The Devil Wears Nada

2009
Written and directed by Jim Wynorski (as Salvadore Ross)

Now this is some Jim Wynorski treasure! The Devil Wears Nada is a fantastic achievement of fun story and sexy content, while still being ridiculous and creative. Wynorski can produce magic if he’s into it, and from the creativity he gives behind and in front of the camera, you can tell he’s having a ball here

The Devil Wears Nada takes its name (obviously) from The Devil Wears Prada, and here we also have an overbearing boss at a fashion magazine lording over her newest assistant. Things go a bit further here, Julia Crimson is far worse of a boss than Miranda Priestley. The humiliation becomes more sexual, though Candy seems to have no problem having sex with her boss or a random male model even under threat of termination. It is revealed that Julia Crimson is blackmailing another character (via more sexual humiliation – incriminating photos) and gets a comeuppance that we never saw in the Glenn Close film. Turning the boss into more of a caricature does make things more fun and removes a bit of moral ambiguity.

The Devil Wears Nada gives another chance to go over the themes of its inspiration movie, with the overworked assistant at a magazine dealing with a nightmare boss and the promise of future rewards if she just sticks through all the crap she has to go through. Thanks to the job market in the US imploding, the scenario plays out like a lot of the unpaid internships that seems to be more of the rule than exception at magazines. These internships are often just unpaid 60 hour workweek jobs in expensive cities that only the rich can afford to go through, creating an artificial barrier in the magazine industry. These internships have become increasingly controversial and are technically illegal in some areas, but persist. In addition, they are often defended by those that have gone through them as a necessary part of magazine production, creating a self-feeding destructive cycle that causes many in the industry to turn a blind eye to its own failings (as rocking the boat might just cost your your job in a very competitive field!)

The Devil Wears Prada deals with the struggle that professional women tangle with, their careers or their personal lives. The Devil Wears Nada is of the opinion that you can have your cake and eat it too, and the terrible boss is just an obstacle to overcome. Candy’s defeat of Julia Crimson (and subsequent promotion to co-boss along with former assistant Becca Saperstein) is a result of playing by Julia’s own rules, but turning them around, and is accomplished by the various people Julia Crimson has wronged banding together. When Prada was released, it featured a lot of backlash from former employees of Anna Wintour condemning the book as a mean-spirited gotcha, and that author Lauren Weisberger did not appreciate the opportunities the job presented her. This circling the wagons to defend treating employees terribly is not conductive to a good business environment, and makes the defenders look like they need to justify their own abuse (and is mirrored by the aforementioned unpaid internship defenses!) Nada‘s rejects this in favor of a socialistic workers utopia where the workers team up with a money man to eliminate strife and bring peace to the land (and get rewarded!) Not only does this unionization bring strength to the workers, but Julia Crimson is such a threat that people team together regardless of class affiliation to eliminate her as a problem. Nada offers a vision where hard work and creativity are rewarded, and by working together more is accomplished than everyone suffering separately. In this spirit, Nada defeats Prada in the messaging.

But The Devil Wears Nada is not without its own problems. Candy is coerced into sexual relations in order to save her job, and male characters such as the model Michael are willing participants. And as mentioned, Candy and Becca’s eventual winning of the editors-in-chief job is awarded by a male money man, showing that despite all their work, things still resolve because a male decides. If these tradeoffs are enough to keep Nada as a strong and smart women get ahead film, or if they condemn it to an also-ran status is up to the viewer. I feel that Nada sends more postive messages than negative, and this is doubly so considering it is in the softcore genre, a section of film where far too often women are just treated as objects.

The cast list for The Devil Wears Nada is abysmal, with many people going uncredited. Luckily powerfred at SoftcoreReviews (NSFW link – http://www.sreviews.com/smf/index.php?topic=4619.0 ) confirmed most of the unlisted actresses (with some help from Jim!) So enjoy the mostly complete credits. Some actresses are unknown, and many characters don’t have spoken names. Wynorski packed The Devil Wears Nada to the gills with hot chicks, almost doubling the average cast size for one of these softcore flicks.

Candy Cane (Christine Nguyen) – The newest assistant for Editor in chief Julia Crimson, and unaware just what she is getting into. Candy deals with Julia’s increasingly demented demands that play havoc on her personal life. Eventually, Candy learns to be cutthroat enough to survive, and to play her own game of dirty. Julia Crimson (Beverly Lynne) – Editor in chief of Lacy Lady Magazine, everyone calls her the Devil in case you forget where the inspiration comes from. Likes to dominate her employees in all aspects, usually by humiliating them verbally and sexually. Becca Saperstein (Brandin Rackley) – Julia’s former assistant who brings in Candy Cane to help replace her, so she can finally move on to more advanced jobs. All of Becca’s prior replacements have all quit or been fired. Helps Candy when she can. Sydney (Jim Wynorski as Franklin Pangborn III) – The world-worn director of most of the photoshoots, has to deal not only with temperamental models but also with Julia Crimson. Somehow still enjoys his job. Is played by an uncredited Jim Wynorski in a brilliant move. Frankie (Kevin Van Doorslaer) – Candy’s boyfriend, who is angry that she has to work at a job and sometimes can’t get out of things, but somehow keeps making reservations and buying expensive tickets instead of learning to wing it. Is not exactly faithful. Raoul Dibbens (Chris De Christopher) – Publisher of Lacy Lady Magazine, but he’s only the money man and Julia runs the show. She also has compromising photos of him. Michael (Frankie Cullen) – Model who is doing a shoot for the magazine and gets roped into Julia’s sex games with Candy. Is not fond of Julia, but goes along with things until Candy bucks the system, the goes along with her. Binky (himself) – The bird on Sydney’s cane who becomes a major character because that’s how The Devil Wears Nada rolls!

Paula and Veronica (Katy Magnuson and “Jane Doe”) – Paula and Veronica have a battle over a bikini that ends with a lot of nude making out. Because that’s how models roll. Three Distracted Models (Ahryan Astyn, Bridgette B, and Codi Carmichael) – Three models who cause problems by not showing up on time to photoshoots, because they are lost. Only one of them got a name – Codi Carmichael as Rusty. Opening Sequence Models (Lexi Marie and Jaymie Langford) – Two models in the opening scene of the movie with all the special effects of Hell that get them all horned up for each other.

Two naked chicks are in Hell, and are scared, so of course they get it on! That would totally be my reaction were I transported to a barren wasteland filled with lava and flames… These two women get it on in some intriguing ways considering that they have no accessories…

They aren’t really in Hell, this is just all a movie being filmed for a photoshoot! Julia Crimson ends the scene (over the objections of the director) because it’s boring her to tears. Julia is just looking out for her magazine, Lacy Lady Magazine.

Julia then yells at her overworked assistant Becca, who is getting a promotion– if she can get a girl to replace her as assistant. Then next unlucky candidate starts tomorrow. Who could it be?

Candy, of course. Candy is showing off the nightgowns she designs to her boyfriend, featuring her newest model – The Loveslave. One thing leads to another and soon no one is wearing nightgowns…

Catfight! Two models (Paula and Veronica) are fighting over a sexy bikini to wear in the days photoshoot. Becca is still on duty as assistant, so she has to deal with the crisis. She solves it by having the women to the photoshoot in the buff. The models agree…but only if Becca joins them! So she does, and everyone molests everyone and makes out for a good deal. Though I don’t see a cameraman…

Candy meets Julia Crimson, who interrogates her for a bit, and then lets her know that no one gets a job unless she gets her hands on them first.

In the sexual way.

So off to the showers!

Director is setting up his next photoshoot and has three models – Rusty and two girls who never get names – that he first preps by giving interview questions. Thus we get a Mad Libs/Jaywalking quick cut interview with the three girls, asking questions that should be easy and lyric completions. Some of the answers are shockingly wrong, though the girls are in on the joke. This sequence was so unexpected it became my favorite part of the film.

Soon the actual photoshoot begins, and as usual it is a nude shoot where the girls just molest each other sexually.

Frankie prepares to take Candy out on a dinner to celebrate her new job. Candy lies about sleeping with her boss, and even defends her after Frankie says she’s got a mean reputation. But Julia calls and needs wardrobe delivered to her house ASAP. Frankie is upset and his accent gets more New York the more upset he is. But Candy has to go, and does.

At Julia’s house, model Micheal is there as he’ll be doing the photoshoot for the magazine. But they need a “love slave” for a partner. And as that was the name of her custom nightgown, I think you can see where this is going…

Cue the sex scene, set to the tune of Pussy Pussy Bang Bang! Julia watches, satisfied that she’s the cause of all this, while Michael spins Candy on a lazy susan.

After the deed and as soon as Candy gets home, she gets another call with more orders to set up a shoot for tomorrow. And on that morrow no one shows up to the shoot except the director, Sydney.

Becca talks up the job to Candy, mentioning all the fringe benefits and connections. And then takes her to the “love chamber” – another bathroom, this one with a tub full of bubbles where the two get it on, not caring a lick that a crisis is happening, because they’re caring about a different kind of lick. And also chocolate syrup.

The models still haven’t shown up, so the decision is made that Becca and Candy will pose, and they’ll CGI in some woods. I wonder if anyone has noticed that most of the photoshoots for this magazine are just the magazine’s staff. I guess the subscribers are into that. So another photoshoot montage.

Julia begrudgingly accepts the photos, but allows Candy to call her by her first name and gives her a compliment about how she just might make it…

The three models were lost and finally get to the location of the shoot, but it’s far too late. Now they need an excuse as to why they’re so late, or else they might get blacklisted. So their plan is to use hypothermia s an excuse, despite the weather. You see, they were all naked in a pool and it got way too cold. Yeah, that’s the ticket! And so they all get naked in a pool and get it on, because that’s how you combat hypothermia. It’s true, I saw it on an episode of Taxi!

Julia doesn’t buy it and tells the model agency they lost their business. D’oh!

Paula and Veronica are coming for another model shoot, and now Candy has to take the photos as Sydney is busy with Julia at a function. Frankie gets upset that Candy has to work late again, even though they got tickets to Little Shop of Horrors. Frankie angrily yells that he’s gonna take someone else.

Paula and Veronica pose for Candy as the “Johnny Lapdance” song plays. After the photoshoot is over, Candy answers a phone call from a hidden phone, where the caller mentions he’s paying off a blackmail from Julia. Candy recognizes that it’s Mr. Dibbens – the money guy – and finds incriminating photos of him. Candy goes to talk to him.

Later Candy annoys Julia with an unwanted surprise party, and Julia fires her. Except the tables are turned, because instead Mr. Dibbens is firing Julia! Candy and Becca are now coeditors! Julia gets a pie to the face! Candy and her boyfriend have dinner and a toast! She finally has time for him, and I’m sure they both got over each on cheating on the other without ill effects. Hey, the woman in The Devil Wears Prada cheats on her boyfriend as well, we’re just staying true to the universe they created!

Rated 8/10 (sup, fighting model, fighting model, creamy pie, what a bust, painting cameo, more fun lamps, yet another lamp!)

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