Robogeisha (Review)

RoboGeisha


2009
Written and Directed by Noboru Iguchi

Robogeisha is exactly what you would expect from a movie with that title. Needless to say, that means it gets approval here on TarsTarkas.NET. We got geisha, robots, robot geisha, dudes getting killed by geisha, women with various weapons built into their body, fake blood spraying everywhere, and women kicking butt.


Now, Robogeisha sounds like the kind of film that doesn’t have some sort of commentary on culture of Japan or the world, and you would be right to think so, except for the fact that you are wrong. The thing is, Robogeisha is unaware that is has such comments, so we’re really grasping at straws here. Giant, obvious straws.


The plot sort of follows the basic lines of Memoirs of a Geisha for a few minutes before veering off into insane territory. But we have the similarities with the sisters being rivals (substituting the Sayuri/Pumpkin rivalry) and the steel industry tycoon. I’m not saying Memoirs of a Geisha would have been a better film had it had robot geisha fighting a walking building, but it probably would have.


But first the cast…

Yoshie Kagusa (Aya Kiguchi) – Yoshie is just your average sister of a geisha who has supressed rage powers to kill kill kill. There seems to be a girl named Yoshie in almost every Noboru Iguchi film. Weird. Aya Kiguchi is a gravure model/actress, and we set up a gallery post as those are always popular.
Kikue Kagusa (Hitomi Hasebe) – Yoshie’s older, graceful, prettier, spoiled sister. Because jealous when her sister is a better killer than her, so endeavors to once again be the best and get all the attention.
Hikaru Kageno (Takumi Saito) – The long haired Hikaru Kageno is the president of Kageno Steel along with his father, and is the object of desire of the two Kagusa sisters. He also works with his father in a horrible plan to kidnap and brainwash women into killers, and eventually blow up a volcano. Takumi Saito was also in Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl.
Onna Tengu 1 (Asami Sugiura as Asami) – One of the two masked Tengu henchwomen who do the bidding of the Kagenos. Onna Tengu 1 was previously a girl named Yasuko before she was brainwashed. Asami is an AV actress who also appears in a lot of ultragore films, such as The Machine Girl and Mutant Girls Squad.
Onna Tengu 2 (Cay Izumi) – Cay Izumi is a choreographer, model, actress, and pole dancer and the leader of the gothic lolita ensemble performance team Tokyo DOLORES. And yes, they figure out a way to get her on a pole briefly during a fight sequence. Cay Izumi pops up as well in Mutant Girls Squad, Tokyo Gore Police, and was a Ganguro Girl in Vampire Girl vs. Frankenstein Girl.
RoboCastle (???) – He’s a castle, he’s a robot! He’s both these things, and he keeps his samurai armor sensibility!

Aya Kiguchi Gallery




























































































Books I Done Been Reading!

Many of you know (okay, maybe three of you know) that I’m a voracious reader. I consume many books a week, several of which I read! In fact, you’re likely to find me and the wife hangin’ at the local Boarders or Barnes and Nobles reading, at least when I’m not headed home from the library with a stack of books that I’ll get finished with well before the due date. So I might as well start listing what I read along with some Amazon.com links so I can get the referral money….I mean, recommend books to you people! Or tell you to avoid at all costs.

Tokyo Vice: An American Reporter on the Police Beat in Japan by Jake Adelstein – Tokyo Vice is a neat book about an actual gaijin reporter for the biggest Tokyo paper, the Yomiuri Shinbun. He works his way through the entrance exams, begins his journalistic career, is eventually put on the crime beat, meets some creepy Yakuza members as well as women in the sex industry, and then uncovers some big scandals involving Yakuza bosses being smuggled into the US for organ transplant surgery. Along the way we get plenty of interesting information about Japanese culture you aren’t going to find in most travel guides. Adelstein eventually makes enemies of the Yakuza family he is investigating along with getting more involved in investigating the large amount of human trafficking (mostly for sex slaves) happening in Japan. Interesting, brutally honest, sometime depressing, but very highly recommended.

Ice Guard by Steve Lyons – Yes, I enjoy reading about the Warhammer 40K universe. No, I don’t play the game. I just like reading books about universes, I regularly read all sorts of “Guides to ” whatever books. The backstories for the Warhammer universes are fascinating and to me far more interesting than actually playing the game. In fact, I love reading a stack of those ubernerdish character profile books for all sorts of scifi series and all sorts of Monster Manuals and things like that. It’s just what I do!

In the far future of the Warhammer 40K mankind is spread across the stars and there is much violence because the universe is messed up. We got space orks, Eldars, chaos monsters, daemons, invading races, psychics, space marines, and violence violence violence. In Ice Guard, a group of the Emperor’s troops are sent on a mission to rescue and important man on a planet about to be destroyed so Chaos can’t take it. Will they rescue the guy? Will you see the ending coming? How many characters are gonna bit the big one?

Fantasies of a Bollywood Love Thief: Inside the World of Indian Moviemaking by Stephen Alter
Atler’s book about Indian film is a great read that not only introduces you to the basics of Indian cinema but also throws enough references around in the background that those familiar with Bollywood will smile. We follow along during the making of the Indian version of Othello, Omkara, and along the way get plenty of side stories and personal anecdotes that show filmmaking in Indian is both similar and very different from America.

My Year of Flops: The A.V. Club Presents One Man’s Journey Deep into the Heart of Cinematic Failure by Nathan Rabin
Nathan Rabin at the Onion AV Club started what was originally going to be a shorter feature and instead became a cinematic journey through the depths of mediocre to awful films. And you can read most of the reviews online, so why get the book? Well, what if the power goes out? Plus, there is some interviews and stuff, and a few new reviews. Also, your power might go out. The important lesson is that some failures are actually successes, and some failures go beyond the realm of normal failure into a magic land of epic fame. Both of those are preferable to the normal, boring failure. And My Year of Flops is anything but.

Toms, Coons, Mulattoes, Mammies, and Bucks: An Interpretive History of Blacks in American Films – Donald Bogle
An exhaustive book chronicling the history of African Americans in film, from the early silent picture days, to Birth of a Nation, to talkies, to black cast films, to Stepin Fetchit, to Sidney Poitier, Spike Lee, and Denzel. Bogle’s work is more scholarly than many random cinema books, but is not hard to follow and was rather enjoyable.

Title shamelessly stolen from (NSFW) Vault of Buncheness

We live in a world with THREE Ginderdead Man movies

What a wonderful world! And this one involves time travel and disco. Hey, maybe the Gingerdead Man goes back in time to try to prevent me from being born. Well, get in line, Gingerdead Man! There’s like 5000 other people who beat you to it!

Reign of Assassins (Review)

Reign of Assassins

aka Jianyu

2010
Directed by Su Chao-Pin and John Woo

Reign of Assassins left me angry, not because it is a bad film, but because it could have been an outstanding film. Reign of Assassins had the potential to be an awesome and unforgettable film experience. Instead, we have just a good film, with parts I remember more because of how they could have been and not what they are. Yes, there are some great sequences in Reign of Assassins (RoA for those of us who are cool), mostly the action sequences (which is where it looks like John Woo just completely took over), but there are many other parts that look great in screencaps and as stills.

Interesting characters are introduced, only to be barely in the film or have suspect motivations, while other characters get far far too much screen time. Why we had like 30 minutes of the land lady vs. five minutes of the Magician I will never know. The villain’s big secret reveal was a let down, as was his secret identity. Why does the undisputed master of the biggest circle of thieves need a secret identity? And it isn’t even a secret identity that he uses to get information no one else can get, he’s just… Gah!

One is tempted to compare this to John Woo’s Face/Off, what with all the face-switching, but he didn’t write the film and seemed to be just hanging around the set all day telling Su Chao-Pin what to do. I guess he just sort of took over and Su Chao-Pin was so impressed that John Woo is hanging around he just let him. John Woo’s daughter Angeles Woo even shows up near the beginning of the film! So we can say that Su Chao-Pin got Wooed. Big time.

Just imagine one day you are directing a film, and then Steven Spielberg walks in and says he loves the script and wants to hang out on set. Of course you’re stoked, you are in the presence of a master and probably learn a lot. Then the next day, Steven comes back. And that’s cool. And he has tips and helps out your crew. Then he comes back again the next day. And the next. Soon your crew starts deferring to him and he virtually takes over directing most of the major scenes. The press gets wind, and suddenly your film is now “Steven Spielberg’s…” and his daughter is suddenly cast in it. Soon, no one even remembers who you are. Your star asks you to go get coffee. Spielberg is sent on a ten city tour to promote the film, while you get yelled at for forgetting the hazelnut syrup in the latte. Bitter and dejected, you then log onto TarsTarkas.NET, only to find even he is making fun of you. Your life is ruined, and there is nothing left to do but jump off the Empire State Building. But don’t despair, I think they got suicide nets now. Try the Golden Gate Bridge, it is still net free at the moment.

Now, I’m not saying that’s what happened on this film, I’m just saying they need to get the barriers on the bridge built faster.


So let’s start the Roll Call for John Woo’s Reign of Assassins!

Zeng Jing aka Drizzle (Michelle Yeoh) – Change your face, change your life. Also steal half of a dead body and realize you can’t really leave the underworld unless it is on a trail of dead bodies. Michelle Yeoh is famous enough I shouldn’t have to explain who she is.
Jiang Ah-Sheng (Jung Woo-Sung) – Zeng Jing’s husband with a secret of his own. He’s a delivery guy who enjoys hiding from the rain and being rejected by Zeng Jing. Until she finally marries him because we’ve wasted enough time in the village and the plot demands we continue on. Jung Woo-Sung was in Musaand The Good, The Bad, and The Weird.
Wheel King (Wang Xue-Qi) – Leader of the Dark Stone, the super thieves gang that rules the Chinese underworld. He has a secret identity and a secret. He also has a goofy nickname. Just because he did awesome on Wheel of Fortune and even scored a date with Vanna White, he’ll never live it down….
Turquoise Leaf (Barbie Hsu Hsi-Yuan) – Barbie Hsu plays a good crazy woman, you almost forget she can play likable characters (cough cough Adventure of the King), or characters that are the living embodiment of a gloomy rainy day (cough cough Future X-Cops).
The Magician (Leon Dai Lap-Yan) – The coolest character who is completely ignored and quickly eliminated. That’s what you get for not being a boring guy who likes noodles!
Lei Bin (Shawn Yu Man-Lok ) – The needles guy likes noodles. This guy is pretty boring, and throwing needles is something that you usually see women doing in martial arts films. Another Dark Stone assassins. Did you know Dark Stone members are called “Dark Stoners”? Now you do! Shawn Yu has been in the Infernal Affairs trilogy and tons of other films I have seen but not written reviews of.
Drizzle (Kelly Lin Hsi-Lei) – Here is Drizzle pre-face surgery, because she was played by someone famous so we’re namedropping her. Largely because Kelly Lin was in Asian Charlie’s Angels.

Dark Heroine Muk Lan-fa Pulp Covers

Here are some images of Dark Heroine Muk Lan-fa pulp novel covers I ganked from this Yahoo Blog. I thought I’d bring it to an English-speaking audience, the small core of us who are interested in films and books like this. besides the three original Dark Heroine Muk Lan-fa films (good overview on Lucha Diaries), there was also a long series of pulp novels, the exact number I am not certain of. The novels look to be reprinted at some point with less spectacular covers, and you can order them on your Chinese eReaders if you read Chinese and want to Google that info yourself. The rest of us will have to just look at these cool bookcovers. Besides the film series and books, there was also a tv series in the late 80s or early 90s, IIRC. The Dark Heroine Muk Laf-fa also inspired The Heroic Trio films.

For more Muk Lan-fa fun, here is a photobook from The Dark Heroine Shattered the Black Dragon Gang, the second film in the series, that Todd posted on FourDK.

Enjoy the novel covers! My favorite one is the clown shooting a clown out of a cannon.

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