Scientist have found a palm that flowers itself until it dies. Self-destruction by flowering, that’s a new one! I’ve made plants that explode when they flower, but haven’t seen any that just keep flowering until they suck the energy out of the rest of the plant. The best part of the 100 years cycle is you can set your watch to it. It’s like the old faithful of plants, every 100 years it pops a bunch of flowers then dies, and the babies will do it again 100 years later. The palm has a 59 foot tall trunk(18 meters) and has 16 feet (5 meters) wide leaves. It is the largest palm found on Madagascar, and is not only a new species but a new genus. Too bad they don’t tell us what the genus and species names are! You bastards! I’ll just make one up: Floramaxia destructus. Take that, “legitimate” scientists!

New tree species found in Madagascar

By JONNY HOGG, Associated Press Writer Wed Jan 16, 11:04 PM ET

ANTANANARIVO, Madagascar – A self-destructing palm tree that flowers once every 100 years and then dies has been discovered on the Indian Ocean island of Madagascar, botanists said Thursday.

The name of the giant palm and its remarkable life cycle will be detailed in a study by Kew Gardens scientists in the Botanical Journal of the Linnean Society published Thursday.

“It’s spectacular. It does not flower for maybe 100 years and when it’s like this it can be mistaken for other types of palm,” said Mijoro Rakotoarinivo, who works for the London botanical gardens in Madagascar.

“But then a large shoot, a bit like an asparagus, grows out of the top of the tree and starts to spread. You get something that looks a bit like a Christmas tree growing out of the top of the palm,” he said.

The branches of this shoot then become covered in hundreds of tiny white flowers that ooze with nectar, attracting insects and birds.

But the effort of flowering and fruiting depletes the tree so much that within a few months it collapses and dies, said botanist Dr. John Dransfield, author of the study.

Dransfield noted that “even for Madagascar this is a stupendous palm and an astonishing discovery.”

The world’s fourth largest island, Madagascar is renowned for its unusual flora and fauna, including 12,000 species of plant found nowhere else in the world. Indeed 90 percent of its plant species are endemic.

The palm tree, which grows to 66 feet in height and has about 16-foot leaves, is only found in an extremely remote region in the northwest of the country, some four days by road from the capital. Local villagers have known about it for years although none had seen it in flower until last year.

The bizarre flowering ritual was first spotted by Frenchman Xavier Metz, who runs a cashew plantation nearby. After seeing it he notified Kew Gardens.

Puzzling Dransfield is how botanists had missed such a “whopping palm” until now. According to him it is the largest palm species in the country but there appear to be only about 100 in existence.

He also questions how the palm got to Madagascar. The tree has similarities to Chuniophoeniceae palms, however these are only found in Asia, more than 3,700 miles away.

Dransfield suggests the plant has been quietly living and dramatically dying in Madagascar since the island split with mainland India 80 million years ago.

Giant rodents are nothing new. I myself create large rodents all the time thanks to my growth rays. However, it looks like Mother Nature has decided to try to trump me once again, with the discovery of Josephoartigasia monesi, a rodent that lived 4 million years ago. Weighing between 1700 and 3000 pounds, it is far bigger than anything I have created. But not for long! Inspired by this fossil treat, we shall soon witness the growth of Mega-Rats, whose large size will crush houses! I regret lagging so far behind in the giant rodent industry, and hopefully the newly created Mega-Rats will once again put me back on top. These ROUSes are the perfect bragging rights animal when you get together with your fellow mad scientists to show off. Take that, Dr. Von Wonkenberg! Nice albino chimp, Dr. Frank, too bad it was crushed by my Mega-Rats! MuHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Even better, I’ll revive these Josephoartigasia monesi and begin breeding them as well. You can never have enough giant rodents.

Here is the news article:

Scientists: Extinct rodent weighed a ton

By RAPHAEL G. SATTER, Associated Press Writer Wed Jan 16, 10:06 PM ET

LONDON – Eeek! Imagine a rodent that weighed a ton and was as big as a bull. Uruguayan scientists say they have uncovered fossil evidence of the biggest species of rodent ever found, one that scurried across wooded areas of South America about 4 million years ago, when the continent was not connected to North America.

A herbivore, the beast may have been a contemporary, and possibly prey, of saber-toothed cats — a prehistoric version of Tom and Jerry.

For those afraid of rodents, forget hopping on a chair. Its huge skull, more than 20 inches long, suggested a beast more than eight feet long and weighing between 1,700 and 3,000 pounds.

Although British newspapers variously described it as a mouse or a rat, researchers say the animal, named Josephoartigasia monesi, actually was more closely related to a guinea pig or porcupine.

“These are totally different from the rats and mice we’re accustomed to,” said Bruce Patterson, the curator of mammals at the Field Museum in Chicago, adding that it was the biggest rodent he had ever heard of.

An artist’s rendering showed a creature that looked like a cross between a hippopotamus and guinea pig.

The fossil was found in 1987 about 65 miles west of the capital of Montevideo, near the vast River Plate estuary — a muddy waterway separating Uruguay from Argentina that empties into the South Atlantic. That area is site of ancient riverbanks and other deposits where fossils have been found, he said.

An Argentine fossil collector identified as Sergio Viera donated the skull to Uruguay’s National History and Anthropology Museum nearly two decades ago, said museum director Arturo Toscano.

It spent years hidden away in a box at the museum and was rediscovered by curator Andres Rinderknecht, who enlisted the help of fellow researcher Ernesto Blanco to study it.

Blanco told The Associated Press he was shocked when he first came face to face with the fossil, saying it looked even bigger than a cow skull.

“It’s a beautiful piece of nature,” he said in an interview. “You feel the power of a very big animal behind this.”

Blanco said the skull’s shape and the huge incisors left no doubt they were dealing with a rodent, but he cautioned that the estimate of the animal’s bulk was imprecise.

The extinct rodent clearly outclassed its nearest rival, the Phoberomys, found in Venezuela and estimated to weigh between 880 and 1,500 pounds.

Blanco said the rodent was far more enormous than any South American rodent alive today, surpassing even the present-day capibara that can weigh up to 110 pounds.

He said the animal’s teeth pointed to a diet of aquatic plants.

“From what we can tell, we know it was a herbivore that lived on the shores of rivers or alongside streams in woodland areas,” Rinderknecht told the AP. “Possibly it had a behavior similar to other water-faring rodents that exist today, such as beavers, which split their time between land and water.”

But he said the rodent appears to have had no tail, adding that follow-up studies are being planned to better determine its diet and other traits.

The creature may have been a contemporary to the saber-toothed cats and giant carnivorous birds that roamed the area millions of years ago, but Blanco said it was not clear whether such predators had the power necessary to bring down the huge beast.

“This investigation began about a year and a half ago but it’s still not complete,” Rinderknecht said, adding that the next step may be a CT scan of the skull “to better determine its interior dimensions.”

The research by Rinderknecht and Blanco was published Wednesday in this week’s issue of biological research journal, Proceedings of the Royal Society B.

Scientists uninvolved with the finding agreed that this was one really big rodent.

“I think it’s a very important discovery — it is certainly an immense animal,” said Mary Dawson, a paleontologist at the Carnegie Museum of Natural History in Pittsburgh. She said it and other rodents grew bigger by filling the ecological niche taken elsewhere by rhinoceroses and hippopotamuses.

“They got large taking the role of some herbivores that were not present at that time — South America was still an island continent,” she said. But when North and South America were linked about 3 million years ago, the rodents were swamped by North American animals and eventually died out.

“It’s too bad they’re extinct, I’d love to see those things,” she said.

Patterson said its discovery gave scientists more insight into the fauna of the prehistoric South American continent, when it hosted creatures such as marsupial predators and hoofed animals known to scientists as archaic ungulates.

“These were things with trunks on their noses, huge claws on their hands, they look like somebody just made them up,” he said.

Little trace of big rodent is left. Its closest surviving cousin, the pacarana, is endangered. The sharp-clawed 33-pound rodent lives in the hills around the Andes Mountains. It is considered among the largest living rodents, but its slow rate of reproduction — and reputation among humans as a tasty treat — means its prospects are grim.

Blanco said he was thrilled with the discovery of the huge rodent after so many years.

“When you start to open all these boxes, often times you find all kinds interesting pieces of paleontology,” he said.

“The collector alerted us that it was an important fossil,” Toscano said, adding that the skull remains carefully packed in a box in the museum’s paleontology collection.

Both Blanco and Toscano said they hoped the find would attract more resources to museums in the developing world such as Uruguay’s — which is so strapped for cash it has been unable to hold public exhibitions since 2000.

___

Associated Press writers Raul Garces and Alfonso Castiglia contributed to the report from Montevideo, Uruguay.

The largest fossil rodent
Andrés Rinderknecht1, R. Ernesto Blanco2
Abstract

The discovery of an exceptionally well-preserved skull permits the description of the new South American fossil species of the rodent, Josephoartigasia monesi sp. nov. (family: Dinomyidae; Rodentia: Hystricognathi: Caviomorpha). This species with estimated body mass of nearly 1000kg is the largest yet recorded. The skull sheds new light on the anatomy of the extinct giant rodents of the Dinomyidae, which are known mostly from isolated teeth and incomplete mandible remains. The fossil derives from San José Formation, Uruguay, usually assigned to the Pliocene–Pleistocene (4–2Myr ago), and the proposed palaeoenvironment where this rodent lived was characterized as an estuarine or deltaic system with forest communities.

Choice size quote:

In Reynolds (2002), the body mass of the giant extinct rodent Castoroides was estimated based on skull length, obtaining a maximum value of 200kg. If we apply the same method (with the same allometric relation) to J. monesi, we obtain a mean body mass of 1400kg with a standard deviation of 533kg and extreme values of 716 and 2250kg.

Skull comparison:

(that’s a pacarana, a capybara, and J. monesi for you non-scientists)

My Bear Frenzy Ray is nearing completion! This wonderful device will cause all bears hit by it to go bear-crazy and ravage anything and everything they see. Several of the bears escaped from Bear Camp and still had bear-crazy residual rays within their bodies, causing them to kill their kin. Soon, I shall use the Bear Frenzy Ray to take over several zoos around the world, and hold them ransom for $500 million each!

MuHahahahahahahaha!!

Study: Warming turns bears into cannibals
Monday, June 12, 2006; Posted: 9:01 p.m. EDT (01:01 GMT)

ANCHORAGE, Alaska (AP) — Polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea may be turning to cannibalism because longer seasons without ice keep them from getting to their natural food, a new study by American and Canadian scientists has found.

The study reviewed three examples of polar bears preying on each other from January to April 2004 north of Alaska and western Canada, including the first-ever reported killing of a female in a den shortly after it gave birth.

Polar bears feed primarily on ringed seals and use sea ice for feeding, mating and giving birth.

Polar bears kill each other for population regulation, dominance, and reproductive advantage, the study said. Killing for food seems to be less common, said the study’s principal author, Steven Amstrup of the U.S. Geological Survey Alaska Science Center.

“During 24 years of research on polar bears in the southern Beaufort Sea region of northern Alaska and 34 years in northwestern Canada, we have not seen other incidents of polar bears stalking, killing, and eating other polar bears,” the scientists said.

Environmentalists contend shrinking polar ice due to global warming may lead to the disappearance of polar bears before the end of the century.

The Center for Biological Diversity of Joshua Tree, California, in February 2005 petitioned the federal government to list polar bears as threatened under the federal Endangered Species Act.

Cannibalism demonstrates the effect on bears, said Kassie Siegal, lead author of the petition.

“It’s very important new information,” she said. “It shows in a really graphic way how severe the problem of global warming is for polar bears.”

Deborah Williams of Alaska Conservation Solutions, a group aimed at pursuing solutions for climate change, said the study represents the “bloody fingerprints” of global warming.

“This is not a Coca-Cola commercial,” she said, referring to animated polar bears used in advertising for the soft drink giant. “This represents the brutal downside of global warming.”

The predation study was published in an online version of the journal Polar Biology on April 27. Amstrup said print publication will follow.

Researchers in spring 2004 found more bears in the eastern portion of the Alaska Beaufort Sea to be in poorer condition than bears in areas to the west and north.

Researchers discovered the first kill in January 2004. A male bear had pounced on a den, killed a female and dragged it 245 feet (75 meters) away, where it ate part of the carcass. Females are about half the size of males.

“In the face of the den’s outer wall were deep impressions of where the predatory bear had pounded its forepaws to collapse the den roof, just as polar bears collapse the snow over ringed seal lairs,” the paper said.

“From the tracks, it appeared that the predatory bear broke through the roof of the den, held the female in place while inflicting multiple bites to the head and neck. When the den collapsed, two cubs were buried, and suffocated, in the snow rubble.”

In April 2004, while following bear footprints on sea ice near Herschel Island, Yukon Territory, scientists discovered the partially eaten carcass of an adult female. Footprints indicated it had been with a cub.

The male did not follow the cub, indicating it had killed for food instead of breeding.

A few days later, Canadian researchers found the remains of a yearling that had been stalked and killed by a predatory bear, the scientists said.