Muppets Most Wanted drops trailers!

November 20, 2013ByTars Tarkas

The US and UK trailers for Muppets Most Wanted have dropped, and like usual I will post Muppet stuff until the cows come home. If you recall the lead up to The Muppets, there were a billion parody trailers, which were all awesome and I will post the crap out of each one. Heck, the UK trailer has already begun, as it has a semi-spy theme. Both trailers have different footage, and it looks awesome. Kermit is replaced by a master criminal with a weird accent, who is planning nefarious deeds, and the Muppets are caught in the middle. Will the day be saved, or will everything end in tragedy? Of course the day will be saved. But it will take the whole movie to save the day, and much fun will be had along the way. The classic Muppets are back: Gonzo, Piggy, Fozzie, Animal, The Newscaster, Sam the Eagle, Floyd, and new friends 80s Robot and Walter.

I’ll be there opening weekend, because the Muppets are awesome.

US trailer below:

Gallery:

InTelevision Reviews

Sleepy Hollow S01E08 – “Necromancer”

November 19, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Jenny Mills could take down the apocalypse herself and still have time for dinner

Sleepy Hollow “Necromancer”
Written by Mark Goffman and Phillip Iscove
Directed by Paul Edwards

WHY ISN’T LEGEND ON CRITERION COLLECTION YET?!???

Well, I was wrong, the Headless Horseman didn’t escape in the opening sequence of the next episode, it took him the whole episode to escape. Close enough!

What we get is an Ichabod episode, giving him some much needed characterization, and showing he’s not just a super human sent from the past, but isn’t always perfect and in control. We also get the return of Jenny Mills, being totally awesome as usual. There is Captain Irving kicking butt for a second week in a row, once he stopped being Captain Deny Deny, he’s turned into an action hero (who is still trying to keep everything under wraps, because it is crazy, because people will freak out, and because you don’t know who you can trust.) Katrina appears in this episode, and we find out more of why she’s stuck in limbo.

Fox News is going to have a field day with this Colonial Terrorist Fist Bump!

Don’t worry, villain lovers, we got the return of crazy German Hessians! And lots of demons running around, necromancy (it better with a title like “Necromancer”!), and origin stories of your favorite headless guy who rides a horse. Though the story was a bit convoluted. Things don’t seem to match 100% with what we saw when Ichabod met Katrina. Abraham should have appeared in more episodes before this one, just to inch the emotional impact up a few notches.

Story problems aside, “Necromancer” delivered some good action, conspiracy, and nutso stuff, so I was entertained!

We begin where we ended, with the Headless Horseman captured! This is worth a fist bump, which Abbie teaches to Ichabod, who is both enthused and bewildered. They can’t kill the Headless Horseman, but he is held in a prison designed by Thomas Jefferson to deal with the worst kind of demons. Ichabod theorizes because he was dealing with the French! Oh, France, you’re a punching bag 200 years ago, and still today! The prison features UV lights – which weaken the chained Horseman – and is protected by a hex spell that keeps demons out. Totally secure, I expect it to be destroyed very soon.

Colonial dinner parties were just people hanging around as crazy dudes build junk

InMovie News

Lifetime takes a swing with Christina Ricci in Lizzie Borden Took an Ax!

November 19, 2013ByTars Tarkas

It’s the part Christina Ricci was born to play ever since she was Wednesday Addams – an ax murderer! Lifetime brings us yet another amazing film as the channel becomes a big player with ridiculously awesome entertainment. Lizzie Borden Took an Ax will be a true crime take on the infamous murders, which became a media sensation in 1892 and eventually morphed into the nursery rhyme we’ve all vaguely heard of but never really chanted on the playground. Besides Ricci as Lizzie Borden, Clea DuVall will play her sister Emma Borden, and Billy Campbell will play Borden’s lawyer. As the case has never been officially solved, it will be interesting to see which direction Lifetime goes with this. I guess we’ll all find out January 25th, when the film premieres!

Poster via EW

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

The Super Sex Program

November 17, 2013ByTars Tarkas

The Super Sex Program

aka The Big Bust Theory

2013
Written and directed by Dean McKendrick

We lost funding to replace burnt out blinky lights…

Nerds attempt to discover the secret of love in The Super Sex Program (or The Big Bust Theory if you bought the DVD!) Alexandre Boizvert and Eric Masteron play big nerds and completely go 100% stereotypical goofy voices, like this is a lost Revenge of the Nerds chapter or an episode of The Big Bang Theory. But instead of being a bunch of jokes about nerd culture, instead we get what turns out to be a sweet story about finding out what love is, and learning to interact socially without being a loser.

We get the new logo for Synthetic Filmwerx, now abbreviated as SFW. Directed by Fred Ole— Dean McKendrick?!?!?! Yes, duty has been split between McKendrick and Ray with the latest batch of films (McKendrick wrote or cowrote many from years prior) But don’t fret, the same tone and style is still very evident in the latest batch of Bikini movies. If anything, this latest entry kicks things into a new level of story telling while still delivering naked people bumping uglies. Perhaps the tales from MRG’s brand of films are pushing the envelope into more complex storytelling, or perhaps this evolved independently (and until I watch the other films from this batch, I won’t know for sure)

She’s watched too many episodes of Double Divas on Lifetime! We must unscramble her brain.

At one point the characters develop a “love potion” that is supposed to drive women wild with passion. Normally in these films, the characters then use the potion on women and essentially rape them, or at least get the women to do things they wouldn’t normally do if they weren’t thinking straight. Here, the whole thing is thrown on it’s ear, one application doesn’t matter because the woman wants to have sex with the nerd, while the other nerd’s adventure turns out to all be in his mind and the woman rejects him (the potion also doesn’t work.)

Later, they build a woman that they’ve programmed to totally be attracted to them, like this is Weird Science or the Aerosmith video to “Hole in my Soul” Of course, this fails to work either, the robot woman is mysteriously reprogrammed to only like hot chicks. The nerds accept this programming and don’t try to program her back. The schemes of the nerds are orchestrated by their boss Dr. Carmichael, but there is a method to his madness that becomes abundantly clear.

Soon we will know what tiny skulls think about the Kardashians!

The positive and fun film is a nice breath of fresh air, and shows you can tackle some of the relationship issues MRG films cover without being forced to be 100% serious all the time. The lessons mirror those from nerd and geek film, without feeling too much like they’re covering well-tread ground. The various story threads manage to play out not quite the way you expect. And Christine Nguyen in glasses making goofy faces? Points for that alone! Jazy Berlin also throws in a great performance as the robot Alice, turning what would be in many films a forgettable role into a memorable character.

	Stanley (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – A chemical engineer who can’t understand why his superior intelligence isn’t lining up the women. Obviously there must be something wrong with all the women! Easily susceptible to head trauma.
	Walter (Eric Masterson) – A robotic engineer who needs to believe in himself. Is a lot better at solving other people’s problems than his own.
	Betty (Christine Nguyen) – Coworker at the lab that Stanley doesn’t see as a woman at all, despite her megacrush on him. Spends most of the film making faces at the ridiculous things said by Stanley and Walter.
	Tammy (Mary Carey) – New neighbor to the nerds who ends up becoming Walter’s crush, but will he ever find the confidence to do anything about it except regret?
	Alice (Jazy Berlin) – Robot built by the nerds in order for them to have sex with her, Weird Science-style. Alice is an acronym for Artificial LIfe Construct Experiment. She turns out to only like “hot chicks”
	Chad (Billy Chappell) – Oh. That guy.
	Dr. Carmichael (Michael Gaglio) – The boss of the two nerds (and Betty), who sends them on their love-seeking quest. Is far craftier than he appears.
	Cindy (Beverly Lynne) – Woman Chad picked up at the gym, he can’t remember her name, but that’s not why she’s over at his place…
	Olga (Yurizan Beltran) – Masseuse at Olga’s Massage Parlor. Rejects Walter in his attempt to get her to have sex for money. I have a feeling Olga is not her real name…

Nerds. Will they ever learn?

InMovie Reviews, Ugly

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills

November 16, 2013ByTars Tarkas

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills

2012
Written by Dean McKendrick
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)

When will us busty housewives get to bust a move?

While I usually am gung ho for the Fred Olen Ray films, Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills left a sour taste in my mouth. During the film, the main character hypnotizes a female character and essentially rapes her, and causes her to be raped several other times. It’s all played as “magical control” where the woman suddenly becomes super horny and can’t help herself. But it is rape. And that’s not cool, nor does it make Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills a fun film to watch with your significant other.

There is a group of people who enjoy scenes where women are brainwashed or hypnotized or drugged into becoming incredibly horny and thus needing sex right this instant. Some of it undoubtedly spurs from the time-honored tradition of going out, getting drunk, and getting laid. With a little alcohol in their system, inhibitions drop. All of the depictions feature women who are enthusiastic about the sex they are about to do no under their entire free will. There is an undercurrent that all these women would be banging left and right if they could, so these effects just let them do what they want to do. Others seem into it because it is a form of humiliation of the woman, that she somehow deserves to have sex with random guys because she has lots of sex anyways. That points to a deeper problem, and much more disturbing. Now, this is fiction, no one is actually being raped, and fantasies are fine as long as they are fantasies. Some fantasies I can do without seeing depicted in the media I consume.

It’s not the first time this scenario has shown up in a Fred Olen Ray film – Bikini Jones features a scene where she’s essentially drugged, a character in Bikini Pirates is possessed by a ghost and gets it on, Tanya X in The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I. is literally drugged and raped, and the female characters in Housewives From Another World are all taken over by time-traveling aliens and essentially consumed(murdered) by them. All of these scenarios are terrible, and though you can try to argue excuses for some of them, they are what they are. They do make things unenjoyable, and I am at the point where I don’t want to watch them anymore. I was heartened because of something that happens in 2013’s The Super Sex Program that throws these on their ear, so maybe things are changing.

They really shouldn’t have split The Hobbit into 37 different films…

Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills not only has a rapist main character, but almost every character is a bad person. It’s a weird movie where the only somewhat decent character is a hired killer. Most characters are scummy and excuse their bad behavior, while Carmine the killer is honest about being a bad person. That doesn’t save him from suffering the same fate as many of the other characters, frozen in place for an unknown time period. Their ultimate fate unknown, as Dave Nelson and his wife leave to be miserable elsewhere. While Busty Housewives of Beverly Hills seems like it’s making a stand against mindless consumerism, that point is lost beneath the layers of terrible behavior.

	Doug Nelson (Eric Masterson) – Former famous traveling hypnotist turned jaded psychic, who soon inherits a big house in Beverly Hills that turns out to be just as problematic as not having a big house. He’s also big into hypnotizing women to have sex with him.
	Kate Nelson (Kelli McCarty) – Used to be an actress, now he’s jut a washed up pretend psychic working with her washed up pretend psychic husband, dreaming of her glory years and wishing she had piles of cash to blow on useless junk.
	Patricia (Beverly Lynne) – Cranky spoiled housewife of Peter who spends all her time talking down to everyone, especially her new favorite target, Doug. Ends up hypnotized and then teaming up with a hired killer.
	Peter (Ted Newsom) – Tycoon in the oil business, because you can’t have Beverly Hills without oil. Unless it’s 90210, which I don’t think has oil. They did have the Peach Pit, which is like oil. Okay, maybe it’s not like oil, but let’s pretend it is like oil. Pretending is fun!
	George Hemwell (Billy Chappell as Tony Marino) – Oh. That guy.
	Amy Hemwell (Kylee Nash) – George’s wife, who is usually falling out of her dress. Was even going to sleep with Doug until he turned out to be a blackmailer! Probably the most well-rounded of the characters despite being amoral.
	Carmine (Evan Stone) – Killer hired by George to take out Doug Nelson, except he goes to the wrong house and gets involved with Patricia. Despite being a murdered and becoming an unwilling rapist, he’s a pretty decent guy who helps unravel the mess going on.
	Griswald (Michael Gaglio) – Friend of Doug’s late aunt, who is also teaching Doug a lesson. Dough is one of those people who needs like 1000 lessons, so Griswald is going to be busy for a long while…

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