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Asian School Girls

Asian School Girls (Review)

Asian School Girls

Asian School Girls
2014
Written by Tim Culley
Directed by Lawrence Silverstein

Asian School Girls
Four girls are drugged and raped, then set out for revenge in Asylum’s Asian School Girls. Asylum has been becoming a big source of exploitation film that has a more rougher tone. Their film Jailbait was a dark women in prison film complete with all sorts of abuses against the main character. Asian School Girls falls in the rape and revenge category, a genre I don’t watch nor write about that often anymore. Partially because my taste generally runs towards more fun films, and partially because of the of the disturbing things that come with those films. Some of the films seem made by people who are far more interested in the rape part than the revenge part. Luckily, Asian School Girls only dwells slightly with the rape and spends most of the film following the girls as they get revenge. Of course, things don’t go smoothly, and soon bodies are piling up all over, women are caged, and things turn into a bloody mess.

What we do get is some violent fun, with many awful people meeting deserved violent ends. And, yes, if you are a fan of dudes getting stabbed in the junk, you will be happy. A danger in a film like this is it becoming too exploitative, resting its allure to the stars being Asian, there isn’t much of that at all. You could switch them out with four ladies of any race and you’d only have to change the title and like one or two lines. If anything, these women are less like the stereotypical Asian girls, they don’t act submissive and surrender, they fight back and conquer.
Asian School Girls
Asian School Girls‘s weakest link is also its strongest section. The actresses who play the lead girls are relatively new, and the rapid pace of filming on a low-budget film doesn’t accommodate a lot of second takes. So occasionally line reads are a bit wonky. I know Minnie Scarlet was a last minute replacement who originally turned down a role, but she helps bring some energy the the group. Sam Aotaki plays a more laid back character, which makes her spurts of violence and profanity more clashing. Poor Catherine Hyein Kim’s character May gets the short end of the stick development-wise, with the other girls taking up most of the slots, but she does the best with what she’s got. Belle Hensathorn puts in a nice performance as the sheltered Suzy, torn between fun and very strict parents.

The girls will occasionally start bickering with each other as events unfold. This is actually sort of realistic because in extreme situations people will start freaking out and arguing, as some people can handle things better than others. Especially when there are different goals and ideas in mind. Despite their differences, the girls work together when the chips are down and make a good team. The arguing is occasionally tripped up by lines that sound like they look much better written than said aloud.
Asian School Girls

Hannah Takahashi (Sam Aotaki) – Hannah is the default leader in that she’s the more level-headed and reserved. That comes as a disadvantage as she’s not successfully drugged like the other girls were, but it allows her to see the people who did stuff to them. Hannah’s dad is a defense lawyer and says they won’t be believed, as no one believed her when she was molested as a child. The inability of the cops to do anything adds to her hostility towards the police.
Vivian Nguyen (Minnie Scarlet) – Vivian is the resident hacker superstar who is also a wild child. She helps plan their revenge, including knowing how to get access to weapons and how to raise the money needed to procure them. She is eager to slice guys in the junk.
May Lee (Catherine Hyein Kim) – May is the most well-rounded of the three main ladies. She also has the worst luck, but is the most into the workout scenes and is also eager to slice guys in the junk.
Suzy (Belle Hengsathorn) – Suzy is the shy virgin with super-strict parents, and that’s a recipe for a bad end. Her parents go conservative nuclear after she’s raped, and did I mention bad end? Because, bad end.

Asian School Girls

Bride and the Beast Rifftrax

The Bride and the Beast – new RiffTrax VOD!

Gorilla costumes and an Ed Wood script, The Bride and the Beast is the new RiffTrax VOD, and it has everything we love about jungle adventures. Stock footage, white people, gorillas representing forbidden interracial sexual lust, and sets that are made out of cardboard and repeatedly bumped into by the actors. Expect the RiffTrax crew to have a field day with this one! The lead woman is revealed to have been a gorilla queen in her prior life, which leads to consequences that will never be the same. Or something. The 1950s were ripe with past lives stuff thanks to the Bridey Murphy thing. For a cool breakdown of The Bride and the Beast, check out this DVD Savant review!

Order it at RiffTrax.com!

We’ve seen so many big screen weddings that they’ve begun to feel a touch cliched. Yes yes, the handsome husband sweeps the beautiful bride off her feet. Blah blah, he carries her over the threshold. Yada yada yada, he takes her down to the basement to meet the gorilla named Spanky that he keeps in a cage down there that he had never mentioned owning until that very moment. Etc etc, the chimp escapes and attacks the bride, triggering a relapse to a previous life when she lived as a gorilla herself, interrupted only when the husband guns Spanky down in cold blood. And then they return three of the extra fondue pots they got as wedding gifts.

This is the plot of The Bride and the Beast as written by one Ed Wood. This time around, instead of balling it up in Albuquerque, our characters go on on a honeymoon in Africa. You might think that since a main character has revealed that she was a gorilla in a previous life, this might affect the plot in some way. At least they spend the majority of the movie around gorillas in some capacity. Clearly you have never seen an Ed Wood movie before. No my friend, the plot revolves around deadly tigers, which we think were the alien’s Plan 10. The tigers are played by Fake Bela Lugosi.

The Bride and the Beast is full of bad gorilla suits, absurd stock footage, and last minute realizations that “Oh yeah, this was supposed to be about gorillas, wasn’t it?” Join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for this RiffTrax of The Bride and the Beast.

Bride and the Beast Rifftrax

Sharknado 2 poster

Sharknado 2 teaser trailer!


Because why not?

Sharknado 2: The Second One – Wednesday, July 30 at 9PM – In Sharknado 2: The Second One, the sequel to last summer’s global pop culture sensation, a freak weather system turns its deadly fury on New York City, unleashing a Sharknado on the population and its most cherished iconic sites – and only Fin (Ian Ziering) and April (Tara Reid) can save the Big Apple. The movie, directed by Anthony C. Ferrante from a screenplay by Thunder Levin, also stars Mark McGrath, Kari Wuhrer, Vivica A. Fox and Judah Friedlander, with cameo appearances including Kelly Osbourne, Judd Hirsch, Perez Hilton, Matt Lauer, Al Roker, Andy Dick, Robert Klein, Sandra “Pepa” Denton, Biz Markie, Downtown Julie Brown, Richard Kind and Kurt Angle, among others. Sharknado 2: The Second One is a production of The Asylum.

Yes, we’ll be watching.

Sharknado 2 poster

Sofia Grace Rosie Royal Adventure Poster

Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure Trailer


If you enjoy kids that appear on the Ellen show and kids who meddle in British politics while still supporting a monarchy in the 21st century, then you will love Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure! Released recently direct to VOD, you can check out these young ladies and their very British adventures doing things British. Or you can not, which is what I’m doing. But you need to be warned, and warned quickly, lest you make a mistake and watch this film unprepared. Perhaps you kids will demand to see it, and you’ll give in, thinking it can’t be worse than Annoying Orange. Oh, how wrong you are. You will long for the days of that Fred guy. But don’t take my word for it, watch the trailer…

Sofia Grace Rosie Royal Adventure Poster

Balala the Fairies

The Balala the Fairies series (巴啦啦小魔仙) is something you need to be aware of!


Because, why shouldn’t you be aware of Balala the Fairies, a Chinese television series turned movie series about magical fairy girls that are an amalgamation of Sailor Moon, Winx, Tinker Bell, and Harry Potter? It’s just 100% natural that this is a must-know franchise! Especially since they’re already on movie #2, which released in January in China. Now the films are inching towards broader releases. You can already find episodes of the show fansubbed online, and that means the barriers of entry to the Balala world is crumbling. Crumbling like a fairy who is on life support because the audience won’t clap!

Let’s just ignore the fact the young actress who stars in Balala the Fairies: The Magic Trial (巴啦啦小魔仙之魔法的考驗) is named Daisy Cakes. Because, seriously? I play you for this, AngelaBaby!

The first film is Balala The Fairies (巴啦啦小魔仙):

After a few months, when Mei-xue (美雪) and Mei-qi (美奇) were at stargazing camp with a few friends, they saw some meteorites shooting in the sky that crashed onto the earth. When Mei-xue (美雪) and Mei-qi (美奇) went to check things out, they found a strange but pretty looking stone with a badly wounded bird, they took the bird home to look after it. But they ended up to have found Xiao-lan (小兰)back from Fairyland, why is that? There is going to be another mission to finish!?

And it’s followed by 2014’s Balala the Fairies: The Magic Trial (巴啦啦小魔仙之魔法的考驗), which features some fairy idiots letting an emo idiot loose in the real world. There’s also a plot about a girl who isn’t popular being upset at the fairy girls, who appear to be acting all snotty. I support the girl who is mad at the fairy girls 100%, even if she’s teamed up with Sorrow Potter or whatever the villain’s name is.

This film made $2 million and will probably show up in the US soon. You can find the TV series fansubbed all over YouTube (if you dare!) and there will probably be more and more films, as there is a whole toyline to support! It’s called market saturation, people!

Balala the Fairies

Shanti Dynamite Loads

Erotic star Shanti Dynamite to get her Bollywood due!

Shanti Dynamite Loads

Erotic model (or “porn star” if you’re writing headlines!) Shanti Dynamite is set to make her Bollywood debut in the upcoming film Chal Doctor Doctor Khelein! She’ll just have a featured role as an item girl, not a starring part, but that’s all the producer needs to get all sorts of free press. Hey, wait a minute, Rupesh Paul tricked me! Why, that guy…

Yes, producer Rupesh Paul has cast her, but he’s known to push boundaries. Aside from getting his first featured denied by the censor board (The Temptation Between My Legs), Paul directed Kamasutra 3D, an upcoming 3D erotic film that has made a lot of money already just from presale rights. It also claims to be the first Indian movie shot entirely at sea (on two custom-made boats) and mentions the Oscars several times in the trailer. So, yeah. Take everything with a grain of salt. Yes, I’ll watch it when it’s available. Because that’s what I do.

Chal Doctor Doctor Khelein is a comedy thriller about medical students and stars Saurabh Kumar and Sonel Singh. It is directed by Saurabh Malik. There have been articles about this since 2013, but if you haven’t heard it, it’s news to you!

Shanti Dynamite is following the footsteps of adult actress Sunny Leone, who debuted in 2012’s Jism 2 and has gone on to to appear in several other Indian films.

After doing some research, I’m pretty sure Shanti Dynamite is not even a porn star, just a woman who is naked and does erotic stuff. But as stated above, porn star makes for better headlines, and so it is reported as such everywhere. Except for TarsTarkas.NET! We do a search on Google, thus making us the leading news source in the universe. It’s easy to be this good when everyone else is so bad!

via Times of India