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暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight

The Last Gunfight (Review)

The Last Gunfight

aka 暗黒街の対決 aka Ankokugai no taiketsu
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
1960
Written by Shin’ichi Sekizawa
Based on the book Chi no Wana by Haruhiko Oyabu
Directed by Kihachi Okamoto

 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Last Gunfight is basically Toshiro Mifune coming to a town besieged by warring yakuza and taking them all down in that time honored fashion that we all know and love from various samurai, western, and yakuza movies.

Detective Saburo Fujioka (Toshiro Mifune) is accused of corruption and transferred to Kojin, a city run rampant with crime. Fujioka inserts himself in the middle of the city’s gang troubles, and we don’t know initially his motives, which gives him a sort of Man with No Name vibe. He gets into several fights by way of not saying much of anything while figuring out the lay of the gangs, seemingly showing that the best way to know these enemies is to make them start fights with you. He does most of this without bothering to tell the Kojin police anything that he is doing.
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight
The Ooka gang is the one causing much of the problems in the city. Kyuzaburo Ooka (Seizaburo Kawazu) doesn’t follow the unwritten rules of honor for yakuza gangs, leading to strife with factions like the Kozukas. But Ooka does know how to throw money and violence around, meaning his slices of the pie keep getting bigger without all that honor stuff holding him back. Kozuka’s group represents the status quo, but their old fashion rules threaten to leave them in the dustbin of history as Ooka gains more and more territory. Kozuka believes in the old way of the yakuza having a sort of honor (let’s leave the arguments about the realities of this romanticized view aside for now) and tells a tale about how he spent money fixing the sewage system of the town at a loss just to help the people, and Ooka predictably mocks him for that.
 暗黒街の対決 The Last Gunfight

Double Daddy

Double Daddy (Review)

Double Daddy

Double Daddy
2015
Story by Alan Donahue
Screenplay by Barbara Kymlicka
Directed by Lee Friedlander

Double Daddy
A teenage boy knocks up not one, but two separate teenage girls. No, this isn’t an episode of Jerry Springer, it’s the Lifetime Channel! Double Daddy is the name, and if you guessed that one of the teenage girls was a crazy stalker, you get double gold stars! This film has all the makings of a kooky classic, but stops just short of greatness. Instead, we’ll have to settle for some ridiculous cheese, social media goofiness, and a gold digger who is ever in search of the ultimate selfie.

Popular kid Connor (Cameron Palatas) is throwing the ultimate high school bash right before the start of senior year, and he’s chug-a-lugged full of beers. His girlfriend Amanda (Mollee Gray) has been away all summer earning money for college, which is bad for him and bad for her, as Heather (Brittany Curran) also as her eyes on Connor, and manages to get him into his dad’s Mercedes and out of his clothes. Despite being drunk as a skunk, Connor does tell her “no” a few times, meaning he is basically raped in this scene. The movie doesn’t address that at all, Connor can barely remember anything, and Heather’s plan was to get knocked up and land herself a rich sugar daddy, so she’s not going to reveal the truth.
Double Daddy
As the school year starts, Amanda is back in town and excited to finally see Connor, who is distracted for some odd reason… Amanda is less than thrilled that strange girl Heather is saying “Hi” to Connor in the halls, and even less thrilled when Heather posts a selfie of Connor and her in the Mercedes online. This being high school, the photo spreads like wildfire, and quickly followed by the next one, a photo of Heather and a positive pregnancy test. As an aside, during one of the many selfies she takes, she puts the pregnancy test in her mouth. Ewwww! Connor has to admit his infidelity and now he is single.
Double Daddy

Anna Camp Caught

Caught (Review)

Caught

Caught
2015
Written by Marcy Holland
Directed by Maggie Kiley

Anna Camp Caught
Two characters from True Blood kidnap a girl from the Jem movie as a prank, but soon one dumb thing snowballs into a bunch of bad choices and horrible consequences spiraling all over the place. It all adds up to a great little Lifetime flick that deserves a bigger audience. Really, films like this are one of the reasons why I subject myself to the constant stream of Lifetime movies, there is always nuggets of gold hidden in the mountains of madness.

Allie (Stefanie Scott) is a track star, but things aren’t going her way. She’ failing history, so she’s off the team. She’s a busy waitress who gets tips that just say “HOPELESS”. Her mom is also broke and taking up extra waitressing shifts as well. Allie has a boyfriend, who is much older than her and she rarely gets to seem him. Her mother disapproves because the guy is so old. But the end of a bad day becomes worse when she is kidnapped!
Caught
Sisters Sabrina (Anna Camp) and Paige (Amelia Rose Blaire) are the kidnappers, who tie her up, blindfold her, threaten her, and lock her in an attic. The pair are ecstatic and full of giggles once away from her. Sabrina is the more danger seeking, Paige a bit more reserved and level-headed, talking Sabrina down when she tries to get creative on how to torture Allie a bit more before letting her go. Sabrina is miffed that Allie is sleeping with her husband, and this is to warn her off. Suddenly said husband Justin (Sam Page) comes home. He was supposed to be away on a business trip, so uh-oh!
Caught

Online Abduction

Online Abduction (Review)

Online Abduction

aka Cyber Case
Online Abduction
2015
Written by Caron Tschampion
Directed by Steven R. Monroe

Online Abduction
Just when you thought it was safe to go online, Lifetime is back again for the umpteenth time to remind you that THE INTERNET WILL KILL YOU!!!! Or at least abduct your small children, as the unfortunate Fletcher family experiences thanks to their not removing their location tracking features on the social media they continuously update like a Skinner rat pushing buttons for food. Online Abduction starts out looking like teenage Isabel Fletcher is going to be the one who gets abducted, but it turns out to be her 3 year old half-brother, Tommy. Things go all Gone Girl with a serious investigation that begins to escalate as it looks less like Tommy just wandered off and more like he was snatched. But Isabel has an idea, to use the power of lax privacy settings on social media as a weapon instead of a vulnerability, and track down the abductors. Will Tommy be saved?

Online Abduction features one of my favorite thing of Lifetime movies, fake social media sites! We got fake Instagram called InstaQuik, and a warped version of Facebook called FaceChatter. Also something called Twitter. Sadly, none of the fake Twitter accounts used that I checked are actual Twitter accounts.
Online Abduction
Isabel Fletcher (Brooke Butler) spends all her time online, despite sarcastic comments from her real estate agent mom, Jackie (Natalia Livingston), who also spends a lot of time online. Jackie recently had a son with her new husband, Matt (David Chokachi), who Isabel seems to resent now that he has his own kid to raise (despite her taking his name?) Isabel ditches them to go out and party and get drunk and meet boys like every 16 year old, bonding with skater kid Jeremy (Matthew Ziff).
Online Abduction

Girl Missing

Girl Missing (Review)

Girl Missing

aka Forgotten
Girl Missing
2015
Written by Philip Fracassi
Directed by Joel Soisson

Girl Missing
Girl Missing is another Lifetime flick featuring dangerous family secrets and a woman in trouble. Is there an evil man? Of course! There is also murder and a mystery child, and even a bit of atmosphere. It suffers from having few enough characters that the obvious outcome stands out too easily, though the actors try to make up for it by giving great performances.

A young girl is found wandering the forest with no memories of where she came from. 15 years later, she’s turned into Francesca Eastwood and is known as Jane (as in Jane Doe, I’m guessing!), and is a struggling artist collection rejections from galleries and living with her childhood orphan friend, Finch. Things change when she gets a letter about a possible parent match.
Girl Missing
Meets her “mom”, Sylvia Knowles, and both of them are all smiles and giggles over the objections of the case worker, Gwen, who points out the DNA test hasn’t even come back yet. No bother, Jane agrees to go visit Sylvia for the weekend, Sylvia convinced she is her missing daughter, Savannah.

It turns out Sylvia is loaded. As in billionaire loaded. And Jane/Savannah’s dad is dead from suicide, Sylvia having married the charming Carlo in the intervening years. If you sense some sort of twisted inheritance plot coming up, congratulations! Besides the obvious direction that turns, Jane occasionally spies a young girl running around the estate. The girl is played by the same actress that played young Jane, and we skirt across spooky right to psychological, as she’s the manifestation of Jane’s missing memories.
Girl Missing

Killers on Parade 夕陽に赤い俺の顔

Killers on Parade (Review)

Killers on Parade

aka 夕陽に赤い俺の顔 aka Yuhi Ni Akai Ore No Kao aka My Face Red in the Sunset
Killers on Parade 夕陽に赤い俺の顔
1961
Written by Shuji Terayama
Directed by Masahiro Shinoda

Killers on Parade 夕陽に赤い俺の顔
Killers on Parade is a dark comedic flick that features a group of gimmicked hitmen and women as eventual adversaries to our plucky hero, who is on a mission to bring down a corrupt construction firm and the newspaper editor that is attempting to blackmail it. The plot is less important than the colorful characters that are part of the Downtown Killer Club. Killers on Parade is set in a garish comic book world filled with colors and items that bother to label themselves so you know what they are. The villains have gimmicks and costumes that leave you with no doubt as to their gimmicks and roles, and scenes are shot to play up common film locations. While things are overtly goofy, there is enough danger seeded to try to raise actual stakes, but this factor doesn’t seem to have aged well enough to make it to modern day without seeming like a distraction instead of an integrated part of the show.
Killers on Parade 夕陽に赤い俺の顔
The Murderers 8 present as a united front, but are fiercely competitive, though follow a sense of honor when being assigned jobs, preventing others from interfering and disrupting all their down time. Despite all the characters having day jobs, all they seem to do all day is hang out with each other and get into marksmanship competitions. The Murderers 8 include (please excuse the lack of names for some, they just didn’t get their name mentioned out loud!):

  • Hong Kong, a Yakuza gangster stereotype in black suit, who is the most dangerous of the group.
  • Senti, a gun champion.
  • The bespectacled Doctor, who handily always carries around a black bag that says “Doctor” on it in English.
  • Sergeant, a former soldier.
  • An Older Guy who appears to dress as a shrubbery cutter.
  • A Sports Guy who wears jerseys and during the final battle, a full football uniform and helmet.
  • Scarf Guy, whose gimmick is he has a scarf (Okay, they didn’t have time to give everyone personalities!)
  • Nagisa (Kayoko Honoo), the lone female killer who often dresses in red and has a pet goat named End. She ran off from home to be a killer, but is starting to grow disillusioned with the lifestyle.

The overall tone is comedic with random bursts of song, providing a send up of the then-recent spate of neonoir/borderless action flicks in Japanese cinema, dosed in wonderful technicolor and layered in sensible silliness. Things seem to make both perfect logical sense in universe, but are also ridiculous when you stop to think about them. The killers demonstrate their marksmanship by shooting at an apple on a kid’s head before the credits. Later they have another shooting competition at the race track to see who gets the new contract.
Killers on Parade 夕陽に赤い俺の顔