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Found Footage Spoof with Cedric the Entertainer and Marlon Wayans

Marlon Wayans is jumping back into the world of spoofing horror films, and he’s dragging Cedric the Entertainer kicking and screaming! Okay, maybe he’s doing it willingly, but does that follow the horror film motif? I think not. We got to be proper!

The plot:

From the creators of Scary Movie comes another hilarious horror spoof, a parody of the Paranormal Activity franchise. When newlyweds Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) and Kisha (Essence Atkins) move into their dream house, they quickly find they’re not alone. But it’s not the house that’s haunted, but his wife that is possessed with spirits – or as Malcolm calls it – “relationship baggage.” Malcolm hires everyone from a priest to modern day ghostbusters to rid her of the demon, determined not to let the evil spirit ruin his marriage… or his sex life for that matter.” The pic will also spoof Paramount’s The Devil Inside.

The original working title was Smart Ass, but that’s being changed, maybe because the title is too close to the Academy Award winning 2505 film Ass. I also like that added line at the end about The Devil Inside, which looks quickly added once that film made money at the box office despite being worse than anything the Wayans have ever made. Even Most Wanted! Found footage horror films are getting annoying, so hopefully this nameless beast trashes them good. Or at least trashes them some.

via DreadCentral

Wayans Most Wanted

Everyone wants me!

Birdemic 2 teaser

Birdemic 2

America asked for it. America got it.


Birdemic II: The Resurrection is not only a reality, it’s reaching teaser trailer phase. And even though that teaser is just a riff on the Avengers, it shows that somewhere, somehow, this film got funded. The world can’t seem to get enough of animated gifs attacking dotcom millionaires and Victoria Secrets models. And whatever the other characters did. Mostly collected large amounts of guns. But now the birds are back, and they’re more bird than ever! Maybe.

Let’s find out the plot:

Synopsis: A platoon of eagles and vultures attack Hollywood, California. Why did the eagles and vultures attacked? Who will survive?

Wait, what?

Let’s find out a better plot:

Bill is a struggling filmmaker; Gloria is an aspiring actress. Rod, a Silicon Valley millionaire, finances Bill’s film, a dream come true until eagles and vultures attack Hollywood and it’s up to Rod, his girlfriend Nathalie, new friends and old to mount the resistance. Who will survive?

Birdemic II, you asked for it.

Wait, what???

Oh, well. With much of the original cast returning along with a whole bunch of new characters, Birdemic 2 looks to be just as much of a trainwreck as the prior film, except now with needless swagger. But I’ll probably watch it. James Nguyen better bring it!

Birdemic 2 cast

Best gun placement ever!


Official Site
via DreadCentral

Naked Solder

Naked Soldier got released in theaters finally and they released a buttload of HUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGE images, one of which is important because it has the only image of Jiang Luxia I’ve seen from the film. As she’s the only thing keeping me interested at this point it’s a pretty important fact, as Naked Soldier will undoubtedly be very very awful. But maybe I’m wrong. No, I’m not wrong. Stop sewing the seeds of discord. History will be on my side. As we shall see, once this shows up on Western shores and I review and trash it. I mean give it a fair review.

So here Jiang Luxia is all dressed up in mannish clothes looking like Yukari Oshima 2.0 meets Disco Godfather. I call that a good thing, though I know there are people out there who don’t care for Yukari Oshima or Jiang Luxia. Judging by the picture she works for a 1930s private eye who also employs a Ukrainian enforcer woman and a gay manservant.
Naked Soldier

The plot for those who need a refresher:

Interpol agent CK Long busted a billion-dollar drug deal fifteen years ago. The cartel has avenged itself by hiring Madame Rose’s organization of assassins to kill CK Long’s entire family. Long himself survives and believes his young daughter is still alive. In fact, for these fifteen years, the girl has been kidnapped by Madame Rose, brainwashed and trained into beautiful, sexy killer Phoenix.

Phoenix has now become the top-ranked killer in Madame Rose’s organization. She is skilled in combat and always completes her missions. Thanks to her band of killers Madame Rose has expanded her criminal organization and now assigns missions in many parts of the world. CK Long has never imagined that he would one day become the target of his own daughter’s mission.

The rest of the images –
Naked Soldier
I dumped the rest after the fold…

Disney developing Hocus Pocus 2: Rise of the Elderwitch

Heck yeah, a sequel to Hocus Pocus! The crazy witch film from 1993 with Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker is a certified classic for people who were young enough to appreciate it then or caught it during it’s many airings during each Halloween season. And now (as hinted in the ending of the film!) a sequel is in development. No word on if anyone is attached at this point, it is just in the story planning stages (but at least it has a title!) Will Bette Midler, Kathy Najimy, and Sarah Jessica Parker be willing to return? Thora Birch and the other kids are all grown up as well, so we’d need new kids. And we must have another talking cat!! More info as it comes in, you can be sure!

Via MovieHole

Hocus Pocus

Sex and the City 3: The Search for Samantha

A Less Violent Starship Troopers?

That’s like a less nude stripper! Seriously, are they dumb, or just stupid? For those of you out of the loop, the producer of the upcoming reboot of Starship Troopers (which is different from the upcoming CGI animated sequel that follows the continuity of the original film and possibly the DTV sequels) has stated that they’re gonna make it less violent. Toby Jaffe told Empire: “The more expensive a film is, the harder it is now to make it that violent. With Recall in particular, we made a conscious choice to keep it tonally closer to something like Minority Report. It gives the studio, and us as producers, the opportunity to reintroduce it in a new way.”

“Verhoeven took [Robert Heinlein’s 1959 novel] from one extreme and made it almost comical, whereas our job is to be a little more faithful to the book, and ground it a little more.”

Translation: It will be a boring generic action film. But it gets worse…

“Verhoeven made his movie a critique of fascism,” says Jaffe, “whereas Heinlein was writing from the perspective of someone who had served in World War II. Y’know, one man’s fascism is another man’s patriotism…”
Translation: Nazis? Totally awesome! BTW: Heinlein served in non-combat roles in WW2. So he’s not a citizen. Would you like to know more?

“Working in a visual-efects renaissance as we are, we have the ability to do so much more now. We can do the Jump Suits [armoured exoskeletons from Heinlein’s novel], for example, which I don’t think they could have done before.”
Let’s ignore that they did do them in Starship Troopers 3 and focus on the fact that having giant armored exoskeletons is cool, except for the fact they won’t be doing anything violent in them. And if they did, it would be safe PG-13 violence. The only possibly interesting thing about this is we might get to see the Skinnies. For the giant armored exoskeletons, Pacific Rim will be doing them one better. The entire concept of the novel is ludicrous, and Verhoeven’s satirical take on the subject matter is the perfect way to deal with the problem of the source material being awful to translate to film. There are barely any action scenes and most of the book is either training or classroom lectures.

Speaking of less nude strippers, just watch this Jaffe joker redo Showgirls next, except also PG-13 and ignoring everything Verhoeven did as well. The only good Jaffe is Al Jaffe, the Mad Magazine Fold-ins guy.

via EmpireOnline