Zone Fighter Episode 13 – Senritsu! Tanjoubi-no Kyoufu

aka Absolute Terror: Birthday of Horror! aka Hair-Raising! The Birthday of Terror

1973

Written by Jun Fukuda
Directed by Ishiro Honda

Zone Fighter vs. Birthday Cake! Only Zone Fighter could fight such a dastardly enemy. All others pale before him, even Godzilla is too yellow to appear to fight the birthday cake! Or, more likely, Godzilla knows this week’s enemy is lame and didn’t bother to return the producer’s calls! Godzilla is also watching his weight these days, thus skipping out on eating that sweet sweet cake.

The Republican Presidential Debates continue…

March of Godzilla 2012 carries on with a Godzilla-free episode, but there is still something for everyone to learn. What we do learn is that Japanese people sing “Happy Birthday” and write things on cakes in English. Also that if you hook a car battery up to a Terror-Beast, the monster gets a red force field that doesn’t work that well.

Stop for me, it’s the CLAW!

If you are Zone Fighter confused, check out the Zone Fighter splash page and learn you some Zone!

It’s Hotaru’s 16th birthday! Her family breaking out the cake and singing, including the Happy Birthday song that now requires huge royalties despite the fact it should have been public domain decades ago. But that’s a rant for another review. Happy Birthday, Hotaru! I hope you enjoy your cake…your DEATH CAKE!!!

Forget Chocolate Rain, we got Orange Julius Rain

Baron Garoga calls via TV to mock them because the cake is a bomb! Granted, that is dumb, so now they know to toss the cake, and Hikaru does, throwing it off a cliff. Then it explodes, too late to do any damage with candle shrapnel. If Baron Garoga would have just shut the frak up for 1 more minute, the Zones would be dead! The series would be over, and I could get back to reviewing a different tokusatsu series that I’ll end up not liking, either.

I’m 70% Megalon!

Instead of explosive death, some Garoga goons attack Hikaru by the cliff and get beat up for their effort. Garoga fail! Takeru Jou finds the guy who baked the cake wandering around with blood in his head, because of Garoga mind control! The baker pulls a gun on Takeru Jou, Hotaru, and the head baker, but they easily knock him out.

When good driving gloves go bad…

Yes, the cake is a lie, we all know, let’s move one…

The brilliant plan from the family is to take all his bullets and let him pretend to kidnap them again. Except Hotaru drops her rocket communicator! D’oh! So they send Akira as Zone Junior in Smokey the spaceship to tail them. The baker takes his kidnapping victims to some Garoga goons disguised as humans, including a fat boss guy who knocks out Hotaru, Takeru Jou, and the baker kidnapper.

Hikaru sends in a flying robot communicator to distract everyone (it passes through the walls and even bites one of the bad guys) and soon everyone is punching everyone as the Sakimoris earn their punching merit badges. The only thing missing is “Bam!” and “Pow!” flashing up on the screen when people get punched. The Garogas who get in the Garoga car and shoot the cannons at the Zones until the terror-beast monster rocket lands.

37 birthdays, zero presents

YOU! Will go down at Wrestlemania 931!

The monster is Garaborg, and he ain’t here to assimilate, he’s here to terminate! Which is odd, because he looks like a bug, has a big claw on one hand and a tube device on the other. Garaborg also has a car battery charger in his chest, and a headlight device above his head. Odd. He also quacks like Donald Duck!

Zone lets him stomp around for a bit before fighting him, but when he fights, Garaborg has an electric shield that shocks Zone Fighter with red electricity and makes him weak. This stops Zone temporarily, but it doesn’t work when you punch or kick fast, so Zone just does that! Zone even smashes one of Garaborg’s eyes.

Cakeboss gets serious

The Zone family fails to stop another disaster

ZONE FIGHTER NEW POWER OF THE WEEK – the real magic begins when Zone Fighter electrically charges a tree (!) and uses it to short circuit the Garaborg electric battery, disabling it and allowing Zone to murder Garaborg with the help of Smokey!

Garaborg explodes—actually, a model of Garaborg explodes!

The red electricity is COMMUNISM!

Garaborg’s eye got replaced with a brain after a fight with the Wizard of Oz.

One new cake later, it’s birthday time again. So they sing the Happy Birthday song again, and probably ensure no stateside release of the DVDs thanks to that song.

The end!

Zone Fighter is using an electric tree. This is not a humorous caption, but what is really happening

The Garaborg dummy that gets blown up!

Rated 5/10 (Beginning, button, somehow he doesn’t look threatening, into the ship, Zone Transform!)

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