Drive Angry

Drive Angry (Review)

Drive Angry


2011
Directed by Patrick Lussier
Written by Patrick Lussier and Todd Farmer


Get ready to Drive! Angry! 3D! Except I saw it in 2D because that’s how my TV works. And after testing a 3D TV at the store, we’ll continue to stay 2D forever. But enough of my complaining, let’s get to Drive Angry, a film that is totally awesome in a bad movie spectacular sort of way. Drive Angry knows that it is ridiculous, and it just goes with it.

When Drive Angry 3D was announced, the title alone was enough to say that the movie will be dumb fun, but the biggest concern was if the movie could live up to the dumb fun promised. There have been plenty of films that were built up and ended up being less than promised, and at this point as a jaded cult movie watcher, it takes more that a ridiculous title to impress me. That said, Drive Angry was entertaining and I quite enjoyed myself.

Milton (Nicolas Cage) – Milton throws down the gauntlet for reclaiming the name Milton as a badass and not a stapler-craving, squirrel-watching pyromaniac. Nic Cage doesn’t oversell this role, allowing the viewer to focus more on the action.
Piper (Amber Heard) – Piper is the unconventional tough female main character, who is more of a surrogate daughter than a love interest for Milton, thankfully making Drive Angry less creepy than your standard Woody Allen movie. That’s something we can all aspire to. Piper doesn’t take crap from nobody, even her cheating boyfriend or wacko cult leaders.
The Accountant (William Fichtner) – Who knew being an accountant was so exciting? It’s almost enough to make me want to delve deep into tax laws. Not really. William Fichtner is awesome and for a long time I thought he looked like the Muppet Digit from The Jim Henson Hour.
Jonah King (Billy Burke) – Creeper cult leader who has a thing for sacrificing babies to open portals to hell. Except this time he picked the wrong baby. A baby whose grandpappy is Nic Cage, and Nic Cage barely needs an excuse to bust outta Hell to kill cult leaders.

Penny Arcade single strip The New Kid optioned for film

Just when you thought optioning things couldn’t get any weirder, a single strip from the online comic Penny Arcade has been optioned by Paramount for a film. The strip is called The New Kid, and it will be written by Gary Whitta (Book of Eli, the upcoming Jaden Smith/M. Night Shyamalan movie)

The New Kid

Fairly Oddparents Grow Up timmy Turner

A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! behind the scenes trailer!

Here is the behind the scenes trailer for this upcoming trainwreck disasterpiece insano-monstrocity that will be the can’t miss movie of the year! Saturday, July 9th, we’ll all get to see it. And weep. This video features behind the scenes action and clips from the film, including how they get the actors to see where the CGI fairy godparents are.

Thirteen years have gone by since Timmy Turner (Drake Bell) met his fairy godparents, Cosmo (Jason Alexander) and Wanda (Cheryl Hines), but nothing has changed for Timmy except for his physical age now being 23. He still lives at home with his parents, attends Mr. Crocker’s fifth grade class, and rides a tiny children’s bicycle to school. Timmy’s arrested development stems from his desire to keep his fairies for as long as possible. “Da Rules” state that every child must eventually give up his or her Fairy Godparents when they become an adult, but Timmy has found a loophole around this rule by acting like a child. However, when Tootie (Daniella Monet), a dorky girl who’s always had a crush on Timmy, returns to town as a beautiful and smart woman, Timmy finds himself having very adult feelings for her, and must come to a decision whether to grow up, or act like a child and keep the fairy family he has known for so long. In the meantime, Hugh J. Magnate (Steven Weber), a larger-than-life oil tycoon, turns his attention to capturing Timmy’s fairies and using their power to fuel his maniacal ambition.

More Timmy Turner insanity!

Fairly Oddparents Grow Up timmy Turner

Wuxia is now Dragon

Because what movies need is a dumb and generic name! Blame Weinstein Co. for the dumb new name, but since Wuxia had a dumb name to begin with it’s more like a lateral move. Wuxia, mind you, is the obviously made with foreign distribution in mind film starring Takeshi Kaneshiro, Donnie Yen, Tang Wei, and Jimmy Wang Yu. The plot sounds similar A History of Violence, with a regular guy Jinxi (Donnie Yen) who foils a robbery from two super bandits, attracting attention from Detective Xu (Takeshi Kaneshiro), who wonders how a regular guy could do it. It’s getting okay reviews, but it will probably be more widely seen than other recent Asian films so we might as well talk about it so TarsTarkas.NET looks hip and current.

The film is brought to us by some Warlords alums, director Peter Chan Ho-sun and writer Aubrey Lam. I thought Warlords was generic and predictable, getting lost in the mess of other giant spectacle films that came out that year. Maybe Wuxia will surprise me, the praise for the script sounds like it will be at least good enough that I’ll finish the film.

And now I have to differentiate this Dragon from the Dragon from Asylum. Thanks a lot!

My wuxia brings all the boys to the yard


Wuxia

and they're like, its better than yours,


Wuxia

damn right its better than yours,


Wuxia Tang Wei

I can teach you, but I have to charge!


pics ganked from here and here

Red Faction Origins on SyFy

This Saturday, June 4th, on SyFy Channel we get the premier of the video game movie Red Faction Origins, based on the first person shooter games that feature players fighting for freedom on Mars against the evil Ultor Corporation. Some games in the series take place on Earth, and by 2009’s Red Faction: Guerrilla the game was a third person open world environment (again on Mars). The film Red Faction Origins takes place 25 years after Red Faction: Guerilla and before the upcoming Red Faction: Armageddon. Red Faction Origins stars Brian J. Smith, Robert Patrick, Danielle Nicolet, Tamzin Merchant, Devon Graye, Gareth David-Lloyd, and Kate Vernon. There is a rumor this is a pilot movie and it the ratings are high, we’ll have a Red Faction Origins tv series.

RED FACTION

The Waiting Game

What do you do when you think The 40 Year Old Virgin needed more Jesus? Why you make your own Christian sex comedy! And steal most of the plot and entire scenes! Because fuck the 8th Commandment! And to make it even better, let’s have non-gay gay Pastor Ted Haggard show up as a cameo.

The Waiting Game is about a guy who saves himself for marriage only to have his fiance leave him on their wedding day. He must now decide if it’s worth it to wait again.

Starring some fat guys and Candace Cameron, the producers put together this trailer to raise the $2 million they need to complete the film. $2 million?????? You could make 8 SyFy Channel originals for that budget, and they’d all be better!