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Weeping Lady Sleepy Hollow

Sleepy Hollow S02E05 – “The Weeping Lady”

Weeping Lady Sleepy Hollow

BP strikes again!


Sleepy HollowThe Weeping Lady
Written by M. Raven Metzner
Directed by Larry Teng
Weeping Lady Sleepy Hollow

I’m not crazy, and I’ll eat the liver of anyone who disagrees!


Sleepy Hollow has seen all manner of monsters run around in the small town, every single one of which somehow has roots to the Revolutionary War and Ichabod Crane. Once again that happens, as the angry wet haired Japanese ghost gets a colonial makeover and causes trouble for Abbie, Ichabod, and Katrina.

While the monster gives Abbie and Ichabod something new to fight this week, the reasoning for the monsters appearance cause some unneeded cracks into existing relationships that feel so obviously forced that they are distracting. The ghost lady killing people is an old acquaintance of Ichabod’s, particularly she was his betrothed back in England, though he canceled the engagement upon journeying to America. Mary Wells followed him there, popping up while he was chatting with Katrina (back when she was still engaged to Abraham Van Brunt, Ichabod’s best friend and eventual Headless Horseman), and goes immediately crazy with jealously and throws out stalker vibes. She disappeared the next day, Ichabod thinking she returned to England thanks to a note. But that turns out to be a lie, Mary Wells actually accidentally died in a scuffle with Katrina, and became a vengeful ghost of legend called the Weeping Lady, who has haunted Sleepy Hollow for 230 years.

She is brought back by Henry Parrish and specifically targets any woman around Ichabod, first attacking Miss Caroline – the Colonial fanlady that makes Ichabod’s clothes (and also wants to jump his Colonial bones!), who turns up in the river. Abbie declares that Miss Caroline “had a case of Crane on the brain”, giving a name to the obsession of many Tumblr fans. The Weeping Lady next attacks Abbie, because Abbie is always next to Ichabod and it looks a little weird (even Miss Caroline thinks Abbie was his girlfriend!) Though Nick Hawley is also in the library, because of course he is, and he knows mouth to mouth so can save Abbie, because of course he does. Hawley is basically the guy you get assigned to your group in school who is too cool to do the actual work, but smart enough to already know everything and his lack of helping is more frustrating that if he was just a dolt who tried but knew nothing.

Weeping Lady Sleepy Hollow

Sexual tension!

Justice League Doom legion of doom

Justice League: Doom (Review)

Justice League: Doom

Justice League Doom
2012
Written by Dwayne McDuffie
Based on JLA: Tower of Babel by Mark Waid
Directed by Lauren Montgomery

Justice League Doom cheetah
The Justice League is under attack, except this time it’s by one of their own! Okay, not really by one of their own, but by the very plans Batman developed to deal with members of the Justice League.

Justice League: Doom is based loosely on the JLA: Tower of Babel storyline by Mark Waid, Justice League: Doom changes things up enough to be a different take while providing a nice adaptation of the overall themes. The main villain is changed (from Ra’s al Ghul to Vangal Savage) and some of the Justice League’s lineup is different, but the feelings of betrayal by a paranoid Batman remain.

Doom is not direct sequel to Justice League: Crisis on Two Earths, but follows it with very similar character designs and voices. Many of the DC Animated films are their own shards of a loose continuity that exists purely to tell that exact tale. It’s a perfectly fine way to operate, allowing the general mythology of the heroes to exist and leaving toom for the specifics needed to make the stories work and be unique. The return of many of the familiar voice actors helps sell the loose familiarity and provides a comfort to longtime fans so they aren’t put off by Batman sounding weird or something.
Justice League Doom space station
Justice League: Doom is one of the better DC Animated films, dividing enough characterization between the different members to give each of them their own take, while still keeping a focus on Batman. Switching the villain to Vandal Savage helps push a more minor villain into focus and provides an excuse to make the full range of the plans make more sense than eliminating reading and talking.
Justice League Doom mirror master

Three Dogateers Poster

The Three Dogateers bring more talking dogs home alone!


Can we just admit that “Talking Dog Home Alone” is a legitimate film genre now? Because it has happened again with The Three Dogateers, a film that not only exists, but stars Dean Cain, of dozens of TV movies fame. Prior “Talking Dog Home Alone” we’ve learned of at TarsTarkas.NET are: Bone Alone (Alone for Christmas), Abner The Invisible Dog, and Step Dogs. This makes four, which means you can have an all night marathon!

The Three Dogateers was written and directed by Jesse Baget, the writer/director of Wrestlemaniac. It also stars Richard Riehle as Santa, because Santa is the best friend of talking dogs who are home alone. It’s the law. The Santa Law! If you don’t know if you want to watch the film yet, just know that the dogs drive a car. Now you want to watch it, or you’re crazy! You ain’t crazy, right? Of course not.

Anyway, enjoy The Three Dogateers as I await the confirmation that a fifth movie in the “Talking Dog Home Alone” genre exists. Soon Star Trek will be outnumbered by talking dogs! MuHAHAHAHAHA!!!

The Five

The Five (Review)

The Five

aka 더 파이브 aka Deo Paibeu aka The Fives aka Deo pa-i-beu
The Five
2013
Based on The 5ive Hearts by Jeong Yeon-shik
Written and directed by Jeong Yeon-shik

The Five
The Five is a good example of Korean film’s ease of switching emotional tracks like Grand Central Feelings Station. It’s also a good crime film featuring normal people tracking a crazy killer, a good film to watch for fans of shows like Hannibal that regularly depict killers with complicated psychoses and the flawed and broken people who track them down.

The Five began life as a webtoon feature called The 5ive Hearts by Jeong Yeon-shik, who went on to write and direct this adaptation. It’s a tale of desperate people banding together to do a dark task that is much easier said than done.
The Five
A happy and idealic family is shattered by a brutal psychopathic killer. Film production team member (and fancy domino effects designer) Ko Eun-a (Kim Sun-a, She is on Duty) has a normal happy life in Korea, but we’d have no movie if bad things didn’t happen. Eun-a’s daughter recognizes the murderer from seeing him with his latest victim, a former classmate of hers, though she thinks he is the girl’s uncle and doesn’t know she’s been killed. Despite their ignorance, the family is now marked for death by killer Oh Jae-wook (On Joo-wan), who tracks them home and begins the slaughter.

By a sort of miracle, Ko Eun-a survives, though a desperate doctor, Cheol-min (Jung In-gi), is willing to declare her brain dead in order to use her organs on his sick daughter. She awakens just in time, but two years later she’s wheelchair bound, and most of her waking hours are spent trying to track down the person who destroyed her family by the only clue she has, her husband’s lighter that the killer stole. After buying boxes full of the specific lighter, there is finally a clue, and an IP address to track down
The Five

Return of Mr. Superman

Return of Mr. Superman (Review)

Return of Mr. Superman

Return of Mr. Superman
1960
Written and directed by Manmohan Sabir
Return of Mr. Superman
In 1960, India would release not just one, but two movies featuring the American super hero Superman. Neither film was authorized by DC Comics, and both films starred famed actor P. Jairaj as Superman. Yet weirdly enough, the two films were produced by competing production companies. Both films were originally going to be called Superman, but producers from Mukul Pictures wrote a letter to Manmohan Films (ran by writer/director Manmohan Sabir), which resulted in Manmohan changing the name of their production to Return of Mr. Superman. At least, that’s how the story goes, though the oft-repeated story doesn’t seem to have an actual origin beyond people repeating it. The 1960 Superman film is not available to watch, though some songs from the soundtrack still exist. The only listings I have seen of out of print VCDs or VHS tapes all seem to be about Return of Mr. Superman, so the chances of actually locating the missing Indian Superman film might be a lot closer to zero than I want. If the past few years of lost films arising from the ashes has taught me one thing, it’s to never give up hope. Superman may still be out there, but until he returns to Earth, let’s make do with Return of Mr. Superman!

India would return to Superman a few more times. There is a well-known Hindi version of Superman that has become a common grey-market trading item. There is also a Telugu-language Superman film starring NTR called Superman, which we’ve covered before. Superman’s costume has appeared in musical numbers as well. Let us not forget about the documentary Supermen of Malegaon, which covered the making of a micro-budget Superman bootleg film. Nor is India alone in their bootleg Supermen, he’s popped up in films from Turkey, Bangladesh, and Italy, with suspiciously similar characters appearing in dozens of films from many origins. Superman just has that universal appeal that everyone strives for.
Return of Mr. Superman
Superman here isn’t the classic Superman costume we all know and love (nor is it the awful red and blue costumes from that forgetable story arc) Superman (or Mr. Superman if you’re nasty) looks like Commando Cody, complete with a crazy space goggles, mask, and cap over his head. He’s got a jumpsuit and a big cape, but still manages to not look like any other incarnation of the hero. My favorite aspect isn’t the goggles, but is his face mask that still has a hole cut for the mouth so he can smugly grin at his opponents as they land punch after useless punch against his chest, before he defeats them by lightly tossing them aside.

Superman gets involved in a complicated smuggling plot, dealing with criminals who continue to operate despite some super-powered guy running around foiling all their plans. It’s not a real mystery as to why that is, the cops in the film are so incompetent at catching these criminals that they often don’t catch them despite Superman phoning them with specific instructions. The only one with any competence is the guy who keeps answering Superman’s calls, and the cops only get effective when he’s leading them in the final battle.

Despite the print being in relatively good condition for a 1960 Indian film, there are obviously some missing segments. At one point two women are captured and Superman goes to attack the villains, but there is no actual rescue of the women. In addition, the main villain who sports a beret suddenly has a black eye for reasons unknown, possibly due to said missing rescue. Another thin is the sudden appearance of a Random Hero Dog, who may not be so random if he is from another part of the film, but as that part does not seem to have made it to the VCD releases, who knows. Finally, Helen is featured in the credits, but does not appear in the film as far as I could determine. She is also listed in the credits for the other 1960 Superman film, so maybe something shady was going on, or maybe her big number has been lost to the sands of time.
Return of Mr. Superman
As interesting as this movie sounds, it’s actually pretty close to terrible serials in quality. The chunks missing probably help the pacing a bit, though it looks like a few of those sequences were action parts, so maybe not. Definitely something to seek out for fans of obscure stuff, but Return of Mr. Superman isn’t going to make anyone’s bootleg super hero movie must-see list. It’s interesting for the obvious serial influences, but if you aren’t a fan of serials, you will get really annoyed really quickly.

As this film is obscure as heck, please enjoy the overly long film synopsis review. And there are no subtitles for Return of Mr. Superman, but at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!

P. Jairaj was a Bollywood actor who dated back to the silent era, his first film being 1929’s Jagmugti Jawani. Born Paidypathy Jairula Naidu, Jairaj was the son of an accountant in a well-to-do family in Hyderabad which set up a life for him to follow, but Jairaj dropped out of college to find his own fortune in Bombay. A friend who worked for Mahavir Photoplays figured he would make a good screen actor, and gave him a supporting role. This was quickly followed by the lead in 1930’s Raseeli Rani, and a string of films followed. When sound was introduced to Indian film, Jairaj had an advantage of speaking Hindi and Urdu (Jairaj also spoke Telugu, but I don’t believe he starred in any Telugu language pictures), but had the disadvantage of not being able to sing. Luckily, the playback system saved his bacon, and he continued being an in-demand lead actor through the 1950s. By the 1960s, his star had faded a bit, and he was relegated to character roles, though managing appearances in classic cinema like Sholay, Toofan, and Don. Through the 1980s and 90s he made less and less frequent appearances. He died in relative obscurity in 2000. Jairaj had some directorial credits, was awarded the Dadasaheb Phalke Lifetime Achievement Award in 1980, and is even in the Guinness World Records for having the longest-spanning career of an actor at 70 years.
Return of Mr. Superman
Sheila Ramani was a swinging leading lady in the 1950s, her best known role might be in 1954’s Taxi Driver. She was the niece of Pakistani producer Sheikh Latif (Lachchu), who not only got her some roles in Indian cinema, but some Pakistani films as well (such as Anokhi (1956)). By the end of the 50s, her star was on decline and she appeared in B pictures such as this one and 1959’s Tarzan-inspired Jungle King. She retired from film after getting married.

Filling the supporting/comic relief role here is Majnu. He was born Harold Lewis, a Punjabi actor who debuted in 1935’s Majnu, an action comedy that satirized the story of Layla and Majnun (and provided him with the nickname he’s use for the rest of his career!) Though he started in lead roles, he did a lot of supporting/comedic roles through his long career.
Return of Mr. Superman
So here’s the full scale Roll Call:

Jaikumar R. Dayal (P. Jairaj) – A mild-mannered reporter at the newspaper Azad Desh, Jaikumar uses his super powers to listen for crimes, then beats up the criminals, calls the cops, and writes stories about the crimes.
Mr. Superman (P. Jairaj) – Mr. Superman aka Superman who cosplays as Commando Cody fights villains and stands and grins at his opponents as they inflict zero damage on him. The only way to beat Mr. Superman is to damage his reputation, which he then fights by punching even harder.
Usha (Sheila Ramani) – Usha types up a lot at Azad Desh, and is possibly also a reporter, as she seems to go out and investigate stuff. Maybe she gets two paychecks this way! Or, more likely, it’s just assumed that women do all the typing in 1960.
Johnny Braganza (Majnu) – Jaikumar’s best buddy guy, sort of like Jimmy Olson. He’s dating Stella but always hitting on typist Shammi.
Stella (Naazi) – Johnny’s girlfriend, which occasionally gets her in trouble when Johnny and Jaikumar make enemies and she gets kidnapped. Naazi generally appeared in supporting roles in B-level pictures, including the Dara Singh Hercules (1964). Unfortunately there doesn’t seem to be much more about her online (unless she is also the actress Naaz?), and Google keeps thinking I mean “Nazi”, which means I’m now on a bunch of lists.
Typist (Shammi) – Shammi has a small role as a typist at the Azad Desh office, where she usually has to put up with Johnny Braganza hitting on her all day. This is especially alarming, because nowadays she’d win a million dollar lawsuit and own the Azad Desh. All hail Boss Shammi! Shammi started work in film in 1949 while she was still working at a pharmaceutical company. Taking a large variety of roles, from comedic to supporting to vamp to mythological, it’s said her willingness to take any part cost her big budget starring roles, but Shammi wanted to work more than anything else.
Inspector Dilip Desai (Ram Mohan) – The cop who does nothing but investigate tips sent in by Superman all day. Which works out pretty well, until the fake Superman starts robbing people. Then he teams up with the real Superman to finally bust the bad guys he keeps missing by a few minutes.
Boss (David) – The boss at the Azad Desh newspaper. Somehow puts up with Jaikumar and Johnny. David Abraham Cheulkar was a popular character actor from the 40s through the 70s. He died of a heart attack in 1981.
The Villain (Jagdish Kanwal) – The beret-wearing villain is played by Jagdish Kanwal. He’s the leader of the smuggling gang, and mastermind of all the evil things going on. Which means he spends the entire film getting foiled again and again before he’s finally defeated. Try not to be a loser next time, villain guy!
Shashi (Heera Sawant) – The bad girl who is part of the evil gang, and tries to kill Superman in between her seductive dancing for the members of the gang (which drives the members mad with fits!) Heera Sawant had a career as a featured dancer in many Indian B pictures.
Fake Superman (???) – It is a mystery who this could be! (Not really!)
Ram Dayal (???) – A local nice guy farmer who finds the alien baby child and raises him as his own son, Jaikumar. Raises his son almost too honest.
Random Hero Dog (???) – In the greatest sequence ever filmed, the exciting conclusion of Return of Mr. Superman features a random brave heroic dog who fights the villains. Where does he come from? Who is he? Questions you will ask forever, because the film doesn’t bother to tell us! Just enjoy the Random Hero Dog, and try to live your life as good as him/her.

Return of Mr. Superman

Grumpy Cat Worst Christmas Ever Lifetime

Lifetime gives us the (sigh) Grumpy Cat Christmas Movie trailer


Although I’ve been sick as a deformed internet cat these past few weeks, the world keeps turning, and Lifetime’s tidal wave of junk keeps churning, and out popped the trailer for Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever, a movie that demanded to be made. By someone. Someone bad. Bad bad bad!

Thrill as a cat is exploited by its owners! Chill as Aubrey Plaza collects a paycheck. Dill pickles are good to eat, and better than this movie will be. Kill Bill will probably be on another channel if you need to surf. Still, it beats those Fred movies!

As Grumpy Cat is the only cat that looks like her, that means no cats being used as doubles. It also means a bunch of closeup shots of the cat “responding” to things happening and characters carrying around the largely immobile cat. So it will looks sort of weird. The trailer shows it to be sort of self-aware, but all of that is just the voiceover by Aubrey Plaza, so how much is ad-libbed and how much was there originally is a mystery I don’t care enough to solve.

As usual, we’ll hope for the best but expect the worst. Speaking of worst, Grumpy Cat’s Worst Christmas Ever airs Saturday, November 29th on Lifetime.

Grumpy Cat (voiced by Aubrey Plaza) is a lonely cat living in a mall pet shop. Because she never gets chosen by customers, she develops a sour outlook on life…until one day during the holidays, a very special 12-year-old girl named Chyrstal enters the pet store and falls in love with her after realizing she is the only person who can hear this unique cat talk. As the two develop a close friendship during the holiday rush, Grumpy reluctantly thwarts the kidnapping of an exotic dog she dislikes and, on Christmas Eve, rescues Chyrstal after the mall closes. Through her adventures, will Grumpy learn the true meaning of Christmas? Or will it be, in her words, the “Worst. Christmas. Ever?”