a walk and ends up falling down a hole in a building under construction. Emma wanders out to go find him, and their van gets towed thanks to Reggie (Kevin Daniels) the security guard. Thus as soon as Cesar is free to go to the hospital, they’re back, with Alden having a broken wrist and Emma having cold exposure. That was rather poorly executed, her coat gets caught on a fence so she just leaves it, and suddenly is hospitalized even though it doesn’t seem that cold, and she’s fine a short bit later.
One Christmas Eve Hallmark

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner (Review)

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner

Coed and the Zombie Stoner
2014
Written by Scotty Mullen
Directed by Glenn R. Miller

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This happened all the time when I was a meter maid!


Zombies! Frat parties! Nude chicks! Drugs! Crass jokes! The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is a modern mish-mashterpiece of crazy that won’t settle for just being ridonkulous. Much as Dark Helmet sends Spaceball 1 into ludicrous speed, The Coed and the Zombie Stoner makes its own pattern of plaid, and thankfully is wearing its helmet!

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner begins with nude chicks and a zombie attack, and then backs up to the Warm Bodies-esque love tale, by way of the Mary Jane. Marijuana is the cause of and solution to the zombie menace, as the weed is partially responsible for the experiment gone awry that causes the zombies, as well as keeping the zombies calm so they don’t attack people.

Special breakout performances from Jamie Noel as Bambi, the sorority bitch from hell! In a most excellent scene she drops her own version of the cunt-punch email that made the internet rounds, and you believe in your heart of hearts that her character would gleefully threaten such a thing.

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This is a disaster! Ziggy deserves better than page 3!


Lena Young and Dora Pereli as Bibi and Bunny, goofy sorority besties who can’t seem to keep their clothes on. I’ve been around enough to know you have to be very good to act that goofy and ditzy and energetic without it coming off a totally fake, and they nail their performances. Even Chrissy joins in on their sorority chants in the middle of crisis, it’s how infectiously charismatic these two are. Those suds in the opening scene? Spontaneously appeared because of how bubbly these two are!

Zombie purists will get annoyed that the Romero rules aren’t being enforced, but zombie purists are annoying, so good. The rules seem more like the Return of the Living Dead rules, except pot mellows the zombies out. The zombies retain much of their minds, and even stage elaborate scenarios and entertaining games as they devour their prey

The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is like the 1980s college flicks and zombie flicks crashed into each other, then were bathed in 2010s sensibilities. There are references all over the place to other films, and at times it seems we jump right into a scene from one of them. The Coed and the Zombie Stoner is a clearinghouse for toilet humor. Not just the actual humor involving toilets and bodily functions, but within the universe. The frats and sororities have provocative names like KY House, DIK Frat, and even ZBE Frat, the fraternity that foreshadows. Christine Nguyen cameos as a librarian, and Mindy Robinson has a bit part as Nurse Escandalo. So there is just so much fun going on, let the party begin!

Coed and the Zombie Stoner

This is a weird reboot of Captain N: The Game Master


Chrissy Chrysanthemum (Catherine Annette) – Brilliant college student, sorority sister, and researcher who talks and talks and talks and talks. Her constant talking leaves her without a boyfriend and in danger of losing her scholarship, until she meets a nice zombie guy who listens.
Rigo Fabian (Grant O’Connell) – Secret zombie who lives in one of the labs, he’s from back in the class of ’85, yet only Dr. Avon knows he’s still around until he starts dating Chrissy. Is a nice guy zombie except for his zombie temper. was a brilliant researcher before the accident.
Bambi (Jamie Noel) – The Queen Bee of Sorority Crazy, Bambi is a force of nature that destroys all in her path. Anyone who dares put things out of place gets demolished and humiliated, and her usual target is Chrissy.
Bibi (Lena Young) – Super energetic sorority sister who spends most of the film forgetting to wear clothes and hanging out with her BFF, Bunny.
Bunny (Dora Pereli) – Super energetic sorority sister who spends most of the film forgetting to wear clothes and hanging out with her BFF, Bibi.
Spike (Andrew Clements) – Chrissy’s brother and local DJ. Has an unfortunate encounter with a zombie’s hand.
P.J. (Ben Whalen) – Chrissy’s ex-boyfriend who dumps her right at the beginning of the film for Bambi, and then spends the whole time acting like the gigantic douche he is.
Dr. Pier Avon (Louis J. Dezsoran) – Chrissy’s boss at the university and the only person who knew about Rigo all these years before he is introduced to the rest of the school.
Brad (Aaron Caleb) – Nerdish frat guy who can’t catch a break, or a girl, though has caught a cold sore. Gets in touch with his feminine side.
Romero the cat (???) – A very naughty cat who is also a pot zombie as well as a namecheck reference to zombie movies.
Coed and the Zombie Stoner

The car was already like this, the montage was them just changing outfits!