The Blood Beast Terror

aka The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood

1968
Written by Peter Bryan
Directed by Vernon Sewell

Who you calling a bird brain???

It’s Commander USA! Legion of Decency, retired. Yes, we’re gonna have us a horror host for The Blood Beast Terror, which we desperately need because this film plods along so slowly like so much British cinema and so much American film in the 1970s. There is no way anything like this could be made now, because the audience would be asleep by reel two. Heck, I was almost asleep by reel 2, luckily Commander USA and the retro 80’s commercials also on this tape kept me awake enough to finish the review. You would think a movie where there is a female were-moth that drinks blood would be more exciting. Then you would be wrong wrong wrong wrong wrong. As usual, the Commander USA’s Groovie Movies sections will be in blue, so you can easily skip them if you aren’t into awesome things. Amazingly, I have this flick on DVD, so enjoy the higher quality film screencaps mixed in with the retro VHS rip screencaps. It’s called inconsistency, baby!

Won’t it look weird when one hand is more tan than the other…?

Tigon British Film Productions was a smaller production company that mainly put out low budget horror films to compete with Hammer Studios. They were formed in 1966 and didn’t last much past the late 1970s. Their legacy is classic horror like Witchfinder General, The Creeping Flesh, The Sorcerers, and this masterpiece of were-moth entertainment. And, no, Mothman came to Earth to harass Americans before this film was made. And Mothman is totally real…like Owlman…

Oil can! He said Oil can!

So what we got here is Peter Cushing fighting another monster that drinks blood, but this time it’s a were-moth. What we also have is a villain so identifiably evil it’s weird that he wasn’t arrested the second we were introduced to him. Instead, we’re supposed to believe Dr. Carl Mallinger is a pillar of the community. Maybe that community was hurting for pillars?

Every time I leave the door open, interpretive dancers burst in and start busting moves…

Now I bet you are wondering if female moths drink blood. The answer is no! But the Death’s Head moths (Acherontia spp.) do have a pattern on their backs that looks similar to a skull, thus the species have become associated with death and the macabre. Oddly enough, these moths attack beehives to get honey! So they’re more like honey badgers in that they don’t care, instead of vampires in that they drink blood. So suck on that, superstitions!

Clare Mallinger does drink blood. The blood of young men, young men that she often seduces, but not to the point of sexual intercourse. Instead, the men are lured off alone, or even just attacked while in a vulnerable location. The Blood Beast Terror is also a period piece, set in the not so distant past. Just set at the right time to do some Frankenstein allegories, up to and including a Frankenstein like play in the actual movie. It also helps quantify the pseudo-puritanical subtext of the Jezebel woman running around seducing all these nice young men who totally wouldn’t want to have the sex…with a girl…unless they were seduced by this temptress! The only thing missing was a giant letter A branded on the were-moth’s chest. Temptation and sin is probably why her demise is the way it is, spoiled below the fold in the recap portion. The setting in the older days help magnifies the sexual undertones.

Jolly good fish, sir! Right-o!

When The Blood Beast Terror was released in the US, it was retitled The Vampire-Beast Craves Blood and paired with Slaughter of the Vampires. Which I hear may involve vampires being slaughtered. But maybe not.

Inspector Quennell (Peter Cushing) – Famous and proper British police inspector who can solve any case, even bug-infested ones! His daughter is Meg Quennell Dr. Carl Mallinger (Robert Flemyng) – Notable village eccentric, which means he has enough money that his weirdo obsessions are passed off as charming instead of creepy. Is the local scientist who lectures young lads on proper moth identification. Clare Mallinger (Wanda Ventham) – Dr. Mallinger’s daughter, who totally isn’t secretly an evil were-moth who lures men to their doom. DOOM!!!! Sgt. Allan (Glynn Edwards) – Quennell’s facial haired partner in crime who helps him bust crimes. Were-moth (Herself) – Got blood?

Commander USA’s Groovie Movies forever!

Nooo!! Prancer, NOO!!

We start as the Commander USA opening plays.

Commander USA complains about all the people at the mall for the January sales and likens it to a Destroy All Monsters concert he went to in Japan, mentioning songs sung by Mothra, Ghidrah, and Godzilla (with Gene Simmons). Just then a butterfly catcher comes in trying to catch a rare butterfly in the studio and annoys Commander USA. He’s Dr. Stapleton Monarch, so Commander USA intros the movie Blood Beast Terror complete with intro highlight reel. Hey, I’d much prefer to just watch the highlight reel, but what are you gonna do?

A very white great white hunter dressed in all white has some African natives canoe him up the river so he can collect specimens of rare giant cocoons. But we don’t know what they are at the time. SPOILERS.

Kiss me!

And class, this is the film Eega, which is displayed in the controversial 4 x π ratio

Back in Britain, land of slow-moving horror flicks, a dude finds a bleeding young man, then something huge is fluttering around and attacks the dude as well! Not the dude who found a dude!

Dr. Mallinger is giving another of his famous insect lectures that all the local British college kids are attending, as nothing brings out the youth like slides of bugs! The Potter Wasp? Harry Potter is a wasp now, it seems, and soon he’ll sting a lightning-shaped stinger right on your forehead! Wingardia Sting-em-all! I’ve been to a lot of boring science lectures in my job as a scientist, and this is one of the most boringest. But there is a moth slide so pay attention.

I’m just so evil, how can you not suspect me immediately?

This is a letter from my darling Melissa, containing large skin flakes that were peeling off her back after spending too long in the sun…

Inspector Quennell arrives, because, why not? Granger the butler lets him in.

DID YOU KNOW: In old England, before electricity, when you were turning the lights back up you were “raising the gas”? Because that’s what you were doing.

And now we see why all these college kids showed up, Dr. Mallinger’s daughter Clare, who brings in some drinks while wearing a low-cut dress and then faints when some idiot puts a tarantula on her arm. The fainting interrupts Inspector Quennell’s asking of Dr. Mallinger about one of his student’s deaths, a student who was murdered by persons unknown. This being a period piece, it must have been Jack the Ripper or Spring Heeled Jack or someone else named Jack, as all Jacks back then were evil. EVIL!!!!

Outside, Sgt. Allan has arrived with the bloody kid from earlier, who is still alive, yet Dr. Mallinger chocks him the second he can do it alone. Gee…I wonder if Dr. Mallinger is evil??? The other guy from the monster attack is currently a raving lunatic now screaming about horrible creatures with wings. Poor dude. Giant moth women will do that to you.

Next we meet the morgue guy, the best character in the film. He’s a goofy one who eats his dinners among the dead bodies. Remember, this is before refrigeration to keep them fresh! Tasty!

Someone got their Return of the Living Dead in our Blood Beast Terror!

I have to get back to being one of the Rice Krispies elves!

Commander USA is watching the flick, but the dead body next to him with a toe tag (reading Carlos Gonzalz) keeps twitching. Freaking dead bodies. Commercials this break are boring except for an interesting DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince commercial for their 1-900 line, 1-900-909-JEFF. It’s funny because Jeff’s name is the one they used. You remember those 1-900 lines, right? I got in so much trouble when I was ten and called a bunch of those. But I never called the Fresh Prince line…

Inspecting the area later finds some weird scales (aka moth wing scales) and the inspector takes a few with him. The Dr. Mallinger mentions that eagles will carry off young children but not full grown adults when asked…that’s some awesome science there! I guess Dr. Mallinger is easily fooled by YouTube videos! Dr. Mallinger shows off a stuffed eagle then is given one of the scales (Dr. Mallinger tries to take ALL the scales, but Inspector Quennell just gives him one! You got owned, Dr. Mallinger!)

Someone tell this eagle they invented combs.

In a few seconds, Lefty’s going to find out what happens when he doesn’t close the loop…

Seconds later we find out Dr. Mallinger has a secret Harpy Eagle in his house, and dumb scarred butler Granger likes to bait it because he hates the bird. Then Dr. Mallinger puts on a mask and gets a whip and goes in a room where something hisses at him.

Commander USA reads letters from kids sent to him. The child talks about I Married a Monster from Outer Space! You can write Commander USA too! Except that address was from 20 years ago, sooo someone might write back…someone evil!

The police look for a bird, while the white white white guy from the beginning comes to town to deliver samples. Dr. Mallinger’s daughter Clare quickly puts the moves on him. That night, the students put on a play, which is basically Frankenstein.

I wear dark heavy coats on warm days, but I’m not a were-moth or anything!

Cue the sad_tuba.wav!

Commander USA and Lefty discuss Clare. During the commercials, there is one of those old weird commercials where a “cool guy” tries to get you to subscribe to Playboy and become a “collector”, his closet literally having Playboys falling out of it like rain. Poor Playboy, you used to be hip, now you’re just a sad man and his closet, soon to be an even sadder old man and his reality show girlfriends.

Clare meets white white white specimen guy outside beneath the moon…and then turns into a were-moth and takes a bite out of him! Luckily, Inspector Quennell is wandering around nearby and stumbles across the scene before white white white guy dies. White white white guy says “death’s head” but is unable to say more and is dead. Soon he’ll be even whiter—bone white! Dr. Mallinger claims to not know him. Remember the term “death’s head”!

Granger tries to taunt the Harpy Eagle again, but this time the eagle kills him. He just got the bird. Inspector Quennell wants to go on vacation with his daughter Meg, but duty keeps calling. He realizes Dr. Mallinger is lying about knowing the specimen collector and heads to the Dr. Mallinger’s house, but no one is answering. Inspector breaks in and finds bones all over the place and the rest of the house abandoned, except for a dead Granger in a cupboard!

Lefty bought Commander USA a real Bug Light – complete with actual bugs, which excites the still visiting butterfly catcher guy. Until they shake the light at him to drive him away. Take that, butterfly guy!

Inspector Quennell finds out that Granger wasn’t killed by the bird, just injured and then killed later. Quennell does a bit more investigation as to Dr. Mallinger’s hurriedly leaving, then goes on vacation with his daughter. Undercover vacation with his daughter in the town where Dr. Mallinger and Clare are hiding out. Clare is already putting the moves on dudes. Clare can’t drive 55.

The Greys got into the cotton candy machine again!

My husband’s so lazy, he just hangs around all day and does nothing!

Commander USA and Lefty catch some rays…then the bug light attracts a lady dressed as a moth who dances into the room.

Also subscribe to Sports Illustrated because the commercials tell you to. They got a swimsuit edition! You know how hard it is to find pictures of women in skimpy swimsuits…

Frog torture! Fake pike! There is also some other guest at the hotel with a hansom young son who is into bugs – he’s Billy the bug catcher. Soon Billy the bug catcher is running around trying to catch bugs with Meg foiling him, until Clare yells at him for catching a death’s head moth. Remember that dude who said “Death’s head”? Told you it was important.

Whoever the heck Al B. Sure is, he had a 1-900 line at some time. Commander USA spoils what’s upcoming in the film, and is netted by the bug guy again. That putz!

The new weremoth Dr. Mallinger is making can’t be brought to life yet..it needs blood…human blood…of a young girl. Hey, there is one young human female around…Meg! They take some blood and hypnotize her to forget the whole affair and return the next day. Clare snacks on some axe-cutter blood, because the girl can’t help it. It’s those mothy urges.

I hope that’s pee…

It’s a Talz in mint condition!

Commander USA reads more mail from some kid who also draws. Hooray for children and art.

William proves useful by mentioning the death’s head moth in front of Inspector Quennell, and also showing him a slide of the moth’s scales…identical to the big ones! Dr. Mallinger freaks and burns the almost born male were-moth, causing Clair to moth out on him. Sgt. Allan is called in by Inspector Quennell just in time for another dead body!

Commander USA now has THREE moth chicks around him! Commander USA, luckiest horror host ever. Bug guy tries to catch them, but Commander USA puts a huge net on him. Take that, Bug guy!

Billy is bumbling around with Clair while a hypnotized Meg sees the dead Dr. Mallinger and freaks, somehow setting the house on fire. She’s instantly saved by her dad in case any drama was about to happen. Sorry, that excitement might upset the sensibilities of our British audience.

Billy’s getting eaten, so they save him and then stop Clair by setting a fire, which she then flies into and burns to death. The end! Instant ending for Tigon.

You see, it’s ironic. The sins of this woman caused her to burn, burn in a hellfire. She was lured into the burning hell by her own doing, much like she lured in the boys she killed.

That was a bloody good monster adventure. We just stood their and the monster killed itself! Too right.

Disco Inferno!

Bugs still in a net being taunted by the moth women as Commander USA prepares to go

“Keep your nose in the wind… and your tail to yourself…”

Commander USA, defender of Butterfly Ladies!

USA Network forever! Also here’s 13 hours of NCIS reruns…

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We got title!

This is like my nightmare come to life!

This letter says your facial hair makes your head look oddly distorted!

Mothra was young. She needed the money.

I was going to cosplay as Scarface and got confused…

Commander USA and a bunch of dead bodies. I knew it!

Toe tag closeup for the people who care about such things, which you think would be no one, but someone, somewhere, will care. And I can’t disappoint that person or the charred Easter basket they married.

I dare someone to write Commander USA now. Do it!

Hamburger Helper’s gone beserk! Run for your lives!!!

This play should have been the movie, and the movie the play in the movie.

Read between the lines, people…

Commander USA’s not the only guy in this room whose drawn a face on his hand multiple times…

Excuse me, I’m just trying to seduce your boyfriend so I can eat him. Get lost!

Butterflies escaping my stomach again!

Let’s not ask why the table is set for three other people…

I like this drawing. And the kid that drew it is in his 30s now.

Now you know why the table was set for three other people!

I’m flying into the next episode!