The Super Sex Program

aka The Big Bust Theory

2013
Written and directed by Dean McKendrick

Nerds attempt to discover the secret of love in The Super Sex Program (or The Big Bust Theory if you bought the DVD!) Alexandre Boizvert and Eric Masteron play big nerds and completely go 100% stereotypical goofy voices, like this is a lost Revenge of the Nerds chapter or an episode of The Big Bang Theory. But instead of being a bunch of jokes about nerd culture, instead we get what turns out to be a sweet story about finding out what love is, and learning to interact socially without being a loser.

We get the new logo for Synthetic Filmwerx, now abbreviated as SFW. Directed by Fred Ole— Dean McKendrick?!?!?! Yes, duty has been split between McKendrick and Ray with the latest batch of films (McKendrick wrote or cowrote many from years prior) But don’t fret, the same tone and style is still very evident in the latest batch of Bikini movies. If anything, this latest entry kicks things into a new level of story telling while still delivering naked people bumping uglies. Perhaps the tales from MRG’s brand of films are pushing the envelope into more complex storytelling, or perhaps this evolved independently (and until I watch the other films from this batch, I won’t know for sure)

At one point the characters develop a “love potion” that is supposed to drive women wild with passion. Normally in these films, the characters then use the potion on women and essentially rape them, or at least get the women to do things they wouldn’t normally do if they weren’t thinking straight. Here, the whole thing is thrown on it’s ear, one application doesn’t matter because the woman wants to have sex with the nerd, while the other nerd’s adventure turns out to all be in his mind and the woman rejects him (the potion also doesn’t work.)

Later, they build a woman that they’ve programmed to totally be attracted to them, like this is Weird Science or the Aerosmith video to “Hole in my Soul” Of course, this fails to work either, the robot woman is mysteriously reprogrammed to only like hot chicks. The nerds accept this programming and don’t try to program her back. The schemes of the nerds are orchestrated by their boss Dr. Carmichael, but there is a method to his madness that becomes abundantly clear.

The positive and fun film is a nice breath of fresh air, and shows you can tackle some of the relationship issues MRG films cover without being forced to be 100% serious all the time. The lessons mirror those from nerd and geek film, without feeling too much like they’re covering well-tread ground. The various story threads manage to play out not quite the way you expect. And Christine Nguyen in glasses making goofy faces? Points for that alone! Jazy Berlin also throws in a great performance as the robot Alice, turning what would be in many films a forgettable role into a memorable character.

Stanley (Voodoo as Alexandre Boisvert) – A chemical engineer who can’t understand why his superior intelligence isn’t lining up the women. Obviously there must be something wrong with all the women! Easily susceptible to head trauma. Walter (Eric Masterson) – A robotic engineer who needs to believe in himself. Is a lot better at solving other people’s problems than his own. Betty (Christine Nguyen) – Coworker at the lab that Stanley doesn’t see as a woman at all, despite her megacrush on him. Spends most of the film making faces at the ridiculous things said by Stanley and Walter. Tammy (Mary Carey) – New neighbor to the nerds who ends up becoming Walter’s crush, but will he ever find the confidence to do anything about it except regret? Alice (Jazy Berlin) – Robot built by the nerds in order for them to have sex with her, Weird Science-style. Alice is an acronym for Artificial LIfe Construct Experiment. She turns out to only like “hot chicks” Chad (Billy Chappell) – Oh. That guy. Dr. Carmichael (Michael Gaglio) – The boss of the two nerds (and Betty), who sends them on their love-seeking quest. Is far craftier than he appears. Cindy (Beverly Lynne) – Woman Chad picked up at the gym, he can’t remember her name, but that’s not why she’s over at his place… Olga (Yurizan Beltran) – Masseuse at Olga’s Massage Parlor. Rejects Walter in his attempt to get her to have sex for money. I have a feeling Olga is not her real name…

Stanley is hard hard hard at work making a mysterious chemical for fame and fortune – raspberry soda! But this is a bust again. But at least he was using safety goggles while pipetting! So many films fail to do even the simplest of safety procedures. Safety is no joke!

Stanley and Walter are two nerds who do nerd stuff, because that’s what nerds do. It’s the law. Nerd Law. Their other roommate is Chad, the bodybuilder, and he brings by his latest score from the gym, Cindy (whose name he can’t even remember!) Chad and Cindy chat briefly before they head to the bedroom to do the sort of things you do to people you bring home from the gym. Namely, get it on. Walter storms off upset that the nerds can’t score, while Stanley listens in on the couple getting it on.

Which means there are random reaction shots from Alexandre Boisvert during the sex scene, which are always amusing.

The next day at lab, Stanley and Walter are still complaining. The lab also features a female coworker – Betty – who is crushing on Stanley really hard and has even made Stanley cookies. Cookies that Stanley fed to guinea pigs because he doesn’t eat sweets. He is completely oblivious to her affection. Both guys disregard Betty’s opinions, even her opinions on being a woman, and complain because they can’t get women. Even though Betty is right there. THey have some sort of mental block on viewing her as a woman. This is easy to extrapolate to women not being taken serious in the workplace, though the guys don’t seem to be disregarding her research, but her opinions on being a woman.

The guys complain to their boss Dr. Carmichael, who rambles on a while about brains vs. brawns and basically tells Stanley to make a love potion. They guys are skeptical…until another night of enduring the moaning of Chad and random trim from the gym convinces them. One montage sequence later and they got Love Potion v1.0 to try. Betty volunteers to help Stanley field test, which leaves Walter to call up Olga’s Massage Parlor. Walter secretly drugs some water and has to use subterfuge to get the masseuse Olga to drink it. Which is odd because he’s paying for this!

Betty lies about not having feelings for Stanley so she’ll count as a neutral test subject, then quickly jumps on him after she drinks up the potion for an energetic sex scene. Right after all is said and done, Stanley slightly bumps his head, and suddenly has short term amnesia! He doesn’t remember any part of the sex, thinking it was just a dream. And that it couldn’t have been with Betty, because he dreamed he was with a “beautiful woman” and he says she’s not. So she storms off, rightfully angry at that chump. Stanley should probably get his head looked at, and injury like that probably points to a traumatic blood clot and he’ll likely die soon.

Walter gets a full body massage with happy sex sequence ending — but it’s all a fantasy, in reality she’s slapping the crap out of him for even suggesting getting a happy ending! Walter being an attempted rapist isn’t so out of the ordinary for nerd movies, see Revenge of the Nerds for another example! Unlike that film, here there was no rape sequence, and the character who attempts it suffers consequences for his actions. As we find out as the two nerds talk later, Walter was also arrested for running down the street in a towel. The two nerds are berated by Chad, who mentions Olga’s IS a sex massage place, calls them pathetic and goes to work on his tan.

The doorbell rings and it’s Mary Carey! What is this, a California Recall Election?? Mary Carey is the brand new neighbor Tammy, who is saying hello and also needs some light bulbs because she forgot them. Also she’s a model who just broke up with her boyfriend because he only wanted her for her body. Walter is in love. Tammy is in lust—with Chad at the pool! Walter and Stanley run off to get light bulbs, while Tammy says hi to Chad, then the two go inside to the couch and get it on. The nerds return with them just in time to see the aftermath – though Tammy calls Walter a doll for getting the bulbs. Chad just laughs.

This whole sequence reminds me of a tale from internet lore (aka Something Awful) about a guy who was fixing a woman’s printer because she asked him two and then runs for like a mile in the hot sun with the fixed printer to her house thinking he would get laid as a reward. She was having sex with someone else the whole time, the guy who wrote the story is mocked mercilessly, and it became a classic legend.

Betty complains to Dr. Carmichael about the guys, and he says the nerds are inexperienced and she should wait. Also he says love doesn’t come from a bottle, which is the opposite of what he said to the guys. Is he making them create love potions because he knows it will force them to be more proactive in their love lives, not because he believes love potions will work? That’s great (in theory – Walter possibly doing immoral things because he’s a moron is not!) The lifehacking by Dr. Carmichael becomes more apparent when he suggests to the nerds that if the chemical engineering has failed, they should do robot engineering and thus build a woman. Then he whispers to Betty to trust him when she gets confused and objects to his newest scheme.

FYI: the nerds have rejected just asking a girl out, and also internet dating. Because easy solutions are just too difficult!

While designing, Tammy stops by to talk to Walter because she’s thinking about taking classes at his college and isn’t sure she’s smart enough. He tells her to be confident because she is smart. She hugs him and even leaves a moment for him to kiss her, but he doesn’t pick up on the hint or the emphasis to “be confident” so she leaves and he feels dejected again. All this scene needed was a guy playing a sad trombone.

The nerds put a bunch of mannequin parts into a tanning booth….and out pops a naked Jazy Berlin! She’s ALICE – the Artificial LIfe Construct Experiment. They still need to install her neural pathways (even nerds won’t settle for a mindless sex doll!) Walter sets it for “nerdy guys”, but when he isn’t looking, Betty changes it to “hot chicks”!

The guys bring Alice home to try to humiliate Chad, but the only one there is Tammy – who is using the pool. Alice declares she is a “hot chick” and takes her upstairs to have sex with her. Somehow Tammy is like “we just met…” but Alice convinces her to go ahead. Robots are very persuasive. The best part of the Alice thing is she talks in the classic robotic way, but when she gets to “hot chicks”, she becomes 10000% sultry, then immediately switches back to robotic.

Afterwards, the guys discover the modified programming, and figure out Betty did it. Stanley is confused, though Walter explains that it’s because Betty is in love with him. Walter invites Betty to a party under the guise that Stanley wants her there to prove it.

They set up the party and Chad comes in to be confused that they’re doing something social, then try to hit on Alice. Who is only interested in hot chicks, and rebuffs him. She also demands he stop touching her and hurts him while doing so, which is always fun to see. He says there must be something wrong with her, but Walter declares he sees nothing wrong with her. Despite the fact Walter created her in an effort to get laid, they recognize her independence enough not to reprogram her as if she is somehow wrong. This is a very progressive attitude.

Betty runs in, grabs Stanley, drags him upstairs, and whips off her clothes. just as they begin, Alice walks in, declares Betty is a hot chick and she must have her, and Betty is like “the more, the merrier!” and so we have a Big Bang Trio.

Chad listens in with despair. When Tammy arrives, he tries to take her upstairs, but she’s like “I came here to see Walter” which drives Chad cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs and he storms off to the gym. Now that Walter is confident, he can have sex with Tammy. So they do.

Afterwards, the two guys are happy with their girlfriends and missing a science fiction conventions because of their girlfriends because they’re happy. They also know that love isn’t something from a potion. They donate Alice to the lab. When he’s alone, Dr. Carmichael tries to reprogram Alice to like “Dirty old men”, but after the attempt she just screams and runs away. D’oh!

Also interesting ending, showing that Alice’s programming is probably stuck the way it was, and that seems just fine to me. The Super Sex Program turned out to throw a lot of prior softcore tropes on their ears, and even had good things to say about healthy relationships, treating women like decent human beings, and being confident. It is definitely a better learning tool for meeting woman than those pickup artist gurus.

Rated 9/10 (logo, print, tiny skull!, parlor sign, bulbs of despair, cameo from a prior title sequence!, brain juicing!, that’s everyone’s love emotion response!, Lab Plant)

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