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Samurai Cop 2 poster

A friendly Samurai Cop 2 Kickstarter reminder!

I’m sure you heard by now that the greatest movie ever made, Samurai Cop, has a sequel in production and has launched a kickstarter! So just in case you lived in a cave, now you know. For those of you not in a cave, now you got a reminder! If you’ve never seen Samurai Cop, then you need to stop whatever you are doing and go watch it. I don’t care if lives depend on you doing stuff, Samurai Cop is more important! Okay, maybe not, but as soon as no one will die, go watch Samurai Cop a couple dozen times. Then open up your wallets for Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance!

Not only has Matt Hannon returned from the dead to become Samurai Cop Joe Marshall again, but Mark Frazer is also returning as Frank Washington! Melissa Moore also returns as Peggy, and they managed to also get original cast members Cranston Komuro, Gerald Okamura, and Robert Z’Dar to also appear. I’m not sure if they will be reincarnated versions of their classic characters, or original characters who all happen to be identical twins of those killed last time.

It’s 25 years later, and Detective Frank Washington is forced to team up with his long estranged partner Joe Marshall to solve a series of assassinations being committed by a secret group of female vigilante killers.

There is also a whole host of new stars, including some classic people and a bunch of porn stars who readers here will be familiar with due to their appearances in Retromedia and Jim Wynorski movies!

GEORGE LAZENBY (Agent 007 James Bond in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”)
ROBERT Z’DAR (“Samurai Cop,” “Maniac Cop,” “Tango & Cash”)
SEYMOUR CASSEL (Oscar Nominee, “Faces,” Wes Anderson films)
HENRY SILVA (Eurocrime genre actor, “The Manchurian Candidate,” “Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai,” “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”)
LAURENE LANDON (“Hundra,” “All The Marbles”)
KAYDEN KROSS (“Blue Dream”)
LEXI BELLE (Penthouse Pet of the Year, 2014)
NICOLE BAILEY (Mac Miller and the Most Dope Family)
KRISTINE DeBELL (“The Big Brawl,” “Meatballs”)
NICOLE D’ANGELO (“Blue Dream”)
STUART WHITMAN (“The Longest Day,” “Superboy,” “Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines”)
EDDIE DEEZEN (“Grease,” “War Games.” “The Polar Express”)
SHANE RYAN (“Amateur Porn Star Killer”)
MATTHEW MAHANEY (“Days of Our Lives”)
JESSE HLUBIK (“May,” “I Know Who Killed Me”)
SEAN McNABB (“Quiet Riot”, “Dokken”)
NAOYUKI IKEDA (“Hunter”)
LISA LONDON (“Sudden Impact”)
MINDY ROBINSON (“Gym Rescue,” “V/H/S/2”)
RON BECKS (“Hunter”)
RAMZI ABED (“The Devil’s Muse”)
SHAUN PICCININO (“The Lackey,” “Bat In The Sun’s Super Power Beat Down”)
EDWIN A. SANTOS (“Mad Cowgirl”)
MAGDA MARCELLA (“Miracle Mile Girls”)
SHAWN C. PHILLIPS (“Dysmorphia,” “Ghost Shark”)

Now, a lot of older movies that get sequels often have the sequels be terrible, and many movies that became cult classics that got sequels later faced having sequels that were no good. So there is always the danger that this film will just be awful. But the cast seems very excited for it, and Samurai Cop is a film that it is almost impossible to live up to. But with the talent they are throwing in, the film will at least be so full of things happening that we won’t have time to catch our breath. Much like a good portion of the original, that had lots of awesome action sequences that just kept going and kept the funeral parlors in LA very busy with all the bodies.

The best news of this Kickstarter is Amir Shervan apparently had more than the three films he was known for (along with the foreign stuff) back when Samurai Cop was first discovered. Besides Samurai Cop, Hollywood Cop, and Killing American Style, there is also Young Rebels and Gypsy, the last one not having been seen anywhere before.

Regardless of outcome, I’m excited for this event, and have high hopes for the film!

Disclaimer: I plan on donating to this Kickstarter.

Samurai Cop 2 poster

Big Driver Lifetime

Stephen King’s Big Driver rides on to Lifetime!

Big Driver Lifetime

Big Driver sounds like a character name from Austin Powers


Lifetime isn’t just adapting trashy biopics and deformed cats for their network, they’ve put up a solid array of literature, some of which make up their strongest cinema entries. Their first Stephen King adaptation will be Big Driver, which is a rape and revenge tale with the King flavor. Big Driver stars Maria Bello, which by itself means it will be good. There is also the bonus talent of Olympia Dukakis and Joan Jett, as well as Ann Dowd and Will Harris. This is an amazingly talented cast. The only video so far is some dark scenes of roads set to spooky music, so I can’t get a sense of the tone, except spooky.

Big Driver is directed by Mikael Salomon, who directed the Lifetime trash classic Drew Peterson: Untouchable, and adapted by Lifetime regular Richard Christian Matheson.

Big Driver premieres October 18th on Lifetime!

From a story by Stephen King, “Big Driver” marks the first collaboration between Lifetime and King. This dark story of a young novelist hell-bent on revenge after falling victim to a brutal crime stars Golden Globe nominee Maria Bello (“A History of Violence,” “McFarland”), Academy Award winner Olympia Dukakis (“Sex & Violence,” “Steel Magnolias”), Grammy nominee Joan Jett, film and television veteran Ann Dowd (“The Leftovers,” “Masters of Sex”) and Will Harris (“NCIS,” “Sky High”).

In “Big Driver,” Tess Thorne (Bello), a famous and revered mystery and thriller writer, faces a long drive home following a book-signing engagement. But while driving on a lonely stretch of New England road, her tire blows out, leaving her stranded. Relieved when another driver stops and offers assistance, Tess quickly discovers her savior is actually her assailant, a serial killer who repeatedly assaults her. Left for dead in a drainage pipe to rot with the bodies of his other victims, Tess escapes and makes her way safely home. With her fragile mind beginning to unravel, she is determined to find her rapist and seek revenge, as payback is the only thing holding her together.

Best-selling author Stephen King has penned more than 50 novels and hundreds of short stories, many of which have been adapted into feature films, including Frank Darabont’s Academy Award-nominated “The Shawshank Redemption” with Morgan Freeman and Tim Robbins; the Stanley Kubrick classic, “The Shining,” with Jack Nicholson; and “Stand by Me,” directed by Rob Reiner starring River Phoenix, Kiefer Sutherland, Jerry O’Connell, Corey Feldman and Wil Wheaton. Other works based on his stories include the television series “Under the Dome,” as well as numerous top-selling comic books, including “The Stand and The Dark Tower” series. His novels have sold more than 350 million copies worldwide and have received a multitude of awards, including The Bram Stoker Award, Los Angeles Times Book Prize, National Book Award, National Magazine Award and World Fantasy Award.

Produced by Ostar Productions, “Big Driver” is executive produced by Bill Haber (“The Trip to Bountiful”) and Jeffrey Hayes (“A Day Late and A Dollar Short”). The screenplay adaptation was written by Richard Christian Matheson (“Masters of Horror,” “Happy Face Killer”) and is directed by Mikael Salomon (“Drew Peterson: Untouchable”). A+E Networks handles international sales for “Big Driver.”

via Lifetime

Hapkido 合氣道

Hapkido (Review)

Hapkido

aka 合氣道 aka He qi dao aka Hap Ki Do aka Lady Kung Fu
Hapkido 合氣道
1972
Written by Yan Ho
Directed by Feng Huang

Hapkido 合氣道
When you need villains for your martial arts movie, the Japanese are very handy. Not only did the Japanese actually do a bunch of bad stuff that seems only cartoon supervillains would do, but depicting them doing so helps stir up nationalistic feelings and potentially increases your box office bang. Thus martial arts schools are the setting for rebellion against Japanese occupiers in Hapkido, and Angela Mao Ying is more than capable of beating the snot out of all sorts of Japanese jerks.

Hapkido is one of Angela Mao’s earliest films for Golden Harvest. You can still see legacies of the Shaw Brothers influence, from the Golden Harvest logo having a strangely familiar shape to the film being advertised in “Dyaliscope”, whatever the heck that is!
Hapkido 合氣道
We start out in 1934 Japanese-occupied Seoul, where three Chinese students are studying Hapkido before harassment by Japanese occupiers cause them need to return to China, but that also means they can open a Hapkido school in China. Just as Japan now controls Korea, Japanese influence in China is not something to be ignored, their impending invasion of the whole country means their people act arrogant and criminally. The watchword for Hapkido is “forbearance”, which works fine except when the Japanese are assaulting innocent people and Sammo Hung’s character has a wicked temper. Then it gets put on the wayside while people get punched.
Hapkido 合氣道

Yu Ying (Angela Mao Ying) – Hapkido student who just wants to set up a school and teach everyone Hapkido, except the Japanese have other ideas. So it’s time to kick those ideas out of their heads and also kick many other parts of their bodies to get them to go away!
Fan Wei (Sammo Hung Kam-Bo) – Hot-headed Hapkido student who constantly gets into fights and causes trouble for his friends. But he also just happens to be around whenever the Japanese are doing something evil, so he also has very bad luck.
Kao Chung (Carter Wong Ka-Tat) – Hapkido student who tries to calm down all the trouble happening only to get a brutal beatdown to emphasize how the Japanese school is beyond reason.

Hapkido 合氣道

Midnight Masquerade Hallmark

Midnight Masquerade sneaks upon the Hallmark Channel!

Midnight Masquerade Hallmark

I’m actually lost, I was headed to that other masked party with Tom Cruise


A masked ball becomes the setting for mysterious romance in Midnight Masquerade! Hallmark Channel has another romantic tale, this time doing a sort of reversed Cinderella. Also there is a spunky kid, because these films need spunky kids. Midnight Masquerade looks like a cute film, probably with the biggest part of the budget spent on elaborate costumes for the costume ball (and the giant monster decoration you can see in some of the promo images!)

Young businesswoman Elyse Samford’s (Autumn Reeser) life takes a turn when she inherits Samford Candy, a multi-billion dollar corporation, from her retired father (Richard Burgi). A trademark infringement lawsuit against a rival company brings Elyse to Higgins Attorneys and Sons, where Rob Carelli (Christopher Russell), a young, too-nice-for-his-own-good lawyer, is bullied by his boss, firm founder Carter Higgins (Chris Gillett), and his two arrogant sons (Damon Runyan and Danny Smith). Despite his workplace woes, Rob becomes instantly smitten with Elyse.

With Halloween just around the corner, Elyse invites the Higgins law firm staff to an opulent masked Halloween costume ball. Rob obeys an order to remain in the office working that night, but has a change of heart when his spunky, 12-year old niece, Ruby (Helen Colliander), convinces him to attend the ball wearing a prince costume. After a magnificent waltz and magical exchange with the handsome “prince,” Elyse yearns to locate this mysterious man and hopefully find the romance her life has been missing.

Midnight Masquerade stars Autumn Reeser as Elyse, Christopher Russell as Rob, and Richard Burgi as Howard. It is directed by Graeme Campbell.

Midnight Masquerade premieres Saturday, September 27, on Hallmark Channel!

via Hallmark and BetaFilm

Perfect on Paper Hallmark

Perfect on Paper puts it to the test on Hallmark Channel!

Perfect on Paper Hallmark

Over there is where I put the thousands of awards for Test Tube Teens from the Year 2000!


Hallmark gives us another romance story with Perfect On Paper, about a woman who dates a bunch of duds, and maybe she’s found someone cool in a lawyer. But as that character doesn’t rate a name while the surfer character does, it looks like the surfer dud just might be a stud. And half the film is literary The Devil Wears Prada! It’s two films in one, thanks to Hallmark Channel efficiency!

Portland book editor Natalie Holland (Lindsay Hartley) has chosen the wrong guy – another underachiever – once again. With her life going nowhere fast, she accepts a job offer from publisher and friend Avery Goldstein (Haley Strode) and moves to Los Angeles. A woman of depth and principle, Portland chic Natalie is a fish out of water in LA. Things only get worse when she learns she’s been hired to edit the latest romance novel from bestselling author Beverly Wilcox (Morgan Fairchild), a powerful, glamorous and intimidating figure straight out of “The Devil Wears Prada.” Warily taking this assignment, Natalie struggles to maintain her integrity as she contends with Beverly’s criticisms and threats. Along the way, complications arise when she meets a handsome surfer (Drew Fuller) — who mentors a young boy (Bryce Clyde Jenkins) — and a charming, successful LA attorney (Kieren Hutchison). As tensions mount at work and in romance, the young editor learns a lesson about judging a book by its cover and finds out that guys who look “perfect on paper” may not always be the better choice.

Perfect On Paper (previously known as On Paper) star Morgan Fairchild as Beverly Wilcox, Lindsay Hartley as Natalie Holland, Drew Fuller as Coop, and Kieren Hutchinson. It’s directed by Ron Oliver (Harriet the Spy: Blog Wars) and written by Bob Sáenz (Help for the Holidays)

Perfect On Paper premieres Saturday, September 20, on Hallmark Channel!

via Hallmark

Beethoven's Treasure Tail

The new Beethoven movie is a remake of The Goonies!


Beethoven’s Treasure Tail is not just the latest in a long line of Beethoven movies that I was only vaguely aware they were still making, but it turns into a remake of a different childrens’ classic. Yep, that plot you see in the trailer is correct, Beethoven turns into The Goonies! We got Beethoven arriving in a small down by the docks that is about to be bought out by a rich investor and everything torn down, but if a child can find pirate treasure in an underground cave system using a pirate’s map and a key with a skull on it that he finds on a dead body, he can save the day. And there is also a guy riding a little girl’s bike!

As a sequel to The Goonies is one of those things that people talk about every few years and get all excited and then nothing happens, this is probably the best we will ever get, a spiritual sequel to The Goonies featuring a giant dog who slobbers and knocks food onto people. Weirdly enough, I’m perfectly fine with that. I’d rather a tribute than a sequel or reboot that just turns everything to hot garbage.

I declare Beethoven’s Treasure Tail good enough. Good enough for me. Aye-aye-aye-yeah!

Beethoven’s Treasure Tail stars Jonathan Silverman, Bretton Manley, Kristy Swanson, Morgan Fairchild, Jeffrey Combs, Udo Kier, Bretton Manley, and Patrick Kwok-Choon. It’s directed by Ron Oliver (A Dennis the Menace Christmas)

Does this mean Beethoven is Sloth?