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Number: 1
Name: Pirate Lion
Japanese Name: White Leo
Ruler of Country: King of Beastrom
Position: Supreme Commander
Weapon Name: White Beamer (Silver Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Lion (white w/ Blue Armor)
Pirate Lion was the first Battle Beast, Numero Uno, Number One. The king of the beasts became the symbolic Battle Beast. Pirate Lion sports Blue Armor and an eyepatch, showing he’s one tough mug. Pirate Lion was a winner, and was a popular Beast in many circles. In Japan, he was the leader of the Autobot Faction, and later the Battle Beasts in general when they fought the Lazer Beasts. Pirate Lion’s main flaw was the white plastic was prone to limbloss, and more than one Pirate Lion is now sitting armless in someone’s toychest. My particular Pirate Lion lost both of his arms, but currently has them glued on with superglue applied sometime around 1990. Pirate Lion is the Supreme Commander of all the Autobot-allied Beasts. He’s also the King of Beastrom, his family rules over all of Planet Beast (or Beast Star) and he will become the Sunburst Warrior (more on that in that section.) Pirate Lion is the spokesperson for the Battle Beasts, and is their most recognizable symbol. He keeps an eye out for dangers, and his other eye…..well, let’s just say someone got indigestion. |
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Number: 2
Name: Deer Stalker
Japanese Name: Big Serow
Ruler of Country: King of Saitan
Position: Aide/Adjutant
Weapon Name: Big Boomerang (Silver Bat’leth-style weapon)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Deer (brown w/ Green Armor)
Deer Stalker is a cool mother freaker. He’s got the red shades, the Drill left hand, a cannon over one shoulder, and what we as kids used as lasers on each hip. He even has his own ride, the Deer Stalker Chariot. Deer Stalker was a popular dude on the playground, and was usually in the second tier at least in the storylines played by my sister and I as kids. His nasty Bat’leth (or Boomerang as it’s named) would slice the crap out of any opponent. Deer Stalker also bucks the trend of having armor on the lower legs, he’s too cool for that school as well. If he was in a cartoon, you’d imagine he’s have the same voice as Chester Cheetah. It’s pretty neat how the King of Satan is a good guy…wait? Saitan? Ooooooohhhhh! |
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Number: 3
Name: Ferocious Tiger
Japanese Name: Goldar
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Gunmarino
Position: Land Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Baton-Gol (Silver double-sided Mace)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Tiger(Yellow w/Brown Armor)
Awesome awesome Beast. Was one of my favorites growing up, almost always a main character. With his triple-rockets stacked on his shoulder, and the fact he’s a freaking tiger, he’s a winner! Ignore the fact he has what looks like a baton for a weapon, something he should be twirling around in the middle of a high school band halftime show performance. It can still break some bones. Tiger likes art and war together, okay? Also, his Japanese name is Goldar? Like Mighty Morphin Power Rangers’ Goldar? How unfortunate! The Tiger also has his own ride, the Tearing Tiger. Always a winner. The Emperor of Gunmarino, birthplace of Dan Marino. Tiger is secretly the most awesome Beast, but he lets Pirate Lion rule because he doesn’t want the responsibility that comes with being the leader of the world, as Tiger is worried it will corrupt him. He is fiercely loyal to his boss, but is a true patriot at heart and would oppose anyone who would dare hurt Planet Beast, even if it was the entire group of his allies. |
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Number: 4
Name: Colonel Bird
Japanese Name: Flykick
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Beastrom
Position: Air Combatant
Weapon Name: Flying Typhoon (Silver double-sided Axe/Halberd Thing)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Eagle (White w/Light Blue Armor)
Colonel Bird (or “Flykick”) is a mean bird. He’s usually called an Eagle by those who didn’t know his name for years, or still don’t. His blue armor and white body went well together, so much so that one of my schoolmates thought he was the only one worth having. Then my Colonel Bird promptly disappeared. Coincidence? I think not. Luckily Ebay helpfully reacquainted me with the Colonel Bird Fun Club, and also got me a copy of his weapon for the first time, as mine was packaged with Triple Threat Snake’s weapon! Since this guy is supposed to be the Emperor of Beastrom, and Pirate Lion is the King of Beastrom, does this make Colonel Bird the Number 2 Autobot Beast? Then why is Big Serow always pictured as a Number Two Guy? Probably because he is, and Colonel Bird is just Number 4 or 5 or even lower. |
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Number: 5
Name: Killer Carp
Japanese Name: Killer Fish
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Lenonia
Position: Staff Officer
Weapon Name: Killer Anchor (Silver Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Carp (White w/ Pink Armor)
One of the two first Beasts I ever bought, Killer Carp is the King of the Fishes! Ignore the Pink Armor, he’s tough enough to wear pink! Killer Carp was even the bad guy in the British Battle Beast comic, where his plan was to melt the polar ice caps and flood the world, so only the Beasts who live in water would be surpreme fighters! This evil genius idea gains him a few points. Plus, he just looks neat! Killer Carp was so popular, that he got two additional versions in Japan, the Clear Ghost Carp, and the Striped Ghost Carp (will be reviewed individually.) Is the Emperor of Lenonia while Alligatoron is the King of Lenonia, so Carp would be the Number Two Decepticon Beast. His card claims that he “is always angry because of an old wound that was inflicted by Deer Stalker that still occasionally hurts.” Maybe he should have ducked. Dreams of having Golden Armor, which give a +3 defense to Fire, Ice, and Nuke. |
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Number: 6
Name: Triple Threat Snake
Japanese Name: Snake Bomb
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Baraki
Position: Demolition Reconnaissance Soldier
Weapon Name: Bomb Saberer (Silver Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Snake (Green w/ Blue Armor)
Triple Threat Snake is a Triple Threat! Sorry, I had to make that joke, as I must do this one: Snake Bomb is Da BOMB! What kind of name is “Snake Bomb” anyway? At least “Triple Threat” acknowledges that TTS (that’s what us cool people call him) has a snake as each hand! Triple Threat Snake is a solid Beast, and the other of the two original Beasts I first purchased. At least some of the Japanese boxes TTS was packaged in came with a hologram card of Sabre Sword Tiger. His weapon is the Bomb Saberer, which has too many “-er”s for my taste, and should have been called the Triple Threat Smackdowner. TTS also has two laser guns built into his armor which came into play. When TTS isn’t arguing among himself, he’s fighting with anyone he comes across, or attempting to eat Powerhouse Mouse. |
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Number: 7
Name: Horny Toad
Japanese Name: Drillfrog
Ruler of Country: King of Baraki
Position: Underwater Offensive Soldier
Weapon Name: Log Driller (Silver Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Frog (Green w/ Red Armor)
Horny Toad! MuHAHAHAhahaha! He’s the Horniest Toad of them all! What an unfortunate name! That’s even the English name, his Japanese name, while nonsensicle, at least isn’t provocative. Drillfrog, the Drilling-est Frog of them all! As a biologist I must point out that frogs and toads are different things. Sorry to bore you there. Horny Toad was the leader of the good guys Beasts in the Blackthorne comic series that lasted a whole 4 issues. He was sign water, for those of you keeping score at home, and they basically made him like Kermit in Battle Beast form, except not in love with a pig (as far as I know.) Mr. Frog was never high up in my Battle Beast collection, which is the one that counts. In Japan, the evil Horny Toad shared ruling duties with Snake Bomb in the country of Baraki. Actually, that’s not exciting at all. Plus, Snake Bomb would probably just kill him and become the Emperor King or something. |
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Number: 8
Name: Sledgehammer Elephant
Japanese Name: Elephan
Ruler of Country: King of Shutoru
Position: Transportation Combatant
Weapon Name: Elehammer (Silver Sword)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Elephant (Lavender w/ Black Armor)
Elephant is in the HOUSE! For some odd reason, Sledgehammer Elephant is a nice shade of lavender, giving him a girlish property. Though his tusks denote him a male, it makes one wonder why they didn’t have any grey plastic on hand. Many grey Beasts exists, but the answer probably is that the lavender plastic was cheaper. This is evidenced as my Sledgehammer Elephant lost himself an arm due to joint wear. He has a hammer for a left hand, giving Sledgehammer the mystic of an Iron Worker slaving away at the forge. Perhaps Sledgehammer is the God Hephaestus in elephant form, which would probably make him Hindu or something. My entire knowledge of Hindu is from Apu on The Simpsons, so don’t take this as gospel. Sledgehammer has a neat-looking sword. Oddly enough, his Battle Badge is placed at his crotch (due to his massive trunk being in the way of his chest) which is oddly perverted. Expect no less from Japan. |
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Number: 9
Name: Rocky Rhino
Japanese Name: Graysharp
Ruler of Country: King of Petora
Position: Land Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Sharpener (Silver Halberd)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Rhinoceros (Gray w/ Yellow Armor)
Rocky Rhino was one of the more popular kids on the playground when he first came out. He’s a tough-looking dude with his hand replaced with the end of a mace. Rocky looks like he could kick most of the other Beasts’ butts. After more and more Beasts were release, Rocky started dropping down in popularity. Soon he became just another Beast in the middle. It’s a lesson for the times, that you need more than a spiky ball for a hand to make your mark in the world. Rocky is dedicated to protecting the image of Rhinos in popular media, he has protested against the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, the movie Ace Ventura 2, and Traditional Chinese Medicine. |
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Number: 10
Name: Roamin’ Buffalo
Japanese Name: Gray Ox
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Petora
Position: Amphibious Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Okron (Golden Anchor-Shaped Battleaxe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Buffalo (Gray w/ Dark Green Armor)
Roamin’ Buffalo is another Also-Ran Beast. Unaware of his name, we just called him “Bull” on the playground. With one hand replaced by a yellow clamper, he was useful for pretending to choke other unfortunate opponents. Musky Ox has some sort of lights put into his horns, which may or may not be lasers instead. Nevertheless, he was useful for quick goring action, but usually didn’t figure into long-term play plots. Those were left to flashier Beasts. He and Rocky Rhino ruled Petora together, which must be like ruling Nebraska or something. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and Roamin’ Buffalo wasn’t turned into a Warrior in a day, it took three weeks of intensive training. His favorite pastime is getting his okr on. |
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Number: 11
Name: Grizzly Bear
Japanese Name: Battle Bear
Ruler of Country: King of Sandtoria
Position: Mountains and Forest Combatant
Weapon Name: Great Battler (Gold Axe)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Bear (Brown w/ Blue Armor)
Grizzly Bear has a name that’s far too obvious. At least his Japanese name switches it up a bit, what with Battle Bear. Bear has no particular characteristics that made him very interesting, despite being a bear. He was normally packaged with Bliztkrieg Bat, but that’s not exciting, either. His weapon also fails to excite, despite being a heavily ornimated gold axe. He is much better than Pillaging Polar Bear, but is outclassed by Hustlebear. Poor Grizzly. At least he’s a good fighter in the war against the Decepticons, even being featured in the TV episode. Grizzly is constantly getting caught in honeypots. |
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Number: 12
Name: Blitzkrieg Bat
Japanese Name: Devilbat
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Ringostan
Position: Land and Air Soldier
Weapon Name: Devil Waver (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Decepticon
Series: 1
Species: Bat (Tan w/ Brown Armor)
I’m guessing Blitzkrieg Bat got his name because Toy People thought that America wouldn’t go for a bat with “Devil” in it’s name. So instead they name him after a Nazi German attack method! Ignoring that gaffe, Bat is a neat Beast. He’s got a green hook replacing one of his hands, plus has wings, allowing flying attacks. One of his eyes is replaced by some sort of telescope device, which could possibly be called a monocle for great hilarity. Blitzkrieg Bat was featured in the Comic Book series from Blackthorne as a villain, the rival flyer to Knight Owl. Is the Emperor of Ringostan, not to be confused with Ringo Starr. |
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Number: 13
Name: Gargantuan Gorilla
Japanese Name: Bonga
Ruler of Country: King of Halas
Position: Land Offensive Commander
Weapon Name: Bonga Saber (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Gorilla (Black w/ Red Armor – Orange Armor variant)
Bonga? Bonga??? BONGA??? Awesome. Us Americans get Gargantuan Gorilla, but Japan gets Bonga. Who’s the winner on that deal? His weapon is even called the Bonga Saber, making it have one of the coolest names in the Battle Beasts Lore. Sadly, Bonga himself is not that interesting, though he scored a slot as a main character in the Blackthorne Comics as one of the good guys. They used the gentle giant template for his character, much removed from his British Comics appearance where he was a warthirsty bloodmonger. Bloodmonger=Bonga? I think so… There’s a varient where Bonga’s armor is orange instead of red, this was probably from when Beasts were included with vehicles in the American packaging, as many of them were oddly colored. Orange Bonga is worth more money, because he contains more Vitamin C. |
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Number: 14
Name: Swiny Boar
Japanese Name: Wild Thunder
Ruler of Country: Emperor of Shutoru
Position: Land Offensive Combatant
Weapon Name: Thunder Bar (Golden Glaive)
Affiliation: Autobot
Series: 1
Species: Boar (Purple w/ Blue Armor)
Wild Thunder! Japan once again has the cooler name! Swiny Boar is more of a Swiny Bore, as he’s not that interesting. He’s a wild boar wearing a gas mask, and for some reason is purple. He and Sledgehammer Elephant must belong to the same cult. Mr. Swiny has a neat-looking lightning bolt shaped weapon, but he was never a top-tiered Beast. Probably because he loves to roll around in his own filth. It stinks. Decepticon Beasts could smell him coming a mile away. Finally, Pirate Lion had to transfer him to the Rear Guard, along with Pillager Pig. Moving on… |
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