Have An En Vogue Christmas on Lifetime!

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

You’re never gonna get it, never gonna get it! Only lumps of coal for you!

Free your minds and enjoy the fact that Lifetime is giving us An En Vogue Christmas! Finally, something to wash out the taste of that deformed cat Christmas movie they’re also doing.

En Vogue was originally the quartet of Dawn Robinson, Cindy Herron, Maxine Jones, and Terry Ellis, formed in 1989 by producing duo Denzil Foster and Thomas McElroy. They went on to have a string of hits in the early 90s, including My Lovin’ (You’re Never Gonna Get It), Giving Him Something He Can Feel, Free Your Mind, and Whatta Man (with Salt-N-Pepa). Dawn Robinson abruptly left during a contract dispute in 1997, and the group became a trio for the next few years. Maxine Jones then left to focus on her family in 2001. Herron and Ellis were joined by Rhona Bennett in 2002 (and briefly Amanda Cole), as well as Dawn Robinson rejoining the group for a few years before departing again and the ensuing legal drama, where it was determined original members Cindy Herron and Terry Ellis have the rights to the En Vogue name. The current lineup of Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, and Rhona Bennett is the focus of An En Vogue Christmas

So with that, we look at this plot synopsis with a grain or 2 million of salt:

Over the years, the funky divas of En Vogue have gone their separate ways, until they are asked to perform a benefit concert to save the club that made them stars. They put aside their hesitations to reunite for the special night but first, must overcome their challenging history with Marty (David Alan Grier, In Living Color), their former manager and the man responsible for breaking them up. In the spirit of the holidays, the ladies find forgiveness and come together for an epic En Vogue Christmas concert to keep the club from closing its doors forever. Stars Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, Rhona Bennett as themselves and features some of their biggest hits and two new original songs. Genelle Williams also stars.

An En Vogue Christmas stars En Vogue members Terry Ellis, Cindy Herron, and Rhona Bennett. It also stars Genelle Williams, Christopher Russell, Ashanti Bromfield, and David Alan Grier as the band’s manager, Marty. It’s directed by Brian K. Roberts (Shelby: The Dog Who Saved Christmas and a bajillion tv shows) and written by Dayna Lynne North (Lincoln Heights and the Soul Food tv series)

An En Vogue Christmas premieres on Saturday, November 22, on Lifetime!

via A&E News

InTelevision Reviews

Sleepy Hollow S02E03 – “Root of All Evil”

October 9, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Next week we’ll see him reading Handbook for the Recently Deceased.

Sleepy Hollow “Root of All Evil”
Written by Melissa Blake and Donald Todd
Directed by Jeffrey Hunt

I can finally buy cold medicine for that guy with the bad teeth outside of Walgreens!

Money sucks, unless you got money, then it’s awesome. But what if it was cursed money? Money that made you go crazy? Like what happens to everyone who wins the Lotto? What if the cursed money was part of Judas’ 30 pieces of silver? And what if that made this episode have the same transferring evil gimmick as last season’s Fallen-inspired episode? Well, then you get an okay episode that could be better.

For starters we still have a dearth of Captain Frank Irving, who the heroes are prevented from visiting at the psych ward by his lawyer – Horseman of War Henry Parrish. He does make a small appearance once Ichabod figures out a trick to be able to see him, but it is only a brief bit where Ichabod dumps a bunch of info on him and then immediately leaves. Hopefully there will be more Irving next week.

What Sleepy Hollow has fallen in love with is following Henry Parrish around. John Noble is awesome, but his character is going to become tiresome if he continues to be the focus of every week’s evil conspiracy. Not only is Parrish inciting cursed actions in the community, he has whatever deal he’s doing with Frank Irving going on, and he’s gone full Beetlejuice and is making a miniature model of the town of Sleep Hollow. He’s living in the house from “Sanctuary” where he was born, because there is a very loose plot string of him still having some humanity left in him and reconnecting with his parents dangling around. Will it become the string that unravels his sweater, leaving him naked and lying on the floor? Or are they just filling time until the next Horseman arrives?

Speaking of Horsemen, the focus on Henry Parrish has given the other Horseman, the Headless Horseman aka Abraham, very little to do except be snotty to Katrina each week. Which is sort of sad, Headless Horseman is now suffering from Darth Vader Syndrome, where Darth Vader was cool until we met Anakin and his whines about sand. Headless Horseman was cool when he was only in a few episodes, didn’t speak, and just shot at everyone. Now all he does is complain.

Tom Sawyer is a lying jerk, this isn’t fun at all!

InGallery

It Came From Tumblr!

October 6, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Tumblr is cool, we got Tumblrs, the only problem is the Tumblr stuff stays on Tumblr and not here on TarsTarkas.NET, where different people are. Well, time to solve that problem by highlighting cool Tumblr stuff here and getting a bigger audience for everyone and everything. And cool free content!

Sometime I’ll have comments, and sometimes things will speak for themselves. As usual, we will link to sources if we can (though I’m not linking to NSFW stuff), but I won’t link if I have no idea where it came from or if it is something that obviously isn’t sourced from where I found it.

So let’s get dangerous!

This gets up because I actually own this. My grandma had it in a box as it used to belong to my mom and my uncle when they were kids. Lo and behold I and my sister quickly adopted this cool kit once I found it. It now sits in a box with other stuff at my mom’s house, awaiting the day I own a house for it to occupy before my kids discover it.

The kit has some goofy faces and wigs (and a scarf!) that you could make fist faces with. There was also a red pen for making red lips, but that has long since gone bad. And who needs red lips when you got goofy faces? Literally hours of fun.

via Vintage Toy Archive

Too true!
Via

I have no clue where this image in my Tumblr folder came from, but it rules so here it is!

From the best movie about a tree man and a raccoon in 2014!

Damn, Grover’s got some sweet fashion sense! He’s brought to you by the letters “D” and “F”, for Disco Fever!
via Dollmeat

This real ad I remember thanks to looking in old magazines as a child. Now it exists in scanned on the internet form. Only ET can prevent drunk driving, even though he got drunk in the movie ET and almost lead to children fornicating in school. Just try not to think about that, and don’t drink and drive. Or ET will kill you.

I admit I have no idea what Martech’s Zoids are, but they do make an awesome magazine cover! Turns out Zoids is a toy line by Tomy, and Martech made a game called Zoids: The Battle Begins. A game that’s now abandonware. The Zoids toy line has a been up and down the past 30 years, and after looking them up I began vaguely remembering them, though I never owned any.
via Space, Gore, and Dinosaurs

Thunder Robot, made in Japan. Nice box art, exciting 1950s stuff.
via Fortune Cookie

Remember when Superman, Spectreman, and Ultraman teamed up to fight all sorts of monsters, and then there was an album? Because apparently that happened and it has cool art!
via kazuyahyoudou

The Good Witch's Wonder Hallmark Channel

InMovie News

The Good Witch’s Wonder shows the seventh time’s the charm on Hallmark!

October 5, 2014ByTars Tarkas

Clap, or the wonder will die!

The Good Witch’s Wonder is the seventh film in the Good Witch series, which is an amazing run for a made-for-tv movie series. In fact, the Good Witch movies are so popular they’ve announced a tv series for her that will start airing in 2015! Even better, I’ve seen some of the adventures of Cassie Nightingale, and these films are generally pretty good (disclaimer: I’ve not seen the more recent ones!), and this entry has most of the same creative team and stars, so it should fit right in with the rest.

Cassie Nightingale (Catherine Bell) finds herself with only days to plan her stepson Brandon’s (Matthew Knight) wedding to Tara (Ashley Leggat) when the happy couple unexpectedly pushes up the date for their big day. Meanwhile, Martha (Catherine Disher), the newly elected mayor of Middleton has roped Cassie into chairing the silent auction to raise much-needed funds for her pet project, the Middleton Botanical Gardens. Audrey (Rachel Wilson), a new arrival in town, pops in to Cassie’s store Bell, Book & Candle and the two instantly bond. Needing help in the store, Cassie immediately hires Audrey as her new store associate and she even pitches in and helps Cassie organize the auction. But, Audrey is hiding a secret past and suspicions start to swirl around her when the donated auction items are missing. With the use of her “special” powers, as well as some teamwork by the Mayor and Jake (Chris Potter), her husband, and local Chief of Police, will they conjure up the truth before it’s too late?

The Good Witch’s Wonder is directed by Craig Pryce, who has helmed all the prior entries as well. It premieres Saturday, October 25, on Hallmark Channel. Will this film lead right into the tv series? Or will they set that up to begin its own plot lines? A question we will have to wait to answer!

Via Hallmark

InMovie News

Nowhere Safe – the internet returns to kill again, on UP!

October 4, 2014ByTars Tarkas

We ruined your printer, Ellen Feiss! And now we ruin you. Beep beep beep beep beep!

Just when you thought it was safe to go on the internet, now you will learn there is Nowhere Safe! Because beyond cyber bullying, there is reverse cyber bullying! It’s like normal cyber bullying, but in reverse. And you can’t get away, no matter how hard you try, no matter how grey your hoodie. It’s true, the movie says so!

After two teen girls cruelly impersonate her online in a “reverse cyber bullying” plot, Ashley’s reputation is ruined. She and her mother Julie (a high school teacher) are ostracized, forcing them to flee an escalating threat to their lives. Starting over at a new school miles away, romantic interests and the poignant lessons from an eccentric history teacher draw them out of seclusion until they realize confronting a hurtful past is essential to ensure a brighter future.

Nowhere Safe is directed by Brian Brough (Snow Beast) and written by Brittany Wiscombe (also Snow Beast) It stars Danielle Chuchran as Ashley Evans , Natasha Henstridge as Julie Johnson, and Jamie Kennedy as Kevin Carlisle

Nowhere Safe premieres Sunday, October 5th on UP! For those of you who don’t know what UP is, it’s a channel with UPlifting content. AKA family friendly stuff that leans Christian. They also come out with a bunch of new movies, thus pulling the interest of TarsTarkas.NET.

Nowhere Safe is also important because thanks to Up’s link, I now know about the Dove Foundation, which looks like the next generation of CAP Alert. Check out the Dove Foundation page on Nowhere Safe, which let’s us know that a girl who had falsely accused another girl is pelted with donuts. Besides being Dove approved, Nowhere Safe is Homer Simpson approved!

via UP

InRiffTrax

R.O.T.O.R. – New RiffTrax VOD!

October 3, 2014ByTars Tarkas

R.O.T.O.R.! There are two type of people in the world: People who have seen R.O.T.O.R. and know that means this RiffTrax is an instant buy, or those poor souls who have never experiences the majesty and pain that is R.O.T.O.R. Imagine the most awful version of Robocop meets Short Circuit meets the gum stuck under your desk in 9th grade. Which means this will be awesome! Buy it today on RiffTrax.com!

R.O.T.O.R. could be described as The Room meets Cyborg Cop 2, and if that makes any sense to you at all then you know how excited we are about it!

It’s an embarrassment of riches, where to begin? Our hero Captain J.B. Coldyron, police robotics genius and ranch owner, whose dialogue was all dubbed by a different actor and written by a different species? The goofy office robot who somehow possesses more sophisticated intelligence than the dangerous “advanced” prototype on the loose, aka R.O.T.O.R.? Or what the acronym R.O.T.O.R. itself stands for: Robotic Officer of the Tactical Operations Research. Yes, the last word in the killer police robot’s name is Research, for some reason. Except later in the movie, when it suddenly stands for Reserve instead. Why? If you want an explanation, you’d better ask Shoeboogie, the wacky Native American janitor who loves to dance. Actually, don’t ask Shoeboogie anything, it’s probably best to avoid all eye contact with Shoeboogie.

Coldyron! Research! Shoeboogie! If you say those words real fast they kind of sound like a song, but they’re also three of the many reasons you should join Mike, Kevin, and Bill for the wonder of wonders that is R.O.T.O.R.!

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