Sexy Wives Sindrome
2011
Written by Steve Goldenberg
Directed by Jim Wynorski (as Sam Pepperman)
Let’s do all the Seven Deadly Sindromes!
Sexy Wives Sindrome IS a Jim Wynorski joint, baby! So it follows all the Wynorski touches that make his films unique, from camera angles that peer around womens’ bustlines to characters acknowledging the camera. That also means we got a whole host of Roobie Breastnut songs making up the soundtrack (and, yes, Pussy Pussy Bang Bang IS in the film!) Additional music is also done by Chuck Cirino, as some of the scenes that use a score to help enhance the mood or are more serious just wouldn’t play right with Roobie Breastnut songs blaring.
The core of Sexy Wives Sindrome is relationship therapists who conduct unorthodox fantasy solutions to couples’ problems, which usually involve a lot of sex, and usually involve the therapist herself in a lot of the sex. You would think this would be a gross violation of ethical practices and cause a whole host of legal issues, but it turns out things are even more weird and bizarre than you could possibly imagine, yet the solution also resolves all the lingering problems. I think it’s hilarious how everything worked out in the end, and how the conclusion basically destroys any long ethical argument I could bring up, hence there won’t really be one for this review. I know, I know, you are all disappointed. You better hope the next one doesn’t have a game-changing twist!
What do you mean there isn’t a fireplace, only a big microwave???
There is plenty of pseudopsychological mumbo jumbo going on to justify some of the relationship issues. It basically boils down to couples loving each other and trying to keep things interesting for each other. You could argue that letting other people into relationships can potentially cause lots of drama, but let’s face it, these couples are all pretty much swingers anyway, so they know the score.
Coffee is the real sexy sindrome!
The title Sexy Wives Sindrome comes from the made up syndrome discovered by one of the characters about how men become afraid of their attractive wives because they are so attractive and the men just can’t handle the possibility of losing them. None of that is really worked into the relationships in the film, but it’s the title so it’s important.
But enough about your Psych 101 class, it’s time for the Roll Call!
Side effects include anal black tar discharge???
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Which one is the sexy wife, and which one is the sindrome?
John and Lucy get it on in a bathtub, sexy sindrome style! I’m not sure what style that is yet, because the movie just started. Currently it is a style involving water, which will run a theme through several other scenes, so let’s just go with that.
After they’re done he drops a stack of cash in front of her and wants to hire her again. But…
It’s all being watched by two scientists in lab coats, as Dr. Anderson has set up role play scenarios for the couple to save their marriage. It’s a role play therapist voyeur explosion! She’s congratulated on her work by Professor Jones, but she also gets a weird dizzy spell with mysterious flashbacks.
Dr. Anderson’s one o’clock is here, it’s Diana Reed, who is impatient to get started with fixing her relationship. But she suddenly has second thoughts when Dr. Anderson is running behind, as Dr. Anderson is still working with Lucy. Nurse Kayla Belmont convinces her to stay and get treatment,
Dr. Anderson is all like “Lucy, I know we fixed your marriage, but the only way to really fix it is to have sex with me!” So they do. Hey, what about medical ethics? HIPPA? Not messing up your office furniture?
Nurse Kayla and Diana have drinks in the waiting area/living room, and then get it on because that’s what you do when you’re waiting for the doctor. With so much sex going on at this institute, it’s a wonder people stop having sex long enough to fix their issues involving sex by having sex!
Dr. Anderson finally has time for Diana, who has been having trouble with her hubby Mark. He worships her, to the point where he gives her everything she wants, but also the sex is boring because he treats her like a porcelain doll instead of a woman. Which means it’s boring and predictable.
Dr. Anderson declares this a classic case of SWS – Sexy Wives Sindrome, which is what Professor Jones wrote a book about, in addition to being the title of the film. SWS is when a man marries a hot chick, he worries she’ll leave so much he is afraid to have sex with her to disappoint her. That’s not exactly the problem Diana was describing, but let’s go with it, anyway.
Diana describes a time she made love with her husband, Mark, and how he was all nervous. Except he doesn’t look too nervous in this flash back sex scene, which is played over the music stylings of Roobie Breastnut singing “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang”! At one point Diana eats a banana, because having sex isn’t sexually suggestive enough! The best part of the sex scene is right when it ends, because Diana begins narrating like she was in the doctor’s office before it cuts back to the actual doctor’s office.
Dr. Anderson gives Diana some mind altering drugs to sneak into her husband’s food to make him not worship her so much. This is totally ethical and legal! Dr. Anderson gets another flashback dizzy spell.
Outside by the pool, two ladies are fighting – Lucy and Mandy – who each seem to think the other is a whore. Dr. Anderson gets them to calm down, and Nurse Kayla helps the two girls work out their feelings with a lesbian threesome. That always cures what ails ya!
An orderly named Shug was behind all the bickering by the pool, so Dr. Anderson goes to the gym to warn him to knock it off or he’ll get canned. And also to have sex with him. He’s even working out during the sex, which shows this guy’s commitment to pumping reps, or how bad either he or Dr. Anderson is at sex. Or all of those things!
Next time I might even pay you with non-counterfeit money!
Afterwards she has another flashback dizzy spell! It’s almost as if there is some sort of plot point happening. Perhaps I should pay attention to that and not the reps going on while the sex is happening. Though I’d like Shug to monologue about how he has to life or he’ll die.
Diane made dinner for her hubby Mark, and was going to put the pills in but didn’t. They are being spied on from the bushes by a Scuzzy Guy who works for Professor Jones. Jones secretly switched the de-worshipping pills with sleeping pills, but as no one took anything, they just have to sit back and wait before they can do whatever nefarious thing Professor Jones has planned.
Mandy is having sex with someone who has his face hidden at first, but is gradually revealed to be Mark, though it’s never acknowledged as Mark. So either Mark has a girlfriend on the side, or he has a twin brother. We shall call him Dark. Dark Sexington. Dark Sexington and Mandy have sex, it’s not connected to the plot, but are you surprised at this point?
Dr. Anderson and Kayla take a dip in the hot tub while Shug creeps on them while smoking. Nurse Kayla says there is no biographical or tax information on both Professor Jones or Dr. Anderson in the records. Dr. Anderson reveals her Social Security Number and it has a lot of 69s in it, and her and Kayla get it on, hot tub work gossip tax records style! Who knew Social Security Numbers could be so sexy? FDR. FDR knew!
Kayla has to leave to set up the session for a couple named the Bergs, including lighting the fireplace and making sure Mr. Berg wears his blindfold. This turns into a narrated segment with Mr. Berg telling us the story and more serious music like it’s some sort of serious drama. And sex happens with Mrs. Berg, showing it’s not as serious as advertised.
Kayla explains to Dr. Anderson how everything went well last night and will give her the video, and also the video of the upcoming session with the Saunders couple, John and Lucy. And Professor Jones hasn’t been in all day for some reason. And the house they filmed at (which has been used in several of these films) has a big sandstone elephant in one scene, which is cool. Sandstone elephants for all!
John and Lucy’s next session involves Mandy joining while they are in the shower. This sessions doesn’t seem monitored.
The Reeds stop by for their session, but they need Mark to fill out an application and take an exam before they can begin treatment. An oral exam that Nurse Kayla administers. There is even a twist on the whole “Is that a gun in your pocket?” question. (SPOILERS: It’s actually a gun!)
After he passes with flying colors, the Reeds go to talk with Dr. Anderson, and show her a photo of a woman, which causes another flashback dizzy spell and she faints. The Reeds declare that they “got them!” and go to call the cops, but then Professor Jones comes in with a gun and captures them.
Professor Jones killed Carol MacGuire, Diana’s half sister, and covered it up. She hired Mark to try to get to the bottom of the situation. Dr. Anderson wakes up, and Mark tells her that her real name is Jane Grabowski, and was Carol’s former partner in love. When Professor Jones hit on Carol and she rejected him, he beat her until her heart gave out, and Dr. Anderson was brainwashed into being his partner as a bit of fantasy roleplaying that he’s an expert in.
AND…Shug is also a cop! and Mark’s partner. Professor Jones is arrested!
Mark and Diane are free to have sex in the pool at the retreat with Jane joining in because why not? Is it fantasy, or reality? Mark never wants to know if it is fake or real. So break out the underwater camera!
This sindrome has resolved nicely. Good job with the random plot twist, which harkens back to the old school late night movies that interrupted all the sex with plot.
Relax, he’s just too cheap for pay per view. He’ll be spying on the neighbor lady undressing in two hours.
Rated 7/10 (That’s not the guy on the $100!, pink dog, pills pills pills, laying a log on the fire, sandstone elephant!, Simpsons DVDs!, fake spider!)
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