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Sharknado
Sharknado
2013
Written by Thunder Levin
Directed by Anthony C. Ferrante
Helen Hunt, where are you??
Before it even aired on SyFY, Sharknado was making waves. First spotted as a film poster, Sharknado would make periodic social media resurfaces as more and more people saw the poster for the first time. The image of the sharks swirling in the tornado, with the tagline “Enough Said!”, was enough to send everyone’s lips a-talkin’ and smartphones a-tweetin’.
And lo, it came to pass that Sharknado did air on SyFy. An event film, it became a social media sensation, though the ratings failed to live up to the hype. How much was just people thinking they were too good to watch, and how much was the lamented switch to new SyFy movies on Thursday, I cannot say. But saw Sharknado I did, and thus, now we shall all learn about the Sharknado!
Duck Hunt world champion!
Sharknado laughs in the face of your physics and logic, presenting a world where a Mexican hurricane causes massive shark gatherings off the coast of LA, which are then sucked into water spouts and unleashed on the city, but not before random flooding causes sharks to be swimming in the streets, the sewers, back yard pools, and increasingly in higher ground. LA is as prepared for sharkmageddon as it is for being invaded by alien butts, thus no one has evacuated or even leaves the beach as terrible weather comes in.
Through it all, we follow surfing legend Finly “The Fin” Shepard, as he attempts to save his children and ex-wife from the swarms of sharks. Fin wasn’t always there for his family, but he’s there now, and has to mend the wounds while avoiding shark wounds. The journey is also an excuse to explain whey they just don’t hole up at the top of a tall building until the storm passes. Fin is also a guy who can’t leave lots of innocent people to die, so at times he goes and risks his life to save strangers. At one point this literally stops the film as he saves a busload of kids. But it’s nice to see a hero do heroic things and think of others, and not see people as just collateral damage for his conflict.
WHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Sharknado saves the actual sharknado for the end of the film, before that it is just a glorified flooding shark attack movie. But the title does appear (3 of them!) and there is some sharknado destruction and gifable images. But I’m greedy and always demand more more more. While the carnage and death is fine, I can see why some people are disappointed.
Army of Sharkness!
But Sharknado is a wonderland of references and crazy stuff. It also has some odd parallels with Pacific Rim (at least three scenes) though they would be totally independent, as the Asylum version is called Atlantic Rim. Sharknado has references to Wizard of Oz, 90210, Shark Week, Jaws, Crocodile Dundee, and many more. It also features such wonderful shark battles as:
- pool stick vs shark
- barstool vs shark
- oxygen tank vs shark
- bookshelf vs shark
- lamp vs shark
- power lines vs shark
- exploding swimming pool vs sharks
- pistols vs shark
- chainsaw vs shark
I’ll teach you to use that Shark Attack 3 line on my teenage daughter!
I liked it, it wasn’t the best Asylum production, but it was enough to satisfy my SyFy cravings. And what other movie would brave a title like Sharknado?
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Hey, it’s a SHARK TANK!
MST3K alums record commentary track for The Heat!
Blast Vegas gambles its way to SyFy Thursday
Freakin’ Hangover sequels!
Just when you thought the Sharknado had passed, SyFy is still bringing the storm of original movies to Thursday nights! Next on the chopping block is Blast Vegas (aka Destruction: Los Vegas) on July 18th, which features Frankie Muniz, Barry Bostwick, and Maggie Castle.
As a group of college students celebrate in Las Vegas over Spring Break, a furious windstorm unlike any other descends upon the city. Hotel after hotel, the famed Vegas Strip is ripped apart by massive tornadoes of sand and hurricane-like winds. Nelson and Olive discover that an ancient Egyptian curse has been awakened, and together with classic Vegas singer Sal, they must find a way to stop it before the legendary city is entirely destroyed.
You can see the trailer on the Starz Global site. Blast Vegas also features Summer Bishil, Michael Steger, Andrew Lawrence, Brooke Anne Smith, Jillian Nelson, and even cameos by directors John Landis and Joe Dante. Director Jack Perez also gave us Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus and Wild Things 2!
We need more Elvises in SyFy flicks!
Agent Carter short gives us more Peggy Carter!
Hayley Atwell returns as Agent Peggy Carter for a new Marvel Universe short called Agent Carter. The short will premiere at the San Diego ComicCon, and will eventually end up on the Iron Man 3 BluRay. It is similar but much bigger than the prior short Item 47 (which was itself a step up from the Agent Coulson shorts)
“First of all it’s a period piece. You have three fight scenes as opposed to Item 47, where we just had basically one action scene,” says D’Esposito. “We had five days – one more day than we did on Item 47 but I think it’s double in size. And also the visual style of it, that requires time. So there was pressure on us. I have people looking over my shoulder, looking at the watch saying, ‘Come on, you’re costing us a lot of money!’”
—
“It’s a year since Cap plunged into the ocean,” D’Esposito says. “And in our mind, we said there’s a few SSR offices. If you want to relate it to now, it’s like the OSS, the precursor to the CIA. The SSR is the precursor to S.H.I.E.L.D. There’s some satellite offices in New York and right now their primary concern is getting Zodiac.”
Dominic Cooper will return as Tony Stark’s father, Howard Stark, and other Marvel cameos are hinted, but there is no confirmation yet. In any event, Atwell’s Carter was a big part of why Captain America was awesome, and I will be very happy to see her in action again!
Day of the Dead gets another remake
Day of the Dead has one of the most interesting trajectories in the Zombie Canon. The original 1985 film from George Romero didn’t exactly set box offices afire, and the 2005 sequel in name only Day of the Dead 2: Contagium is one of the least fondly remembered horror films in history. That was briefly challenged by the 2008 remake of Day of the Dead, which took the name and nothing else for it’s ridiculous story starring Nick Cannon and Mena Suvari (and Ving Rhames, who sadly was not playing the brother of his Dawn of the Dead remake character!) There is also a comic prequel, which is the only media related to Day of the Dead I’ve heard people say good things about besides the original film.
But 2008 was so long ago, it’s time to revisit the story of Day of the Dead, or at least make more sweet sweet $$$$ off of the name recognition now that World War Z somehow didn’t bomb. Enter the producers of the Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3D, Lati Grobman and Christa Campbell, who are out to proof that they are the new faces of horror. Thus they want to create a film that is more like the original and less like World War Z. Which is an odd comparison to make, but okay, sure, whatever. Christa Campbell was even in the 2008 remake of Day of the Dead. Because this can’t get any weirder. Luckily, they are keeping the budget at $10-20 million, which should be enough to get a return even if it does terrible.
Forget that, I’ll just eat some Zombie Star Trek Captain Cookies.