Desi Spiderman

2010
Written and directed by “Surendra Hinabar”???

Only Desi Spiderman can get your whites white!

Desi Spiderman is ridiculous, but it knows it is ridiculous, and some of the things that are crazy are intentionally done so for comedic effect. Other things are just weird and who knows why they are that way. That’s what you get when you get a film that is a very localized production that blurs the line between fan film and local production. Desi Spiderman was made in Ghaziabad, India, and brings to mind the Superman film from Supermen of Malegaon. So in that spirit we are happy to watch Desi Spiderman and the ridiculousness there in. Because it is ridiculous.

Desi Spiderman’s costume makes him look like a luchador by way of Dr. Seuss. He wears a red turtleneck sweatshirt, white gloves, gold spider mask with eye holes cut out, black pants and brown belt, gold shoes, and white circle with text in the middle of the red sweatshirt. The text is “Kanha Milk”, which I think had a sponsorship deal to help fund the film. But I’m not 100% sure, because there isn’t a lot of information about Desi Spiderman in English.

Surendra Hinabar is the name I found listed for writer/director/song lyrics, so hopefully that’s correct because I’m running with it. I don’t have any other names for the cast list, but whoever plays the Desi Mary Jane does a hilarious job of ridiculous faces during the fantasy musical and wistful daydreaming sequences. PAL Films is generic enough I can’t find anything about it. If it wasn’t for YouTube, this would pass one without being known by the outside world, which would have been a shame. What I think is the director’s YouTube Channel (labeled Navneet Singh) promises another film, but hasn’t been updated in two years. Maybe someday…. But until then, Desi Spiderman!

Desi Peter Parker (???) – A childish man who plays games with children all day, then accompanies Desi Mary Jane during her walks. She feels he is a failure at a protector, which saddens him until he’s given the power of Desi Spiderman! Desi Spiderman (???) – The hero India needs. The hero Desi Mary Jane deserves. Desi Spiderman punches bad guy after bad guy after bad guy. And does the laundry! Thanks to his Desi Spiderman powers, he can now date Desi Mary Jane. Desi Spiderman’s greatest power is teleportation, which he does all the time because that’s what real spiders are known for. Be sure to drink your Kanha Milk. Desi Mary Jane (???) – Local woman who falls for the only available young man who isn’t a criminal, Desi Peter Parker. That is, until that dreamboat Desi Spiderman shows up and saves her. Luckily, they turn out to be the same guy. Spends most of her time daydreaming musical fantasy sequences, walking, and getting sexually harassed by random goons. And for some reason, the director will randomly zoom in on her boobs.

With great power comes great punching ability!

Desi Peter Parker is a childish oaf who hangs out with kids and is berated by his Aunt May. The only thing he does is escort Desi Mary Jane through the countryside, which he manages to mess up. Eventually, he’s granted super powers by a magical wandering deity/guru/something, and he becomes Desi Spiderman and beats everyone evil up. Luckily there is an evil gang nearby who he can beat up, to keep the film going as far as beat up people is concerned.

The main villains are laughable as real threats, but hilarious because of how much they overact. They just hang out by cliffs until they go rob local stores, which consists of standing around with big guns and yelling at the store owner. There is also a young teenage girl member of the gang, notable because she not only gets her own song sequence, but is the only villain that Desi Spiderman doesn’t punch repeatedly despite being at every major conflict. Hey, even Desi Spiderman knows it’s wrong to hit women! At one point Desi Spiderman defeats the villains, who retreat on their ox cart via the film playing backwards.

The Desi Mary Jane spends her time daydreaming the ridiculous song sequences and staring off into the camera. It’s clear she has a simplistic view of romance fueled by movies and television instead of reality. She gets a big crush on Desi Spiderman after he saves her, and shrugs off Desi Peter Parker (who she already was upset at for his prior protection failure!) As for big questions on why she would be desirable or why she should be with Peter, who doesn’t even seem to have a job, don’t expect an answer. Just remember that he’s Desi Spiderman, and that’s all the answer you need.

Desi Spiderman acquires his powers not by science experiments and spiders, but by a wandering religious figure who just grants him magical powers after seeing him cry in the rain. Perhaps that is now an acceptable origin story, I demand Sam Jackson hang out under trees in the rain looking for crying people to recruit into the Avengers.

Desi Spiderman adventures:

• Desi Spiderman helps Desi Aunt May hang the laundry out to dry.
• Desi Spiderman helps a lost kid.
• Desi Spiderman beats up some guys who are loitering and drinking or something.
• Desi Spiderman salutes the Indian flag. Desi Spiderman is a patriot.

The songs are a collection of different types, from the girl daydreaming about love while it’s raining nonstop, to the bad girl going on about how bad she is, to the “Spiderman, Spiderman” song. They fit tonally, even if they aren’t really songs you’ll be humming later. But they’re probably the weakest part, just because it’s hard to make catchy songs that transcend cultural barriers. They do have Desi Spiderman and Desi Mary Jane riding bikes together, so if you enjoy couples riding bikes, you will enjoy the songs.

While I have an aversion to the majority of fan films, I do like the occasional ones that are made to be fun. And Desi Spiderman is fun, even if it is unsubtitled (we don’t need no stinking subtitles!) It’s thankfully short for an Indian film, does not take itself serious, and shows enthusiasm for movie making that should be respected, even if the result is weird as crap. And that should be respected as well. So fire up you webslingers and look up Desi Spiderman! At least until it gets rebooted again…

Rated 6/10 (ox man!, helper guy, Aunt May, goon with a mustache, flag waving, I sell ice cream in my 1920s shop!)

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