Titanoboa cerrejonensis is the best snake ever!

Titanoboa cerrejonensis is a gigantic snake of monstrous proportions that SciFi Channel can only dream of having giant snakes in their movies that are as big as. And now I, Dr. Mobusu, am hard at work at bringing them back to life. Because, the world needs giant snakes slithering around, eating people left and right, and being all snake. Snake is the new punk, and controlling giant prehistoric snakes is the new Dr. Mobusu. Because that’s what I do. You can’t stop Dr. Mobusu, you can only pray his monsters eat you last! MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

Article

Fossils from northeastern Colombia reveal the biggest snake ever discovered: a behemoth that stretched 42 to 45 feet long, reaching more than 2,500 pounds.

“This thing weighs more than a bison and is longer than a city bus,” enthused snake expert Jack Conrad of the American Museum of Natural History in New York, who was familiar with the find.

“It could easily eat something the size of a cow. A human would just be toast immediately.”
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Actually, the beast probably munched on ancient relatives of crocodiles in its rainforest home some 58 million to 60 million years ago, he said.

The discoverers of the snake named it Titanoboa cerrejonensis (“ty-TAN-o-BO-ah sare-ah-HONE-en-siss”). That means “titanic boa from Cerrejon,” the region where it was found.

While related to modern boa constrictors, it behaved more like an anaconda and spent almost all its time in the water, Head said. It could slither on land as well as swim.

Conrad, who wasn’t involved in the discovery, called the find “just unbelievable…. It mocks your preconceptions about how big a snake can get.”

Titanoboa breaks the record for snake length by about 11 feet, surpassing a creature that lived about 40 million years ago in Egypt, Head said. Among living snake species, the record holder is an individual python measured at about 30 feet long, which is some 12 to 15 feet shorter than typical Titanoboas, said study co-author Jonathan Bloch.

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