Süpermen Dönüyor

aka Superman Returns aka Turkish Superman

1979
Written by Necdet Tok
Directed by Kunt Tulgar

Superman may have returned once again this past summer, but now he won’t leave, and he’s picking a fight with Batman! What a jerk! I guess we’ll just have to deal with his Turkish twin brother, who was more of a precursor to the most recent adaptation of Superman than we ever could have guessed! Be prepared for amazement, because Süpermen dönüyor is amazing. It’s pure pop culture reappropriation, done with less money that would buy a gallon of gas. And that is at 1979 gas prices! But enthusiasm for Superman is evident, and Superman fully fits in with Turkish pop cinema’s love of superior manly men who punch the crap out of dozens of evil doers without getting a scratch. You could argue that Superman is weaker, having gained his powers via his alien birthright. But the Turkish men are all awesome while being Turkish, and Superman’s ease of fit into the role shows that immigration and assimilation works just as well for Turkish Superman’s origins as it does for the American one. The subconscious parallel is strong, and speaks of Superman’s universal appeal across the globe.

Confession time, this review was originally written over 9 years ago, back before TarsTarkas.NET even used a CMS and I hand-coded every page in (awful) html. The review was terrible (even for then) and I never got around to fixing it fully, returning to it every two years or so, and rewatching Süpermen dönüyor in the process. I’ve seen it unsubtitled on VHS tape, unsubtitled on a DVDR I made of said tape, and subtitled on the amazing DVD from Omar Films. I watched it before there was an American film called Superman Returns, and I’ve watched it after Man of Steel came and left theaters. This review has been rewritten so much that none of the original version remains. The most interesting change was the reaction to Turkish Superman killing people in the wake of what happens in Man of Steel. I’m still against it, but now we know that Zach Snyder stole everything from Turkish Superman! It is time for this pigeon to take flight, time for the review to show the world that it is a super being! Time for Superman to return!

Superman is a member of the proud club of US properties that got their very own Turkish productions that were “inspired” by the originals. In this case, “inspired” means “directly copied”. Superman is among the most-copied foriegn properties by Turkey. While Turkey is not the only country to use Superman in unauthorized ways, it was the most prolific, with an impressive output of films both easily found and missing and presumed destroyed.

There was a series of “Superman” films where he is called Super Adam, and only occasionally wore a costume loosely (and I mean loosely!) based on the US costume. 1971’s Süper Adam, and 1972’s Süper Adam Kadınlar Arasında and Süper Adam İstanbul’da. The 1972 film Süpermen Geliyor (Superman Is Coming) and the 1976 film Süpermen Fantoma’ya Karsi (Superman vs. The Phantom) both appear to be lost, though lost Turkish films have resurfaced before.

Let us not forget 1979’s other Turkish Superman film, the softcore comedy Süper Selami. But in non-smut Supermanish films, the Superman-inspired (and Three Fantastic Supermen-inspired) Çılgın Kız ve Üç Süper Adam (3 Supermen and a Mad Girl) also came from Turkey in 1973. Turkey producers (and Cüneyt Arkın for one entry!) were also involved in two of the Three Fantastic Supermen films – Three Supermen vs The Godfather and 3 Supermen at the Olympics. The most recent Superman-ish Turkish film is 2012’s SuperTurk!

This was the second film directed by Kunt Tulgar (the first was 1974’s Tarzan Korkusuz Adam – Tarzan the Mighty Man ) Another notable film in his resume is the Turkish martial arts flick Ejderin İntikamı (Revenge of the Dragon) Kunt Tulgar has gained fame in the West due to his name having an unfortunate other meaning in English.

Süpermen dönüyor is an amazing film, and while not being the best Turkish pop cinema entry (that would be Dunyayi Kurtaran Adam!), it is definitely top 5, and is essential viewing for cult cinema fans.

Tayfun (Tayfun Demir) – Tayfun Demir stars at Superman (and thus Clark Kent), he looks 7 feet tall and wears some of the goofiest glasses ever during his Clark Kent scenes. His character is named Tayfun (such originality!) but we’re just going to call him Clark Kent and Superman, as it’s much easier for all involved. Tayfun Demir seems to have been plucked out of obscurity to star as Clark Kenty and Superman, but then jumped right back in, as all we’ve been able to dig up was a date of death in 2003. Fun fact: his name translates to Typhoon Iron, which is a real superhero name if I’ve heard one! Süpermen (Tayfun Demir) – Superman came to Earth and is now Turkish. Turkish Superman powers: When he flies, he turns into a doll! Flying Superman can rear project backgrounds! Superman can use his mental powers to type at normal speed without touching the typewriter! Super x-ray vision that sees through clothes but not underwear! Guillotine-proof head! Superman can see back in time! Superman can see long distances, but not while he’s flying! Alev (Güngör Bayrak) – The Lois Lane character is played by Güngör Bayrak. She does the traditional roles of being the damsel in distress that Superman has to save, falling in love with Superman but not Clark, as well as constantly getting in the way of the villain. As seems to be the case with most Turkish actresses in the 60s and 70s, Güngör Bayrak posed for some risque pictures, thus equivilencing herself with Margot Kidder, who was in Playboy in 1975. Ekrem (Yildirim Gencer) – The Lex Luthor character wants kryptonite to use in a ray that will transform metal into other metals, so he can make lots of gold! Also, the ray will create a weapon against Superman, just for kicks. Ekrem is a reputable scientist, and you’d think he could easily get a hold of the formula from his friend without all sorts of evil schemes, but you’d be wrong! Ekrem is played by Yildirim Gencer, who starred in at least 197 films and died in 2005. We’ve seen him here before, but not his face. For he was…Kilink!!! Professor Çetinel (Esref Kolçak) – Professor Çetinel (Hetin in the subtitles) is that famous scientist who discovered the formula for Kryptonite after finding a meteor containing it, thus becoming a target of mysterious villains lead by his trusted scientific colleague, Ekrim. He wants to use Kryptonite as an unlimited power supply. Is the father of Alev. Haydar (Nejat Özbek) – Ekrem’s most prominent henchman, causes trouble for Alev and Superman on more than one occasion before he meets his untimely demise. Don’t be a henchman, folks!

In the deep dark void of someone’s closet, Christmas ornaments hang like stars in the night’s sky. Wait a minute, this is seriously supposed to be Outer Space!!! What in the world? Did they not hear of poking holes in a black piece of construction paper? I learned that trick from Muppet Babies, who make their dreams come true and will do the same for you. Instead, we have odd star shaped ornaments hung around black cloth lit up by a blacklight. There are also a few of the round ornaments mixed in. Thanks to my prior Superman knowledge, I’ve deduced that the red one they focus in on first is the Kryptonian Sun. Then we jump to a green ornament, which is the planet Krypton! A narrator explains all this. Enough with the set up, it’s time for the main titles!! John Williams’s music never sounded so much like a cassette tape being beaten with a baby. I’m sure he was paid handsomely! The marker drawings of the stars in the opening title card is far more convincing than the Christmas ornaments from earlier(one wonders why they didn’t just use that!) After Williams’s score blasts out, the actor names are shown during a Turkish disco-ish song instead. Remember, this was made back when disco was not only alive, but had terrible hair!

Exterior: A Field. On Earth in Smallville, Turkey. Thanks to the narration, we skipped the entire Kal-El being blasted into space by Jor-El, Krypton exploding, the Kents finding a baby in a rocket, Superboy, Krypto the Super-Dog, Streaky the Super-Cat, Comet the Super-Horse, and Beppo the Super-Monkey. We caught a break with those last ones! Legion of Super-Pets my butt!!! To get even more nuts, Streaky the Super-Cat has a relative from the 30th Century who is a telepath named Whizzy. Presumably named after what DC did to the Superman franchise legacy with that concept. Perhaps this Turkish film isn’t as bad after all…

Clark Kent is wearing his goofy glasses, blue jeans, and a shirt. He’s come home for dinner, and after saying hello to his mother, his father gives him the big speech. Not the birds and the bees speech everyone gets when they’re 32, but the “You are an alien!” speech so many of us have been given. Pa and Ma Kent show Clark a secret green crystal/cube. Clark picks it up, and it glows green thanks to special effects magic. The cube convinces Clark to pack up and leave as John Williams’s score blares in the background again, this time played on a wax recording made by Thomas Edison himself! It’s a tearful farewell, as we have been brought to tears due to the awfulness. Also, the characters are crying. Enough about them, let’s get back to me, and how this film is killing me.

Clark Kent leaves for the Turkish Cappadocia cave dwellings, which are famous for being in a bunch of terribly amazing films like Yor, the Hunter from the Future. It’s the perfectly reasonable place for someone who was told they were an alien to go, not the North Pole. Nope. Turkish Clark Kent has no interest in hunting for Santa. Clark throws the cube at the wall, and it explodes! In it’s place, we get the Turkish Marlon Brando, who is missing more teeth than he has! Turkish Marlon Brando as Turkish Jor-El wears a nice imitation of the costume from the real film. Jor-El tells Clark that he is “Superman, the leader of Krypton”! Then he says Superman has all these qualities like Atlas’s patience and Zeus’s health, which means he just is reciting the SHAZAAM gods. Why this Kryptonian guy is talking about Earth gods is not explained. Jor-El basically orders Clark to become Superman, and right after he does so, Clark’s clothes suddenly change and he IS Superman! Oddly enough, this is very similar to how Shazem! became Shazem! in Kilink Istanbul’da.

Superman flies!! Well, a doll of Superman is dangled as images are rear-projected behind it. Turkish Superman Doll zips by some dudes on a speedboat, while a closeup shot of Turkish Superman flies over some building I don’t recognize. BEHOLD THE POWER OF TURKISH SUPERMAN!!!

Professor Çetinel has returned to Turkey, he’s an expert in the new discovery Kryptonite. Çetinel hopes the Kryptonian meteor will be used as a power source. Meanwhile, evil guy Ekrem has a machine that will work with the Kryptonian stone Professor Çetinel has. Why he built this machine before the stone was even announced I’ll never know. The machine will use the stone to turn metal into gold, and Ekrem schemes to either get the existing Kryptonite meteor or the formula to make more Kryptonite.

Exterior: Turkish Daily Planet building. The Turkish Daily Planet is called Dunya, and Clark is working there thanks to the fact he’s supposed to in the comic so they don’t bother to give us any explanation. Turkish Lois Lane is working there as well, she’s really named Alev, like the headache medicine. Alev is sassing Clark Kent, and Clark just takes it because he’s probably going to break her neck while she sleeps. Seriously, actor Tayfun Demir looks downright creepy at times. We also find out that Alev’s father is Professor Çetinel. Clark makes a phone call to a guy with a typewriter, who I guess is the Turkish Jimmy Olson! (Naci is his name) Oh, and Turkish Lex Luthor is working on his laser gun and mentions the Professor has split up the formula and hidden it in several places. Sort of like the plot to a video game.

Clark Kent uses his vast array of Superman powers to type without using his fingers! I don’t remember that happening in the comic. BEHOLD THE POWER OF TURKISH SUPERMAN!!! Oddly enough, he’s not typing any faster, just without hands. And instead of doing something else, he just sits there. So what’s the freaking point? No carpal tunnel? Alev leaves for a story, driving off in her car, where she’s followed by the most inconspicuous vehicle available to the villains, a dump truck. She’s kidnapped because she’s a girl and that’s what always happens in these macho Turkish films. They force her car into the back of a larger truck, all while letting someone witness the whole event (who even blares his horn because they are holding up traffic!) Criminal masterminds, or one step below the shirtless meth addicts on Cops? You make the call!

Hey, the witness was Turkish Jimmy Olson (Naci)! That’s pretty much like letting Robin see you kill Vickie Vale. Naci follows the truck with the car with Alev in it as happy marching music plays (which was probably lifted from another film.) Finally, the villains clue in and lose Naci, who must be pretty dumb to not be able to follow a gigantic truck. Defeated, he places a call to Clark back at Dunya headquarters. Because calling the police about a kidnapping would just make too much sense, he should call his friend back at the newspaper office! Clark does the running while pulling open his shirt to reveal the Superman symbol thing, copied directly from the original movie, and suddenly Doll Superman is flying over the city! The green-screened city of Metropolis, Turkey. Metropolis, not Constantinople….nah, that doesn’t work here…

Alev is tied to her car as Ekrem’s goon laughs at her, for he has taken the part of the Kryptonite formula that was in her purse. Her car is still inside the big army truck, which the goon now releases the brakes and it begins rolling forward. Yes, she might be in an auto accident, but way to make sure she’s securely fastened in! Let’s not get into that killing someone tied up in their car inside a bigger car is not going to look like an accident. They must not like to think their evil plans through in Turkey.

This looks like a job for…SUPERMAN!!! Except we ain’t got him. We got some Turkish guy, so that will have to do. Turkish Superman uses his amazing Turkish Superman powers to land and look around. He spots the truck with his super-vision, which must not work when he’s airborne or something, since that would be much easier to spot a huge truck. Superman stops the truck by getting inside and using the brakes. I guess he couldn’t just hold on to it or heat ray the tires, Superman likes to get behind the wheel. Heck, he could have used his odd typewriter skills to make the brake lever press down without touching it, but he doesn’t bother with that, either. He rescues Alev from inside, and she falls in love with him, just like in the real story. Later, Professor Hetin has a party and Alev is in attendance. They discuss Superman and Krypton, and how a super villain is on the loose. Ekrem is still pretending to be a standup guy, so he’s joining in on the speculation about the Kryptonite and then excuses himself.

What is Superman doing during all this? He’s using his Turkish Superman X-Ray vision to see through women’s clothes! Turkish Superpervert if you ask me. He doesn’t even see everything, just gets the girl down to her underwear which causes him to faint. Turkish Super-anemia if you ask me. Ekrem gets the formula to make Kryptonite. The bad guys also kidnap Professor Çetinel and make a call to Alev, demanding the Kryptonite in the museum. Alev is distraught that she’s being harassed by kidnappers, and Clark promises to help, then walks off. This is because he’s turning into Superman, but in the film it looks like he’s acting like he cares and then ditches her instantly.

The guards for Professor Çetinel gamble as they wait. Gambling is exactly what the crooks in Superman Returns did while they were waiting on the Kryptonian island! They totally ripped it off from this ripoff! It’s a vicious circle of theft. Superman bursts into the room, and he quickly beats all the goons senseless. They try shooting him with their guns, one by one, and he just slowly walks toward them while ineffective gun fire hits him, uncaring that the deflecting shots might injure bystanders or the kidnapee. Superman starts pounding the crap out of the goons. Professor Çetinel is told to escape using a car outside (odd, as Superman flew to the warehouse, but okay…)

Superman catches bullets from the head goon who tries to shoot him, he must have no memory of the two other bad guys who shot guns at Superman to no effect mere seconds ago. That’s some pretty advanced Alzheimer’s! Another goon tries to stab(?!) Superman, but the knife just bends uselessly. Because it’s rubber, see! Don’t bring a knife to a superhero fight, unless you are Knifeman or something. Now the Man of Steel becomes the Man with the Glass Jaw, as he gets hit and knocked into an electrical generator or something that renders him unconscious. This causes him to fall onto a conveyor belt that is moving towards a guillotine that just happens to be at the end of the line. What in the world? Just where were they criminals hiding out? Ignoring the fact that Superman shouldn’t be in danger of a freaking guillotine, the fact he got knocked out by some random Turkish mobster guy is something that has never happened in Superman history. Okay, maybe it happened in some terrible Superman’s Pal Jimmy Olson comic. Now, thanks to this conveyor belt guillotine contraption, we learn a little about the Turkish economy, and how it was based on conveyor belts with guillotines on the end of them. Headless Barbies were very popular for a few years…

Will Turkish Superman survive? The Turkish mobsters are so convinced of his impending demise that they all leave, and don’t even stay to watch Superman get beheaded or to collect his head to sell on eBay (it loses value for not being mint in box!) They must all be big fans of SPECTRE and Dr. Evil with their leaving in the middle of things fetish. They report to Ekrem, but as we all know, even someone as lame as Superman can’t be killed by a guillotine. He’s not Turkish Marie Antoinette! Superman immediately leaps into action by going to work and typing. BEHOLD THE POWER OF TURKISH SUPERMAN!!!

He also has the power to imitate Turkish Superman’s voice while being Clark Kent, except he has to take off his glasses to make the Turkish Superman voice. He quickly puts the glasses on when Alev comes to investigate. Why does he need to take his glasses off to make the same voice??? Alev says she is in love with Superman, not Clark. So suck on that, Clark! Maybe you should have a better voice?

The scientists have some sort of meeting at Professor Çetinel’s (Ekrem is there as well) where they debate about Kryptonite. Lex says they should destroy the Kryptonite, but the others don’t agree. Then Professor Çetinel says he knows how Kryptonite is made, and explains it to everyone. Ekrem didn’t even have to do anything evil, he just had to wait until the Professor just tells him how to become rich and powerful!

At the newspaper office, Alev gets a phone call while Clark is at his apartment and his typewriter is once again typing by itself. Alev gets another phone call, and gets ready to leave the office as Clark arrives. Also, the background music has changed to the James Bond theme, which totally matches the boring newspaper office setting, no lie! You can just imagine Oddjob taking photos, Jaws writing the sports column, Moneypenny typing away. Heck, Q would be down inventing special ink that made the paper 3D, while intrepid reporter James Bond prepares his big story about government corruption. In the real movie, Naci sleeps at his desk, underpaid reporters being a problem in Turkey as well as the US.

Alev drives off, but her trunk opens, one of the villains emerges, shoots her tire, then get back in the truck and shuts it. Yes, you read that correctly, the gangsters installed a jack-in-the-box-style thug to pop out and blast a tire. Alev failed to notice her trunk open, the sound of the gunshot, or the trunk closing. The first thing Alev does is stop the car, get out, and open the trunk. At this point Jack-in-the-Trunk thug pops out again, gun drawn. Alev is kidnapped again! She’s kidnapped more than a hillbilly in UFO country. The music score has now changed to a track I don’t recognize, but is probably stolen from something. It is disco-ish. Get down. Clark is out driving now, and runs across Alev’s abandoned car. He uses his Turkish Superman superpowers to see the past, and her kidnapping, and he didn’t even have to fly around the Earth backwards. I promise that there is no world-flying-around-backwards in Süpermen dönüyor, showing that even Turkish Superman isn’t going to throw in something that stupid!

Alev is in a car with several goons who are driving her to where she is to be held for this kidnapping. These aren’t the brightest bunch, as Alev is able to take the keys out of the moving car and pretend to throw them out of the car (while really keeping them in her hand.) The goons all get out to go look for the keys. Alev also gets out of the car, still holding the keys, and tosses them and runs instead of getting in the car and driving away! Okay, perhaps flying around the world backwards isn’t the stupidest thing in a Superman movie…

Clark has decided that turning into Superman and rapidly flying to save her is too much trouble, and is driving around looking for her. This film has just overloaded on lazy!! Stupidity is leaking from my DVD player, oozing all over the TV screen. Great, it’s seeping into the carpet, now I’ll lose my deposit when the landlord blows it on a professional carpet cleaner. (Yeah right, blowing it on hookers is more like it, but they’ll claim the damage was mysteriously equal to the deposit regardless!) And it’s still oozing out, like bubbles when you put the wrong soap in the dishwasher.

Okay, got a mop, it’s all better now, but I hope I don’t get fined for dumping all that stupidity down the sewer, it drains into the ocean and the dolphins have been acting odd lately…but back to the movie!

Alev is still running away. Goons are chasing her now, as their three synapses have fired just enough for them to realize something is wrong. Turkish Superman arrives just in time to beat up one of the goons, but the others are too far ahead chasing after Alev. It seems to me you’d want to take out the ones closest to the target first, but that kind of logic is what keeps me from making my own Turkish films! Turkish Superman chases after the rest on foot, catching up to one who throws a brick at Superman’s chest. Turkish Superman hits him and he goes flying into a tree. That’s pretty mean, Superman. Superman then punches a third goon into a bush as well. Plant life seems to be Superman’s greatest ally. Alev is still running from goon number four, and the soundtrack has shifted gears to a completely different stolen song that I don’t recognize. Goon number four is bald with a huge mustache, and he chases Alev all the way to the ruins of an old building that looks left over from ancient Rome. It shows up in enough Turkish cinema that it is instantly recognizable. Turkish Superman finally catches up to them, he’s less faster than a speeding bullet and more faster than a snail racing across tar. Goon number four takes out his gun and once again bullets do nothing while Superman slowly walks toward the guy shooting him. The goon then falls off the balcony of the ancient building, and Superman lets him die. Turkish Superman still has a lower bodycount than Man of Steel Superman. Alev faints, and Superman carries her back to the car she was brought in, and says goodbye. Just after Turkish Superman leaves, head goon Haydar runs and jumps into the car, and re-kidnaps her! D’oh!

Did they just make the entire preceding sequence pointless? They DID!!! Damn you, Turkey!!!

This time, Alev is taken to the farm from Field of Dreams. She finds out that Ekrem is evil and is shocked. Shocked, I say. Because there are only like 3 characters in the film that aren’t people kidnapping her, so it’s shocking that one of them would be evil. They force Alev to call Clark at the Daily Planet, telling him to meet her at the address she is being held at. Clark wanders in looking all dopey, and goons come out to attack him, so he pretends to be knocked out.

Unconscious Clark is tied up, and then mobsters walk while different stolen music is played that sounds sort of mobbish. All of the villains leave Alev and Clark alone and unguarded, showing that the goons learned nothing from their adventures with the guillotine. The collective memory of these doofuses couldn’t fill a gnat’s head. Ekrem says he is going to crash the train Alev’s father is on, after he has stolen the Kryptonite from him. Why even bother to kill him? Probably because Professor Çetinel could in theory use the Kryptonite formula to make more Kryptonite to then use a similar machine to make even more gold, crashing the market and making Ekrem’s scheme useless. But that would take time to set up.

Clark was just waiting for all the villains to leave so he could become Superman. He knew they would leave because they are bad guys in a crappy movie, who always do stuff like that. One day I’m making a movie where they kill the hero as soon as they get a hold of him. They’ll go through like 10-20 heroes before the end of the film. Alev is shocked that he is Superman, just as shocked as she was that the other guys were evil. Alev doesn’t really pick up on subtle character traits, which is sort of bad for a newspaper reporter. Turkish Superman yacks a bit, then begins beating up the goons when they return. He even punches a surrendering man in the groin. This is Truth, Justice, and the American Way after all! All hail Turkish Superman, the most American Superman of them all. Superman also lets a guy impale himself on a stick that is jutting out of the wall. So far Turkish Superman has murdered one guy and let another die, making him worse than the villains, who haven’t yet killed anyone. But I bet we can blame that guy who got impaled’s death on OSHA violations, so that’s one less murder.

No time to dwell, as the movie is kicking up pace. The villains go and capture Naci, which now makes it so every character in this film is either kidnapped or working with the kidnappers. The villains aim a second train to crash into the train Professor Çetinel is on. The villains are killing him with terrible train scheduling??? Never fear, the doll of Turkish Superman is rear projecting over the the train tracks! The editor has fun cutting from Train A to Train B to Superman flying and back again. Superman finally jumps down and stops the two trains, which are real trains moving toward the actor in between them, and from the looks of it the don’t stop right when they should and get a few more inches closer than planned.

This is all for naught, as Ekrem has some Kryptonite! He sets up the device he’s been working on for the entire film with the crystal. It turns a pen into a gold pen! Ekrem then tests its weapon potential by disintegrating a poor kitty. The cat fades away into nothing!! Ekrem has gone too far with his cat killing. MURDER HIM, SUPERMAN!!!

Superman returns to the compound just then, punching his way through the crooks. He slowly walks toward each one as they fire useless bullets into his chest. Like we’ve seen many many times before. Finally, he gets to Ekrem, who uses his Kryptonite Laser to blast Turkish Superman, who must act like he’s being pushed back by an invisible force. It is Superman Mime Time! Ekrem takes this time to leave, not bothering to finish Superman off again, leaving him to die without actually seeing him die. Ekrem couldn’t even be a fifth-rate James Bond villain! The cops finally get called, thanks to Alev, and they arrive at the hideout and turn off the laser. That was easy!

Turkish Superman goes after Ekrem, who is escaping in his car. The Superman Doll is flying right behind him, and soon lands so he can use his supervision to spot the car. That he was just following. He does, and then grabs on to the end of it, stopping the car. Well, that’s what the effect is implying, but all we see is just Superman suddenly holding the end of the now stopped car, it’s obvious they were going for optical illusion, but it’s not cut right so it doesn’t work. Ekrem gets out of the car, and pulls a gun.

Once again, NO ONE PAYS ATTENTION IN THIS MOVIE!!! Superman could be defeated by a second grader who takes notes, provided the notes say “no guns, don’t leave the room until he’s dead”, but all the villains must have their memory rebooted every few seconds. Superman grabs the gun and bends it, as it’s now made out of rubber. Ekrem is arrested so he can star in any potential sequel, which sadly never happened. At the end, Superman, Alev, Naci, and the professor talk, and Alev comes on really strongly to Superman. She wants to jump his Kryptonian bones. Sadly, he’s probably faster than a speeding bullet in bed, and she’ll be forced to see Turkish Batman behind his back. Exciting times. But instead, Superman is just going to leave and look for Krypton, even though it blew up. Not the brightest bulb… Wait a minute, that’s what Superman was just getting back from doing in Superman Returns! Hollywood stole from this movie again!

Hey, it’s over. YES!!!! Thank you, Jesus. Once again, we are saved from Turkish Cinema by the most wonderful word in the Turkish language: Son! The Superman logo plays as the stolen them blares and we son away. Now, this mess is a proud member of the Turkish gonzo pop cinema club, and wears it’s badge proud. Despite its horribleness, we all love it.

This movie loves kidnapping! Especially Alev, who spends every waking moment being stalked by crazy kidnappers looking to make her their latest victim. The question is, does that represent what Turkey sees Alev’s roll in the original film was? It’s interesting they focus on that aspect, but drop the entire blowing up the west coast section. Perhaps because of the influence of serials on Turkish Pop Cinema, where characters such as Alev are often captured by villains for cliffhangers or just for artificial drama, the writer used it here in the same manner.

The entire villainry is cut down to just a greedy guy and some random goons. Superman is similarly changed, he’s less of an iconic figure and more of a meaner guy who desires the spotlight. Both his killing and allowing deaths make him unlikable, and his typewriting trick while sitting back grinning makes him look like he’s just doing goofy things to get noticed. And yet he’s not the last uncharismatic Superman in film…

Turkey’s stellar special effects with the rear-projections and the doll on a string are an amazing thing to explain to people that the effects were in an actual film. The Hindi Superman film also uses a doll on a string, so this is a common theme in Superman films around the globe. And let’s not forget the opening scene with Christmas ornaments in a closet representing space, setting the tone for the rest of the film. It is a thing one needs to see in action to fully appreciate. If anything, Turkey perfected fan films decades before random people could make them. Turkey goes above and beyond the call of duty, a pioneer in film. TarsTarkas.NET will always be a fan of pop Turkish cinema, and will continue to log entries in that world.

Until then:

Son!

Rated 8/10 (the reddest sun of them all, magical typewriters, bullet hand, peeping Superman, he does not believe it, Superman’s murder spree!, Hooray for Inanimate Carbon Rod!, Poor kitty!)

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