New Review is up – Super Ninja Doll, a Fred Olen Ray bikini flick that manages to be a pretty cool genre piece as well. Complete with a movie clip. Read it NOW!!!
New Review – Super Ninja Doll
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Super Ninja Doll (Review)
Super Ninja Doll
aka Super Ninja Bikini Babes
2007
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Super Ninja Doll premiered on cable TV under the title Super Ninja Bikini Babes, but we will be calling it Super Ninja Doll because that is the title that we first were introduced to it as on the Retromedia message board. Director Fred Olen Ray has crafted a mix of cult movie/Japanese comics with softcore elements, resulting in a great film that is both entertaining and memorable. Fred Olen Ray shoots these films several at a time, oftentimes reusing the same sets and actors. (Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle is one of the others shot with this one.) The problem with a lot of softcore fare is it blends together an becomes unmemorable. Stuff you catch late at night on Skinimax or Showtime, then forget about as the next night something completely different is on. These types of softcore movies have been given the name Erotic Parodies, which fits as they have names like The Girl from B.I.K.I.N.I., The Erotic Dreams of Jeannie, and Girl with the Sex-Ray Eyes. As Super Ninja Doll is not yet on DVD (as of when I wrote this), the screen captures are taken from a TV broadcast (thus the alternate title screen), but they look better than our previous TV captures because the screenshots weren’t taken off of a VHS tape of the movie.
The artwork for the Super Ninja Doll comic was done by Noel Anderson. There is an actual Retromedia Comics Group, which is making a Hollywood Chainsaw Hookers comic book!
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xXx: iIi
Vin Diesel is in talks to star in the third xXx movie. Since he was killed off-camera because he wasn’t in the second one, this will be confusing. Not really, as one simple line of dialogue would solve everything. Meanwhile, no word on if Ice Cube will also reappear. Director Rob Cohen is being courted also.
New Reviews – Chocolate and Shaitani Dracula
Added reviews of the Thai film Chocolate and the Bollywood mess Shaitani Dracula this past week. One is a cool action flick, the other is a trainwreck of a horror film. Both have clips, and Shaitani Dracula even has an mp3 of their Bond theme remix. Read them today!
Scary/Hilarious Japanese AV Titles
Japanese porn is the weirdest porn in the universe. And their titles can be even weirder. Here are a list of actual titles that are either disturbing or hilariously awful:
Woman Body Open To The Public Continuous Orgasm – starring Natsumi Horiguchi
Scatolo Evacuation Torture – starring Mai Tsukisaki
No Hair Girl Beast Rape
Masochist Woman Awakening Wild Thing – starring Marin Minami
Narcotics Investigator Addicted To Drugs Vaginal Convulsions – starring Sayaka Minami
Graduation Performance Continuous Orgasm Experiment Show – starring Mao Odagiri
Female Ejaculation Club Faint In Agony Hell Orgasm – starring Nana Sakura
The Octopus Invades The Vagina And It Hurts – yes this involves a real octopus
Huge Breasts Pleasure Hypnotism Orgasm – starring Meguru Kosaka
Running Wild Dog Type Orgasm Machine
Art Model Forced to Do Obscene Things
Enema Narcotic 2 Hole Water Fountain Orgasm – starring Hinano
Restriction Chair Beautiful Legs Trance – starring Noa
Confinement Chair Lesbian – starring Shoko Mikami and Mico
Molester Guerilla Group 61
Lewd Slave Addicted To Confinement Medicine – starring Yuki Touma
LA Amateur Girls Restrained Incontinence Orgasm
Attack! School Girl Machine Vibe 3 – starring Nana Kaori
Coerced Unconscious Climax Clinic Vol.4 – starring Rio Hamasaki
Investigator Addicted To Drugs Vaginal Convusions – starring Tsubaki Kato
Embarrassment Forced Shiofuki Machine Underwear Going All Around Town – starring Yuka Ohsawa
Shyness Forced Enema Hot Yoga
Lolita Gal Anal Destruction – starring Hina Ohtsuka
My Obediently Pet Deal With Desire – starring Yui Seto
Anal Demon Piston – starring Mizuki
The Eel And Loach To Attack In Lasciviousness Are Insane – with real eels and roaches (loaches)
Vaginal Convulsions Agonizing Hell School Girl – starring Aimi
One Womain is Isolated in the Group – starring Mitsu Amai
Delusional Restraint Masochism – starring Yuu Tsutsumi
Deranged Enthusiast Orgasm Enforced Repeatedly Number 09
Enema Sports Tourament
Destruction Break Down Limit Of Orgasm – starring Nana Natsume
What Happens to a Woman When Cumming is Prolonged – starring Mariko Shiraishi
Fainting Skeleton Chair – starring Azusa Ayano
Breaks Down Limit of Orgasm Perfection Climax – starring Nana Natsume
Smoothly Shaven Lassies In Lesbian Action – starring Chihiro Hara and Kasumi Uehara
Ecstasy Water Water Water & Black Man Fuck – starring Yuka Osawa
Nurubeccho Vicious Insult Lotion – starring Natsumi Yoshioka
Restructuring Project Personality Breakdown – starring Riko Tachibana
Drink Urine Depth Charge Gokkun Maid – starring Maho Sawai and Chihiro Hasegawa
The Virtue & Pride Were Destroyed – starring Azusa Ayano
Hyper Risky Mosaic – starring Maria Ozawa
Pls Humiliate until the Spirit is Overcome – starring Yua Aida
Restraint Masochist Excellent Sexual Organs – starring Mariko Shiraishi
Torture Club Indecent Mouth Destruction – starring You Kitajima
Sorry for no links, but they would be all 1000% NSFW and we try to at least pretend we are PG-13 here. Some of the sites even have bestiality videos, which is just nasty. I ran across these while looking up an actress from a non-porn movie who turned out to be a porn star. That’s what I get for looking up biographical information for my movie reviews!
Shaitani Dracula (Review)
Shaitani Dracula
2006
Directed, Written, and Produced by Harinam Singh
This is one of the most ridiculous films I have ever seen. Believe me, I have seen some doozies! I believe I have found the Ed Wood of India, or at least one Ed Wood, as there are probably half a dozen considering their massive film output. Harinam Singh is his name, he directed, wrote, produced, and stars in the film, a pedigree you usually see in fan films. Harinam Singh also directed Shaitaani Aatma and Jeb Katari, quality films. It is hard to find out information about him due to a healer with a similar name.
As for the rest of the cast, I can list their names, but I am unable to match them up to their characters. Many of them are credited with just a single name, which is sort of hard to Google. In addition, the B-films of Bollywood have little if any information in English, so it is already a stacked deck. I’ll list the cast members here, and maybe someone can help. The few stories I did find about Shaitani Dracula mentioned it took 15 days to film. Starring Shweta, Harinam Singh, Somiya, Jaya, Vivek, Kanhaiya, Shabnam, Pooja, Asha, Kamleesh Singh, Advocate Dube, and many others.
Advocate Dube?
The plot of Shaitani Dracula (translates to Devil’s Dracula) basically involves Dracula and some of his creepy goons harassing some campers in order for him to seduce some young ladies for dinner. That sounds like a straightforward plot, but that is the only thing straightforward. First, this film is a jumbled mess of edits, pointless scenes, and padding. A large portion of the film is just various characters wandering around the forest at night, usually alone, but occasionally being stalked by someone spooky. The film is edited by someone who somehow can operate despite being overdosed on caffeine, crack, Speed, heroin, LSD, irritable bowel syndrome, huffing paint, bipolar disorder, and ADD. There are more cuts in 15 minutes of Shaitani Dracula than in most major feature films. And yet, in those 15 minutes and thousands of cuts, nothing happens! In fact, the bulk of this review will be sorting out the various minions of Dracula. As you will read, the movie’s narrative is like a patchwork quilt of random. Don’t expect it to make sense, because it doesn’t. At all.
Shaitani Dracula‘s scenes were all done in one take. They didn’t bother with reshoots for either wardrobe malfunctions or even to put the actresses in focus. No one seems to be able to get the camera to focus on anything in wide shots, the few closeups are the only time we get a 100% clear picture. Shaitani Dracula is available on VCD, and it is evident that the VCD was sourced from a VHS tape, as there are a few rough patches late into the film. The VCD has no subtitles, but when has that ever stopped us? At TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinkin’ subtitles!
