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Christmas at Cartwright's Hallmark Channle
InMovie News

Christmas At Cartwright’s breaks out the Lady Santa for Hallmark Channel!

November 18, 2014By

Christmas at Cartwright's Hallmark Channle

There were no photos of her actually dressed up as Santa, so have a photo of Wallace Shawn!


Hallmark delivers a bootleg Miracle on 34th Street, where instead of Macy’s being home to Santa Claus, there’s a woman playing Santa at a random department store! The shock, the shock of this not being a big deal at all except in the realm of Christmas At Cartwright’s! Seriously, why is this a big deal? Also, according to what happens in the plot synopsis, Cartwright’s opens themselves up to a seven figure lawsuit that I fully support being filed, because, seriously! But we can’t have lawyers be saving Christmas, so of course there is a real live angel running around. Angels meddle all the time during Christmas, it’s like the end of the year and they realize they haven’t finished things up so are rushing to look good before their yearly performance reviews. Or something like that. Heck, half these Hallmark movie have angels, the other half have dogs.

In another fun aside, the angel, played by Wallace Shawn, is named Harry Osbourne, who we all know is the Green Goblin. Why the Green Goblin is now an angel helping a woman play Santa is anyone’s guess, but the Lord works in mysterious ways.

With the holiday season at hand, single mom Nicky Talbot (Witt) is unemployed and struggling to afford a nice Christmas with her 8-year-old daughter. Hearing that Cartwright’s Department Store is hiring temporary holiday help, Nicky rushes in to apply, but is rejected by Senior VP Fiona Aldrich (Gabrielle Miller, “Debbie Macomber’s Trading Christmas”), who considers Nicky a threat to the relationship she hopes to have with Bill (Hogan), a charming and handsome store manager. In a whimsical turn of events, Harry Osbourne (Shawn), claiming to
be a consultant from corporate headquarters, encourages Nicky to dress up and begin working as Cartwright’s store Santa Claus. With the magical help of Harry, who turns out to be a real-life angel, Nicky keeps the job and despite Fiona’s attempts at sabotage, becomes the most popular store Santa Claus in Cartwright’s history; however, nobody knows Cartwright’s Santa Claus is a woman and Nicky fears she will lose her job if her secret gets out.

Before long, feelings develop between Nicky and Bill, who keeps crossing paths with Nicky when she’s not in her Santa costume. With Christmas a few days off and Harry called away on another “assignment,” Santa’s true identity is revealed and everyone at Cartwright’s is shocked to learn that Nicky is the department store Santa. Fiona fires Nicky on the spot and Bill, feeling deceived, questions whether or not he wants to continue their relationship. With her life falling apart again, Nicky is going to need a Christmas miracle to save the holiday season

Christmas At Cartwright’s is directed by Graeme Campbell (Midnight Masquerade), and written by Margaret Oberman, who way back in the day wrote Troop Beverly Hills, a dumb film I loved as a kid. It stars Alicia Witt (Wiener Dog Nationals) as Nicky, Gabriel Hogan (Heartland) as Bill, Wallace Shawn (Star Trek: Deep Space Nine) as Harry, T.J. McGibbon as Becky, Linda Kash (Are We Done Yet?) as Peg, and Gabrielle Miller as Fiona.

Christmas At Cartwright’s premieres December 7th on Hallmark Channel! It’s a part of The 12 New Movies of Christmas in their Countdown to Christmas celebration.

Photo via Hallmark Channel Press/Christos Kalohoridis

Three Dogateers Poster
InMovie News

The Three Dogateers bring more talking dogs home alone!

November 16, 2014By


Can we just admit that “Talking Dog Home Alone” is a legitimate film genre now? Because it has happened again with The Three Dogateers, a film that not only exists, but stars Dean Cain, of dozens of TV movies fame. Prior “Talking Dog Home Alone” we’ve learned of at TarsTarkas.NET are: Bone Alone (Alone for Christmas), Abner The Invisible Dog, and Step Dogs. This makes four, which means you can have an all night marathon!

The Three Dogateers was written and directed by Jesse Baget, the writer/director of Wrestlemaniac. It also stars Richard Riehle as Santa, because Santa is the best friend of talking dogs who are home alone. It’s the law. The Santa Law! If you don’t know if you want to watch the film yet, just know that the dogs drive a car. Now you want to watch it, or you’re crazy! You ain’t crazy, right? Of course not.

Anyway, enjoy The Three Dogateers as I await the confirmation that a fifth movie in the “Talking Dog Home Alone” genre exists. Soon Star Trek will be outnumbered by talking dogs! MuHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Grumpy Cat Worst Christmas Ever Lifetime
InMovie News

Lifetime gives us the (sigh) Grumpy Cat Christmas Movie trailer

November 6, 2014By


Although I’ve been sick as a deformed internet cat these past few weeks, the world keeps turning, and Lifetime’s tidal wave of junk keeps churning, and out popped the trailer for Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, a movie that demanded to be made. By someone. Someone bad. Bad bad bad!

Thrill as a cat is exploited by its owners! Chill as Aubrey Plaza collects a paycheck. Dill pickles are good to eat, and better than this movie will be. Kill Bill will probably be on another channel if you need to surf. Still, it beats those Fred movies!

As Grumpy Cat is the only cat that looks like her, that means no cats being used as doubles. It also means a bunch of closeup shots of the cat “responding” to things happening and characters carrying around the largely immobile cat. So it will looks sort of weird. The trailer shows it to be sort of self-aware, but all of that is just the voiceover by Aubrey Plaza, so how much is ad-libbed and how much was there originally is a mystery I don’t care enough to solve.

As usual, we’ll hope for the best but expect the worst. Speaking of worst, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs Saturday, November 29th on Lifetime.

Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza) is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she never gets chosen by customers, she develops a sour outlook on life…until one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with her after realizing she is the only person who can hear this unique cat talk. As the two develop a close friendship during the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an exotic dog she dislikes and, on Christmas Eve, rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes. Through her adventures, will Grumpy learn the true meaning of Christmas? Or will it be, in her words, the “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”

Dead on Campus Lifetime
InMovie News

Dead on Campus pranks death and destruction on Lifetime!

November 4, 2014By

Dead on Campus Lifetime

A-ha! Drugs! And not even the cool drugs, these are lame drugs! You’re out of the sorority, sister!


Despite popping up on their schedule and being in a press release, Lifetime hasn’t been overdoing the marketing for Dead on Campus, their new original movie airing Saturday, November 8. It’s almost as if it is getting lost in the shuffle of grumpy cats, Christmas cheer, and miniseries announcements. But TarsTarkas.NET cares, and despite a killer cold, we’ve been paying attention to the upcoming slate of films and can now break out the Dead on Campus information that deserves to be free to the world!

College should have been the best time of Natalie’s life, especially when she pledged Phi Delta Pi, one of the most prestigious sororities in the country. What initially feels like a welcoming sisterhood turns into a strange hazing when Natalie learns she’s required to seduce an awkward college student named Sumner to continue her pledge. When Natalie reluctantly complies by bringing Sumner to her dorm, her “sisters” play a prank that results in the drugging of Sumner and his accidental death. Natalie is accepted into the lavish world of Phi Delta Pi, but only if she keeps her mouth shut. As Sumner’s older sister starts questioning the circumstances of his accident, the pressure builds for Natalie, who is feeling increasingly manipulated by Alexis and her cohorts. She realizes Alexis has no intention of telling the truth and will cut anyone down who attempts to threaten her reputation, even if it means framing Natalie.

Dead on Campus stars Katelyn Tarver (Big Time Rush) as Natalie Kellison, Nicki Aycox (Dark Blue) as Danielle Williams, and Tamara Duarte (Degrassi: The Next Generation) as Alexa Cooper. It’s directed by Curtis Crawford (Killing Daddy, four different “The ________ Met Online” Lifetime films), which means he is very good at delivering crazy Lifetime drama. Dead on Campus is written by John Serge (A Sister’s Revenge)

Hazing is bad, but watching crazy movies is good, so do that instead!

via Lifetime

The Christmas Secret Hallmark Movies Mysteries
InMovie News

The Christmas Secret will be revealed on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries!

October 29, 2014By

The Christmas Secret Hallmark Movies Mysteries

Can you guess my secret? It’s that I’m not wearing any pants!


Despite Hallmark Channel dropping 12 new Christmas movies, they haven’t forgotten about their newly renamed spinoff channel, Hallmark Movies & Mysteries (formerly Hallmark Movie Channel), and have gifted them two additional premieres. The second is The Christmas Secret, based on the book by Donna Vanliere. The mystery is the secret, because secrets are mysterious. Though it doesn’t look like this is a murder mystery, just a drama mystery.

With Christmas approaching in the charming, small town of Wilsonville, struggling waitress Christine Eisley’s (Lenz) life is coming undone. She’s been fired from her job, evicted from her home and her ex-husband is taking her to court for custody of their children (Miller and Ainscough). To make matters worse, she’s misplaced a very special family heirloom, a star-shaped locket handed down from her father, who disappeared from her life when she was a young girl. But things seem to be looking a little brighter for Christine when she lands a new job working with a gregarious bakery owner (Cavendish) and a holiday romance begins to blossom, with Jason (Reardon), the handsome grandson of a sweet couple (Hogan and Hogan) who own a popular local store. As she uncovers a long-standing family secret, Christine’s luck might be starting to turn, bringing her good fortune and true love just in time for Christmas.

Wilsonville? Is this set in some dystopian version of a world where someone who was going to kill himself was shown this vision where he didn’t exist and some guy named Wilson now owns this town? Well, dystopian people need Christmas miracles too, and they come in the form of waitresses getting jobs at a bakery. Take that, George Bailey!

The Christmas Secret stars Bethany Joy Lenz, John Reardon, Susan Hogan, Michael Hogan, Venus Terzo, Nicola Cavendish, Karin Konoval, Jaeda Lily Miller, William Ainscough, and Greyston Holt. It’s directed by Norma Bailey (An Officer and a Murderer) The Christmas Secret is written by Judd Parkin (Cyber Seduction: His Secret Life) and Wesley Bishop (The Road to Christmas), based on the novel by Donna Vanliere.

The Christmas Secret premieres December 7th on Hallmark Movies & Mysteries!

via Hallmark
Photo via Hallmark Press/Bettina Strauss

Christmas Under Wraps Hallmark
InMovie News

It’s a Santa conspiracy on Hallmark Channel’s Christmas Under Wraps!

October 28, 2014By

Christmas Under Wraps Hallmark

Ha-HA! I have crushed my true love beneath this tree, in celebration of the true meaning of Christmas!


Christmas is the time for conspiracies, because you never know which eccentric old man is actually Santa Claus! Especially when you are trapped in a gender-reversed Northern Exposure Christmas romance Hallmark Channel movie! Actually, it’s sort of obvious which eccentric old man is secretly Santa Claus in this film, because the synopsis spells it out for you. But is he really Santa? Also, will Candace Cameron-Bure decide Alaska is the bee’s knees? And how come with the huge gender gap in Alaska is she only getting one guy hitting on her? Christmas Under Wraps will answer all these questions, specially my questions about why there is a dog featured in many of the publicity photos yet not mentioned at all in the plot synopsis. Is the dog really Santa, and Brian Doyle-Murray is just pretending? Probably not, but you never know. Not until you watch Christmas Under Wraps on Hallmark Channel!

Christmas Under Wraps is part of Hallmark’s The 12 New Movies of Christmas in their Countdown to Christmas celebration.

Dr. Lauren Brunell (Bure) has her whole life planned out. As a third year surgery resident, she is counting on being accepted into a prestigious hospital fellowship to follow in the footsteps of her supportive father, Henry (Pine). But when those plans quickly fall apart, and Lauren is put on the wait list, she must take the only other opening available: a head doctor position in the small, remote town of Garland, Alaska. Convincing herself it is only temporary, Lauren moves to Garland where she is immediately charmed by Andy (O’Donnell), a handsome local who soon starts to show her the importance of living in the moment and enjoying her unexpected adventure. As Lauren excels as Garland’s trusted doctor, she warms up to the friendly town, and even starts falling for Andy. But Andy’s father, Frank (Doyle-Murray), is hiding something from her in his top-secret shipping warehouse. From his busy holiday workload, to his reindeer barn, to his weakness for cookies, it seems Frank’s family business has a lot in common with the North Pole. Just as Lauren decides to get to the bottom of her suspicions, she receives news that will force her to make a choice between the life she’s always planned and the love she never expected to find, while knowing for certain that the Christmas season will never be the same.

Christmas Under Wraps stars Candace Cameron-Bure (Full House) as Lauren Brunell, David O’Donnell (12 Wishes of Christmas) as Andy Holliday, Kendra Mylnechuk (Winter in the Blood) as Billie, Brian Doyle-Murray (Caddyshack) as Frank Holliday, Robert Pine (CHiPS) as Henry, Joyce Cohen (Pirates of the Great Salt Lake) as Maggie, and Page Petrucka (A Christmas Wish) as Hattie. It’s directed by Peter Sullivan (High School Possession, Christmas Twister) and written by Jennifer Notas (Stolen from the Womb, Perfect on Paper)

Seems like it could be okay, but I’d be more interested in Santa conspiracies than the love story. Still, your mileage may very. Catch Christmas Under Wraps as it premieres on November 29th on Hallmark Channel!

Photos via Hallmark Press/Fred Hayes

Christmas Under Wraps Hallmark

If would be cool if there suddenly there is a 20 minute sequence of a dog wandering around in the movie, for no reason at all!

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