Voodoo Dollz: Lust Potion #9
2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Voodoo Dollz is a satirization of those awful movies where girls go to private school and there are secret witches and devil worshiping going on. Many of these films are from the 1970’s, thus have slow pacing, awful cameras, and look like everyone is high on Mary Jane. Thankfully, most of the boring stuff is dropped from this entry, and we get an erotic parody done up Fred Olen Ray style! Many of the familiar females make an appearance, and we get one, lone male entry – Alexandre Boisvert, aka Voodoo, thus giving us the title Voodoo Dollz. There is no Evan Stone, Bart Batram, Ted Newsom, or Jay Richardson. But the many many women means lots of lesbian encounters!
The movie has recently came out on DVD, but as I am poor I had to dub this off of the free cable that comes with renting. I bet you can’t figure out which channel it was on! Stupid logos. Is there even any action in this (of the non-sex kind?) Maybe three seconds of tossing candles. At least these films captured directly off of cable look better than the older screen captures from the SciFi Channel films I taped on vhs and then tried to screencap.
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Hey, man…there is a voodoo doll in the opening credits! I get it!Meanwhile, at the Collinsport School for Girls… (Collinsport is a reference to Dark Shadows)
We start out on a down note, as Meg (Kitty Katzu) is putting a note in Christina’s locker. She was putting in a fan letter because Christina is a lesbian, and Meg is a big fan of lesbians. Therefore, lesbian + lesbian = lesbian sex! As I mentioned in Super Ninja Doll, not a big fan of Kitty Katzu/Kitty Jung, so this sequence is a meh. Headmistress Miss Anton walks in, she is upset and will deal with them in her office.
No, not with more lesbian sex, you pervs! Seriously. Meg gets a warning, while Christina gets sent to another school! We learn that Christina has never been with a dude, which is an important factoid later in the movie. At TarsTarkas.NET, we keep you informed of the facts. Christina is sent by train (non-Hogwarts Express) to the new school, the Dunwich School for Girls (Hello, Lovecraft.) You might remember the building they use for the school from Ghost in a Teeny Bikini. Or you might not. But now you do. Miss Santana is the driver, and school official who acquaints Christina with her new roommate Maria. Most of the other girls are on holiday, except two others, that way we can have a movie that takes place in a school with a small cast. It makes perfect sense, so go with it.
Maria seems like a nice and sweet girl, and Miss Santana leaves after announcing that tonight Christina will meet Miss Dambahla. Christina and Maria retire to their room (which has only one bed…) to drink. Meanwhile, Miss Santana meets with Miss Dambahla, who is a servant of Pakumba. You know Pakumba, right? He is Jabootu‘s nephew or something. Is that a tiki from Curse of the Erotic Tiki? Find out when I get around to that movie, in case you don’t remember. Miss Santana and Miss Dambahla worship Pakumba by having lesbian relations on the couch. Pakumba is wise and merciful. All hail Pakumba!
Maria lets slip her last roommate disappeared in the middle of the night, and next we meet Sandra and Jilly. Now we learn of the Marxist leanings of the Dunwich School for Girls as the three search through Christina’s things, because everyone shares here! Equality for all based on no work? Stinking Commies! This disruption over possessions leads to one of the better scenes in the film. Ah, schoolgirl catfights on the bed with microskirts…
Miss Santana interrupts, but the trouble is covered up. “Don’t Squeal” is rule number one (I thought it was “everyone shares”, but I guess there are several number ones.) Christina takes a shower! Shower time! Christina is being peeped on my Miss Santana, who takes to self-pleasure while Christina focuses on cleaning her behind. It is probably the cleanest behind in all of Hollywood by the time the scene ends. Afterwards, Maria tells Christina about Jeffery, the handyman/gardener who the girls share, but he and Maria are in love. She still has to share him with Sandra and Jilly, which makes her angry. Very angry. Carrie angry.
So she made voodoo dolls! Three of them, even though there is only two girls…hmm… I guess we would have had another cast member had Christina been caught chewing boxes a few days earlier. Maria’s whole family practices voodoo, which is something I believe 100%. If I don’t, she’ll probably voodoo me! She starts torturing Sandra…first by poking by needles, then by pleasuring her, but stopping just before O-time! That is real torture. Christina goes to check it out, and it is true! Sandra is writhing in pleasure, so Christina tries to help….with sex. Lesbian sex! Lesbian schoolgirl sex!! Sex sex sex sex sex lesbian sex!
Now it is dinner time, and I will refrain from talking about how these girls are already stuffed from eating beaver and carpet all day…whoops! Whoever decorated the dining room likes sailing ships and camels. Sorry, too much HGTV. Christina finally meets Miss Dambahla, and Maria and Jilly get into it at the dinner table. An argument, not more lesbian sex, you pervs! Okay, maybe you have reason to think there would be more lesbian sex, because the movie overflows with lesbian sex. There is more lesbian sex than oil on the Clampett’s old land. Maria is sent to her room – with vengeance on her mind. Don’t cross Maria.
In Maria’s room, Jeff is there waiting for her. They can’t get it on because Miss Santana goes to check on her, which ends up becoming a lesbian session. This is Miss Santana’s third trip to sex lane today. She has the libido of a jackrabbit! Jeff will pop his head in from time to time to make goofy Voodoo faces while the sex is going on. The lesbian sex, in case you were wondering. Filled with all the goodness and love you expect from the magic of lesbians kissing each other in their naughty places.
Later, it is time for Jilly to get revenged on by Maria, voodoo-style. Maria commands Jilly to walk towards a ledge with the help of the voodoo doll, and Jilly is told to jump off, but is stopped just in time by Jeffrey. He takes her back to her room, where Jilly tries to explain what happened to Jeff and Sandra. The three try to normalize things by having a threesome. Yep. I guess now Jilly is getting revenged, Voodoo-style! And Sandra, too. I hope you like threesomes, because this sex scene is pretty long.
Downstairs, Christina is then grabbed, and tied up to a cross. She is in the Temple of Pakumba, god of the ancients. Miss Dambahla is there, Miss Anton is there, Miss Santana is there, and Maria is there. If she was Miss Maria, she would fit the pattern. She isn’t, but she is evil, and is part of the cult of Pakumba. It is time to sacrifice the virgin (virgin in that she has never been with a man, that is!) Jeff is leaving his threesome to head home for the night, but overhears the prayers to Mighty Pakumba and goes to investigate. Jeffrey Handyman, Prayer Investigator! He sees the cultists (and Christina is doing a good job mocking their ceremony) and stops them. He then drops some candles, which causes a gigantic inferno which consumes the four evil girls. Maria and Miss Santana go out like troopers. I salute you, make-out queens!
Everyone who isn’t a worshiper of Pakumba gets out alive and half-naked, and the building burns like crazy. Then they just walk off. We are at the end, as the credits play a song that sounds as like it was inspired by Santana’s Smooth.
Lesbian schoolgirls and other lesbians give this a great score, including the fact it was entertaining and picked up a lot of the style of those older witch schoolgirl movies without actually being boring and slow. The soundtrack helped a bit, there was an eerie background music playing from time to time that helped with the atmosphere. The only negatives were no Evan Stone (but he is in enough of these it is no big deal) and Kitty Jung, who I do not like. But it has lesbians. And lesbians. And lesbians.
Rated 9/10 (Sniffy, Drinky, Camel, Radio Retro, Voodoo Doll, Pakumba Knife, Sassy, Burny, NO PICKLES!!!)
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