3 Supermen and a Mad Girl
aka Çilgin kiz ve üç süper adam
1973
Directed by Cavit Yürüklü
Written by Volkan Kayhan
Turkey produced some of the weirdest super hero films that ever existed, in their unique brand of mish-mash, zero budgets, and macho manliness. Of those super hero films, 3 Supermen and a Mad Girl is among the cream of the crop for crazy awesomeness. It’s a sort of riff on the Italian 3 Supermen movies, but going much further into the realm of costumed heroes, masked villains, secret plots, catsuited vamps, cardboard robots, and fistfight mania. 3 Supermen and a Mad Girl feels like a live-action comic book, or even a cartoon.
The three stars of 3SAAMG wear orange and black Superman suits complete with goofy masks. Following the premise of the Italian 3 Supermen films (one of which, 3 Supermen At The Olympic Games, would eventually incorporate footage from this film), the suit renders the wearers invulnerable and grants them super powers. The costume capers don’t end there, the Supermen fight a criminal organization staffed with goons wearing essentially green KKK outfits with purple domino masks, supported by a man named Sheytan, who wears a rubber devil mask, red cloak, and black gloves. There is a gaggle of babe dressed in red bikinis/miniskirts and masks, and the whole outfit is lead by a woman wearing a red Vampira uniform with a blonde wig and mask. Writer Volkan Kayhan deserves a million Oscars for creating something this wacky.
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Worst Naked Gun opening credits ever!
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This being a Turkish film, you can be assured the print looks like it was ran over by a bus filled with puking gophers, violated by amorous porcupines, and then nuked from orbit. Sections of the film appear to be missing, giving it a running time just over an hour. The 3 Supermen At The Olympic Games film that uses footage from 3SAAMG has longer snippets of some of the scenes, and in much better condition, but what exactly is missing besides a few shots of people walking in hallways I don’t know at this time as I haven’t watched the Olympic Games film. As usual, there are no subtitles on our copy. But when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!!!
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We start out with insanity from the very beginning. Sheytan, a guy with a rubber devil mask, red cloak, and black gloves, is meeting with his group. He is flanked by two women in red bikini tops, red miniskirts, and red face masks. The meeting is led by another woman in red, this time a red Vampira uniform along with her blonde wig and red mask. The rest of the henchmen are dressed in green KKK robes with purple domino masks. Just your normal meeting of scoundrels…
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Time to watch The Real Mad Housewives of Istanbul
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One henchman failed in his mission, so they bring out the Robot. The Robot is armed with his gun. The guy begs for his life but it is too late, the Robot disintegrates him in a puff of smoke. Failure is not an option! The baddies pass out orders and kill some people.
Robot Rampage!
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Killing people gets the attention of whatever agency employs Playboy Superman and his two Supermen buddies. They set the trio out to find out what the frak is going on. Playboy Superman goes to see the other two, who are practicing fighting. They show Playboy Superman the Superman suits, which are orange and black. Playboy Superman tries one on, then Small Superman shoots him…which doesn’t hurt him at all because of the suit!
Playboy Superman spies on a topless girl across the street with a telescope, and then he and the other two guys get in a car and drive off. No, not to meet that topless girl, they go to a nightclub. Playboy Superman begins chatting up a blonde, which eventually infuriates two guys with black hair, mullets, black mustaches, and suits, who toss him out. He returns, dressed up in the Superman suit, complete with mask and cape. The baddies fire guns at him, but FAIL! He beats the tar out of the and grabs the girl. This isn’t an heroic rescue, Playboy Superman demands answers as to what just happened. So he smacks her around a bit until she gives him some files and is then shot in the back by a green KKK robe sniper!
Playboy Superman somehow manages to get to the roof of the other building in time to catch the sniper, and punches him off of the roof to his death. A bunch more green KKK dudes show up, but so do the other two guys dressed as Supermen! The three Supermen proceed to beat the green out of the dozen or so green KKK dudes.
The evil dudes are mad, so Sheytan sends out the robot with his gun and they disintegrate a locomotive! That will show the 3 Supermen, no one will get a monopoly now! Next up is the Electric Company, then Park Place…
The evil greenies then go to rob some guy in a car in the desert, but the 3 Supermen arrive to kick their butts again. Green KKK guys just can’t win. Because their green KKK guys. A greenie tries to escape in the car, but Small Superman jumps on the roof and hitches a ride. The other two Supermen beat up the remaining greenies and follow in another car. Small Superman arrives at the hideout a warehouse/construction site (where the Mad Girl is now wearing sunglasses and a sparkly cape) and greenies attack him.
Small Superman is captured and is hung upside down from the roof while Mad Girl yells at him. But it is only a matter of time before the other two Supermen arrive to save their buddy. Hey, here they are! And now all three Supermen are fighting a squad of greenies. The Mad Girl escapes with a briefcase full of something. Something dangerous!
Playboy Superman finds an injured brown-haired girl and takes her home, the dad seems to know him and there is a random lady playing the piano named Miss Sabina. She has a real librarian vibe going on about her. This goes nowhere and Playboy Superman leaves and goes to conference with the other two supermen. As Playboy and Big Superman talk, Small Superman is in the background playing with puppets. Sheytan plots evil plots, while Playboy Superman arrives at the brown-haired girls house for a date.
A bit later, another greenie hideout where Mad Girl is hiding is raided by Playboy Superman, who is captured, tied up to a rack, and dust dumped on him. Oh my goodness, they’re ruining his cool uniform! NOOOOOOO!!! Luckily, the other two Supermen arrive to prevent him from having too big of a dry cleaning bill, and kick some butt. Brown-haired girl tells Playboy Superman some vital information, goes home, strips to her bra and undies, and is then kidnapped by greenies! Is this not the greatest film involving multiple supermen fighting green KKK people ever?
Playboy Superman jumps off a highway overpass into a convertible filled with bad guys while the other two Supermen chase in their car. The cars stop and soon Playboy Superman is fighting a swarm of greenies in a field. The bad gus leave their friends to fight him and drive off, while the other two Supermen arrive to help out.
Underwear-clad Brown-Haired Girl is brought into the secret hideout, she even sees Dr. Zalkon, who she yells at before being dragged away. Later she is seen tied to a rack, a surprisingly common fate for women captured by evil Turkish supervillains. More of her clothing has been removed, but strategically placed ropes obscure any nudity. If there was any, it has been long-edited away by various censors on the surviving print.
The evil lair now is engaged in some sort of sex orgy, with topless masked harem girls and masked guys dressed as Ali Baba types, while greenies stand guard over the area. Three new sheiks come in who are oddly enough the exact same height as the 3 Supermen! They see Mad Girl and some other guys talk, then Playboy Superman goes to Mad Girl’s dressing room and exposes her as Miss Sabina! See, there’s a reason I mentioned her! Because librarians are awesome.
The 3 Supermen force her to take them to the hidden base, but it is an ambush and a gate is shut…until Playboy Superman just blows it up. The ambushing greenies get ambushed by the power of the 3 Supermen’s sheer awesomeness and are defeated. Playboy Superman reaches the inner chamber where Mad Girl, Dr. Zalkon, and Sheytan await. Out comes the Robot! Playboy Superman dodges the disintegration gun once, then twice, then three times. All times standing in front of tables that are destroyed when he dodges.
Sheytan tells Robot to drop the gun and fight, so it does. The Robot starts to choke Playboy Superman, and other two Supermen finally show up. Where have you two been? It’s not like there is much else to punch at this point… That question is answered as the other two Supermen pull out super-powerful magnets that trap the Robot’s arms while Playboy Superman rips out wires from the body. NOoooooOOoOOO!!! Poor Robot, the coolest robot ever is dead.
Dr. Zalkon and Mad Girl flee, Sheytan remains, but when they pull off his mask there is only a dummy underneath. This guy must have moved on in life to be Cobra Commander. A voiceover from the real boss mocks them for being dumb and now they are doomed or something. He’s revealed to be…..some guy! Oh, wait, I think he’s Brown-Haired Girl’s father. This print’s color is so bad he looks like a white blur, but he has the same voice and is an old bald guy like dad.
The 3 Superman find the tied up Brown-Haired Girl, but Mad Girl tells her men to shoot her. Playboy Superman jumps in the way, taking the bullets with his bullet-proof suit. It would be dramatic if we didn’t know he was invincible as no one aims for their face. The 3 Supermen fight the goons off and untie Brown-Haired Girl (the other two Supermen looking the other way as she is naked – I guess Playboy Superman has already seen the goods as he doesn’t bother to try to preserve he modesty.)
The Robot is fixed. HOOORAY!!!! Robot! Robot! Robot! Robot! Robot! Robot! Robot! The Mastermind who pretended to be Sheytan is given some weapon by Dr. Zalkon, then Sheytan tells the Robot to kill Dr. Zalkon. Dr. Zalkon gets blasted. Take that, Zalkon!
Sheytan and Mad Girl drive around a bit, then go back to where the Robot is only to have the 3 Supermen come out. The Robot doesn’t kill them when ordered because he got his wires ripped out again, then a bunch of police arrest Sheytan and Mad Girl. Robot, NOOOoOOOOOOO!!!!!
The day is saved, and we end with a party on the yacht Playboy Superman owns, because Playboy Superman is awesome and rich and better than you. It would have been cool had the Robot been serving drinks or something, but, no. Sadly, we’ll never see a robot as awesome as the Robot in another film. Some may come close, but no one will every capture the magic that Robot had. I’m also happy Brown-Haired girl got over her dad kidnapping and trying to kill her so quickly so she could join the party!
3 Supermen and a Mad Girl is just terrific. It’s cool, it’s campy, it barely let’s up on the action, the plot is recognizable even without subtitles, the bad guys are bad and the good guys are suave. A great example of the fun-filled movie output of Turkey that became a reason to love the country decades after they stopped making this stuff.
Rated 10/10 (mustache power, copyright infringing, peeping playboy, object of leering, mustache power, nightlife, soon to be dead, dear old dad, dear old stepmom, best robot ever!!!1)
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