Tarzeena: Jiggle in the Jungle
aka Tarzeena: Queen of Kong Island
2008
Directed by Fred Olen Ray (as Nicholas Medina)
Tarzeena Jiggle of the Jungle joins a long line of Tarzan-themed erotic movies. It is an anomaly in this genre, though, because it is actually entertaining and not a complete waste of celluloid. Director Fred Olen Ray manages to craft together a nice little homage to not only the Tarzan films, but those old jungle films where people wander through stock footage and movies with crazy mad scientists. Tarzeena is a great throwback to anyone who has suffered through borefests such as Nabonga. As viewers of traditional jungle flicks know, up to 25% of the film is stock footage (and sometimes shamefully more than that), there are jungle girls worshiped by natives, and there is usually a guy in a gorilla suit. We have all of those things, plus sex scenes. Tarzeena was one of several made at the same time, also including Super Ninja Doll.
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Tarzeena lives on Stock Footage Island – I mean Kong Island. Tarzeena’s skimpy clothing allows her to keep cool in the jungle heat, but at times she must shed her clothes and get naked. Thus she must take a shower in the waterfall. Luckily, a plane filled with hundreds of shaving blades must have crashed on the island at some point, allowing Tarzeena’s skin to remain smooth as an android’s bottom.
Meanwhile, in civilization… Uncle Milton is dead. His stepdaughter Mandy and her boyfriend Ted discuss this for us so we know what is going on. As she is the only heir to the big estate, they have sex. Post-funeral sex. Estate celebration sex.
Estate lawyer Jed Slater knocks on the door and interrupts the festivities. Millions of dollars were left to Mandy…if. Milton’s son Bradly (BOOO!) disappeared on an uncharted isle (aka Kong Island) 20 years ago, with his young daughter. He was believed killed, but no one knows. So they must go look for him. Slater will organize everything, and if they find Bradly and daughter, they won’t lose any money because those funds are already set aside. That has the added benefit of keeping these characters from becoming villains. After an entertaining travel montage, we arrive on Kong Island!
Jack Carver, guide extraordinaire, is busing guiding native girl Shana to her O-face. It looks like a successful trip, but Jack cuts out to go meet his new clients at helicopter site. Those clients are the main characters. Jack interrupts shocked Mandy, who was trying to pee but saw Tarzeena. She was nearly bit on the butt by a CGI carnivorous plant.
Shana goes to Dr. Mortimer’s secret lair, and tells Dr. Mortimer about the new people who are looking for Tarzeena. Shana is helping Dr. Mortimer so Jack will be spared from his mad plans. At Jack’s cabin, Jack offers to cut his fee if he gets to nail Mandy (who is asleep at this point and thus not part of the discussion.) Ted and Jed mull this over as Jack leaves…to Mandy’s room…and has sex with her!
Needless to say, the offer is taken off the table afterwards!
Let’s get Tarzeena-hunting! Animal stock footage jokes abound. Mandy once again goes to pee…and is captured by a gorilla! The others stand by helpless – until Tarzeena appears, and she tells Tabonga to put Mandy down. Tarzeena tells them to get lost, and isn’t interested in what they have to offer. She tells them her dad is dead and then she winks at Jim. Tarzeena leaves, but the group must continue on, as they need solid proof that Bradly is dead.
The evil Dr. Mortimer tranquilizes Tabonga and takes him back to his lair for experiments against nature. Jack guides them to a plane wreck, where they also find a grave which has to be Bradly’s grave. They’ve done what they came for, so they can go home. Tomorrow, first they will spend the night at Jack’s cabin, because it is too dark to leave the island, what with it being nighttime and all.
Dr. Mortimer surgically implants a brain control chip into Tabonga. Now Tabonga will do his bidding! Somebody make sure that ape Caesar doesn’t hear about this. Jack Carver patrols outside his cabin that night, but Tarzeena manages to sneak in for a sex scene with Ted! Find out what Jungle Love is. You will be pleasantly surprised! Where did Tarzeena learn all of this? No wonder she misses her gorilla!
Tabonga knocks out Jack, and Dr. Mortimer has Tabonga capture Tarzeena after she leaves the cabin. Meanwhile, Shayna decides to get revenge on Jack for not paying attention to her, by seducing Mandy to ruin her for all men! Translation: lesbian sex! You’d think with all of the softcore movies throwing in lesbian scenes all over the place this gimmick would get old, but it is still good. The trick is to not make it boring, you hear that, Seduction Cinema?
The evil Dr. Mortimer declares he will put a chip in Tarzeena’s brain, so he can have sex with her. She is less than thrilled at the prospect, and even less thrilled when he says he will also use her as a maid. The next morning, Jack awakens with a note on his shirt from Shayna telling of Tarzeena’s capture. They decide to go rescue her! Because! Probably because Ted wants to sex Tarzeena again, and everyone goes along with him because it is a good thing to do.
They burst in and rescue Tarzeena, she smashes device in lab. This will be important later. Jack also sets a dynamite bomb. Dr. Mortimer captures them at gunpoint, and tells Tabonga to kill these intruders. With the device damaged, Tabonga can break free of control and attacks Dr. Mortimer instead! Everyone escapes, except Tabonga who defeating Dr. Mortimer and beating his chest. The lab explodes, sadly killing Tabonga in the process. NOOOOOO!!!! Poor Tabonga. He died a hero. Somebody nominate him for the Congressional Medal of Honor. Or at least get him a statue next to the lawgiver statue.
Ted and Mandy go home…and Tarzeena is their maid? What? That’s the end, confusing and weird.
Well, Tarzeena managed to be a pretty good themed softcore, filled with enough gags to keep the filler entertaining and enough sex scenes to keep the rest of it interesting. The mad scientist, gorilla, and jungle girl antics also gives us a genre film, so that is welcome. Not as spectacular as Super Ninja Doll, but good enough in it’s own right. And that makes it worth a look.
Rated 7/10 (Grafix!, Milton, Gimme Five!, The Chip, The Death Star, Jimmy “J.J.” Walker knows what this is, BOOM!!)
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OMG We all gonna die!!!1
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