• Home
  • Category Archives: Movie Reviews

Godzilla battles the Tricephalon Monster

March of Godzilla 2012
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster

From HB Toys comes one of the awesomer older Godzilla toys, 1978’s Godzilla battles the Tricephalon Monster playset. Featuring Godzilla and a brand new monster, The Tricephalon Monster, who looks like some sort of illegitimate child of Mecha-King Ghidorah! This set came with a whole slew of toys and vehicles to make your giant monster battle in a city come alive! Just look at this list:

Godzilla
The Tricephalon Monster
18 Soldiers
18 Civilians
2 Jeeps
2 Tanks
3 Civilian Vehicles
2 Jet Fighters
1 Ambulance
1 Automobile
1 Police Car
1 Shell Firing Battleship
1 22″ x 28″ Diorama
1 30′ x 30″ vinyl playsheet
1 Bridge
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster
Yes, this is a set that has fleeing civilians! In fact, this is the only monster related bunch of toys that I know of that features civilians and victims besides the B-Movie Victims toys set from a few years ago. Godzilla is free to stomp on everything and beat up that Tricephalon guy, because, he just should! Take that, Tricephalon! As far as I know, Tricephalon Monster hasn’t been used again in anything, probably because he belongs to HB Toys, who probably didn’t get the rights for King Ghidorah as Toho likes to charge buckets of money for each monster. Other one-shot monsters show up in both the Marvel comics for Godzilla and the Godzilla cartoon where Godzooky was allowed to run free. Damn you, Godzooky!
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster
Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster

HG Toys also made a set of Godzilla puzzles featuring the same artwork as on the Godzilla vs the Tricephalon Monster box.
Godzilla HB Toys Puzzles
Godzilla HB Toys Puzzles

Mirror Mirror

Mirror Mirror


2012
Written by Melissa Wallack & Jason Keller
Directed by Tarsem Singh

I killed and skinned a Bjork to wear her hide to this gala!

Mirror Mirror is the first theatrical Snow White movie of 2012 to hit theaters. Featuring Julia Roberts as the Evil Queen, and Tarsem Singh’s distinctive visual style of making every frame look like something you’d use as a desktop background, Mirror Mirror is a beautiful film. But beyond the exterior beauty, your enjoyment of Mirror Mirror will depend on how close you are to the target audience, primarily young girls and their mothers. Mirror Mirror is not bad, there is plenty of action and humor for everyone, but I can see that if I was a 7 year old girl, this film would be the awesomeness. Instead, it’s just good, not great. There are problems such as a few slow spots and a lack of suspense due to the Snow White story being so old and used that we all know the day will be saved, the Evil Queen defeated, and Snow will get her Prince Charming. It’s more of the journey, not the destination, that is important in these cases. While parts of the classic Snow White tale are used, some parts are glossed over, while other pieces are added after being weaved from thin air.

The next guy who calls one of us “Dopey” gets his knees cut off!

Differences abound immediately from the other Snow White, for instead of a Lord of the Rings inspired fantasy, Mirror Mirror is a live action cartoon. The only thing missing was talking animals! Between Tarsem Singh’s imagery and Eiko Ishioka’s costumes, the fantasy world of the fairy tale is alive and well on your movie screens.

Steve Jobs, you bastard!

The scenery is beautiful, from the CGI spectacle that is the castle sitting over the frozen lake to the snow-covered forest where danger may lurk behind every tree. The costumes are amazing, and I could spend thousands of words describing them all. But you really must see them to appreciate them. The opening sequence done in a puppet-style is marvelous, much appreciated compared to all the flat Flash opening sequences I’ve seen in films lately.

And once again, TarsTarkas.NET has sold out and went to an advanced screening for free!

Snow White and the Full Monty

Snow White (Lily Collins) – Snow White is the daughter of the King, who rules over a happy Kingdom. But he is lost when fighting a frightful Beast, and the Kingdom falls into the hands of his new wife, the Evil Queen. Snow is trapped in her room, never to leave the castle. Until one day she decides to… Daughter of Phil Collins, Lily Collins originally auditioned for the role of Snow White in Snow White and the Huntsman, which ended up casting Kristen Stewart.
The Queen (Julia Roberts) – The vainest woman in the world, The Queen runs through the Kingdom’s treasury like a hot knife through butter, driving the Kingdom to ruin and keeping it locked in a permanent winter. Her latest scheme is to marry yet another handsome prince to refill her bank account. And wouldn’t you know it, a handsome prince just happens to wander into the Kingdom…
Prince Alcott (Armie Hammer) – The handsome Prince who is in search of adventure, and he finds one in a Kingdom ruled by an evil Queen and the King’s rightful heir leading a rebellion consisting of dwarves. Also the Queen wants to marry him, even victimizing him with love potions. Armie Hammer plays the Prince so straight-laced and heroic that’s it’s amazing. You can almost see Cinderella and Belle fighting over him just off screen… Also Armie Hammer sounds like Arm & Hammer, so let’s put Armie Hammer in our fridge to see if he stops odors…
Brighton (Nathan Lane) – The Queen’s loyal servant, who was the loyal servant to the King before her. He doesn’t really like what he does, but doesn’t dislike it enough to do much of anything about it. His character is both literally and figuratively a cockroach, though he isn’t entirely evil.
Let’s kick that other Snow White movie’s butt!

Zone Fighter Episode 15 – Chinbotsu! Gojira-yo Tokyo-wo Sukue

Zone Fighter Episode 15 – Chinbotsu! Gojira-yo Tokyo-wo Sukue

aka Submersion! Godzilla, Save Tokyo! aka It’s Sinking! Godzilla, Save Tokyo

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Kohei Oguri & Norio Komata
Directed by Kengo Furusawa


Zone Fighter stumbles through another episode, where hundreds of people die due to the Garoga menace, but the Zone Family still doesn’t tell anyone in positions of authority on Earth about the alien invaders. Sorry, innocent people, I guess your lives just don’t matter. At least Godzilla shows up again. I was getting sick of these non-Godzilla episodes with giant chickens and exploding birthday cakes. So now that Godzilla is here we’ll have something awesome happen, right? Maybe? At least Godzilla seems to care more about everyone dying than the Zones, as Godzilla shows up out of nowhere to fight the Terror-Beast Zandora who is responsible for the chaos. Either that, or Godzilla is upset that Zandora looks like a giant wang. Either way, his appearance here is greatly appreciated!

Stop the world, I want to get off!

March of Godzilla 2012 is proud to bring yet another Godzilla Zone Fighter episode. If you are Zone Fighter ignorant, there is plenty of Zone Fighter information available on the Splash Page.

Godzilla and Zandora slow dance as Zone Fighter is buried under the ground

New opening credits? Holy Fratz! Instead of telling us the same boring story about Peaceland getting blown up each week, everything is now implied via effects shots as the Zone Fighter song plays. This opening is much better. Perhaps Zone Fighter is looking up!

When you build Warhammer maps on fault lines, things go bad…

There are earthquakes striking Tokyo. Instead of slight tremors, these are all like 9.5 Richter scale quakes! And since one single quake caused a huge tsunami and nuke meltdown and other problems in reality, the quakes shown briefly in the beginning would have destroyed Japan and half of Asia in real life!

Zone Fighter has a huge body count for a kids show.

Only Godzilla is awesome enough to headbutt a drill

Zone Fighter Episode 13 – Senritsu! Tanjoubi-no Kyoufu

Zone Fighter Episode 13 – Senritsu! Tanjoubi-no Kyoufu

aka Absolute Terror: Birthday of Horror! aka Hair-Raising! The Birthday of Terror

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Jun Fukuda
Directed by Ishiro Honda


Zone Fighter vs. Birthday Cake! Only Zone Fighter could fight such a dastardly enemy. All others pale before him, even Godzilla is too yellow to appear to fight the birthday cake! Or, more likely, Godzilla knows this week’s enemy is lame and didn’t bother to return the producer’s calls! Godzilla is also watching his weight these days, thus skipping out on eating that sweet sweet cake.

The Republican Presidential Debates continue…

March of Godzilla 2012 carries on with a Godzilla-free episode, but there is still something for everyone to learn. What we do learn is that Japanese people sing “Happy Birthday” and write things on cakes in English. Also that if you hook a car battery up to a Terror-Beast, the monster gets a red force field that doesn’t work that well.

Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!

If you are Zone Fighter confused, check out the Zone Fighter splash page and learn you some Zone!

It’s Hotaru’s 16th birthday! Her family breaking out the cake and singing, including the Happy Birthday song that now requires huge royalties despite the fact it should have been public domain decades ago. But that’s a rant for another review. Happy Birthday, Hotaru! I hope you enjoy your cake…your DEATH CAKE!!!

Forget Chocolate Rain, we got Orange Julius Rain

Baron Garoga calls via TV to mock them because the cake is a bomb! Granted, that is dumb, so now they know to toss the cake, and Hikaru does, throwing it off a cliff. Then it explodes, too late to do any damage with candle shrapnel. If Baron Garoga would have just shut the frak up for 1 more minute, the Zones would be dead! The series would be over, and I could get back to reviewing a different tokusatsu series that I’ll end up not liking, either.

I’m 70% Megalon!

Zone Fighter Episode 12 – Kyoujuu Kichi Chikyuu-e Shinnyuu!

Zone Fighter Episode 12 – Kyoujuu Kichi Chikyuu-e Shinnyuu!

aka Terrorbeast HQ: Invade the Earth! aka The Terror-Beast Base: Invade the Earth!

1973
March of Godzilla 2012
Written by Norio Komata
Directed by Ishiro Honda


March of Godzilla 2012 is not dead, it was just resting as a TarsTarkas.NET got crushed beneath the weight of a trio of first run flicks and a lost film about a guy in a skeleton suit. But the train has been righted back on the track, and we can continue with our journey of Zone Fighter! Perhaps now you wish the train was flipped back onto its side. Well, too bad, so sad, Zone Fighter is here and he’s fighting a giant chicken while the producers might be committing horrible animal abuse. You just can’t be sure.

Rock ’em, Sock ’em Morons!

If you are Zone Fighter unaware, feel free to drop on by the Zone Fighter splash page, you’ll be glad you did! Now let’s get on with this show, before the chicken monster Barakidon crosses the road and I have to make even lamer jokes!

Troma’s Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead sequel was ambitious

The opening shows Zone Fighter killing many of the previous monsters, his horrible murder spree seared into the eyes and memories of the Garogas. So the Garogas have the ultimate plan to stop Zone Fighter’s brutal murder of monsters – a new monster!

Soon two tiny girls will be by demanding this egg…

Great plan, idiots! I hope Zone Fighter murders all of you.

Ha ha ha! Your hat is ridiculous!
Sihirbazlar Krali Mandrake Killing'in pesinde

Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde (Review)

Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde

aka Kilink vs Mandrake

1967
Written by Vecdi Uygun
Directed by Oksal Pekmezoglu

Kilink vs Mandrake
The smoke breaks never stop when you’re Kilink. Until the cancer comes…

It’s time once again for TarsTarkas.NET and Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill to hit you with a double dose of long-lost film action! This time, we travel all the way to the wild shores of Turkey to dig up a buried treasure featuring a guy in a skeleton suit and a magician battling it out for the heart (and money!) of a Princess from India. Yes, it is the lost classic, Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde (aka Kilink vs. Mandrake!)

Kilink finds his origin with Killing, and Italian photo comic anti-hero who dressed in a skeleton costume and did evil things and evil women. The series was published in many countries, including France where it was known as Satanik. Killing became Kilink in Turkey, and Kiling in Argentina, which continued to make their own photo comics far after the originals stopped production.

Kilink vs Mandrake
The Tony Stark of the Magician world…

Killing was the type of character that became very popular in Turkey because he was a type of ultimate male, and it was natural that they would make their own home-grown version. And thanks to the way the Turkish alphabet is structured, Killing became Kilink. Kilink Istanbul’da was originally reviewed here based off of a vcd, since then DVD releases have given us the first three films (including one film partially recreated from surviving stills.) After the Original Trilogy of Kilink films, Turkish cinema went wild (well, wilder) and a who batch of Kilink films were made from various companies, most of which were not connected to each other in any way, and they couldn’t even keep their spellings straight!

Director Yılmaz Atadeniz brought us four films – Kilink Istanbul’da (1967 – reviewed off of vcd, film is missing a steambath scene), Kilink uçan adama karsi (1967 – largely lost and restored on DVD by Onar films largely through surviving stills), Kilink Soy ve Öldür (1967), and Kilink Caniler Krali (Kilink King of Criminals – 1967 – believed lost). Yavuz Figenli gave us Kilink Oluler Konusmaz (Kilink The Dead Don’t Talk – 1967 – believed lost) and Kiling Sarışın Tehlike (Killing Blond Danger – 1967 – believed lost and possibly just a retitle of Kilink The Dead Don’t Talk).

Oksal Pekmezoğlu’s sole entry was this film, Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde (1967). Nuri Akıncı gave us the long-wanted to be seen Kilink Frankestayn ve Dr no’ya karsi (Kilink vs. Frankenstein – 1967 – believed lost). Natuk Baytan directed Saskin Hafiye Kilink’e karsi (Silly Detective vs Kilink – 1967 – believed lost). Çetin İnanç gave us Kilink Canilere Karşı (1967 – believed lost). Aram Gülyüz directed the only known female Kilink film – Dişi Kilink (1967 – believed lost)! That rounds out the 1960s.

The first 1970s Kilink was Birsen Kaya’s Kilink Olum Saciyor (Kilink Spreads Death – 1971 – believed lost). We then jump ahead a few years for Müjdat Saylav’s Killing Kolsuz Kahraman’a Karsi (Kilink vs. the One-Armed Warrior – 1975 – believed lost). And finally, the Kilink legacy continues with 2008’s tv movie Kilink-Kayıp Altınlar! I am pretty sure this is a comedy and has now entered my top ten list of movies to get.

Kilink vs Mandrake
Not racist!

As you just saw, so many were considered lost…until suddenly Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde was found! Crazy how that works. Originally, a copy was given to Onar films for an eventual DVD release, but Bill Barounis fell ill, and as he was Onar films, the film was never released and sadly Bill passed on. But you can never keep a cult film down, and Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde found its way into another person’s hands, who both subtitled the film and released a copy to the public via the usual method for lost rare films – carrier pigeon! And now it’s being force-fed to your brain thanks to this review!

One theory for the scant availability for Sihirbazlar Kralı Mandrake Kiling’in Peşinde is that it was made for only a smaller region of Turkey, the city of Adana and the surrounding area. That would also explain some of the Kilink and other pop cinema films that are hard to find beyond the usually used explanations about the Turkish military destroying prints and the destruction of prints to get the silver iodide.

Director Oksal Pekmezoğlu was trained as an illustrator, began making opening credit sequences in films, and then moved from that to directing. He continued to make films until his death in 2004, though his output had slowed considerably by the end of the 80s.

Lee Falk’s Mandrake premiered in newspapers in 1934, and predates his creation of The Phantom (which also got Turkey films such as Kizil Maske and Kizil Maske!) Mandrake is a magician who specializes in hypnotism, and has all sorts of adventures you would expect magicians to have. Aside from a Mandrake serial in 1939, there are no Mandrake films. Mandrake did have a pilot filmed for an unproduced tv series in 1954, and showed up in several cartoons, most notably Defenders of the Earth. This film is the only actual Mandrake movie, even if it isn’t authorized. Turkey is like that, putting out the only known or first film version of many properties, even if they didn’t bother to get anyone’s permission.

Kilink vs Mandrake
The Amazing Jonathan’s done a few drive-bys…

Mandrake (Güven Erte) – The magician man with the plan, and that plan is to tease Indian Princesses until they like him. Those plans usually work.
Lothar (Mustafa Dik) – Holy Blackface, Batman! Mandrake’s partner is Lothar (though called Abdullah in the subtitles!) He is an African Prince who follows Mandrake around on his adventures. I am guessing that the actor is Mustafa Dik based on the title billing.
Kilink (Sadettin Düzgün) – Kilink is once again up to no good, being evil and doing evil things, like owning a brothel and whipping people. Including himself, as he has whipping scars all down his back. All his goons have scars, from the K’s carved into them to whipping scars of their own, giving a weird S&M feel. I bet his nickname is Special K!
Princess Neslihan (Mine Mutlu) – A Princess from India who spends her time hanging out in hotels in Turkey. And Mandrake puts the moves on her! But Kilink is eager to steal her crown and her money and her body!
Mustapha (???) – Blonde Kilink goon with a big K scar on his face. He kinda looks like an albino Joaquim Phoenix! I am not sure who played him.
Salma (Tansu Sayın) – Kilink’s blonde girl who wants to be his lady. Doesn’t she know there is no future in that? Tansu Sayın is in some other Turkish Pop Cinema classics like Demir Pençe Casuslar Savaşı, Zorro Dişi Fantoma’ya Karşı, and Zorro’nun Kara Kamçısı.
Kilink vs Mandrake
I got my jam-jams on!