• Home
  • Author: Tars Tarkas
Hocus Pocus

Hocus Pocus 2 now a Tina Fey joint!

Hocus Pocus

Soon we’ll have more sequels than Saw!


That long-rumored Hocus Pocus sequel just got a whole lot less rumor and more factual with this latest announcement! Hocus Pocus 2 has hit the fast lane, with Tina Fey’s company Little Stranger handling the deed, and her (or someone of her “type”) starring aldong with a Melissa McCarthy “type”

The sequel will pick up years after the original, focusing on a housewife who is related to the Sanderson sisters, who teams up with a witch hunter to save her children after they run afoul of some resurrected witches while out trick-or-treating. No actors from the original film have been confirmed as returning for the sequel. In fact, no actors are yet attached to the project. My assumption is that producers are looking for a Fey type for the housewife and a McCarthy type for the witch hunter, but thinking about Fey and McCarthy’s previous work, those roles could easily be reversed.

Will the original trio of witches come back? Will there be a talking cat? Will there be an obsession with virginity? All these mysteries will unfold, eventually, as an unnecessary sequel to an average movie held aloft by Real 90s Kids nostalgia becomes reality!

via Tracking Board

UPDATE: It looks like this might not be Hocus Pocus 2, instead it’s an Untitled Witch Movie. Unless it’s not, in which cast someone is wrong. I blame the ducks for this mess! They’ve had their day in the sun, and now they want revenge, revenge on ME! I’ll show them, I’ll show them all!!!!

Descendants Disney

Cast photo for Disney’s Descendants!

TVLine dropped a cast photo for the upcoming Disney Channel Original Movie Descendants, the film where the offspring of the great Disney movie villains all go to high school together with the kids from the Disney princesses and it goes all High School Musical. The cast is packed with awesome players and it will be entertaining and possibly quite awesome.

Below is Dove Cameron as Maleficent’s daughter Mal, Booboo Stewart as Jafar’s son Jay, Cameron Boyce (Jessie) as Cruella De Vil’s son Carlos, and Sofia Carson as the Evil Queen’s daughter Evvie.

Other cast members include: Kristin Chenoweth as Maleficent, Maz Jobrani as Jafar, Wendy Raquel Robinson as Cruella De Vil, Kathy Najimy as the Evil Queen, Mitchell Hope as Belle and Beast’s son Ben, Brenna D’Amico as Fairy Godmother’s daughter Jane, Zachary Gibson as Dopey’s son Doug, Jedidiah Goodacre as Cinderella’s son Chad, Sarah Jeffery as Sleeping Beauty’s daughter Audrey, Dianne Doan as Mulan’s daughter Lonnie, Stephanie Bennett as Snow White, and Dan Payne as Beast.

In a present day idyllic kingdom, the benevolent teenaged son of the King and Queen (Beast and Belle from Disney’s iconic Beauty and the Beast) is poised to take the throne. His first proclamation: offer a chance at redemption to the trouble-making offspring of Cruella De Vil, Maleficent, the Evil Queen and Jafar who have been imprisoned on a forbidden island with all the other villains, sidekicks, evil step-mothers and step-sisters. These villainous descendants (Carlos, Mal, Evvie and Jay, respectively) are allowed into the kingdom to attend prep school alongside the offspring of iconic Disney heroes including Fairy Godmother, Sleeping Beauty, Rapunzel and Mulan. However, the evil teens face a dilemma. Should they follow in their nefarious parents’ footsteps and help all the villains regain power or embrace their innate goodness and save the kingdom?

Kenny Ortega, the Emmy Award-winning director and choreographer of Disney’s record-setting High School Musical TV movies and feature film, returns to Disney Channel to direct Descendants.

Descendants Disney

Disney Days of Future Past

Zodiac Comics

Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse aligns the stars on SyFy!

Zodiac Comics

We have nothing to do with this movie!


August 16th has seen the rescheduling of original film Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse. The film was originally slated to premiiere in April, but was pushed back and replaced by Bermuda Tentacles. But baring any other last-minute replacement, Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse should finally get its moment in the sun.

A museum curator gets more than she bargained for when an ancient astrology board shows up at work… an ancient astrology board that could DESTROY THE WORLD!

Damn, astrology is more dangerous than I thought! Must be the fault of those darn Scorpios! Trust me when I say this is sort of intriguing in a weird sort of way. Here’s hoping it just doesn’t turn out to be something stupid! This is the first original film after the whole Sharknado Week promotion, and maybe it means we’ll get some more regular SyFy original movie action! Or they’re just filling an empty slot on the schedule.

The film stars Joel Gretsch, Christopher Lloyd, Aaron Douglas, and Andrea Brooks. Zodiac: Signs of the Apocalypse is directed by W.D. Hogan (Independence Daysaster) and written by newcomer David Sanderson.

Rick Santorum Frothy

Rick gets his frothy Santorum all over the Hobby Lobby!


The ink has yet to dry on the idiotic Supreme Court decision on Burwell v. Hobby Lobby, and a movie is already set to be released from Rick Santorum’s film studio. The timing of this release – the day of the ruling – is patently obvious that they were looking to capitalize in on the result of the case. And the subject of the documentary, that religious “liberties” are being taken away by godless atheist communist Islamic liberal homosexual Obama voters, actually gets a bit weakened by the ruling in their favor. But a quick voiceover edit about how the war is still going on should cover that up nicely!

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty is the culmination of the current rebranding of religious bigotry as freedom, which has accelerated in earnest as state after state has struck down anti-gay marriage laws.

In a way, the awful ruling is sort of hilarious at taking the wind out of this documentary. Now suddenly the Religious Right has very special privileges that override what a woman wants to do about her own body. In fact, the argument specifically tries to say it doesn’t count for all sorts of other religious exceptions like blood transfusions. The logic behind the reasoning is strained at best, and nonsense at worst. What has happened is SCOTUS put omen as second class citizens beneath corporations, which suddenly have a lot more rights than they should.

Conservatives have gone extremely nutso over birth control access in the past few years. Who can forget Rush Limbaugh calling Sandra Fluke a slut because she wanted birth control for her fellow law school students, including one affected by polycystic ovary syndrome which is helped by birth control hormones? Or how about this lovely tweet from noted goat sex expert Erick Erickson:

My religion trumps your “right” to employer subsidized consequence free sex. —@EWErickson

Exactly why they go so crazy over this, I will never understand. I’ve heard plenty of theories, but when it comes down to it, these guys just don’t like women having sex at all, except if it is with them. And even then, they shouldn’t enjoy it. I can say with certainty that every one of these guys must be terrible in bed.

But enough about how awful old Republican white guys are, let’s get to the film. Echolight Studios has decided that making money by producing awful films isn’t enough, they need to get in on the distribution methods as well! So One Generation Away is the inaugural release of EchoLight Cinemas, which will have special screenings in churches before the nationwide rollout. Heck, maybe they’ll even give away sweater vests!

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty is written and directed by Ken Carpenter, who has made a career of producing Christian documentaries with subjects you might find familiar. Also stuff on John Tesh and hunting, but sadly nothing on hunting down John Tesh. Expect lots of prominent rightwing media personalities yakking and yakking, and then obligatory Reagan quote.

One Generation Away: The Erosion of Religious Liberty releases September 1st.

More on Hobby Lobby CEO David Green
More on the Religious Liberty rebranding
More on Rick Santorum, Echolight Studios, studio infighting, and their recent releases
One Generation Away site
via THR

Rick Santorum Frothy

Kim Ah-Joon 캐치미 Steal My Heart

Steal My Heart (Review)

Steal My Heart

aka 캐치미 aka Kaechimi aka Catch Me
캐치미 Steal My Heart
2013
Written and directed by Lee Hyeon-jong
Kim Ah-Joon 캐치미 Steal My Heart
Let’s jump back down the well of Korean romantic comedies again with Steal My Heart! It’s got super star Kim Ah-joong, it’s got Joo Won, it’s got a director who hasn’t done much before, how can it go wrong? Unfortunately, that’s what we need to find out, because it doesn’t go right. Instead of a great film, we just get a film that squanders all opportunities to better itself. If there is anything I hate most of all, it’s a film that wastes potential.

Police profiler Lee Ho-tae (Joo Won) was having a good day, having just figured out the routine of a serial killer plaguing the area and leading a stakeout to catch him. One hiccup is the suspected kill is ran over (twice!) by a hit and run driver, which turns into a joke hanging over Lee Ho-tae’s head to the point where people are saying the car solved the case and not him (why no one seems too happy that a guy who murders people is off the streets nor that Lee Ho-tae did all the work finding him is never explained). Lee Ho-tae tracks down the car and driver to save his career, the only hitch being the driver is Yoon Jin-sook (Kim Ah-Joong), who he knew ten years ago as Lee Sook-ja when he was dating her.
캐치미 Steal My Heart
Through a series of misadventures and attempts to protect Yoon Jin-sook (and that she’s sick with a cold, probably the only time in movie history a character will cough and not be dead by the end of the film!), she ends up staying at Lee Ho-tae’s place, while he finds out more and more about how she’s a master criminal thief. They attempt to make amends by returning some of the art she’s stolen, all while staying one step ahead from the rival Detective Oh (Baek Do-Bin), who keeps getting assigned the cases that Yoon Jin-sook committed. But Yoon Jin-sook knows she has to answer at some point for the things she’s done.

A cop vs. criminal romantic comedy is one of those obvious opposites attract scenarios that you’d think this would be a hit out of the park. Especially with Korea producing a few good heist flicks recently. But instead, things are so by the numbers that Steal My Heart never rises above the material to say much of anything. Yoon Jin-sook is far to sympathetic as a criminal, and far too eager to go to jail for her crimes when caught. Lee Ho-tae is powerless before the woman he used to love before fate intervened and he thought he lost her, and now finds out he barely knew her at all.
Kim Ah-joong 캐치미 Steal My Heart

Go Ah-sung Snowpiercer

Snowpiercer (Review)

Snowpiercer

aka 설국열차 aka Seolgugyeolcha
Snowpiercer
2013
Story by Bong Joon-ho
Screenplay by Bong Joon-ho and Kelly Masterson
Based on Le Transperceneige by Jacques Lob, Benjamin Legrand, and Jean-Marc Rochette
Directed by Bong Joon-ho

Snowpiercer
2013 saw three of the best directors of Korea produce English-language films. First was Kim Ji-woon with The Last Stand, an entertaining but forgettable Schwarzenegger comeback vehicle. Next was Park Chan-wook and Stoker, an amazing coming of age story covered in Hitchcock influences. The finale was Bong Joon-ho’s Snowpiercer, which would have been an amazing capstone. Unfortunately, history repeated itself in the Weinsteins ruining everything, delaying the film and demanding a bunch of cuts and added narration. After a bunch of arguing, Snowpiercer got a limited run uncut in America, but by that time it had already hit BluRay in several foreign markets.

Having now seen the film, I have no idea exactly what would have been cut, as most of it was essential. Almost the entire film is in English, so this isn’t a case of people that would be turned off by subtitles. The only thing I could think of was to alter the film fundamentally to try to remove some of the class warfare aspects, which would only serve to protect the upper class and ruin the film by eliminating most of the motivation to revolt. The delay probably cost Snowpiercer a huge percentage of its audience, which will in turn be used as more evidence that films like this just don’t work as releases and lead to less good films getting releases. I hate to be pessimistic, but this has happened before and will happen again.
Go Ah-sung Snowpiercer
Shelving this film was all bunk because Snowpiercer is damn amazing. It’s better than Stoker, and Stoker was one of my favorite films from 2013. Not only is it a fun science fiction adventure with a unique premise, but it deals with the struggle of class inequality and revolutions against tyrannical governments. As the world lies frozen due to adverse effects from attempts to combat global warming, the only life left is on the unstoppable train known as Snowpiercer, which travels the world on an endless loop journey once every year. It has now been 16 years since the world froze, and things on the train aren’t very well.
Snowpiercer