“Without freedom of choice, there is no creativity. Without creativity, there is no life.” — James T. Kirk
Ethan Hawke has a problem, besides not living up to the legacy of Explorers. You see, now he lives in an alternate future where to fight overcrowding in prisons, the geniuses at the US Government set up a once-a-year 12 hour slaughterfest where all illegal crimes are legal. How this solves any problems at all is not addressed. Instead, we get a movie about a home invasion, that could have happened in any movie and doesn’t need a ridiculously stupid fantasy story as an excuse. But, whatever, dudes. Have your little home invasion movie. I’ll be watching The Return of the Archons, the Star Trek episode that has a similar plot but will be a bajillion times better!
Synopsis of The Purge:
Given the country’s overcrowded prisons, the U.S. government begins to allow 12-hour periods of time in which all illegal activity is legal. During one of these free-for-alls, a family must protect themselves from a home invasion.
**Stephen Chow is rumored to star in a sequel to the latest Journey to the West film. Of course, he was rumored to start in the last one that he directed, and he doesn’t show up in it. There will also be more horror elements, and as the first one is sort of 50-50 horror-comedy, the new one might be scare-inducing. I’ll still watch…
**There will be a GI Joe 3. No word on how long this will get randomly delayed mere weeks before it’s set to open.
**The Biker Warrior Babe vs. The Zombie Babies From Hellmade enough off IndieGoGo to get distribution online.
**If you like weird movie titles like that, remember there is also a Steampunk Samurai Biker Chickthat filmed last year!
**The world needs more programs where a heroic white guy saves Asia, and we’re getting that again thanks to a remake of the Shogun tv miniseries (based on the novel by James Clavell). If heroic white guys saving the day aren’t your thing, you can also watch a heroic black football player get away with murder with an OJ Simpson miniseries. What company is giving us these gems? Fox, of course!
**Christina Applegate is rumored to be up for the role of Rusty Griswold’s wife in the new generation of National Lampoon’s Vacation films. Ed Helms is already cast as the new Rusty, who will be the one taking his family on vacation. And if you are wondering if Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo will appear, they are in talks now!
**Sex.Violence.FamilyValues is a 47 minute Singaporean flick banned in Singapore (until some scenes were deleted), but it just scored a US distribution. I’m not keen on paying to see such a short movie, though the fact it was banned/censored makes it more appealing. Though I’ll still wait for it on video.
**The Pete’s Dragon remake that has been rumored for ages has hit the point where they hired someone to make a script. David Lowery is the lucky ducky, and this Pete’s Dragon will ignore most of the story except the “core” and not be a musical. Will Disney drop the abused kid creating an “imaginary” dragon guardian angle and make this just a randomly dumb film? Or will they keep all that and make it all gritty? Considering Pete’s Dragon is the first film I remember seeing at a drive-in theater, it holds a special place in my heart. Which means I’ll burn down Disneyland if they fuck it up!!!
**Here is a kick butt article about things in the Peruvian rain forest, including spiders that make huge decoy spiders, macaws licking clay, very hairy caterpillars, and a moth that uses a basket as a cocoon.
Until next time, remember to vote early and vote often!
It has been revealed via Twitter that Akira Takarada will be in the new Legendary Picture’s Godzilla film! If you don’t know how Akira Takarada is, then you must not have paid attention to the many many Godzilla films he was in, most notably the original Gojira, as well as the last Godzilla film, Final Wars. Takarada’s scene was completed on the first day of filming, and director Gareth Edwards has said it will help thematically connect the new film to the original Godzilla films.
The new Godzilla film releases May 16, 2014, and stars Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Ken Watanabe, Elizabeth Olsen, Juliette Binoche, David Strathairn, and everyone’s favorite, Bryan Cranston.
Fun Family Features is back with what is now a series of A Talking….!?! films, A Talking Pony!?! Hey, Kristine DeBell is back! Remember A Talking Cat!?!, and how we swore we’d never talk about it… Well, we have to talk about it. We have to talk about Kevin..I mean, the A Talking…!?! franchise, because, otherwise, we’re gonna die.
16 year old JULIET BELLO lives on a ranch with her stepmother KIM and two irritating stepbrothers, CRAIG and PETE. Since her father died the ranch has been going downhill, until in desperation Kim has to entertain the offer from businessman MONTGOMERY BEETLE or else face foreclosure. But Juliet thinks she has a secret that could keep the ranch open: her horse, HORATIO, can talk!…
Starring Jason Faunt, Kristine DeBell, Jenny Cipolla, Max Wilbur, Dillon Olney, James Lastovic, Johnny Whitaker (as the voice of Horatio the pony) and Amadeus the pony as Horatio the talking pony.
Bronies are going to be all over this crap! Let’s get outta here before someone posts a letter saying they’re getting married to the A Talking Pony!?! pony!
The teaser poster for the new upcoming 3D version of The Bride with White Hair (called White Haired Witch and the Moon Kingdom or The Bride with White Hair 3D – 白髮魔女傳之明月天國3D) is up. This time, Fan Bingbing will play the titular white haired lady. (Fan Bingbing has somehow managed to not be in a movie I’ve reviewed except Future X-Cops!) If you recall, the other Bingbing, Li Bingbing, played the same basic character in Jackie Chan/Jet Li’s Forbidden Kingdom. The classic version will always be the 1993 duology The Bride with White Hair parts 1 and 2, with Brigitte Lin in the title role.
The new Bride with White Hair caused some controversy when actor Huang Xiaoming was injured on set, sustaining a comminute fracture in two toes on his left foot. That basically means his toe bones were smashed! Of course, he’s a workaholic, and was soon back in the swing of things despite the injury.
Jacob Cheung Chi-Leung/Zhang Zhiliang directs this new version of the tale, which is from Mainland China production companies. Vincent Zhao stars alongside Fan Bingbing and Huang Xiaoming, along with costars Wang Xuebing, Shera Li, Mark Du, Nicholas Tse, and Kevin Yan.
No, The Wrath Of Vajra has nothing to do with another weird name for lady parts invented by Oprah (and having them seek revenge!) but is an upcoming Chinese martial arts film that looks like they took Ong-Bak and combined it with Fist of Legend or Ip Man. So the winner is everyone who loves brutal martial arts action!
Xing Yu stars (you might remember him from Kung Fu Hustle) and as he’s an actual Shaolin Monk, his kung fu is pretty authentic. The theme will be cultural pride, so expect the Japanese characters to be a big bunch of jerks. Even the plot synopsis agrees with my theory:
In the 1930s, before the Western powers entered World War II, a Japanese death cult called the Temple of Hades is ordered to work alongside the military to aid in the spiritual destruction of China. The elite warriors believe that the war can be won without the use of man-made weapons. They buy young children from impoverished parents and train them in martial arts to be assassins serving the Japanese Empire.
When he was 8 years old, Vajrasattva was among the children sold to the Temple of Hades. Forced by his captors to fight for food, he accidentally caused the death of his brother. He made a secret oath to take revenge. Many years later, and now the greatest assassin in the temple, he escapes to China and joins the Southern Shaolin Temple, where he receives spiritual enlightenment and vows to protect his own country against the Japanese.
