Naked Lust

2009
Written by Abe Froman
Directed by Demitri Nessun

This is how 50 Shades of Grey begins!

Naked Lust is hardly the sex-o-maniac nypho party the title implies, but is in fact a more sweet story of a woman attempting to reconnect with her first school crush that she was unable to go to the dance with due to life. It’s also a story about a pop princess looking to be inspired so she can write some hit songs, and her lovable goofball manager who would do anything for her. And probably some junk about the media, though most of that hits the back burner. In any even, it’s actually pretty entertaining. And it should be, since Naked Lust was written by Abe Froman. The sausage king of Chicago. This may be a pseudonym… Director Demitri Nessun also helmed Cougar School.

This is what to do when the Naked Lust comes for you!

Naked Lust has a good balance of a story that is interesting (if extended), likable actors, and plenty of scenes that are the reason this plays at late night on Cinemax and not on Lifetime. While relying on a nostalgia-fueled fantasy for a plot point, the film and the main character comes to the realization that the fantasy is just a fantasy, and people move on and evolve. Therefore she embraces her reality and everyone gets a happy ending.

He’s turning into that scene from Innerspace! Also why am I referencing Innerspace?

Cherry Pop (Kaylani Lei) – Cherry Pop is the current most famous pop star ever, but she needs to come out with another song before she’s replaced by the next young thing to come along. She was originally named Carla. Kaylani plays Cherry Pop like a slightly burnt out but still light-hearted Miley Cyrus/Taylor Swift, which fits how she’s written. Ape (Joe Souza as Matt Dalpiaz) – Cherry Pop’s manager and wannabe lover. Despite having feelings for her, she still needs to sort things out, so he has to support her. He comes off a lot like Steve from Married with Children, which just adds to the sitcom vibe. Rachel (Leigh Livingston) – Rachel is a local reporter who gets the station in hot water when she broadcasts some live sexing between Cherry Pop and Ape. So she sticks around to document the creation of Cherry Pop’s new album, and ends up getting hired back by her station. Chad Laroy (Mike Nike) – The record guy who hates all of Cherry Pop’s new songs and threatens to replace her, up to the point of actually replacing her. I guess having hit records isn’t really all that big of a deal any more… Kitty Kat (Brynn Tyler) – A potential replacement for Cherry Pop being auditioned by Chad. Has zero brains and even less talent. She’s more like Kitty Litter. The Cowboy (Alan Stafford) – The Cowboy is a famous tv commercial cowboy, but his real name is Ian and he lives with his mom. Is still somehow a big catch, because he’s a cowboy, don’t you know? Jonah (Steve Crest as Jack Lawrence) – Cherry’s old ex-boyfriend who wanted to be a NASCAR racer. Was to be her prom date but stood her up.

She’s naked and has lust, I dunno!

All music studios have an antique dresser with basket in the hallway

Cherry Pop is the greatest new pop start in the history of the universe and is about to release her second album and give an exclusive live interview to reporter Rachel. But Cherry is uncomfortable in her clothes, she explains to her manager Ape. So she strips them off! Then Cherry and Ape lay down some tracks in the recording booth, if you know what I mean.

Rachel’s microphone picks up the sound of the moaning and groaning, which is interpreted as just the lyrics to the new songs. So Rachel walks into the studio, live, and broadcasts the two sexing it up to all of Ohio.

“Wassup Cleveland!” – Cherry Pop

It turns out this can get a reporter fired, and Ape and Cherry are feeling guilty they caused this mess. And probably guilty about the massive PR nightmare this created, but not guilty about the sales spike. Though neither of those things are addressed in the film.

Cherry says she hasn’t written any songs despite the record coming out in two weeks. That might be a problem…. Cherry also says that it was all a big mistake, which Ape takes to mean about her sleeping with him.

Cherry convinces Rachel to stay and document the album creation so she’ll have something to give the network in a bid to get rehired. Cherry does have one song completed, which Ape takes to the record company producer, Chad.

With all these DVD players, I’m going to play all six Star Wars movies at the same time!

“What the shitting hell is this?!?” – Chad upon hearing her only completed song. You might say he doesn’t like it. Also the album has been pushed up to being released in two days. Which makes me wonder how they’ll package and ship millions of albums in two days when no songs are written, but let’s ignore that and focus on the plot. Which is Cherry Pop will get replaced if she doesn’t deliver.

Cherry Pop says her last album was all inspired by her ex-boyfriend Jonah (Jonah, not Jonas, see, so it’s totally not Taylor Swift!) and we get some flashback sex talk about her Jonah fantasies, but the visual flashback is Cherry pleasuring herself to her memories of the story of her and Jonah on prom night. Jonah never showed up that night, thus she has massive trust issues!

Hey, maybe Jonah was busy getting eaten by a whale or something.

Cherry is still looking for inspiration the next day (with everything except Ape, who is annoyed by that!) and demands a cowboy she sees on tv. While Chad auditions a potential Cherry Pop replacement, a bubble-headed blond named Kitty Kat who has no talent at all beyond boning Chad relatively quickly into the audition. Kitty Kat, more like Kitty Kouch.

The cowboy arrives. He’s here to teach her how to be a cowboy. He has squirt guns, a trusty steed (Ape, of course), and a lasso. This is seriously happening. It’s weird but subverts expectations of weird cowboy sex so I dig it.

Ape gets mad that Cherry appears to just be messing around instead of working and storms off. Cherry and Ape make up a bit editing audio files and being inspired by Cowboy’s harmonica playing.

Hell’s Naked Lust

No one in these movies ever uses a shower curtain. Their floors must be flooded constantly!

Cowboy and Rachel then get it on, weird cowboy style, which inspires some more lyrics for Cherry Pop. Cowboy drops a “I just can’t quit you” at the end. Of course he does!

Chad rejects the latest tracks they just made because they don’t rock enough, while Kitty Kat is confused on how to open her mouth correctly. Didn’t she just….never mind.

Cherry declares needs a bad boy for inspiration. Ape dresses up as a ridiculous biker guy in a cute scene. Another skit has Ape electrocuted in his attempt to have danger via unsafe electronic devices. Did this use to be a pilot for a tv series?

Finally, Cherry gets inspiration by watching Rachel shower, then joining Rachel shower, and then the two not showering any more while still in the shower. Ape watches for a bit, then leaves.

Chad sets up a press conference for Kitty Kat, and encourages her to not wear any clothes to the press conference. Finally, an honest producer! Rachel gets rehired to cover it, because her employer had no other reporter available. Rachel pushes for Cherry to call her ex-boyfriend Jonah to reconnect for more song inspirations.

Cherry does, and Jonah agrees to make prom up to her. So they have a “prom”, where he has a tuxedo shirt. Good thing he had that handy! They dance in living room, though they don’t even get a whole dance in before they get it on to a song with actual lyrics!

The next morning, Cherry realizes Ape is her inspiration.

And it is press conference day. Ape and Cherry crash it and rip up the contract themselves and strike out on their own. And their new record breaks all records! Huzzah!

We end with Cherry and Ape getting it on once again as Rachel bursts in live broadcasting to everywhere. It’s like poetry, man! Poetry.

All in all, good fun and a sweet film, elevated by the charisma of all the players. The feel of a tv comedy helps keep things light hearted and we don’t verge into creepy territory. Naked Lust is stronger than the title implies, while still being a good film for couples.

Pussy pussy bang bang?

Yes, pussy pussy bang bang!

Rated 7/10 (Deep cover, logo, candle time, fixing lips, shower head, happy, shocked)

Please give feedback below!

Email us and tell us how much we suck!

Sharing gum is not a crime

Note: there are no covers in this movie to be under!

Just throw your clothes in the pile

Laptop Music: The Movie!

Needs more candles

Creeping on someone in the shower? Just say you’re looking for inspiration for your new songs!

We had one of those guys at my prom, too