Beastly

Beastly is a Beauty and the Beast knockoff with Vanessa Hudgens (not taking naked pictures of herself for once), one of the Olsen twins (not sure which), some dude, and blind Neil Patrick Harris. The jock character learns that true beauty is within as he tried to make one of the hottest girls ever love him. Wait a minute…

Also, you are ugly if you are bald, have tribal tattoos on your face, and otherwise have no bad looks. Speaking of ugly, the film is looking so ugly they bumped it to NEXT YEAR! And why? Because Vanessa Hudgens’s man Zac Efron has his own flick that comes out July 30th that was more important/better.

Maybe if this film was a musical!

New Review – Beauty’s Evil Roses

The new review is Beauty’s Evil Roses, Hong Kong goes crazy witch lady S&M lesbian tentacle mind control action. Like usual. With plenty of pictures and a clip, read it today!

Also we’ll probably be biting the big one and switching over from Mambo to WordPress on the main site. Largely due to Mambo being practically dead and me using WordPress for everything else. Granted, that means I lose all of my six years of links and all internal links, plus there is the fear that I’ll lose actual data. So I get to back up everything and have fun playing conversion. So expect that in a month or so, just in time for the 6th Anniversary of TarsTarkas.NET.

Beauty's Evil Roses

Beauty’s Evil Roses (Review)

Beauty’s Evil Roses

aka Se jiang II zhi xie mei gui

1992
Directed by Lam Wah-Chuen
Written by Chan Hiu-Bing


Beauty’s Evil Roses is somewhat famous in the circle of people who watch Hong Kong cult cinema because it is pretty darn weird. Besides being a weird Category III film, it also falls into the genre of movies that have weird S&M-type scenes, creepy tentacle stuff, and goofy Thai witchcraft battles. The creepy tentacle stuff is the types of things you expect to see out of Japan, not Hong Kong. The best stuff is the crazy goofy witch effects, especially when the Taoist priest is battling the Thai witches (why to all the evils in the universe in Hong Kong films come from Thailand? Because the city fears the wild frontier!)

So we have crazy witch cults, girls getting kidnapped, lesbians, cops doing cop stuff, more characters than you can shake a rape tentacle at, confusion, goofy effects, lesbians, gender-neutral evil deities, lesbians, Taoist priests, battles in outer space, lesbians, and lesbians. Seems like a winner to me.

Despite this being a VHS copy, the film did get a cheap DVD release at some point. But we don’t have it, so you can’t see it! Nyah nyah nyah!

The cast list is very sketchy, I did my best but make no promises as to the accuracy. So if there are errors, it is your fault for noticing them, and I will use my Lathe of Heaven powers to alter reality so my guesses are correct. That’s what you get for doubting my cast listing skills!

Mannie (Wong Wing-Fong) – A model and girlfriend of A-Kang, who spends a lot of time having sex with her. She also poses nude, which didn’t bother A-Kang before he started dating her, but suddenly makes him uneasy. Mannie helps infiltrate the evil cult that kills women, giving a bonus lesbian sex scene. Wong Wing-Fong is also known as Usang Yeong Fang.
A-Kang Hsiao (Jack Wong Wai-Leung) – A-Kang Hsiao is a cop with a girlfriend and anger issues. He’s such a good cop he becomes a target of th evil cult. His sister is Show-Mei
Police Supervisor Madam (Chang Siu-Yin) – Cheng’s girlfriend – aka Handcuff Girl – Police Captain that Cheng is sleeping with, their relationship is supposed to be a secret
Cheng (Alex Fong Chung-Sun) – Handcuff Guy – A neurotic cop who likes to beat suspects. He is dating his superior, who is only referred to as Police Supervisor Madam. He is also filled with rage. The rage burns in him like the fire of 1000 suns.
Da-Shie (???) – The evil queen of the cult who has lesbian sex and S&M bondage stuff with all the female members, though she has to answer to Evil God. The makeup artist decided to make her look extra evil, so she’s got that going on for her. Suffer not the evil to live, thus Da-Shie is dead by the end of the film.
Evil God (???) – Evil God looks a lot like Gozer. Hmmmm…. He’s evil, and he has God-like powers, such as kung fu and…kung fu. Okay, maybe he can torture people from afar. I am not sure. Evil God sure isn’t immune to bullets.
Show-Mei (???) – The Money. Miss Missouri here seems to be a tourist who makes friend with a guy who never gets a name, until she is kidnapped by a cult and brainwashed with tentacle worms or something. Then she becomes evil and her brother A-Kang has to track her down and destroy the cult.
Ian-Huang (Chui Seung-Ha) – Member of the evil cult with a Keira Knightly vibe going on. Spends the beginning of the film boinging an old dude to infect him with evil tentacle stuff. Then she dresses as a dude and later tries to kill A-Kang. The most well-characterized of the evil cult’s disciples. Her name is spelled Ian-Heung and Yen-Hong when the subtitles guy is letting his assistant do the work.
Great Priest (???) – A Taoist priest who is not Lam Ching-Ying, so he will be dead by the end of the film. And he is. Only Lam Ching-Ying can be the awesome Taoist priest, sorry, dude.
Share (???) – Share is probably supposed to be Cher, but maybe her parents wanted to teach her how to share so much they made it her name. Too bad they didn’t teach her not to get involved in deadly lesbian S&M cults.

Confessions of a Feng Shui Practitioner

Here is a guest post from Dr. Meow Mix, who may write more articles for the TarsTarkas.NET Blog as it evolves into whatever it evolves into next…

Today I was talking to my old co-worker. Both of us got laid off at the same time and we had the same position. I ended up having to move, but because she was a local, she stayed and reapplied to the same company. Although she had resentment, she ended up landing on a better position than the one we had before and are now getting paid higher than our old supervisor. I on the other hand, just finished my 1 year of unemployment and still do not have a job. I went though countless of interviews and still had no luck.

By the way, I practice Fengshui. I had bamboos, mirrors, and lucky charms on my cubical. On the side note, she was reflected in my mirror, which is on the same side of the door. Yes, we shared a cubical with two more people. My desk was on the closes left hand corner when you walk in. My co-worker had a cubical where her back was facing the door, so she occupied the left farthest corner. She could have people backstabbing her. The first thing you see when you walk in is her back. Both of us got laid off perhaps due to our poor seating arrangements. But now, I think she has more career luck than me, but I don’t understand why. I thought she got the bad seat.

However, I just paid off my school loans with the help of my unemployment. The government gave me my loans and had helped me paid it off. I think that is just fair. Technically I had an almost free college education, but I just wish my degree had done something marvelous for me. Like, being an engineer or something. My co-worker told me that she still has a lot to pay off. Life is not too bad, but I really want a job.

If life was based solely on luck, I must say I should be way luckier than my older co-worker right? Since I practiced Fengshui? But I don’t feel like it.

If life was based on education, since both me and my co-worker didn’t have any relative education to our previous jobs and so is her current one, I think I should have better luck since I went to a more well know college.

We are both hard workers.

If luck was based on beauty, I am pretty, and so is she, but she is White. I wonder if that made a difference. If so, damn you racism. I’m Chinese.

But for some reason, although I am a nice person, people are more drawn to her than they are to me. I had co-workers gang up on me. Fengshui didn’t help me warn off evilness. I was pretty too, and to be honest, being pretty can be a curse instead of a gift.

I feel like it’s a no win situation. But I will give it some time to see how much worse or better or the same my life is. Crossing fingers for the better.

I will try more Feng Shui remedies to see how it affects my life. Stay tuned!

Dr. Meow Mix

Banglar King Kong

Beth of Beth Loves Bollywood sent this to Todd at 4DK who sent it to me who publishes it for you: Banglar King Kong!

It is consistent with the Banglar movies I have seen (1 banglar film, review coming soon, but there are zero giant apes in that one!) This is almost enough to have me check my Twitter more than once a week!