New Manager of the Sumo Club
aka Sumobeya Shinjin Manager
2004
Directed by Katsumi Nojiri
There is a new manager at the Sumo Club. A girl! Time to freak out! GAAAAAAAAH! Okay, all better now. So let’s have an adventure in the erotic world of Sumo Club management, a subject that demands hundreds of cinema entries a month. People just can’t get enough. They’re weird like that. So let’s give people what they want: stories about female coaches of sumo squads.
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Our heroine Mai awakens in the middle of the park in the morning without a shirt and with Sharpie writing marked all over her body. Empty beer cans and dirty paper plates litter the area, and Our Heroine is confused at first until she remembers that last night was a rockin’ cherry blossom viewing party. As we all know, those events get way out of hand all the time. Her panties have also vanished, so there is probably one pervert in Japan who added a new jewel to his collection.
Her friend Hiromi tells her she was gangbanged by three classmates, but it’s just a prank and Hiromi is just twenty feet away with Mai’s panties and start chasing her. Ha ha ha, rape is so funny!
Mai is boning her Professor Tazawa, and does so after class. Like most Japanese porn the kisses are sloppy and awkward. Afterwards, Mai sends a photo of the Professor’s wang to her friend Hiromia via phone. Professor Tazawa says they have already been found out, and he’s getting fired and her expelled, forcing him to move back with his parents on the farm. I can’t imagine how they found out, what with the wang text messages. Professor Tazawa wants Mai to come with him, which Mai is not thrilled at.
A call from the head professor tells them if Professor Tazawa becomes VP of the sumo club and Mai manages it, they can stay. Mai arrives at the sumo clubhouse, its empty except for a scrawny guy who is dunking himself in water repeatedly and ignores Mai. Then a fat sumo guy enters and shuffles towards Mai and declares himself the winner. The club is in such dire straits they formed an eating club called Chanko Circle, so they eat stew with fish heads while talking. There has been no manager for five years.
Hiromi is getting more into sex and feels she and Kuzo should be getting it on. So they do.
Back to sumo, Mototaka is the skinniest mofo on the planet, but he beats Nishi Hanada every time. Professor Tazawa wants them to enter a tournament, but Mototaka disagrees and says the club is banned. They also need a third person. So Mai drafts Kazu! She makes him wrestle with Mototaka, if Kazu wins, Mototaka has to compete in tournaments. He does, so Mototaka storms off. Mai works her manager magic and gives Mototaka a pep talk.
On the walk home, Kazu tells Mai he likes her. She makes paper cut out sumo characters, then has more sex with the professor. Professor Tazawa looks like he’ll get promoted now, and she looks unsatisfied, so they break up after playing paper sumo. Paper sumo, destroyer of bad relationships.
At home, Kazu discovers Hiromi’s hidden porn tapes. But enough of that, it’s sumo training time! What this film needs is a montage. Instead, we get shirtless Kazu sparing with Mai because they really both like each other and we all know what is going to happen and how mad Hiromi is going to be. But he tells her he is going out with Hiromi.
The sumo club meets with Athletics Director to try to get back into sumo meets. They beg him, and Athletics Director likes their chanko soup, so he says they will wrestle him in one week. If someone beats him, they get to go to sumo meets again. That’s a nifty way to save on the budget costs of showing an actual wrestling meet! We find out the Athletics Director was once in the sumo club, and he is an awesome sumo dude. So sumo boot camp for a week! I guess we do get a montage, except set to piano light classical jazz.
Professor comes to the club and practically tries to rape Mai, but is stopped by Kazu, but instead of comforting her he yells at her for not being a qualified manager and doing it all for grades. That great Japanese emotional support for females rears its head again. So Mai walks away sad.
Mai doesn’t show up to the match with the Athletics Director at first, but eventually runs over. As she’s running, Mototaka and the fat dude both lose. to the director Yamashita, so only Kazu is left. Kazu and the Athletics Director wrestle around a bit, and Kazu wins right after Mai shows up. Yatta! Everyone celebrates, it’s party time! Mai and Kazu celebrate by getting it on.
Then a voiceover tells us the school was massacred in its meet, and Hiromi punched Mai when she found out about her and Kazu. So now they have a sort of cold war going on at home. Professor was fired anyway (and sent back to the farm) and Mai had to repeat a year when everyone found out about their affair, which is good because she can be coach for one more year. So I guess it’s a happy ending. Or at least an ending.
There is about 30 minutes of a good film here, too bad it’s stuffed into 70 minutes of film. Thus, things tend to drag out way to long. And like a lot of stuff from Japan, the slow, quiet pace makes lots of scenes seem depressing. Director Katsumi Nojiri tries to do a few neat things (such as the paper sumo game), but doesn’t do it enough to help the film.
Rated 2/10 (soup, blemish)
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October 19, 2011 at 2:44 pm