Posts tagged "TomCat Films"

The 113 Must See Flicks From the American Film Market 2013

Hi and welcome to the 2013 edition of the American Film Market Films You Must See List! Last year we showcased 69 exceptional films that were shining lights of amazeness. Several of those films went on to be well liked, some went on to be well hated, and many more are still stuck in “development”. The American Film Market is the global marketplace for film acquisition, financing, and distribution rights, and the 2013 AFM took place from November 6-13.

This year, the rules are simple: The films must be of the quality expected of a news article on TarsTarkas.NET. The films can’t be mainstream films. The films can’t be one featured on last year’s list. The films must be completed in 2013 or later.

We tore through the 6900+ films in the AFM database to find the winners! As usual, the information on the AFM film database is terrible, I had to look up a lot of the posters and cast and trailers myself! That’s part of the reason this article took so long to write, besides life getting in the way. But the fruit has ripened, and not it is time to dig in!

Trends for the 2013 AFM included:

1- Far less monster films than usual. Either a few of the SyFy content producers didn’t show off their wares in the database, or they are just making less monster films now. I do think SyFy does have a bit of a backlog on films, so maybe they are holding off.
2- Frankenstein was everywhere! Most of the best are listed below, but there must be a 2000% increase in Frankenstein films.
3- There were far far fewer super hero films this year, barely any. Last year featured a lot of public domain characters getting low budget films, this year featured maybe two super hero films. A taste of the future, or are studios waiting until 2015?
4- The most unexpected trend was Home Alone with Taking Dog movies! I did not expect this to be a trend, but there are multiple films like this in the pipeline, and now it is a subgenre of talking dog films. Amazing.
5- Finally, the real trend was zombies (as always). Believe me, I left off hundreds and hundreds of boring sounding zombie films, and am utterly sick of zombies. So if a zombie film is listed, it must have something.

In the time it took to write all of this, a few of these films did see a release, so some you can check out now! To keep it fair, I did not watch the ones that did come out. Also, looking up information these films lead to information on many other films that weren’t even listed in the AFM catalog, so I have dozens of further updates of interesting thins to pepper the news with for the next few weeks. Lucky me!

But let’s get started with the big old list!

47 Meters Down
47 Meters Down
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Altitude Film Sales
Cast – Vanessa Kirby
Director(s) – Johannes Roberts, James Harris
Writer(s) – Johannes Roberts, Ernest Riera

Twenty-something sisters Kate and Lisa are gorgeous, fun loving and ready for the holiday of a lifetime in Mexico.

When the opportunity to go cage diving to view Great White sharks presents itself, thrill-seeking Kate jumps at the chance while Lisa takes some convincing. After some not so gentle persuading, Lisa finally agrees and the girls soon find themselves two hours off the coast of Huatulco and about to come face to face with nature’s fiercest predator.

But what should have been the trip to end all trips soon becomes a living nightmare when the shark cage breaks free and sinks and they find themselves trapped at the bottom of the ocean. With less than an hour of oxygen left in their tanks, they must work out how to get back to the boat above them through 47 meters of shark-infested waters.

Tars sez: It’s a reverse Open Water! I it just the two girls in the cage, or will there be cannon fodder for the sharks to chomp on? Because being underwater isn’t going to give the characters time to talk to make you sympathize with them. This has potential to be interesting, but could easily become awful.

Abner the Invisible Dog
Abner The Invisible Dog
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Blue Galaxy International
Cast – David Deluise, Nancy Sullivan
Director – Fred Olen Ray
Writer(s) – Pat Moran

Bumbling thieves steal top secret Government formulas and hide them in a toy store chemistry set, which is sold and given to a 12 year old boy for his birthday. The boy experiments using the vials and when the family dog licks the concoctions, one makes it TALK and the other makes it invisible! When the parents are away and the boy and dog are home alone, the thieves break in and get more than they bargained for.

Tars sez: One theme this year seems to be talking dog Home Alone movies, but Abner the Invisible Dog ups the ante by also giving the dog the power to turn invisible. It looks like a fun kids movie rental, and I recognized some Fred Olen Ray touches and actors just from the trailer. The poster gives hints to the Home Alone sequences, as well as having a guy do a Bruce Campbell impression! Dog’s accent: British.

The Adventures of Roborex
The Adventures of Roborex
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –

11-year old inventor, James Miller, has only one friend in the world, his beloved golden retriever Rex. But when a strange capsule lands in his backyard and a robot dog emerges, his life will never be the same. The robot identifies himself as RoboRex, and tells James that he has come from the future to stop an evil man named Dr. Apocalypse from taking over the world along with his wily robotic Destructo-Cat. With the help of Rex and RoboRex, James embarks on a heroic and heart warming adventure to save the future!

Tars sez: Robot dog vs robot cat! With Ethan Phillips (Neelix!) as the evil Dr. Apocalypse. But you got to expect your kid is going to be evil with the last name Apocalypse. The Adventures of Roborex has potential, Let’s hope it’s less Cats and Dogs and more robot kid dog cat overacting evil guy fun time!

Alien Showdown
Alien Showdown
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Robin Hood Films
Cast – Robert Amstler, Nadia Lanfronconi, John J. Welsh, Gemma Donato
Director – Rene Perez
Writer(s) – Barry Massoni, Rene Perez

An alien scout lands on earth in the year 1854. The creature is searching for water and food. Once it finds what it needs, it will call in an invasion fleet. A lone cowboy must stand against the alien invader or all will be lost.

Tars sez: Looks like this was made with the budget of the pocket change found in the couch, but they did well for having almost no budget. Extremely low budget alien western will certainly be better than Cowboys and Aliens, and the pseudo-Predator alien likes to gun people down. Bonus points for getting a Johnny Cash song for the trailer. What about that injured Grey alien who doesn’t seem to fit into the plot description, is he an injured buddy for the alien, or a good alien? Or something else? I guess we’ll have to wait and see!

American Muscle
American Muscle
AFM Link
NSFW YouTube Trailer Link – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y0ob7dnpVEM
Company – Automatic Entertainment
Cast – Nick Principe, Todd Farmer, Robin Sydney
Director – Ravi Dhar
Writer(s) –

John Falcon did 10 years of hard time. Now, he’s out and gunning for pay-back on the scumbags who put him in. Fully loaded with drugs, sex and shotgun shells, this tale of bloody vengeance roars louder than a ’67 hot rod.

Tars sez: The trailer is an orgy of people getting shot, people getting it on, cars driving, evil ICP members, and some guy paying a hooker to suck on a deformed woman’s nub. It aims for dark and gritty, but runs into a danger zone where it might be too dark and gritty. But if you like your revenge movies with lots of guns, blood, violence, and naked people, American Muscle is tailor-made for you!

angel of darkness legend of lilith
Angel of Darkness
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Tera Patrick
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site

The Anguish Garden is the world’s most prolific fetish and body art club and its owner, Master Diablo, is throwing a grand ball for his latest art acquisition, an ancient Sumerian statue. The party is just a ruse for the ancient rite that will awaken the soul of Lilith, demon seductress, trapped within. When she awakes, she will bring hell to earth and Diablo aims to be there to pick over the remains.

Tars sez: TomCat Films pumps out a ton of ridiculous flicks (they were one of the most-mentioned companies last year, and will be again this year!), so a Lilith body modification fetish film isn’t out of the ordinary for them. Without a trailer, all we have to go on is the poster that looks like a photoshopped Suicide Girls photo. Tera Patrick exposes their porn star as leading lady theme that will be repeated in later TomCat entries, it will be interesting to see if these films prove profitable by next year (TomCat had a ton of superhero films last year, but almost none this year) or if there is a new type of film. Tera Patrick will command a certain amount of sales based on her name alone, though I don’t expect her to have 9000 piercings on her body (unless done with makeup!) Master Diablo is a worse name to call your kid than Dr. Apocalypse, just what is with parents these days???

animal crackers 3d
Animal Crackers (3D) aka The Nut House
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – SC Films International
Cast – John Leguziamo, Will Forte
Director – Ross Venokur
Writer(s) – Lenore Venokur
Official Site

In the vein of Ocean’s Eleven – No Mission is Impossible! High concept 3D family action adventure film from the talent behind the box office sensation Shrek, Valiant and Space Chimps to name but a few.

After “Nut House Nuts Inc.” harvest the forest for their own commercial gain, recently escaped con-squirrel ‘Frankie’ must perform the heist of the century – breaking into the high-security packaging plant and salvaging all the nuts.

With the aid of his trusty right-hand porcupine ‘Cody’, and an elite team of forest dwellers, ‘Frankie’ must pull-off one last job, to save the forest animals from hunger and maybe get back the girl of his dreams…

From legendary producer John H. Williams of Vanguard Films. John has produced some of the most successful animated films of all time including our favourite ogre Shrek. Dan Krech has over twenty years experience of working in animation in Canada (Veggie Tales, Dinosaur Revolution for Discovery, Fish ‘n Chips) and in 2012 established a new animation studio, “Buffalo Media” with Phyllis Laing and Ken Zorniak.

Tars sez: Someone’s furry art escaped and became a feature film! Seriously, an animal Ocean’s 11 could do some fun things, especially if the various animal skills are used to their fullest potentials to bypass security measures. It’s also a film that speaks against the evils of a huge corporation controlling the entire food supply, which gives people everywhere a great starting point when reviewing the film to go off on random tangents. At least it won’t be Foodfight! I am sure they totally had the idea before The Nut Job

apocalypse kiss
Apocalypse Kiss
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Acort International
Cast – D.C. Douglas, Carmela Hayslett, Tom Detrik, Tammy Jean, Tom Atkins
Director – Christian Grillo
Writer(s) – Christian Grillo
Official Site

In this futuristic science fiction thriller, government security agent Jerry Hipple has been unsuccessfully tracking the city’s most infamous criminal — The Red Harvest Killer. When two nomadic lovers, Katia and Gladys enter the city the death count rises and are being credited as Red Harvest killings. Obsessive compulsive Adrian, the actual Red Harvest Killer, becomes furious that the sexy serial killing duo are grabbing media attention under his alias. Not only does Adrian attempt to reclaim his rightful reputation but he also decides to cleverly aid his detective counterpart through the case. All the while, killers and victims alike are unaware the world is about to reach an abrupt catastrophic ending.

Tars sez: A hyper neo-noir, Apocalypse Kiss deals with jealous killers, a Dick Tracy detective character, and dangerous women. Two types of killers will go to war for the hearts and minds of the media, while the world building goes haywire and forecasts the end of the world. Not sure just how ignorant the public is, as the ones quoted in the trailer seem well aware everything is about to go dead. Dystopian futures are all the rage these days! It is cool to see Michael Berryman again.

Apokalips X
Apokalips X
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Birch Tree Entertainment
Cast – Farid Kamil, Jehan Miskin, Peter Davis
Director – Mamat Khalid
Writer(s) – Mamat Khalid
Official Site

Rival gangs fight for pride and ego in a world destroyed by chemical warfare.

Tars sez: A post-apocalyptic martial arts action film from Malaysia? Sign me the heck up! Apokalips X looks amazeballs, and packed with some awesome fight sequences. I am definitely keeping an eye out for this one!

Army of the Damned
Army of the Damned
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Screen Media
Cast – Tony Todd, David Chokachi, Michael Berryman
Director – Tom DeNucci
Writer(s) – Tom DeNucci

The filming of a hit reality TV show goes horribly wrong when a group of small town cops respond to a call that brings a whole new meaning to the phrase domestic disturbance.

Tars sez: Yawn for more zombie films, especially zombie films that sound found footage. But Tony Todd and Michael Berryman point to maybe this won’t be as bad as it sounds. Or maybe it will. It is a cinematic mystery, to only be solved by watching the film! If only we could hire a Mystery Team to watch the film for us, consisting of four teens and a talking dog…

Army of Frankensteins
Army of Frankensteins
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Empress Road Pictures
Cast – Alan Jones
Director – Ryan Bellgardt
Writer(s) – Ryan Bellgardt

After a failed attempt to propose to his girlfriend, Alan Jones is beaten to within an inch of his life by a street gang and taken to a mysterious lab where Dr. Tanner Finski and his kid genius assistant perform horrible experiments on him hoping to re-animate a Frankenstein.

The experiments lead to a hole being ripped in space and time, manifesting an Army of Frankensteins from hundreds of parallel universes and sending them all back to the 19th century, directly into the heart of a bloody battle between the North and South. History will never be the same.

Tars sez: Let’s point out that this should be Army of Frankenstein’s Monsters! Now that is out of the way… There is a whole stack of Frankenstein films coming out, but only one of them borrows from the classic Star Trek: The Next Generation episode “Parallels“! At least I hope only one of them is doing that… Also not only is there Frankenstein shenanigans going on, but they get dropped in the middle of the US Civil War, which means we could see Frankenstein monsters fighting on both sides, brother against brother. Will history be altered by all these Frankenstein monsters? Probably, but luckily there is a kid with goggles, a young man with an eyepatch, and a steampunk Iron Man to fight the monsters.

Assassins Tale
Assassins Tale
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Artist View Entertainment
Cast – Michael Beach, Anna Silk, Guy Garner, Gary Poux
Director – Arthur Louis Fuller
Writer(s) – Guy Garner, Arthur Louis Fuller

Johnny Solo, a small time hood with his hands in everything, believes he’s hit the jackpot when he learns the identity of mafia legend Carlo Manfredi’s illegitimate child. Double-crossing everyone he works with, he’s decides to sell his information to a tabloid reporter. But in life, timing is everything, and Johnny Solo’s clock is ticking.

Tars sez: The trailer is pretty slick, though I’m not sure exactly what was going on, but I’m sure it was betrayals and all that jazz. Because there are always betrayals in assassin movies. Also LOL at “Johnny Solo” as a serious character name. I’ll add it to my check out list.

Attila Asylum
Attila
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Asylum
Cast – Cheick Kongo, Poncho Hodges
Director – Emmanuel Itier
Writer(s) – Anthony C. Ferrante

When American soldiers inadvertently steal Attila the Hun’s secret wishes, the wrath of the barbarian is awakened, and the mummified warrior will stop at nothing to kill the intruders.

Asylum link
Tars sez: Attila the Hun is back and is an orc from Lord of the Rings! Only some elite guys can stop him, and let’s not send anyone else even as the elite squad is picked off bit by bit. This is an Asylum film, and it is shockingly not popping up on SyFy any time soon! Maybe in 2014…

Atlantis last days of Kaptara
Atlantis, The Last Days of Kaptara
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Arsenal Pictures
Cast – Jonathan Lipow, Clare Fogerty
Director – Patrick Canning
Writer(s) – Peter Bateman

The epic myth of the Minotaur brought to life through computer animation.

Tars sez: I think the trailer says enough about Atlantis, The Last Days of Kaptara. Watch it every hour!

Beast monster among men
Beast: A Monster Among Men
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Acort International
Cast – TJ Lavin, Blake Farris, Tara Lynn
Director – Mike Lenzini
Writer(s) – Darren Flores
Official Site

Five friends head out for a week getaway to a secluded cabin just outside of the Six Rivers National Forest. When an argument forces the group apart things begin to deteriorate quickly. One by one the campers turn up dead and things are clearly not what they seem. As day breaks only two men remain – Yet what if neither man is responsible for the night’s carnage, but instead the BEAST who calls Six Rivers home… Bigfoot!

Tars sez: Gah, the trailer gives away that everyone dies! Spoilers.. Bigfoot goes on a killing spree, because Bigfoot is a total murder machine. Did you see Harry and the Hendersons? The non-PG version reveals he kills and eats all of the Hendersons, because Bigfoot is evil!

Bigfoot Wars Boggy Creek
Bigfoot Wars aka Battle for Boggy Creek
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Origin Releasing
Cast – C. Thomas Howell, Judd Nelson, Holt Boggs
Director –
Writer(s) –

Based on the bestselling book series by Eric S. Brown, this prequel is a terrifying introduction to the classic man versus mythical beast series set in the small town of Boggy Creek. Starring C. Thomas Howell (Red Dawn, E.T.) and Judd Nelson (The Breakfast Club, St. Elmo’s Fire), this horror/thriller version of the classic Bigfoot tale follows a group of teens that are thrust into a nightmare beyond their wildest imaginations when the creatures begin to try and mate with the girls and kill off the guys – and no one believes them, except for Zeke Jesterson (Howell) and Sheriff Jim Taylor (Holt Boggs, Hostage), whose daughter has been kidnapped by the savage beasts. From the horrifying opening scene to the intense conclusion, no one is safe from Bigfoot.

Tars sez: More proof Bigfoot is a murderous jerk! Damn, Bigfoot’s gonna have a stomping good time this year killing and smashing everyone he sees! Now we got former 80s greats fighting the hairy monsters, and there will be blood! If only Bigfoot has an advocate of non-violence to help them sooth their savage side. We need a Surak of Bigfoot, and then Bigfeet can be all logical like Vulcans, which would be totally cool. Heck, I’m all for Bigfoot versions of all sorts of films: war dramas, romantic comedies, Bigfoot Twilight, Bigfoot vs Zombie Bigfoot, Bigfoot winning the big dance competition by serving Yeti. Let’s bring bigfoot to the logical conclusion and saturate the market! Bigfoot War is already talking sequel if this does well, and I’m hoping it if filled with lots of hairy stomping and scares!

Black ops rise of predator
Black Ops: Rise of the Predator
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Kaleidoscope Film Distribution
Cast – Kristina Anapau, James C. Burns, Tina Casciani, Eric Roberts, Rich McDonald
Director – Nicolas Aaron Mezzanatto
Writer(s) – Nicolas Aaron Mezzanatto, Joshua Ringle

An elite special ops team get caught in a deadly game of cat and mouse with a mutant predator, in this tense action thriller.

When an elite team of private military operatives receive a lucrative contract for a new mission, they think it will be a simple in-and-out operation. A wealthy and powerful venture capitalist (Eric Roberts) has called in the Blackjacks to retrieve his top scientist from a secret energy research facility. To make matter worse, not only has he lost all contact with the labs, his highly-valued scientist holds the key to an unprecedented alternate fuel source.

Unique to this mission, the team are assigned a female psychic operative, Lisa Westbrook (Kristina Anapau), to help locate the target deep within the maze of the underground complex.

Upon arrival, however, the team is ambushed by a bloodthirsty, extra-dimensional creature, that has brutally mutilated the on-site security and staff. With their advanced tactical training rendered all but useless, the Blackjacks are forced to rely on their psychic guide and utilize a new brand of cognitive warfare if there is any chance of making it out alive.

Tars sez: One common themes on the few creature features films that are coming out is that elite teams are fighting the monsters. Monsters have gotten to the point where no one can defeat them except the best of the best of the best. Or maybe Will Smith. Definitely not Jayden Smith. The addition of a psychic here sort of harkens back to the amazing Dredd from 2012, so I’m not going to be opposed to weird psychic stuff it means we get an awesome film. Still, Black Ops: Rise of the Predator sounds SyFy bound, with a new title. That’s never been a bad thing.

Blitzkrieg
Blitzkrieg
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Red Sea Media
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site

A group of special-ops soldiers are sent to a Siberian military lab on a secret rescue mission. On arrival they discover the remnants of a classified Russian program to develop super-soldiers.

Tars sez: All we got on Blitzkrieg is concept art of an Abomination from Warcraft III with a bunch of guns all over him. Also more elite special ops teams! Too early to tell, but an eye will be kept to see if the film can match the concept art!

blood shed
Blood Shed aka American Weapon
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Amin Joseph, Benjamin Mouton
Director – Cliff Vasko
Writer(s) – Cliff Vasko

Blood Shed is the story of six beautiful travelers who head to the mountains for a getaway weekend, only to be terrorized by a homicidal war veteran, who has been programmed to kill without remorse.

Tars sez: I like the multi-ethnic cast and the PTSD angle, but Blood Shed/American Weapon will have a lot to prove itself with in regards to a scary slasher horror flick.

blood shed
Blood Shed
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Red Sea Media
Cast – Bai Ling, Vida Guerra, Juan Carlos Saizarbitoria
Director – Patrick Hasson
Writer(s) – Patrick Hasson

Based on the true events of a loner who moves into a storage facility inhabited by a community of squatters until they are locked in for the night with a deranged female who hunts them down in search of her lost child.

Tars sez: I thought it was funny there was two films called Blood Shed, of all the double movie names, that two companies would come up with the same pun title was sort of LOL. Is Bai Ling the deranged female? Because she’s normally crazy, though not dangerous crazy. It is interesting that the other Blood Shed has a killer man, and this one has a killer woman. This invites further comparisons, even if the films were totally made independent and unaware of the other. Because I like comparing things like that!

bombshell bloodbath
Bombshell Bloodbath
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Robin Hood Films
Cast – Alex Elliott, Ed Ricker, Samantha Mills, Kathy Butler Sandvoss, Jeff Briggs, Hess Barbour
Director – Brett Mullen
Writer(s) – Brett Mullen

A 24 year old stripper, begins to have vivid and unexplainable dreams after she is exposed to an unknown chemical agent. The chemical is an experiment her father is conducting in effort to re-animate his wife, but the drug has unimaginable consequences and his hope of regaining his wife turns into a nightmare of biblical proportions.

The infection spreads through the local strip club. Slowly their brains collapse and the ever expanding hunger for human flesh increases. Bombshell Bloodbath is Italian style zombie splatter film influenced by Lucio Fulci and Umberto Lenzi.

Tars sez: This does look like the films it is a tribute to, with the lighting, film look, and practical effects all reminiscent of the work I’ve seen from Fulci and Lenzi. IF anything, the effects are better than the old school ones, furthering the effect. Like usual, there are lots of headshots in the trailer. Looks great for a horror film, I might just watch it someday.

Born of War
Born of War
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Arclight Films
Cast – James Frain, Sofia Black-d’elia
Director – Vicky Jewson
Writer(s) – Vicky Jewson, Rupert Whitaker

A brutal home invasion turns teenager MINA’s life upside down. Her parents murdered and the stunning discovery that she isn’t who she thinks she is. Mina’s real father is a ruthless Afghan warlord her mother once had an affair with and now he wants her back. When hiding proves futile, Mina decides there’s only one course of action left. Go after her father and take revenge. But first, she must prepare herself physically, mentally and with enough ammunition to take out an army.

Tars sez: Holy crap, James Frain! Also this looks amazing, any film with a teenager gunning down people with a machine gun I will check out. It looks filled with good action scenes, and even has a mainstream actor I like. This might be the film I’m looking forward to most on this list.

bullets for the dead
Bullets for the Dead
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Stealth Media Group
Cast – Christopher Sommers, Kathryn Beck
Director(s) – Joshua C. Birch, Michael Du-Shane
Writer(s) –
Official Site

Escorting the fiery young Annie Blake and her gang to the sheriff in Blood Gulch, bountry hunter Dalton discovers the remains of a horrific massacre and rescues its sole survivor, a preacher. Before long the group are fighting for their lives against the zombie horde that walks the desert plains eating all flesh in their path. And as the preacher’s secret unravels, Dalton realizes what he’ll have to do to prevent his wife being resurrected as one of the living dead.

Tars sez: I’ll forgive yet another zombie film because it’s a Western and it has a female gang leader, both things I approve of 100%. Unfortunately, we don’t have much to go off of except the teaser (which I had to track down myself!) and an audition tape or two. But here is hoping!

California Scheming
California Scheming
AFM Link
(redband) YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Double Dutch International
Cast – Devon Werkheiser, Spencer Daniels, Gia Mantegna
Director – Marco Weber
Writer(s) – Marco Weber

A teen seductress pulls three other privileged Malibu kids into her devious scheme, and unforeseen consequences force the group to face their own fears and mortality.

Tars sez: A sexy girl who is dangerous does dangerous stuff and morons who go along with it because she’s sexy pay the price! Also the dad from Pretty Little Liars is in it, because of course he is. Though the trailer is trying too hard, this could make an interesting drama. At the very least, this helps ease the pain of lack of recent Wild Things sequels.

Casper and Emma
Casper and Emma – Best Friends aka Karsten and Petra blir bestevenner
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Svensk Filmindustri, AB
Cast – Nora Amundsen, Elias Søvold Simonsen, Janne Formoe
Director – Arne Lindtner Næss
Writer(s) – Line Fougner Christensen
Official Site

In the film “Casper and Emma”, we meet Emma who is about to celebrate her fifth birthday. What she wants more than anything is a dog. Only Emma’s mom, who is a vet, says she has to be a little older to look after a dog. But Emma insists that five years is more than old enough!

Casper is dreading his first day at his new kindergarten. But when he gets there, he meets Emma. And just as Casper has his Lion Cub with him, she has also brought along a stuffed animal, Miss Rabbit, who constantly comes alive, and from that day on Casper and Emma become best friends.

Tars sez: I didn’t include this because Casper looks like a boy version of the Olson Twins, but because we all know Casper is doomed to die and become a ghost. I don’t care if this is a totally different IP, we all know that boy is toast, and there is nothing their talking stuffed animals can do to prevent his death and resurrection as a spirit. Poor, poor Casper, no wonder you refuse to move on to the afterlife!

chronicles of young washington
The Chronicles of Young Washington
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Stealth Media Group
Cast –
Director – Daniel E. Catullo
Writer(s) –

It’s 1753, a string of violent deaths of English soldiers rattle the government in Virginia. Needing a speedy resolve they quickly dispatch a young major to the frontier to investigate these crimes, his name: George Washington. Local legend blames the deaths on a beast that roams the forest, but Washington, aided by his friend, Iroquois scout Madiwa, believes his detecting skills will lead to a simpler explanation. As soon as he arrives he’s plunged into a world he was never prepared to face before with interesting characters and sinister players. Dark secrets, freemason workings and supernatural occurrences quickly change Washington’s view of the world, which in his eyes, will never be the same. He is faced with one option: get to the bottom of the mystery or die trying.

Tars sez: The natural evolution of Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter has Washington fighting a monster (and has an Indian sidekick because Brotherhood of the Wolf!) We know that Colonial period becoming cool conspiracy land is fun, and Sleepy Hollow has its own mythology going on. But this is a bit after Abraham Lincoln hunted vampires to disappointing box office results, so the reaction here might be mixed, or it could fit right on the shelf with FDR: American Badass.

contracted
Contracted
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Darclight
Cast – Najarra Townsend
Director – Eric England
Writer(s) – Eric England

A young girl has a one-night stand with a random stranger and contracts, what she thinks is, a sexually-transmitted disease – but is actually something much worse.

Tars sez: She contracted…SHAME! Just kidding, it’s like zombie disease or something. This is why you wear a rubber, folks! Will this film be as scary as those anti-STD scare films that were created to convince the troops to not frequent hookers during WW2? Probably not, but it might be creepy enough on its own.

cooties
Cooties
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Synchronicity Entertainment
Cast – Elijah Wood, Alison Pill, Rainn Wilson, Jack McBrayer
Director(s) – Cary Munion, Jonathan Milott
Writer(s) – Leigh Whannell, Ian Brennan

When a mysterious virus borne from chicken nuggets hits an isolated elementary school transforming the pre-adolescent children into a feral swarm of mindless cannibals, an unlikely hero must lead a motley band of teachers in the fight of their lives against them. Who is this hero? The Substitute teacher.

Tars sez: Honestly, this film sounds dumb and just something made as a dare to try to make a film where they could kill a bunch of children. But it has a bunch of big names attached, which means I care about it even less, except to learn how much money it does lose.

the coven
The Coven
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Stealth Media Group
Cast – Dexter Fletcher, Cloe Mackie, Holly Mackie, Mark Harris
Director – John Mackie
Writer(s) – Jayney Mackie

Five young teenagers hoping to witness Pagan activity camp in the woods on Halloween but discover they are part of the ritual when a mysterious biker hunts them down.

Tars sez: Schoolgirls in the woods get stalked by Devil worshipers, and it’s all very British. At least it isn’t backwoods Alabama or somewhere else full of rednecks like half of the videos I rented as a teen.

crawl bitch crawl or die
Crawl or Die aka Crawl Bitch Crawl
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – VMI Worldwide
Cast – Nicole Alonso, Torey Byrne, Tommy Ball, Will Crown
Director – Oklahoma Ward
Writer(s) – Oklahoma Ward
Official Site

An elite security team assigned the task of protecting the last known woman who can become pregnant, find themselves caught in an endless claustrophobic underground tunnel system. The team soon learns – the real horror is not only the unstoppable force chasing them, but also the ever growing smaller tunnel itself.

Tars sez: Good grief, we got Aliens, but in a some air shaft ducts we bought from Home Depot, a needless Children of Men plot shoved in (thus we can call a woman “the package” for half the film!), and the Vasquez character spends most of the film in her underwear. I could deal with this, but the Crawl Bitch Crawl title is dumb as hell (but not the worst title in this article!) Eh. I’ll probably still watch it.

cubicle warriors
Cubicle Warriors
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Breakthrough Entertainment Inc.
Cast – Alan Thicke, Laura Vandervoort, Michael Seater
Director – Jeff Stephenson
Writer(s) – Robert Budreau, Adam Bradley

An office comedy about two best friend finance grads who embark on a crazy mission to stop an investment bank from closing a crooked deal involving student loans.

Tars sez: Holy cow, a film where the 99% do stuff against Banksters! Except it’s a comedy and their efforts will probably be as successful as what happens in The Other Guys. But maybe it will help raise awareness, in the select group of movie watchers who will view anything that has two leads that look like they should be starring in the Weird Science tv series. It DOES have Alan Thicke, so that makes it a must-watch!

off world
Dark Space aka Off World
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast – Steve West, Keith Reay
Director – Emmett Callinan
Writer(s) – Emmett Callinan
Official Site

Six friends get more than they bargained for when their shuttle craft crashes on an uncharted planet. Now, the only thing worse than not knowing where you are is if you’ll survive. Fear The Dark.

Tars sez: Aliens vs creepy rapist guys in power armor, and six friends are trapped in the middle. If only Central Perk wasn’t lying in the middle of the irradiated wasteland that was New York City… I admit it looked better than I thought, and the trailer hints to more than the synopsis provides. So who knows?

dead sea poster
Dead Sea
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Origin Releasing
Cast – Britt Griffith, Alexis Iacono, James Duval
Director – Brandon Slagle
Writer(s) –
Facebook

THE LOCH NESS MONSTER, OGOPOGO, THE WHITE RIVER MONSTER, LUKWATA – these mythical creatures have captured the imaginations of people the world over…and also tested their fears.

However, all legends have some basis in FACT.

2002 – Afghanistan, American troops KIER THAN and CASTOR POLLUX investigate the disappearance of a squadron of SEALS over a reservoir near the Afghan border. The disappearance is attributed to a “serpent beast” which is said to re-appear every thirty years in various areas of the planet to feed. Though their initial instinct is to brush off the story and investigate further, they have a special connection to this “beast”.

Present Day, Southern California – Castor and Kier – back at home and now involved in various miscreant activities in the region – witness what to many may be an unexplained phenomena – the mass of water that the town which they call home is located on is experiencing the drastic dying off of its marine life. The state is called in and a specialist named Victoria Amissus – herself a native of the
town – is called in to investigate.

However, Castor and Kier know what is actually going on – they know that this great serpent has returned to their home, and now must prepare the town for their “offering”.

Tars sez: This is way too complicated a plot, nor does it fit into the 30 year timeline. How many people need to be sacrificed? The trailers says just one, but then like 5 people get eaten and several more shot, that’s a lot of bodies for just one death, heck you could probably hire someone off of Craigslist for a few thousand.

Dead Water Ryuhei Kitamura
Dead Water
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Intandem Films
Cast –
Director – Ryuhei Kitamura
Writer(s) –

THE END OF THE WORLD, AS WE KNOW IT, CAME TO AN END TWO YEARS AGO…

Led by our heroine a few scientists are sealed inside an Eco Station -a self-sufficient environment deep in the desert.

The survivors in the Station know the deadly truth. They know that when the end finally came, it wasn’t what anyone expected.

It wasn’t a virus that killed the planet. It wasn’t a curse from Hell.

It was the water…

A chemical process, triggered somewhere in the world, got out of control and changed the molecular composition of H2O as we know it.

Suddenly drinking it, bathing in it, even touching water would change a human into…

Something else.
Something unimaginable.
Something deadly…

Tars sez: The real reason why you shouldn’t drink the water in foreign countries! Who wants to guess that the change in water was made by umbrella companies wanting to sell more umbrellas? You just can’t trust companies named Umbrella… Seriously, with Ryuhei Kitamura’s name in the director spot, this film became a must-watch regardless of the crazy premise. Such is the curse of watching all of Kitamura’s stuff!

Demons rook
The Demon’s Rook
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Raven Banner Entertainment
Cast – James Sizemore, Ashleigh Jo Sizemore
Director – James Sizemore
Writer(s) – James Sizemore, Akom Tidwell
Official site

A young boy named Roscoe finds a portal to another world where he is taught magic by an elder demon known as Dimwos. Dimwos raises the boy into manhood, revealing to him many secrets.

Tars sez: I applaud the use of practical makeup effects that makes the demons look like Star Trek aliens, but unfortunately they turn the townspeople into just plain zombies, so things aren’t as cool as I would hope. Still, there is some good buzz on The Demon’s Rook, so perhaps there is something there.

Devils Crossing
Devil’s Crossing
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Taylor & Dodge
Cast – Michael Sharpe, Patrick Keenan
Director – James Gary
Writer(s) – James Gary
Official Site

DEVIL’S CROSSING tells the tale of a post-Apocalyptic Earth, after Nuclear War has devastated the planet. The remnants of humanity fight to survive, taking refuge in bleak settlements. The undead wander the earth, slaves to their bloodlust, or perhaps some higher power? The tattered town of Celestial sets the stage for the greatest battle of the New Dark Age! A score that must be settled and a reckoning that has been 235 years in the making…

Tars sez: Of course zombies are in a post-apocalyptic Earth after a nuclear war. It just makes sense. Anyway, tough guys are tough and there are zombies and gunshots. I’m not sure what is going on, but there is violence. SO if you like violence, there is some violence here.

Dinosaur Island
Dinosaur Island
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Arclight Films
Cast – Paul Padagas, Darius Williams, Nicole Yardley, Vicent Naviti
Director –
Writer(s) –

A Wizard of Oz type story of prehistoric creatures and ancient magic – a coming of age journey for a modern day 13 year old boy, Lucas, who finds a crystal that creates a distortion in the fabric of time and space and a transports him to a strange island littered with the ghost ships, lost planes and fantastic creatures from throughout history. He soon encounters a girl called Kate who claims to have arrived on the Island from the 1950’s, and her pet Mimos a feathered micro raptor with a talent for mimicry. Together Lucas and Kate struggle to find their way off the island, encountering danger and adventure in the form of all manner of creatures including a primitive tribe of cannibals, a huge albino sabre tooth tiger, a fierce feathered T-Rex and giant carnivorous plants and insects. This is a fantastic big-screen PG-13 motion picture for kids and family with creatures that a modern audience have never seen before.

Tars sez: It’s Mysterious Island, except not quite, but might be cool enough to stand a bit on its own. We won’t know until a trailer shows up, until then all we got is the synopsis and poster. It is being made as a children’s film, which means they might go cheap out and it will e terrible. I hope not, and wish there will be lots of dinosaur and albino sabretooth action!

dragon force movie
Dragon Force (The Movie)
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Star Alliance Movies (HK) Co., Ltd.
Cast – Seki Tomokazu (Dubbed Artist), Yuuichi Nakamura (Dubbed Artist), Junichi Suwabe (Dubbed Artist), Jun Fukuyama (Dubbed Artist)
Director – Tommy Wang
Writer(s) –

The year is 2026 A.D. Five brave, wise and excellent special police officers receive a GSB base request. Wearing nanotechnology distortion helmets and armor, they travel to Earth’s most dangerous volcanic island together to investigate an energy vanishing event, where they encounter an unexpected alien attack in the process…

Tars sez: It’s CGI not-Super Sentai! I am pretty sure this is a Chinese series dubbed into Japanese for international release, which is sort of weird. Try to spot the direct swipes from The Matrix in the trailer! Sadly, this just ends up looking like a confusing episode of Beast Machines instead of something interesting. Oh, well.

Dragon Reign
Dragon Reign
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site
Tars sez: I very much suggest checking out the trailer on the Official Site link, and watch as not very god CGI dragons attack some cosplayers in the woods! It looks ridonkulous! Unfortunately, there isn’t much info on the plot besides the “dragons return to modern day” think and some characters that don’t look human.

earthtastrophe
Earthtastrophe
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – CineTel Films
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –

First the Moon disappears in a white hot flash of light. No sound, no warning, one minute it’s there and the next it’s gone. a second FLASH – and that is all anyone on Earth can remember! 11 MONTHS LATER— It’s not post-apocalyptic, it IS apocalyptic as the Earth’s “figure 8” revolution between two stars and our now three moons has literally ripped the planet open from the inside out… the horrific explanation is simply incredulous… The Earth has been sucked through a wormhole in our solar system and has been warped to the other end of our universe!

Tars sez: Jeez, Earth, get a grip, why you got so many problems? I do enjoy the crazy scenario, and the Earthtastrophe title is one of the best from the upcoming films. This will be interesting to see them try to explain all the stuff that’s going on, though I guess you could throw it all in with little chunks as we deal with the main plot, following the heroes as they try to keep their families from being crushed by the Earthtastrophe, as well as solving all of Earth’s problems by nuking stuff. Nuking always works!

Empress of the Evil Dead
Empress of the Evil Dead aka Empress Vampire
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Ange Maya, Beau Nelson
Director – Phil Condit
Writer(s) – Ange Maya, Phil Condit

Take a journey into darkness- the darkness of ancient evil, the darkness of human greed, and the darkness of perversion of Empress Vampire.

Tars sez: This was a HILARIOUS trailer! I especially liked how they didn’t hire a voiceover artist and just had text explaining the first half of the story, then 9000 shots of vampires baring their fangs and chomping on each other. There is also a lot of removing of eyeballs, so if you are into that, now you can watch your fun. Then the trailer ends on the most ridiculous thing. You simply must watch it. I shall be keeping a good lookout for Empress of the Dead!

Enemy Empire
Enemy Empire
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Elizabeth Meurer, Tristan James Butler
Director – Michael Ryan Hahan
Writer(s) – Michael Ryan Hahan
Official Site

Sol, a bold fugitive lost in a dangerous post-apocalyptic desert world, searches for a missing woman named Catherine and her illusive captor, the Nomad King. With enemies at every turn, Sol’s only chance of finding Catherine is with the help of a rogue and mysterious wanderer, Cleo.

Tars sez: Let’s be honest: This is by far the most competent looking TomCat Films production I’ve seen! It has good lighting, good cinematography, isn’t spoiled with terrible effects, fighting choreography, and a majority of the actors are actually acting. I could see this film getting television deals in the US. ANd yet, they couldn’t get Michael Ryan Hahn’s name right in the catalog listing! Michael Ryan Hahn is already filming his second film, Alien Theory, and I’m more excited to see how he makes that one look good than probably half the films on this list.

Evil Feed
Evil Feed
AFM Link
NSFW YouTube Trailer Link – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1hhxu_CCUw
Company – WTFilms
Cast – Laci J Mailey, Terry Chen, Alain Chanoine, Alyson Bath
Director – Kimani Ray Smith
Writer(s) – Aaron Au
Official Site

Steven spent his entire life being the good son, dedicated all his time to the family business, The Long Pig Restaurant, known in the underground world for cannibalistic cuisine. When Steven hears that his father would rather sell the business to a stranger than pass it down to his own son, Steven has no choice but to chop off his head. With his father’s head safely displayed in a cabinet, Steven and his nymphomaniac girlfriend have big plans for The Long Pig. They caputre elite MMA fighters and force them to battle in the restaurant’s new “Pit of Gore” where blood thirsty customers get to watch their meals being tenderized. Steven calls this, “Tendertainment!”

Meanwhile, Jenna returns to her father’s karate dojo and discovers him missing. Calling on the help of his students, they set out to find their Sensei, kicking ass and taking names. Their quest takes a turn for the worst when Jenna is kidnapped by the Triads. She awakes in a holding cell at The Long Pig Restaurant only to discover what Steven serves for dinner… her father.

Continuing the hunt for their Sensei, the trail leads the boys to The Long Pig, where they grusomely witness their Master being chopped up and marinated for the evening’s meal. Under pressure to save Jenna, our heroes get captured and are forced to fight for their lives in the Pit of Gore. One by one, Jenna watches her friends being slaughtered by sadistic gladiators. After witnessing her boyfriend being skinned alive, Jenna seizes an opportunity to escape. In order to survive, she must fight her way out of the restaurant or become the next main course.

In the vein of Grind House cinema, EVIL FEED is an over the top, laugh out loud, action gore flick that’s guaranteed to make you cringe.

Tars sez: Director Kimani Ray Smith is a stunt man, and stunts are on full display here with all the action sequences. But there is also tons of gore and Terry Chen channeling Ruby Rhod from Fifth Element. But it looks insane and hilarious and gross, so I am totally keen on checking it out!

Extreme Fighters 3d
Extreme Fighters 3D – To The Limits
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – KSM GmbH
Cast –
Director – Attila Tenki
Writer(s) – Attila Tenki
Tars sez: The fuck???

favela
Favela aka Codename: Falcon
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Moonstone Entertainment
Cast – Michael Jai White, Neal McDonough, Laila Ali
Director – Ernie Barbarash
Writer(s) – Y.T. Parazi

FAVELA is the first installment in an action franchise, entitled CODENAME: FALCON. The franchise will center around former Marine John “Falcon” Chapman, a dark anti-hero driven by guilt and suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder, who will destroy himself unless given something else to destroy – a useful weapon-of-last-resort for the U.S. State Department.

Tars sez: Michael Jai White is a guy who beats the crap out of people, when he’s not beating himself up. Yet another film with a guy with PTSD, interesting how this has become a common feature in cinema now, though it is being used in all sorts of ways. Falcon seems like a deeply brooding Michael Weston, but will there be a Sam Axe and a Fiona to help him on his way?

Fishing Naked
Fishing Naked
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Fishing Naked
Cast – Bronson Pelletier, Elyse Levesque, Tinsel Korey, Evan Williams, Elaine Miles, Steve Reevis
Director – Peter Coggan
Writer(s) – Peter Coggan, Paul Lee
Official Site

A comedy for the post-Twilight generation, Fishing Naked is a modern legend of pranks, romantic entanglements, and outrageous comedy. When a series of Bigfoot hoaxes get out of hand, hormones and hilarity ensue. Two fly fisherman buddies, David and Rodney (Twilight’s Bronson Pelletier and TV pinup Evan Williams), simply want to drive tourists away from their idyllic fly fishing river paradise. But they stumble upon two gorgeous trust-fund chicks (Elyse Levesque from Stargate Universe and Twilight’s Tinsel Korey), and the foursome takes the gags to the next level. From Sasquatch suits and YouTube pranks to a giant fake spaceship, their hoaxes start to backfire: attracting attention rather than scaring off tourists. As TV crews, the FBI, and even an extraterrestrial visitor descend upon their pristine mountain community, these four pranksters are quick to respond … they get baked and go fishing. Flirtatious sparks ignite even as the mayhem explodes around them.

Tars sez: Really enjoying how they’re pointing out they got two separate Twilight stars. It’s goofy guys impressing rich girls with bigfoot pranks and aliens. That’s cool, but I sort of want a film where people are fishing naked. Is that too much to ask?

Fist 2 Fist 2
Fist 2 Fist: 2 – Weapon Of Choice
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Fairway Film Alliance
Cast – Jino Kang, Douglas Olssen, Katherine Celio
Director – Jino Kang, Tony Urgo
Writer(s) – Jino Kang, Tony Urgo
Official Site

A man so silent and deadly that they call him ‘The Ghost’ must kill one last time to save his beautiful niece from his old crime boss.

Tars sez: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist 2 Fist: 2: Fist

Frankenstein Theory
The Frankenstein Theory
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Raven Banner Entertainment
Cast – Kris Lemche, Joe Egender
Director – Andrew Weiner
Writer(s) – Vlady Pildysh, Andrew Weiner

From the makers of The Last Exorcism comes a boldly original vision of horror. What if the most chilling novel of all time was actually based on a true account of a horrific experiment gone awry? When he is suspended from his university job for his outlandish ideas, Professor John Venkenheim leads a documentary film crew to the rim of the Arctic Circle in a desperate effort to vindicate his academic reputation. His theory: Mary Shelley’s ghastly story, “Frankenstein,” is, in fact, a work of non-fiction disguised as fantasy. In the vast, frozen wilderness, Venkenheim and his team search for the legendary monster, a creature mired in mystery and drenched in blood. What they find is an unspeakable truth more terrifying than any fiction…a nightmare from which there is no waking.

Tars sez: Blair Witch, but it’s Frankenstein! Excuse me, Frankenstein’s Monster. Adam. Huh. Okay. I guess I’ll wait for Book of Shadows: Frankenstein Theory 2.

THe Gauntlet
Game of Assassins aka The Gauntlet
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Epic Pictures Group
Cast – Bai Ling, Warren Kole, Dustin Nguyen, Jamie Ray Newman
Director – Matt Eskandari
Writer(s) – Adam Lawson
Facebook

In a sunken castle underneath the earth, five strangers wake. They have no food. No memory. No water. And no way out. They must band together for the sinister adventure that awaits them.

Tars sez: Saw except in a castle! Okay, this needs a bit more information, because, huh? What is chasing them, assassins? Or a monster? Or each other?

god of thunder halcyon
God Of Thunder
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site
Tars sez: “Based on the FOX COMICS SUPER HERO” – sure, sure. That Thor is public domain, wore no shirt and a big diaper. He certainly wasn’t a near identical copy of Marvel’s Thor. Nope! But I do want a Diaper Thor movie, because that would be awesome!

Anubis in New York
Gods of Egypt
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Lionsgate
Cast – Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Brenton Thwaites, Gerard Butler, Geoffrey Rush
Director – Alex Proyas
Writer(s) – Burk Sharpless, Matt Sazama, Alex Proyas

Epic battles rage in a mythical ancient Egypt as a defiant mortal joins a vengeful god in order to rescue his love and win the fight against an evil usurper who would plunge the world into chaos and darkness.

Tars sez: This photo is not from the film, which won’t see the light of day until 2015. So all I can do is imagine that Gods of Egypt will be cool and not a terrible disappointment. This could honestly go either way, and I hope they go the fun adventure way, and not the boring dark and gritty way.

Grand Auto Theft movie
Grand Auto Theft L.A.
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site

Sex, drugs and violence rule the district of ‘Calles Del Infierno.’ The police have been driven out and two rival gangs are now in the final days of a bloody war for supremacy. Thankfully for the innocent there is one cop who hasn’t given up on them. He has a plan to take back to district: TOTAL ANNIHILATION. He’s sending in one man. He isn’t a cop, he isn’t even a good guy, he’s a deadly vigilante. Never send a cop in to do the job of a cold blooded killer. The winner kills all on the streets of Calles Del Infierno.

Tars sez: That’s odd, the trailer has a completely different story, involving a cool black girl in short shorts and her crew that steal cars and now run the underworld. Also it uses some stock music that I associate with YouTube Beauty Gurus that my wife watches, which made the whole trailer even more hilarious. I want to watch this film now!!

hairbrained
HairBrained
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Premiere Entertainment Group
Cast – Brendan Fraser, Alex Wolff, Julia Garner, Parker Posey
Director – Billy Kent
Writer(s) – Billy Kent

When 14-year old genius/outcast Eli Pettifog (Alex Wolff) is rejected from Harvard, he ends up at Ivy League wannabe Whitman College. It’s hate at first sight. At Whitman, Eli meets 41- year-old freshman Leo Searly (Brendan Fraser). Leo, a gambler whose world has imploded, has dropped out of life to enroll in college. This odd duo becomes unlikely friends.

Tars sez: What if Yahoo Serious was a kid and in a movie directed by Wes Anderson, and then Brendan Fraser showed up and suddenly it was a different movie, yet still doesn’t look as bad as you think it would look? It would be crazy, and yet here we are…

The Happets in the Rainbow Forest
The Happets in the Rainbow Forest aka La tropa del trapo en la selva del arcoiris
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Latido Films
Cast –
Director – Alex Colls
Writer(s) – Lola Beccaria

The Happets feel the need to help other animals who are having a lot of trouble surviving, so they decide to go on a mission of solidarity that will take them to Rainbow Forest. There they will find a whole biodiversity in the form of Colourettes and Shadows and a dying Rainbow struggling for breath. The Happets are horrified because not only are the Colourettes in danger of death, so is the Rainbow, which is a symbol for them. Once again they’ll have to muster all their ingenuity, knowledge and team work to save the symbol of dreams and games.

Tars sez: A bunch of stuffed animals called Happets help some living Skittles taste the rainbow. Also there are grey Skittles, that we’ve learned from Futurama are Neutral and untrustworthy.

Hatchet County
Hatchet County
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Robin Hood Films
Cast – R. Keith Harris, Paul Shaw, Jess Barbour, Matthew B. Moore, Christy Johnson
Director – Adam Hulin
Writer(s) – Matthew B. Moore

In 1869 a small group of men battle a demonic evil unleashed in Hatchet
County, Virginia. Believing themselves victorious, the posse disbands
two members stay to watch over the area and all is quiet for the next
four years. In 1873, hell literally breaks loose in Hatchet County. This
time all of its citizens, along with their two protectors, are forced
to fight against seven powerful demons, each representing one of the
seven deadly sins.

Tars sez: The trailer has a real Dear Mr. Henshaw vibe going for it, except I don’t think Mr. Henshaw was keen on flaming whips. But maybe he was, Mr. Henshaw was sort of a freak. Demons, low budgets, and a film that has a million things going on makes it worth paying attention to, just to see if it works or fails spectacularly.

The Hatching
The Hatching
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Stealth Media Group
Cast – Andrew Lee Potts, Sylvia Syms, Jack McMullen, Laura Aikman, Thomas Turgoose, Muzz Khan
Director – Michael Anderson
Writer(s) –

Tim Webber, a teenager at boarding school and his friends Baggy and Nick take a dare to steal crocodule eggs from a nearby zoo, but the prank ends in tragedy with Nick being killed and Tim taking the fall. Years later, after his father’s death, Tim returns home to Somerset, but there is a sinister undercirrent to the idyllic villafe the seems to harbour a dark secret. People are disappearing, and it all seems to be centred around the old quarry. The time has come for both Baggy and Tim to pay for their actions of years ago. Those crocodile eggs that came home with Tim hatched!

Tars sez: What a waaay too complicated plot for a killer crocodile movie. Just make Baggy and Tim meth heads who tried to make some new super meth, but it didn’t work, and then a crocodile ate it and became a deranged mutant killer. Luckily Bigfoot is also there… But, no, instead we got this thing.

House of Darkness
House of Darkness
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Mannequin Films
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –

The Hutton’s are a good American family who enjoy the American way of life. Mike Hutton is a renowned professor of anthropology who is offered a once in a lifetime business deal by a wealthy, influential property mogul. Mike’s task is easy. He must travel to South Africa inspect a piece of land in the northern province of Limpopo and empirically disprove the existence of a curse that is said to plague the area – in order for construction of the exclusive housing estate to move ahead. For a practical man like Mike, where superstition and curses don’t exist, this will be an easy task. Mike convinces his wife Trish and hormonal teenage daughter, Stephanie, who wants nothing to do with Africa, to join him on his trip. The house is a large Victorian-built monstrosity, which doesn’t sit well with Stephanie and for good reason. The locals warn Mike that the house is the hunting ground of a Tokoloshe – a cursed, demonic being said to corrupt all that is pure and innocent in the world. And nothing is as innocent as the soul of their teenage daughter…. Mike however believes that after spending a little time in the house, they’ll all learn to love it. How wrong can a man be? Stephanie is targeted and stalked by the malevolent creature that entices her to do terrible things. Soon, the family is besieged by a torrent of dark and terrifying phenomena — insects, apparitions, voices and murder infest the Hutton family, bringing out family secrets and ripping open old wounds. Stephanie starts to slip away as her nature turns violent, and sinister, slowly succumbing to the dark possession of the Tokoloshe… With the prospect of losing his family forever, Mike must open his mind and heal the wounds of the past, or face losing them in a haunted house with a very unique African flavor.

Tars sez: Haunted house with a twist to make the ghost different? Sure, why not? Unfortunately, all we have is poster art, but I am hoping!

House of Magic
The House of Magic
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – STUDIOCANAL
Cast –
Director(s) – Ben Stassen, Jeremie Degruson
Writer(s) – James Flynn, Ben Stassen, Domonic Paris

In the brand new 3D animated adventure from nWave Studios, abandoned young cat Thunder and his new gizmo friends will use every trick in the book to save their mysterious mansion from being sold. Seeking shelter from a storm, abandoned young cat Thunder sneaks into a mysterious mansion owned by retired magician Lawrence, aka “The Illustrious Lorenzo”. Lawrence shares his fairy-tale world with many animals and a dazzling array of automatons and gizmos capable of whipping up breakfast while rolling out a spectacular song-and-dance routine. He soon makes Thunder feel welcome, but Jack the rabbit and Maggie the mouse start plotting to get him kicked out. When Lawrence ends up in the hospital, his nephew tries to trick him into selling the house. But its ragtag inhabitants develop a spooky strategy to defend their home. They turn their house into a haunted mansion, using Thunder as their secret weapon…

Tars sez: Sounds like this could be a fun film, animals and magic and robot things and a Home Alone situation with talking animals. This time they’re cartoons, so the talking animal Home Alone seems less ridiculous. A bit. I am excited to see more information on The House of Magic!

Hunted Battle of the Drones
Hunted: Battle of the Drones
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast –
Director – Mitchell Gould
Writer(s) –
Official Site

EXPENDABLES meets THE A-TEAM in a full-throttle action film, where a group of high skilled mercenaries find themselves betrayed by the US government and forced to fight their way out when ambushed by a new, lethal Himanioid Soldier Drone.

Tars sez: It’s the X-Teamables! Oh, wait, it’s just another special forces group vs. a monster, except this time the monster is a drone. Could their be some cool commentary about the state of drone warfare in the world today? And also some sweet kills and tense fears? I guess we’ll have to find out.

iBoy Kevin Brooks
iBoy
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Metro International Entertainment
Cast – Will Poulter
Director – Adam Randall
Writer(s) – Joe Barton

iBOY is a superhero thriller for the digital generation. Tom’s average teenage existence is turned on its head when a violent encounter with local thugs leaves fragments of shattered smartphone embedded in his brain.

Tars sez: Based on a book by Kevin Brooks, iBoy sounds like something I would have loved when I was 8. I am now 88, and am less enthused. But I wish iBoy well, even though it uses the little i name convention that might get it in trouble.

Injun
Injun
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Amanda Elizabeth Sawyer, Robert Herrick
Director – Bob Cook
Writer(s) – Bob Cook
Official Site

INJUN is the story of a young white woman named Ana Sharp Claws who is happily married to an Indian Chief’s son. All is peaceful until a pack of cut-throat ex-cons fresh from prison disrupt their happy home. Her friends, husband and son are all murdered and she is raped and humiliated. After being rescued by a former Indian Fighter named Barfly, she vows revenge to kill these evil men. Ana’s plan is to pick them off one at a time and provide slow and painful deaths. The characters are memorable, the effects gruesome and the story will keep you riveted.​

Tars sez: More rape and revenge, except this time it’s American Indian themed. A bunch of Confederate douchebags don’t like this racemixing and cause trouble, but their mistake was letting her live. Looks good enough to satisfy fans of the revenge films, and the Indian dressing is unique as far as I can tell.

Invasion Day
Invasion Day
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Spotlight Pictures
Cast – Scoot McNairy, Ethan Flower
Director – Jeffrey Travis
Writer(s) – Matt Patterson
Official Site

No foreign army has ever invaded the USA until now.

DUKE EVANS is a gifted microchip engineer who previously worked for the National Security Agency under cyber-security analyst PHIL. When Duke loses his job and his home, he convinces his estranged wife LESLIE to take a retreat in a remote mountain town. Unbeknownst to them, the day they arrive at their remote cabin is the same day China launches an attack— a modern cyber-Pearl-Harbor— against the United States for failing to pay its debt. Every single computer chip “Made in China” unleashes a secret dormant virus that shuts down financial, telecom, military and power systems. As planes fall out of the sky, cities go dark, and it becomes impossible to buy food or water, the country becomes an occupation zone with ominous warnings of “The People’s Republic Welcomes Your Allegiance”. The local law enforcement issues mandatory red tracking wristbands that cannot be removed once locked on. Duke makes a plan to get his family to a secret government bunker but is thwarted by the local sheriff and armed looters who kill Duke’s neighbor for a few cans of food. With no water to drink, and the world of technology he’s known gone forever, Duke’s only hope for survival may be in the unlikely friendship with a Mexican illegal immigrant who may be able to smuggle them into Mexico to escape. Before leaving the country, Duke has one more trick up his sleeve—he is able to infect the government’s computer code with a malicious virus. But, will it work in time to save the United States from a complete takeover?

Tars sez: Someone went and made a teabagger wet dream film where China comes in to repossess the US (because of DEBT!) and goes all Mark of the Beast with tracking bracelets, and the government is all 100% complicit. Please note the complete lack of Chinese actors in the trailer. Because of DEBT! Or maybe they all thought the film was too xenophobic to even bother with. Just don’t trust anything made in China!

Isis Rising Curse of the Lady Mummy
Isis Rising: Curse of the Lady Mummy
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Priya Rai
Director – Lisa Palenica
Writer(s) – Lisa Palenica
Official Site

In ancient Egypt, Isis and Osiris ruled the land. All were happy for the couple except one, Set, a jealous man who killed Osiris in order to take over his kingdom. Isis snuck into Osiris’ tomb and tried to raise him from the dead using her black magic. Set caught Isis in the act and had Osiris cut to pieces, with each piece buried in a different part of the land, so Isis could never again raise her husband. Isis vowed to avenge Osiris’ death and return with him to rule over all the worlds.

Now, six college students Kyle, Dustin, Felicia, Jay, Serena and Amy take their last course in archeology in anticipation for graduation. Their last assignment is to uncover and document the museum’s new acquisitions with their teacher, Professor Shields and world-renowned Egyptologist Dr. Nasir. During the night they haphazardly awaken the ancient spirit of Isis’ lost soul and her wrath is unleashed on the group. As students start to disappear one by one, they must band together to stop Isis from rising her dead lover Osiris and his evil army of the dead, and exacting their revenge upon the world.

Tars sez: Softcore sensual horror films have a weird fascination with mummies and Egyptian culture, and so we get yet another entry. Part of why I think they’re attracted to the time period (besides the low cost costumes) is that they are visually interesting and exotic, without being creepy exotic. Priya Rai will guarantee sales in certain markets, and this looks close enough to some of the late night cabel trash I love that I shall keep an eye out for it as well!

john doe vigilante
John Doe: Vigilante
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Little Film Company
Cast – Jamie Bamber
Director – Kelly Dolen
Writer(s) – Kelly Dolen

Convinced the justice system needs to change, One man stands up to protect society from violent crime. How does he do it? By killing people…lots of people.

Tars sez: Apollo kills lots of people, because murdering people is easier than fixing societies inequalities and ills from the ground up! But it does have creepy masks…

K-9 Adventures Legend of the Lost Gold
K-9 Adventures Legend of the Lost Gold
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast – Luke Perry, Ariana Bagley
Director – Stephen Shimek
Writer(s) –

Kassie Stevenson, her friends and her faithful dog Scoot are saved from summer vacation boredom when they are given a mysterious pocket watch that holds the secret to uncovering the legendary Garrison’s Gold. With two crooks hot on their trails, it’s up to Kassie and the gang to solve the puzzle of the lost treasure first. While Scoot helps Kassie and her friends search for the gold, Scoot and Paul Stevenson, Kassie’s dad (Luke Perry), also unexpectedly stumble across another treasure – love. Buckle up for the most exciting adventure of the summer!

Tars sez: This is actually K-9 Adventures II: Legend of the Lost Gold , the sequel to K-9 Adventures: A Christmas Tale, which as far as I can tell, are not related to the K-9 franchise with Jim Belushi. Which is a shame, I want the K-9 dog to be totally having Christmas and treasure hunting adventures with Luke Perry, because who else are you going to have treasure hunting adventures with, Tori Spelling? She’s broke! Tars says check this out!

Kick Ass Girls
Kick Ass Girls
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Star Alliance Movies (HK) Co., Ltd.
Cast – Chrissie Chau Sau-Na, Hidy Yu Xiao-Tong, DaDa Lo Chung-Chi, Chiu Tien-You, Chris Tung Bing-Yuk, Vincci Cheuk
Director – Vincci Cheuk
Writer(s) – Vincci Cheuk

Bao co-founds a boxing gym with her intimate friend TT. But their friendship is broken over a boyfriend. Bao invites Miu to be the real precedent of “Girl Boxing Company”. They intend to attract male customers with their beauty. TT with grudge comes back and makes trouble. Meanwhile, the mystery Lady Zhuge is looking for female bodyguards for her business trip in Malaysia. Three girls decide to protect her for the generous rewards. Beyond their expectations, they are sold by human traffickers and forced to participate in the underground boxing games held by a local gang…

Tars sez: It’s like they made a movie just for me! And this got released in China right when the AFM ended, so it should be showing up in Chinatown DVD stores very soon! Oddly enough, it is not the only lots of girls fighting movie China put out in the last part of 2013, it is almost a miniboom.

Kill em all John
Kill ‘Em All, John!
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Bleiberg Entertainment
Cast – Steve Austin
Director – Jesse V. Johnson
Writer(s) – Umair Aleem

Retired assassin John “The Eagle” Maxwell (Steve Austin) wakes to find himself inside a freight truck being held hostage with his daughter. His captors give him an ultimatum: kill 5 specific mob bosses in the next 5 hours, or his daughter is dead. He’s shoved out of the truck and what follows is a breakneck chase around the city to take out his targets and save his daughter’s life, all while trying to uncover the identity of the psychopath that’s behind it all. Filled with thrilling set-pieces and non-stop action, “Kill ‘Em All, John!” will have your heart pounding with excitement.

Tars sez: More titles need to be words of support for the protagonist, have you seen what some of them have to go through? They need all the encouragement they can get! It’s Commando meets Die Hard 3, and sounds fantastic, or at least ridiculous enough to become a camp classic.

Kingdom Come
Kingdom Come
AFM Link
NSFW YouTube Trailer Link – http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96oUiJh8GVY
Company – Imagination Worldwide, LLC
Cast – Katie Uhlmann, Ryan Bartlett, Camille Hollett-French
Director – Greg Sager
Writer(s) – Greg Sager
Tars sez: This looks like Saw meets The Mist, with a creepy creature thing haunting the random people who awaken in the abandoned cabin in the middle of nowhere. These mysterious strangers waking up and having to work together plots are getting very common, several appear above this film, and more will appear below. If you think the scenario is getting used a bit too much, then maybe it is!

Knight of the Dead
Knight Of The Dead
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Automatic Entertainment
Cast – Lee BENNETT, Dylan JONES, Feth GREENWOOD, Jason BEESTON, Alan CALTON
Director – Mark ATKINS
Writer(s) – Mark ATKINS

Hunted by assassins, a band of crusading knights escort the holy grail through a forbidden valley of black death. What they discover is far more terrifying than the plague. Overrun by hordes of flesh eating zombies, their only chance for survival is to hack and slash their way to freedom.

Tars sez: It’s zombies again, except this time they are attacking knights guarding the Holy Grail in a land cursed by a color filter that’s removed 85% of the color! Can our heroes do something with the Holy Grail and kill a bunch of zombies and probably not run into a killer bunny rabbit? Sure, why not?! It does feature lots of zombies being hacked up by swords and axes while the heroes leap in slow motion, and I know people are into that.

Land of Giants
Land of Giants
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Eyewell AB
Cast –
Director – Krystof Zlatnik
Writer(s) – Jan Cronauer
Facebook

Land of Giants tells us the story of the outsider Crutch who wanders through the desolate wastelands that remain of the once thriving human civilization after the giants came and destroyed everything.
The giants are mysterious colossal creatures and are attracted by any type of electricity consuming technology, and they attack anyone standing in their way. Living in constant fear of this destructive threat, the few survivors have retreated to scattered villages where they are forced to live a life without technology and praise the giants as omniscient gods.
Crutch, who lost his mother during an attack of a giant when he was still a child, does not want to accept this life. He has decided to fight these colossal giants in order to finally solve the mystery of their origin and to free humanity from their oppression once and for all.

Tars sez: I guess this is one way to get an unofficial Shadow of the Colossus film…

the last scout
The Last Scout
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Epic Pictures Group
Cast – Blaine Gray, Peter Woodward, Simon Phillips, Rebecca Ferdinando, Rita Ramnani
Director – Paul Tanter
Writer(s) – Paul Tanter

Seven years after Earth is destroyed by war, the survival of mankind depends on the crew of one ship. Humanity’s remaining survivors send a fleet of ships to different points in the galaxy in the hope of finding a new world. After seven years of travel and long since out of communication range, the crew of The Pegasus is nearing their destination when they encounter a derelict ship. As tensions on board rise, they soon realize that they are not alone and must fight for their survival… and the survival of mankind.

Tars sez: Damn, it’s not The Last Boy Scout! That movie rules, screw the haters! Sounds like humanity’s ships are all destroyed except for this last one, can they get to home without being stuck in a copy of the movie Aliens? Find out in The Last Scout!

Legacy of the Tengu
Legacy of the Tengu
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Spartan Bay
Cast – James Lew, Louis Mandylor, Nao Minami
Director – Mark Steven Grove
Writer(s) – Mark Steven Grove
Official Site

An evil 15th century Samurai Warrior rises from beyond the grave to possess a metropolitan police officer and recover powerful artifacts that will open a gateway between our realm and that of dark destructive forces that will unleash hell on Earth.

Tars sez: Looks more interesting than it sounds, action film with an Asian lead and battling demons who look like refugees from an X-Men movie.

Legendary Tomb of the Dragon
Legendary aka Legendary: Tomb of the Dragon
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – GFM Films
Cast – Scott Adkins, Dolph Lundgren, Yi Huang
Director – Eric Styles
Writer(s) – Andy Briggs

Travis, our heroic cryptozoologist, wants to prove that a prehistoric beast killing construction workers is more than just a myth. But at the same time, his ruthless competitor, Harker, wants to prove he is the best in the business and outdo Travis in any way he can. Travis finds himself in a race against time to preserve the rare but deadly creature because Harker thrives on trophy killings and shoots to kill…including humans if they come between him and his prey. Travis is funded by a mysterious wealthy benefactor and finds himself escorted by their slightly overwhelmed lawyer. The rest of his team consists of two friends, seasoned field workers Katie and Brandon, and Jianyu a boy who first gave him video proof of the dragon. Jianyu has his own mission, to prove that the oil company is covering up the truth about the beast killing his father on their site a site which is invading the creature’s time honoured home. Construction has woken the dragon from his tomb, a danger which they cannot fully understand. As the death toll mounts, can Travis’ team outwit the company, battle against Harker and escape the jaws of death whilst saving the species from brutal extinction?

Tars sez: Am very excited about this one, evil Dolph Lundgren and a dragon! Also Scott Adkins, and Yi Huang, one of my favorite Chinese actresses. Though I’m not convinced this will get an actual theatrical release, but who knows.

Legends of Oz Dorothys Return
Legends of Oz: Dorothy’s Return
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Hyde Park International
Cast – Lea Michele, Jim Belushi, Kelsey Grammer, Martin Short, Dan Aykroyd, Megan Hilty, Hugh Dancy, Bernadette Peters, Oliver Platt, Patrick Stewart
Director(s) – Will Finn, Dan St. Pierre
Writer(s) – Adam Balsam, Randi Barnes, Barry Glasser, Roger Stanton Baum

Inspired by L. Frank Baum’s Wonderful Wizard of Oz and based on a series of books by his great-grandson Roger Stanton Baum, LEGENDS OF OZ: DOROTHY’S RETURN is the latest chapter in the Oz legacy. Dorothy returns to Kansas to find it devastated by the tornado that had whisked her away to Oz. But shortly after arriving in Kansas, Dorothy is magically transported back to Oz. Oz is in trouble, and the Scarecrow, Tin Man and the formerly Cowardly Lion have disappeared. On her way to the Emerald City, she encounters a number of new companions who must band together against a new villain – an evil Jester seeking revenge for the death of his sister – the Wicked Witch of the West.

Tars sez: One of the bajillion Oz movies in development, this one jettisons all of the sequel books and instead has the Joker attack Oz…excuse me, the Jester, not the Joker. Because that would be stupid. Dorothy looks suspiciously like the MGM Judy Garland Dorothy, and they have a bunch of famous people as voice actors. Hm…

Lisa Limone Maroc Orange
Lisa Limone & Maroc Orange aka Lisa Limone ja Maroc Orange
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – The Yellow Affair
Cast –
Director – Mait Laas
Writer(s) – Kati Kouvacs, Peep Pedmanson
Official Site

The story of impossible love between orange boy Maroc, a singing boat refugee, and lemon girl Lisa, who collects singing seashells and dreams about love. Maroc is the brave hero-type, bound by prejudice and poverty. Lisa is the daughter of a rich businessman and tomato ketchup plantation owner. This is the fruitier version of Romeo and Juliet – a 3D animated operatic extravaganza!

Tars sez: WOW! This looks awesome, an amazing looking film with animated fruit people that deals with immigration, refugees, mistreatment of migrant workers, dreams, and love. And to think the closest US comparison is The Annoying Orange. That’s sort of depressing. We should murder The Annoying Orange! If you watch the trailer for Lisa Limone & Maroc Orange and don’t want to see the film, I’m not sure you enjoy cinema.

The Little Ghost
The Little Ghost aka Das Kleine Gespenst
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – ARRI Worldsales
Cast – Jonas Holdenrieder, Emily Kusche, Nico Hartung, Herbert Knaup, Bettina Stucky, Uwe Ochsenknecht
Director – Alain Gsponer
Writer(s) – Martin Ritzenhoff

The Little Ghost lives in the castle of Eulenstein. It awakens for precisely one hour after the clock strikes midnight. Despite the warnings of a friend, Mr. Tu-Whit Tu-Whoo, the ghost would like to see the world by daylight once.

Meanwhile, Karl, Hannes and Marie go on a nightly excursion to the castle, where they have their first encounter with the ghost.
The following day, the ghost wakes up at twelve o’clock – noontime. Its joy about this soon passes, as – discolored black by the first sunray – it scares the town’s inhabitants and causes a commotion. Chased by the police, the ghost asks the children for help.

The film is based on an international best-selling children’s book by Otfried Preußler, which was translated into more than 31 languages worldwide

Tars sez: If you enjoy your friendly ghosts with a creepy German flavor, then here is The Little Ghost! Let’s ignore that the ghost sees getting turned black as a punishment…no, wait, let’s not ignore that, because that is rather strange and will probably prevent this from ever hitting America.

Lumberjack Man
Lumberjack Man
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Madisonian Films
Cast – Michael Madsen, Brina Palencia, Andy San Dimas, Adam Sessler
Director – Josh Bear
Writer(s) – Ed Kuehnel, Matt Entin
Official Site

As the staff of Good Friends Church Camp prepares for a spring break filled with “Fun Under the Son”, a demon logger rises from his sap boiler to wreak his vengeance and feast on flapjacks soaked in the blood of his victims.

Tars sez: Could this be the most Canadian film of all time, excluding Strange Brew? All they need is Lumberjack Man to have a mutant beaver sidekick!

bloody sport
Martial Science aka Bloody Sport
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast – Alejandro Salomon, Grainger Hines, Jim Ounniyom, John Henry Whitaker, Ricky Titus, Trent Garrett
Director(s) – Alejandro Salomon, Frederick Cipoletti
Writer(s) – Alejandro Salomon, Frederick Cipoletti

A young French martial arts expert who was born and raised in America to Mexican parents has to go to a “very illegal and underground tournament” in China that everyone knows about, in order to avenge the honor of his not dead master.

Tars sez: A Bloodsport spoof??? Was not expecting that! But here it is. It might even be funny enough to be worth a rental! Lord knows there are plenty of worse films on this very page…

minuscule valley lost ants
Minuscule, Valley of the Lost Ants aka Minusculen la Valley des Fourmies Perdues
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Futurikon
Cast –
Director – Thomas Szabo, Hélène Giraud
Writer(s) – Thomas Szabo, Hélène Giraud

In a peaceful little clearing, the remains of a picnic hastily abandoned spark warfare between two tribes of ants. A bold young ladybug finds himself caught in the middle of the battle. He bedfriends one of the black ants, Mandible, and helps him save the anthill from the assault of the terrible red ant warriors, let by the fearful Butor. A fantastic journey at ground level….

Tars sez: Looks like someone missed the whole Antz/A Bug’s Life wars and is trying to storm the battlefield when no one is looking! What I like about these foreign animated films is they usually have stories that the big US studios aren’t going to even try to attempt. It all means Minuscule could be really cool or really bad.

My Dog the Champion
My Dog the Champion
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – MultiVisionnaire Pictures
Cast – Lance Henriksen, Dora Madison Burge, Cody Linley
Director(s) – Robin Nations, Kevin Nations
Writer(s) – Richard Dane Scott
Official Site

Madison is a typical spoiled city teenager. She loves to text and hang out with her friends. When her mom is called back into military service, Madison is forced to to stay with her Grandpa Billy on his ranch. What’s a poor city girl to do?

At first, Madison feels lonely and hopeless in the country, but help turns up in the form of a new friend named Scout, an adorable cattle dog who decided she doesn’t like herding cattle. Grandpa Billy pegs Scout as a useless “broken tool” — but Madison sees something totally different in her. Bonding through their mutual sense of displacement, the two outcasts form a special friendship. With the help of a cute teenage boy that trains dogs, Madison uncovers Scout’s uncanny skill at agility competition, and the trio spend their summer training for the Annual Youth Trainer Challenge to win the blue ribbon.

Tars sez: I have a weakness for dog movies, and also movies where Lance Henriksen looks 1000 years old. I didn’t realize until now he’s 73! It’s a feel good movie with a cute dog, what more do you want, balloons? I can get you balloons. I’ll get you a whole crate of balloons. C.O.D., of course, no freebies!

Surf Party National Lampoon
National Lampoon Presents Surf Party
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Spotlight Pictures
Cast – Matthew Lillard, Vanessa Angel, Joan Jett
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site

In the vein of “Dazed and Confused,” “National Lampoon’s Surf Party” chronicles 24 hours in the life of a group of teens living the dream of babes, brews, and bikinis, one last time before high school graduation.

While California is known as a surfer’s paradise, that doesn’t mean life is perfect in the pristine beach community of Ventura. The biggest problem—city kids from “The Valley.” In Ventura, they have a “locals only” policy and anyone from the Valley is looked upon as the enemy.

When JD’s (Khan Chittenden, TV’s “Blue Water High”) custom-made, prized surf board is stolen by a Valley kid, JD and his friends enlist Mooney (Matthew Lillard, “Scooby-Doo!” “Scream”), a veteran Ventura surfer, to help track down the thief and get the board back.

The crew heads into the Valley and retrieves JD’s board from the enemy’s clutches, just in time to return to Ventura for the biggest Surf Party ever!

“Surf Party” is a rockin’ good time, with a soundtrack featuring songs from Katy Perry, Joan Jett (who also stars in the movie), Pennywise, and Travis Barker.

PARTY ON!

Tars sez: I see National Lampoon is still attaching their name to awful films. Will this be worse than Surf School, currently the worst surfing movie of all time?

artworks
Ninja Apocalypse
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Automatic Entertainment
Cast – Christian OLIVER, Les BRANDT, Ernie REYES, JR, Cary TAGAWA
Director – Lloyd BARNETT
Writer(s) –

Framed for assassinating the Grandmaster, the Lost Ninja Clan must battle their way up an underground nuclear bunker filled with hordes of supernatural enemies, mutants and flesh eating zombies. Trapped a thousand feet below the earth’s crust, these ninjas will face hell. The Raid meets The Warriors with adrenaline-fueled martial arts and blazing effects.

Tars sez: Wha? Why are they below the Earth’s crust and fighting zombies? Is it because they are the Lost Ninja Clan? Better get a TomTom! (Note: picture has nothing to do with the film)

The night Crew
The Night Crew
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Premiere Entertainment Group
Cast – Paul Sloan, Luke Goss
Director – Christian Sesma
Writer(s) – Christian Sesma, Paul Sloan

THE NIGHT CREW centers on a group of hard up bounty hunters who must survive the night in a desert motel against a horde of savage border runners when they realize their fugitive, a mysterious Chinese woman, is much more than she lets on.

Tars sez: It’s the bounty hunter version of M. Butterfly! Just kidding, but it is cool to see a film where people are besieged by something that isn’t zombies! Unless zombies show up, in which case fuck this movie!

P-51 Dragon Fighter
P-51 Dragon Fighter
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Archstone Distribution
Cast – Scott Martin, Stephanie Beran, Ross Brooks, Osman Soykut, Robert Pike Daniel
Director – Mark Atkins
Writer(s) – Mark Atkins
Official Site

In 1943, as the allies advance in North Africa, the Nazis unleash an ancient terror. Out of the night sky the allies are ambushed by dragons. Facing annihilation, a rag tag group of P-51 pilots are sent on a desperate mission to fight the dragons and save the war.

Tars sez: I have been excited about the concept of this for a while, and the fact the Nazis are releasing the dragons (with tattoos!) that attack makes it sound even more cooler. And the trailer has more fighters vs. dragon action than I expected the whole film to have, so that is a good sign as well.

p5ych
P5YCH
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Cinema Management Group (CMG)
Cast –
Director – Matthew Currie Holmes
Writer(s) –

The Year is 1984. Five survivors, whose real life experiences inspired some of the scariest movies of all-time: Friday the 13th, Halloween, Texas Chainsaw Massacre, A Nightmare On Elm Street are now undergoing treatment for Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder. Mentored by Dr. Rick Gilbert, “The Five” take their therapy to a whole new level when they leave the confines of their respective wellness centers and travel to the secluded McKafee Ranch. Here they start in an experimental, psycho-kinetic treatment known as Stage Five which allows them to come face to face with their worst fears: their most suppressed memories. But when the memories and fantasies turn real, and the body count begins to rise, the survivors must band together to survive again… or die trying.

Tars sez: Honestly, I’ve heard pitches like this one for years, including versions trying to recruit the actual Final Girl actresses. Heck, even Jamie Lee Curtis has a pitch out there. But someone went and sidestepped the whole thing for their own film.

A Pride of Lions
A Pride of Lions
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Moonstone Entertainment
Cast – Louis Gossett Jr., Margot Kidder, Cedric Smith, Tom Jackson, Seymour Cassel, Bo Svenson
Director – Sidney J. Furie
Writer(s) – Richard Watson

A family action film about the high adventures of five American grandparents, who go to Afghanistan to rescue their soldier grandsons from the Taliban.

Tars sez: Might be fun, a white person version of Original Gangstas!

Pros and Cons fantasy Football
Pros and Cons: A Fantasy Football Movie
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – FlixHouse Global
Cast – Earl Browning III, Stephen Brodie, Stacy Cunningham
Director – Bryant Hicks
Writer(s) – Scott Ross
Official Site

Jack Snow (Earl Browning III) is a family man obsessed with winning his high stakes fantasy football league. Jack has a keen talent for picking great players for his team but has yet to ever win his league. He’s a huge fan of fantasy football and professional football. At the same time, he’s disturbed about the showboat attitude of football star players such as Tyrice Donovan (Le Marc Johnson) and Randall Donaldson (Bryan Pitts).

After his wife (Stacy Cunningham) forbids him to play fantasy football, Jack’s best friend, Steve-O (Lance Eakright), convinces him to play again, but he keeps it secret from his wife and son (Greyson Moore). He must take home the league championship to win $60,000 in order to save his family. But at what cost? The surprise ending will have many viewers asking is Jack now living the good life or has he thrown it all away?

This is the first feature film about fantasy football and shot on the Red One camera. It also features Tim Taylor from THE HUNGER GAMES, Stephen Brodie from THE LONE RANGER, Tze Yep from THE EXPENDABLES, and Ernest James from FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS.

Tars sez: Fantasy Football is pretty popular, so of course there will be Fantasy Football movies besides that scene from Knocked Up (which I think was Fantasy Baseball, anyway.) The plot somehow involves a gigantic woman in a bikini, who is lured in by the siren song of people who can crunch stats and then get lucky. Presumably she feeds on their brains, leaving only empty husks remaining. Such is the curse of Fantasy Football.

Pudsey Dog
Pudsey: The Movie
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company –
Cast – Pudsey, David Walliams
Director – Nick Moore
Writer(s) –

Soon after winning Simon Cowell’s smash hit TV show Britain’s Got Talent, the UK’s most famous dog is starring in his first film: PUDSEY: THE MOVIE!

Tars sez: My British readers will know who this dog is, and why this film is on this list. For everyone else, just imagine From Justin to Kelly, if Justin was a dog. Actually, that sounds much better…

Scintilla
Scintilla
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – AV Pictures
Cast – John Lynch, Craig Conway, Antonia Thomas, Jumayan Hunter, Morjana Alaoui, Beth Winslet
Director – Billy O’Brien
Writer(s) – Rob Green

An elite team of mercenaries are chosen to carry out a covert operation deep in a former Soviet State. They must first battle the ferocious armed militia at ground level before descending through a maze of tunnels inhabited by dark, menacing creatures. When the team arrives at an underground laboratory they discover the purpose of their mission: A genius scientist has been genetically splicing alien DNA with human and the results of this revolutionary work must be secured. The soldiers must protect and save the specimens whilst avoiding the threats of multiple predators, both human and otherwise.

Tars sez: Once gain, and “elite team” is sent in to fight monsters in the dark, this time fly people with multiple eyes who live in Spaceship Earth at Epcot Center by looks of the poster art. I knew Disney was up to no good!

Septic Man
Septic Man
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Raven Banner Entertainment
Cast – Jason David Brown, Molly Dunsworth
Director – Jesse T. Cook
Writer(s) – Tony Burgess

From the Writer of Pontypool and the Creators of Monster Brawl and Exit Humanity, comes a shocking new horror film. An erstwhile plumber undergoes a hideous transformation when trapped inside a septic tank and tormented by the bizarre residents of his town’s sewage treatment plant.

Tars sez: This is the sick truth the Charmain bears are trying to hide from you! Never go into the sewers, those ninja turtles were regular turtles before they were mutated! Septic Man features more people yelling into manholes than I’ve seen in a movie, ever. And I’ve seen a lot of manhole yelling. If you are a fan of poo turning people into monsters, or of lots and lots and lots of puking, Septic Man is your bag, baby!

Seventh Tear
The Seventh Tear
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Red Sea Media
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –

A safari on a dangerous alien planet is hijacked by extremists bent on starting a civil war with the indigenous aliens. Now it’s up to the sole survivor to outwit her assailants, escape from the badlands, and prevent a war.

Tars sez: Sounds like Avatar, except the corporations aren’t in control (yet) and one woman stands between us and Armageddon. Or at least an alien war that humans may or may not win. Unfortunately all there is is the poster art for now, so I don’t know how big this film will look. A definite maybe.

sex and zen 4d
Sex and Zen II 4D Sexecution aka 4D肉蒲團之扶桑千人斬
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – One Dollar Distribution Limited
Cast –
Director – Christopher Sun
Writer(s) –

Two Japanese vagrants sneak into the Tang Dynasty, rape and pillage women. The incident not only creates fear among the public, but it also startles the imperial emissary. Populaces with supernatural power travel to Japan and dare a sex challenge, and begin the sexecution!

Tars sez: Despite delays after delays, Sex and Zen 3D 2 (aka Sex and Zen 4D aka whatever they’re retitling it this time) should still make a bunch of cash despite being terrible. Expect almost every actress to be Japanese. The fact they’re trying to sell it might mean production is beginning to move forward (or they might need the presale money to begin production)

sharktopus japanese poster
Sharktopus Versus Mermantula
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – New Horizons Picture Corp.
Cast – Casper Van Dien, Catherine Oxenberg
Director – Kevin O’Neill
Writer(s) – Matt Yamashita

In order to take down Sharktopus, Ray Brady, a former basketball player is injected with a transformation serum that alters his genetic make-up to become part man, part pirahna and part tarantula. Though, unsuccessful at his first attempt to bring down Sharktopus, Ray injects himself with a growth hormone, increasing his strength ten fold and has a final showdown with Sharktopus in a baseball stadium.

Tars sez: This will be the third Sharktopus film, as 2 and 3 are filming together, and I eagerly await them on SyFy!

sharktopus
Sharktopus Versus Pteracuda
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – New Horizons Picture Corp.
Cast – Robert Carradine, Katie Savoy
Director – Kevin O’Neill
Writer(s) – Matt Yamashita

Sharktopus’ offspring goes toe-to-toe with the latest science experiment “Pteracuda” in a battle for supremacy,

Tars sez: This will be the second Sharktopus film, as 2 and 3 are filming together, and I eagerly await them on SyFy!

Skypocalypse
Skypocalypse aka The Phoenix Rises
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – James Black, Adam Cardon
Director – Drew Hall
Writer(s) – Denny Wilkins
Official Site

Worlds collide in this psychological, sci fi thriller when a team of brilliant scientists are recruited to work with a secretive government run project called the Phoenix Program to develop counter measures for climate based weaponry. Special Agents Bob Smith and Tom Jones hand picked the team after observing their success with building the world’s first space elevator for the Bonner Prize – a secret recruitment project purposed to find the worlds best and brightest. A newly formed terrorist group is using climate based weapons to hold the US and its allies hostage. Using extremely low frequency delivery methods the terrorists can cause earthquakes, alter rain patterns, cause droughts, and create deadly storms out of thin air but the terrorist threat is not the only challenge for the team. A deadly, vindictive mercenary from their past, Jamal Duegro, has launched a revenge operation to reacquire technologies his clients want returned to them and will stop at nothing in order to protect his interests.

Tars sez: Bob Smith and Tom Jones, huh? Sorry, Skypocalypse, Earthtastrophe is the better disaster movie title, but you did place high enough to get a medal. I can just see the news headline graphics now for “Terror Weather!”

sleeping beauty
Sleeping Beauty
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Moonrise Pictures SL
Cast – Jenny Alford, Robert Amstler
Director – Rene Perez
Writer(s) – Barry Massoni
Official Site

The beautiful Aurora (Jenny Alford) is cursed into everlasting sleep by an evil witch for a crime she didn’t commit, The brave Commander of the Guard, William (Robert Amstler) embarks on a quest inspired by both love an loyality to free the doomed princess.
He travels into the dark forest, where he encounters a friendly elf that helps him on his quest, a dangerous wizard with no love for royalty or evil, a deadly assassin, and a ravenous creature that preys on human flesh before the final confrontation that will determine Aurora’s fate.

Tars sez: So Maleficent is a blue orc from Lord of the Rings now, and also a bunch of other fantasy creatures are running around. Luckily the world is set to classical music!

sneezing baby panda movie
Sneezing Baby Panda
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Shoreline Entertainment
Cast – Amber Clayton
Director – Lesley Hammond, Jenny Walsh
Writer(s) – Lesley Hammond, Jenny Walsh

When Australian zoologist Marnie Tyler first sees the viral internet sensation ‘Sneezing Baby Panda’ she knows at once the feisty little cub could save her ailing zoo from closure. Marnie’s quest to find the iconic panda hits a brick wall the moment she arrives in panda country. Dealing with Chinese villagers who’ve never seen the YouTube clip and battling aggressive foreign syndicates hell bent on finding the panda first, Marnie (Amber Clayton) eventually tracks him down in a remote mountain breeding centre. But Chi Chi is more than a cub who once sneezed! Combining slick visual effects, historic film and remarkable contemporary footage of pandas in their natural habitat, the tongue–cheek-story behind ‘Sneezing Baby Panda”

Tars sez: I hated the idea of this movie when it was announced, and I hate it now despite it being a “mockumentary”, which is just a lame cop out way of dealing with the fact this should have never been greenlighted! If this makes money, every viral video that gets more than 3 views will have a movie deal, and you will only have yourself to blame!

the snow queen
The Snow Queen
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Moonrise Pictures SL
Cast – Jenny Allford, Nadia Lanfranconi
Director – Rene Perez
Writer(s) – Rene Perez
Official Site

A mysterious presence has threatened humanity for hundreds as it lurks in the frozen wastes. Nearly unnoticed as her powers grow, she’s been slowly draining the planet of it’s most precious recourse.
It takes two groups of adventurers, separated in time, to defeat her and her demonic guardians. One fights against her with swords and shields of iron, the other with assault rifles and body armor.

Tars sez: Huh, Game of Thrones, except Master Chief is running around gunning everyone down, and Daenerys has antlers.

sons of liberty
Sons of Liberty
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Shoreline Entertainment
Cast – Tamer Hassan, Keith David, Elyse Levesque
Director – Drew Hall
Writer(s) – Jeff Etheridge, Drew Hall, Danny Wilkins

An elite team of scientists and soldiers unite to thwart a terrorist plot to detonate a nuclear weapon along the Gulf Coast.

Tars sez: Another “elite team”, but instead of fighting monsters, they fight terrorist with a film title that smells far too teabagger for my liking.

sparks
Sparks
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Archstone Distribution
Cast – Chase Williamson, Ashley Bell, Clancy Brown, Jake Busey, William Katt, Marina Squerciati, Clint Howard
Director(s) – Todd Burrows, Christopher Folino
Writer(s) – Christopher Folino

A masked vigilante who discovers the dark side to heroism. Going after the nation’s most notorious super criminal leaves Sparks’ life and reputation in ruins.

Tars sez: One of the few super hero films this year, the character Sparks’ life is ruined by being a hero, much how geeks have their lives ruined by being fanboys. The solution is to not be a geek, but be a nerd. Because then you get paid!

stalled
Stalled
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Odin’s Eye Entertainment
Cast – Dan Palmer, Antonia Bernath
Director – Christian James
Writer(s) – Dan Palmer

It’s Christmas Eve, and a soon-to-be-shit-canned maintenance gopher (Dan Palmer) is changing light bulbs and cleaning toilets instead of drinking egg nog and making out with drunk receptionists at the annual office party. Unfortunately for this forlorn floor-sweeper, he chooses to use the ladies restroom the very second a zombie outbreak occurs! Will he bowl us over and flush away the undead or (like in his pre-apocalypse life) simply remain …Stalled?

Tars sez: I certainly want to watch a film that is some guy sitting in the ladies restroom for 99% of the running time, and zombies wandering around for the rest!

starship rising
StarShip: Rising
AFM Link
Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast –
Director –
Writer(s) –
Official Site

Starship One… the most powerful prototype warship in the Federation, capable of destroying entire worlds. When the order is given to destroy the Earth, Flight Lieutenant John Worthy mutineers Starship One and takes on the might of the entire Federation.

Tars sez: WHOA! Someone turned their Star Wars fanfic into a real film that only vaguely resembles Star Wars! I would watch.

step dogs
Step Dogs
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Joker Films Inc.
Cast – Dylan Schmid, Eliana Jones, Ryan Belleville, Joris Jarsky
Director – Geoff Anderson
Writer(s) – William Wennekers

When a stuntman from the rural north marries a Hollywood movie star, it quickly becomes evident that their two kids will not get along, and neither will their respective dogs. Josh’s dog Meatball, is a scruffy farm mutt with a wisecracking wit, while Lacey’s dog Cassie is a prim, spoiled purse dog who is not into country living and takes every opportunity to point that out with her constant complaints.

With the parents away for their honeymoon, Cassie and Meatball must put their differences aside when they discover a pair of bumbling thieves plotting to steal Lacey’s mom’s prized diamond, which has been locked away in the house.

The crooks soon find their work cut out for them when the talking dogs team up to defend their home, engaging in a non-stop hilarious slap-stick battle. It’s “Home Alone” meets “Beverly Hills Chihuahua”, in a new family comedy where all leashes are off!

Tars sez: It’s another Home Alone with talking dogs movie! I still can’t believe this is a trend this year.

Subconscious
Subconscious
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Taylor & Dodge
Cast – Tim Abell, Tom Stedham, Naomi Brockwell, Aleisha Force, Mick Beckingham
Director – Georgia Hilton
Writer(s) –

An obsessive professor is allowed to visit the USS Lionfish, a World War 2 submarine mysteriously welded shut and locked to the pier in 1943. Once on board, he and his team become trapped and pitted against a German U-Boat in a battle that will change the course of history.

Tars sez: Was this film greenlit entirely on the basis of the title pun? Could be interesting, could not be, sadly too early to tell.

surivor
Survivor
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Koan Inc.
Cast – Kevin Sorbo, Danielle Chuchran
Director – John Lyde
Writer(s) –

Just as young Kate Mitra discovers a habitable planet for what’s left of humankind, a meteor strike destroys their space craft, crash-landing them on a mysterious barren world. As Kate, Captain Hunter, and the other survivors gather, they are ambushed by a band of post-apocalyptic warriors and mutated savages.

Kate awakens bound in a cave, trapped by flesh-eating cave creatures and separated from her friends, and must learn to trust the planet’s mysterious humanoids in order to outrun, outsmart and outfight hordes of bloodthirsty aliens and an enormous mutated wolf creature, and rescue her friends and her captain before they are all eaten alive.

Tars sez: Okay, take the plot of After Earth, but instead of Jayden Smith, we have Katniss Everdeen searching for the rescue beacon, and instead of mutant animals, its mutant LOTR monsters. I am interested!

time warrior
Time Warrior
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Fairway Film Alliance
Cast – Thomas Graninger, Brandon Dold, Kai Denton
Director – Joaquin Rodriguez
Writer(s) – Michael Halverson, Joaquin Rodriguez
Official Site

An underground pirated video turns a timid teenager into the ultimate time-traveling lethal weapon. Packed with sci-fi action, Time Warrior is a futuristic teenage adventure that blurs the line between fantasy and reality. Fast, fun, young and hip, featuring VFX and CGI from Jaime Jasso (Avatar, Iron Man 2, Transformers 3).

Tars sez: HAHAHA! This trailer is a MUST WATCH!

thrillseekers the indosheen
Thrillseekers, The Indosheen
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Empress Road Pictures
Cast – Ben Seton
Director – Robert Pfitzner
Writer(s) – Robert Pfitzner
Official Site

Captain Tomlin is tasked with assembling a team of super-heroes in order to seek & uncover the secret of the Universe in order to save the planet, humanity and most of all his soul mate Melanie.

Tars sez: I have no idea what the plot is based on the trailer (which makes some…suspect claims about how good this film is), but the trailer hints it is a video game, and the synopsis says it involves super heroes (none are in the trailer!) Remember, Thrillseeker is his name!

tomorrow
Tomorrow aka Omni
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – SC Films International
Cast – Kate Glover
Director – Tristan Cornelius VERSLUIS
Writer(s) – Tristan Cornelius VERSLUIS, Igor ZOR
Official Site

The Aliens are coming, today, tomorrow, soon…..
Aliens have inhabited a number of planets over the centuries and settled on Earth before Man arrived. They now dwell in our Oceans, out of sight but keeping an eye on Mankind.

Abbi Hill claims that she has been abducted by aliens. She saw bright lights, a space ship and has memories of an operating table and seeing aliens.

Everyone else believes Abbi is an attention seeker and highly strung. After accidentally causing the death of her best friend in a car accident, Abbi is released from prison on good behaviour. Re-united with her six year old daughter and ex boyfriend Scott, Abbi is abducted once again.

What do the aliens want with Abbi? Does Abbi hold the key to the future of Mankind?

Special Agent Shepherd certainly believes Abbi is “special” and holds super powers. She is captured (along with her family) and imprisoned in a new high tech facility. The Earth is on the brink of environmental catastrophe and the Government is also seeing increased UFO activity. Is the Planet about to destruct? Are the aliens getting ready to invade?

An ARK has been constructed for the lucky few to escape to a new Planet. Can Abbi save the Earth from an alien invasion or is it too late?

Sci-fi action adventure from FX director Tristan Cornelius Versluis (FX for “Game of Thrones”).

Tars sez: That synopsis has more questions than I do! It’s crazy. Definitely maybe!

unidentified
Unidentified
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – MPI Media Group
Cast – Colton Dunne, Eric Artell, Eddie Mui, Parry Shen
Director – Jason R. Miller
Writer(s) – Jason R. Miller

After an ill-fated weekend of gambling in Las Vegas, four friends on the run from a loan shark find themselves stranded in the Nevada desert. But debt troubles may be the least of their worries when the group discovers that something unearthly may be stalking them. Director Jason R. Miller’s UNIDENTIFIED cleverly mixes sci-fi suspense with comedy to create a truly unique take on an otherworldly encounter.

Tars sez: Hey, a film with multiple Asian leads I will watch. Add aliens and stuff and I will also watch. Basically I’ll watch anything, but some things more than others. Like this.

witching and bitching
Witching & Bitching aka Las Brujas de Zugarramurdi
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Film Factory Entertainment
Cast – Hugo SILVA, Mario CASAS, Jaime ORTIZ, Carmen MAURA, Terele PÁVEZ, Carolina BANG, Javier GUTIÉRREZ, Secun DE LA ROSA
Director – Álex DE LA IGLESIA
Writer(s) – Álex DE LA IGLESIA
Official Site

Divorced dad José and friends rob 25,000 wedding rings from a Cash-for-Gold shop in a desperate attempt to escape their lives of wife troubles. But they may never make it out of the haunted northern forests where a coven of witches chases them down for the rings and their souls in a crazy storm of poetic justice for their failures with the opposite sex.

Tars sez: First, I hate the new title, way to try to be shocking. But it looks like it might be fun, so I’ll have to overcome my annoyance at the title choice.

zero dark dirty
Zero Dark Dirty
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – ITN Distribution
Cast – Alexander Loy, Mark Metcalf
Director – Alexander Loy, Joe Walser
Writer(s) – Alexander Loy

A rock and roll musician travels to Afghanistan to win the hearts and minds of it’s people. Starring Corey Feldman (The Lost Boys, Stand By Me)

Tars sez: Starring Corey Feldman is a sentence I don’t hear enough of these days. Let’s do it!

zip zap marble gang
Zip & Zap and the Marble Gang aka Zipi y Zape y el Club de la Canica
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Film Factory Entertainment
Cast – Javier Gutiérrez, Claudia Vega, Álex Angulo
Director – Oskar Santos
Writer(s) – Francisco Roncal, Jorge Lara, Oskar Santos

Naughty twins Zip & Zap are sent to a strict summer school where all entertainment is forbidden. Their mischief gets out of hand and they form the Marble Gang, the children’s Resistance, to defy the evil Headmaster. The children wind up uncovering a mysterious secret hidden deep within the school leading to the most wonderful adventure of their lives.

Tars sez: Remember when kids played with marbles? I sure don’t because that was decades and decades before I was born. But let’s pretend that the marbles are Pokemon and that Zip and Zap are the Weasley twins, and suddenly this movie sounds a lot better.

zombie fight club
Zombie Fight Club
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Star Alliance Movies (HK) Co., Ltd.
Cast – Andy ON, Philip NG, Jessica CAMBENSY, Jack KAO, Michael WONG, Terence YIN, Derek TSANG, Candy YUEN
Director – Joe CHIEN
Writer(s) –

It’s the end of the Century, at a corner of the city in a building riddled with crime …… Everyone in the building has turned into zombies. After Jenny’s boyfriend was killed in a zombie attack, she faces the challenge of surviving in the face of adversity. In order to stay alive she struggles with Andy to flee danger.
The originally kind and warm hearted chemistry teacher, after the kayos has broken out is now the zombie leader and has transformed into a cruel, vicious and selfish character.
Violent activists match prisoners against zombies in a malicious killing game, the good side of humanity has seemingly all but vanished. Now that all order is lost, how will humans create a new century? A world of uncertainty awaits : The end? Hope? Or Death?

Tars sez: I was all set to damn the idiots who made this based on just the title until I realized it’s a Hong Kong film and not some nerds in their basement. Still, I’ll never watch a movie called Zombie Fight Club, but maybe someone else will.

Wow, what a huge list! What can we take away from this?

Best looking films: Apokalips X, Born of War, The Demon’s Rook, Enemy Empire, Evil Feed, Legendary: Tomb of the Dragon, Lisa Limone & Maroc Orange, P-51 Dragon Fighter, Survivor
Worst looking films: Atlantis The Last Days of Kaptara, Dragon Reign, Invasion Day, National Lampoon Presents Surf Party, Sneezing Baby Panda, Time Warrior
Most WTF films: Crawl Bitch Crawl, Grand Auto Theft L.A., Land of Giants, Thrillseekers The Indosheen
Best title: Earthtastrophe
Worst Title: Fist 2 Fist: 2 – Weapon Of Choice

5 comments - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - December 5, 2013 at 9:30 am

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69 Must See Flicks from The American Film Market

The American Film Market is the global marketplace for film acquisition, financing, and distribution rights. Over 8000 industry people attend to network and wheel and deal. This year’s conference takes place October 31-November 7, and the film database is filling up rapidly, with over 6000 films listed so far. Not being a movie producer or distributor, what could the AFM possibly interest us with? Well, that 6000+ film database is something special, because it is the best centralized source of upcoming independent film information available anywhere.

The film database will contain all films that are either up for sale, up for distribution rights in various markets, or seeking financing (in addition to the distribution deals.) There are a lot of recent films from the past two or three years, but there is also a large amount of films that are in pre-production or post-production. This is the gold that we are interested in, because there will a a bunch of films that prior to this had little or no information about them, or if there was it was buried on some company website.

I’ve scoured through the over 6000 films listed so far and found the 69 most interesting flicks to people who would be reading this site. Some films are picked from their title alone, while others are easy picks thanks to their trailers or posters or plots. A few of them will be guaranteed awful, but some will be some of the greatest cinema that has ever been made. One surprise amist all the monster flicks destined for SyFy is the larger than usual amount of superhero flicks. It looks like several film companies (most particularly TomCat Films, which has become one of my favorite indie film houses now) have taken notice of the comic book movies raking in a billion dollars and want a piece of that action. Will this trend continue as long as Marvel scores at the box office? Or will it fizzle out if profits can’t be found? We shall see in the coming years.

The format is the poster (if one exists), the title, movie information and trailers, and a brief comment about the film. Most of the trailers are linked, because otherwise some browsers will implode upon themselves. I did leave one trailer embedded, because it is by far the greatest thing you will see in this post.

So let’s get on with the show!

2012 Battle of Supremacy
2012 Battle of Supremacy
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Ytinifni Pictures
Cast – Ernest Borgnine, Brian Shotwell
Director – Brennan Reed
Writer – Brennan Reed

On December 21, 2012, the date prophesized by the ancient Mayans as Armageddon, a giant asteroid hit planet earth causing global chaos. A battle for supremacy ensued for one thousand years between the republic and minority religious factions. Prisoners were transported between planets accompanied by soldiers for the republic. Sometimes the ships got lost. It’s now 3074 A.D. and a prison transport ship carrying some of the most
dangerous criminals in the galaxy has crashlanded on a remote planet. Only two survived the wreck — one accused of a terrorist bombing of a spaceship and the other, a soldier ordered to ensure the accused prisoner stands trial for the crime. As they journey into the toxic planet the lines between black and white, truth and fiction, are soon blurred and crossed in a mind game of secrets and lies. In this high stakes battle of survival, each becomes determined to control the other in the name of his convictions and faith.

Tars sez: Wow, for a film to have 2012 in the title, I totally didn’t expect it to be about prisoners in space in 3074. Sounds like Enemy Mine but with no aliens.

2012 the Crystal Skulls
2012: The Crystal Skulls
AFM Link

When a black hole threatens to consume our solar system, mankind’s only hope for survival resides within the creation of a space ark.

Site Link
Tars sez: What in the world do crystal skulls have to do with 2012 and space arks, unless that damn Indiana Jones sequel was the last straw and aliens are coming to kill us. I knew that fridge scene and the CGI monkeys were trouble…

the 25th Reich
THE 25th REICH
AFM Link
Company – Lightning Entertainment Group
Cast – Jim Knobeloch, Serge DeNardo
Director – Stephen Amis
Writer(s) – Stephen Amis, David Richardson, Serge DeNardo

Five American GI’s stationed in Australia in 1943 find themselves embroiled in a secret OSS time-travel mission that goes horribly wrong. The hapless soldiers are catapulted 50,000 years back in time, to retrieve an alien spaceship that might help the Allies win the war against Hitler. The soldiers fix their time machine, but are sent 300 years into the future, where the Nazi’s have not only taken over the Earth, they are now preparing to overthrow God in the 25th dimension! How can five hapless GI’s save the future – the past – and every moment in between?

Tars sez: Wow! This sounds awesome, we got alien spaceships and Future Nazis preparing to invade God. I hope Hitler shows up with horns and puking lava.

95ers Echos
95ers: Echoes
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Koan Inc.
Cast – Christopher Miller, Lexy Giovagnoli
Director – Tom Durham
Writer – Tom Durham

War rages in the distant future. Millions have died and cities lay in ruins. But the most feared weapons are the time machines. Final victory can only be achieved by manipulating the past…

Alternate synopsis:

In the year 2012, FBI agent Sally Biggs is obsessed with investigating unsolved cases involving paranormal activities—especially the bizarre disappearance of her scientist husband. She suspects that the mysteries have something to do with the destabilization of time, since she herself has a strange relationship with time. She has the power to rewind it—to go back a few seconds, whenever she wants, and remake her choices.

But she had no idea that her power was connected to the cataclysmic war in the future, and that she, her husband, and their unborn child would become its most important targets. Assassins with terrifying technologies are hunting her, and her own timeline is unravelling. Her only hope is to follow her husband’s ghost to the awesome truth that ties all the mysteries together—before the ones she loves fade out of reality.

Tars sez: So it’s Terminator, except with ghosts and the Sarah Conner character has the power of the Instant Replay button on Tivo! All we need is Sonic the Hedgehog showing up and we got us a real Fanfiction.net story! Also the evil time traveler’s logo is the Highway 95 sign.

Aftershock
Aftershock
AFM Link
Company – Echo Bridge Entertainment

In order to prevent an impending earthquake and save humanity, a professor must set off a series of chemically engineered bombs.

Tars sez: Finally a movie that doesn’t think nuclear bombs are the answer to every giant catastrophe. Obviously chemical bombs will be able to blow stuff up just as good! Take that, Earth’s core!

Agent Beetle
Agent Beetle
AFM Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Daniel Lavigne, Emanuelle Carriere
Director – Brett Kelly
Writer(s) – Carlos Perez, Trevor Payer

A rookie cop (Daniel Lavigne “the Immortals”) goes undercover at a drug company and poses as an criminal in order to get the information on a program that gives convicted felons superpowers. With his reporter ex girlfriend (Emanuelle Carriere “Jurassic Shark”) on his trail, he must use his newly acquired powers to stop the program and bring its powerful convicts to justice.

Tars sez: I hope Agent Beetle drives a Volkswagon Beetle. And is his reporter ex-girlfriend also a superhero like the poster suggests? Someone make sure CNN never tries to put their reporters in costumes for rating stunts.

Agent Crush
Agent Crush
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Fantastic Films International
Cast – Danny Glover, Brian Cox, Ioan Gruffudd, Neve Campbell, Roger Moore
Director – Sean Robinson
Writer(s) – Mark York, Sean Robinson
Completion Year – 2008

It is two hundred years into the future, much has changed, but one thing remains a constant – crime and it’s getting a little bizarre. Boris Goudphater (“Good-farter”) is a first prototype cyborg developed by the World Security Network (WSN) to combat crime. The experiment failed due to a dangerous defect. Goudphater manages to survive the de-commissioning process and escapes. Horribly disfigured and angry, he is at large and out for revenge. Agent Crush is a second prototype cyborg, and is trying to prove himself as a secret agent. Crush has been furnished with all types of superhero gadgets but he is prone to bumbling accidents and causes havoc wherever he goes. Accompanied by his genius inventor sidekick, Spanners and Spanner’s daughter Cassie, his latest mission is to stop Goudphater from exploding a nuclear device in the center of the Earth’s magma core and causing every volcano to erupt, destroying the Earth.
A spectacular flying car chase through the streets of New York and the underground lava caverns leads to an explosive climax. Can Crush prove to the world that he is the man for the job and save the Earth in time?

Site Link
Tars sez: According to the information, this was completed 4 years ago yet hasn’t been released. I don’t know if that is true, but the trailer has the CGI look amazingly like stylized Supermarionation or something, like the Thunderbirds show. If anything, Agent Crush looks unlike anything I’ve seen before. That doesn’t mean it will be good, just visually different. Granted, the whole thing sounds like a ripoff of Inspector Gadget.

Android Insurrection
Android Insurrection
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast – Rebecca Kus, Joe Chapman
Director – Andrew Bellware
Writer – Nat Cassidy

Soldiers on a alien planet battle Androids that have become self-aware and seek to destroy mankind.

Tars sez: I’m pretty sure this one is out on VOD, but I kept it in for poster goodness. On the Planet Grey, robots will dare have the color RED. Only Grey Greyson can stop these chromatic monsters and return Planet Grey to its neutral roots.

Apocalyptic: The Tsunami War
Apocalyptic: The Tsunami War
aka VS: The Movie
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Bryce DiCristofalo, Rachael Thompson
Director – Bryce DiCristofalo
Writer – Martin Ebenhack

The year is 2014. The face of the planet has been altered and reshaped after a Mega-Tsunami, the likes of which the world has never seen. After ripping through the Caribbean, Cuba and most of southern Florida have been completely wiped off the face of the earth. The wide spread damage has even left Central Florida isolated and cut off from the continental United States. Orlando is now a wasteland, a lawless shadow of the prosperous community that thrived before the devastation. It’s survival of the fittest as gangs and ruthless thugs control the streets.

Alternate Synopsis

Ash Singer is an ex-gang leader who arrives back in the city he once called home – Orlando. Looking to start his life over and repent for his past sins he finds many obstacles in his path, one of them being an old friend who is looking to control the streets herself… Waed Collins. And as Waed gets closer to reaching her goals it seems as though Ash will have to put his plans for a peaceful life on hold in order to save the life of the woman he loves, from the woman who wants them both dead.

Tars sez: I believe this one is out as well, so maybe someone can clue me in as the different plot synopses make this sound like two completely different films! The poster promises Milla Jovovich vs Boba Fett cosplayers, and that’s what I want.

Alien vs Alien
Alien VS Alien
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Cassie Fliegel, Jason Lockhart, Dylan Vox
Director – Lewis Schoenbrun
Writer(s) – Keith Parker, Kenny White

Six college friends blowing off steam on a camping trip, find themselves caught up in a cat and mouse hunt with an Alien monster. Not knowing what to do or who to trust, they struggle to protect themselves. Reluctantly, they join forces with another, seemingly friendly, alien, Ava, who orbits the Earth and appears to them in the form of an avatar. Having only one chance at stopping the monster, they must race to locate and repair the Ava’s earth sent robot, before it slaughters them one by one.

Tars sez: A long long time ago, NuImage promised us a film called Alien vs. Alien. That eventually was retitled Showdown in Area 51, which left the Alien vs. Alien name up for grabs. And grab TomCat films did! So now aliens will battle, even though one alien is just a hologram instructing teenagers how to fix a robot. Eh, it will have dudes getting murdered by aliens, so hooray!

Aliens VS Titanic
Aliens VS Titanic
AFM Link
Company – TomCat Films
Producer – Ted Chalmers
Completion Year – 2013

Offering only the finest amenities, the ‘TITAN 1C’ is considered the most luxurious star-liner ever built. Excited to be touring through space with some of the world’s elite, Violet Ducator quickly settles in for the trip of a lifetime.

When a sudden meteor storm smashes into the hull, a deadly biological experiment is let loose in the ship’s duct system. Finding a suitable host, the retrovirus successfully merges with one of the passengers, transforming them into a seemingly invincible predator with the “touch of death”.

As the creature moves through the ship, leaving a wake of death in its path, the remaining passengers must quickly band together before it has a chance to slaughter them all.

Site Link
Tars sez: Not only are those aliens fighting aliens, but they’re also invading the Titanic. The Space Titanic. At least we’ll get an awesome film title out of it! TomCat films loved their Alien vs. Alien artwork so much they reused a good chunk of it for the poster for Aliens vs Titanic.

Alligator Alley
Alligator Alley
AFM Link
Company – Echo Bridge Entertainment
Completion Year – 2013

When two rivaling families from the Louisiana Bayou discover a new species of highly dangerous and aggressive alligators, they must put aside their difference in order to defeat the reptiles.

Tars sez: Sounds like a cool SyFy creature feature, I only wish there was an alligator loose in a bowling alley. This promises some Bayou redneck goodness.

Amethysta
Amethysta
AFM Link
Company – Omnipulse Entertainment
Director – E. Thomas Ewing
Writer(s) – E. Thomas Ewing, Jeremy Ewing
Production Status – Pre-Production
Completion Year – 2015

A corruption of the spirit encroaches on the kingdom. The Princess has vanished, leaving no trace, save the torn bodies of her guards. To rescue his realm and return the Princess the king turns to unlikely saviors. One a wrongly accused and disgraced former Captain of the Royal Garrison, the other a fabled assassin who suffered the misfortune of developing a conscience. HarleQuinn and RipperJack must come to terms with their positions and learn to rely on one another before the evil grows so strong it can not be stopped.

Budget – 5M-10M
Financing Status – No Financing
Other Comments – Full Length Motion Picture wherein the heroes must learn not only what thier own strengths and weakness are but how to trust in each other with their very lives.
Site Link
Tars sez: Dear Lord! What in the world is this??? I guess someone’s WoW guild is getting their own movie….if they ever get the $5-10 million they need for funding. I smell a Kickstarter campaign!

Alien Blood
AFM Link
Watch the entire film on YouTube
Company – Troma Entertainment, Inc.
Cast – Vanessa Stevens, Rob Campbell
Director – Jon Sorensen
Writer – Jon Sorensen
Producer – Michael Herz
Completion Year – 1998

Mother and child aliens fleeing from assassins are forced to break into a mysterious house to survive. Unfortunately, the house belongs to a family of vampires, all hungry for Alien Blood!

Tars sez: This one is old as crap and even freely available to watch, I just had to include it for the wacko plot description.

ALIEN DAWN
ALIEN DAWN
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast – s s (That’s exactly what it said!)
Director – neil johnson
Writer – Neil Johnson
Producer – Neil Johnson

2012. The dawn of destruction. As giant alien machines enslave and feed off humanity, the few remaining survivors band together to form a armed militia that will be the last stand against total extinction.

Site Link
Tars sez: War of the Worlds tripods take over the planet and turn Earth into Terminator: Salvation! My God, those alien bastards! How dare they! Let’s kick some alien robot butt!

Avenging Force: The Scarab
Avenging Force: The Scarab
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Mark Courneyea, Alix Pasquet
Director(s) – Brett Kelly
Writer(s) – Trevor Payer

When a mystical scarab stone falls into the hand of an archaeologist, an evil villain known as the Sphinx tries to retrieve it, unaware that the stone has transformed the archaeologist into the super powered hero The Scarab.

Tars sez: Painting masks onto people’s faces in Photoshop doesn’t make a good poster. Do you think TomCat is planning to have all these super hero movie characters team up in an Avengers knockoff? Because they should.

Bailout Age of Greed
Bailout: The Age of Greed
AFM Link
Company – Boll World Sales
Cast – Dominic Purcell, Edward Furlong, Natassia Malthe
Director – Uwe Boll
Writer – Uwe Boll
Site Link
Tars sez: Uwe Boll? Uwe Boll???? Uwe Boll??!!!!!! He’s back again and this time talking about the bank bailouts! Luckily after talking about this I can go back to ignoring Uwe Boll.

Barely Lethal
Barely Lethal
AFM Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Producer – Brett Ratner
Directed by Kyle Newman.

16-year-old professional assassin Megan fakes her own death in order to become an ordinary high school student. She soon discovers it is harder to lock down the hottest boy in class than to lock down a target and the mean girls’ insults are sharper than her weapons. When her disgruntled training master and a vindictive drug lord track her down, Megan finds herself with more extracurriculars than any teenager could handle.

Tars sez: Finally a film for those guys who were jerking off during Kick-Ass.

Battle Earth
Battle Earth
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – MultiVisionnaire Pictures
Cast – Kevin Johnson, Adam Munro, Jon Macburnie, Grayson Ogle, Gin Fedotov, Ryan Hatt
Director – Aaron Kurmey
Writer – Aaron Kurmey

2015 – Omega Day. Confirmation of extraterrestrial life appears on television screens across the world as a massive spacecraft breaks through the atmosphere on a crash course into the Atlantic Ocean. A young paramedic, Greg Baker, signs up to fight for his planet against the invaders. Baker joins Special Forces members as the squad medic as they escort a classified package by chopper over enemy territory in Southern Alberta. When their chopper is shot down they find themselves surrounded and outnumbered. Desperate to return to his wife’s side and haunted by nightmares, Baker finds that his role in the war has quickly become much larger than he could have ever imagined.

Site Link
Tars sez: When Blooper from Super Mario Brothers attacks Canada, only Some Guy can save the day. And he better do it quick, or we’re going to have to go somewhere else for maple syrup! I will also be surprised if the Scientologists don’t sue.

Battle of the Damned
Battle of the Damned
AFM Link
Company – Bleiberg Entertainment
Cast – Dolph Lundgren, Matt Doran, Melanie Zanetti, David Field
Director – Christopher Hatton
Writer – Christopher Hatton

Following a deadly viral outbreak, a private military soldier leads a handful of survivors and a ragtag band of robots against an army of the infected.

Tars sez: Dolph Lundgren leads robots vs zombies! Finally, a zombie movie I have a passing interest in. Passing interest. Folks, you have no idea how many zombie movies I didn’t bother to list because they were boring.

Baytown Disco
Baytown Disco
The Baytown Disco
aka The Baytown Outlaws
AFM Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast – Billy Bob Thornton, Eva Longoria, Paul Wesley, Serinda Swan, Daniel Cudmore, Michael Rapaport
Director – Barry Battles
Writer(s) – Griffin Hood, Barry Battles

Celeste (Eva Longoria) hires three outlaw brothers to get her godson back fro her drug-dealer ex-husband Carlos (Billy Bob Thornton). But Carlos isn’t giving up the boy or the boy’s inheritance without an all out war. The brothers and their kidnapee must fight sexy assassins, Native American hunters and even a Federal Agent (Paul Wesley) in this whip-ass extravaganza of non-stop thrills and intense action.

Site Link
Tars sez: This looks too professionally made to be stuck not released yet. So either something is wrong or someone is being screwed over. So hopefully this turns out to be good and gets the distribution it needs.

Beast Beneath
Beast Beneath
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – R Squared Films
Cast – Daniel Bonjour, Phillip Agresta, Joel Bryant
Director – Julian Higgins
Writer – Kevin Brooks

It’s 1861 and several thousand acres of pristine land now known as Griffith Park in Los Angeles, California, is stolen from its owner, Don Antonio Feliz on his deathbed. An illegal will has been orchestrated by the Don’s best friend and a greedy prominent attorney. His blind niece, Petranilla, contests the will in court and is denied by a judge who has been bribed. She curses everyone involved, and over the next century and a half, the deadly curse slowly unfolds.

Site Link
Tars sez: The slowest curse ever is a lazy monster who lives underground! Get to work, lazy monster, we got people to revenge on!

Blood Shot
Blood Shot
AFM Link
Company – Spotlight Pictures
Cast – Christopher Lambert, Lance Henriksen, Brad Dourif, Michael Bailey Smith
Director – Dietrich Johnston
Writer – Dietrich Johnston

With the daily threat of terrorism, extreme measures must be taken to protect the world from destruction. This is why the President of the United States authorized the head of the CIA to create the Vampire Division, a covert operation that uses vampires to hunt and kill terrorists. A vampire is the perfect assassin–he can’t be killed by bullets and has no conscious about killing others.

Of course, no one believes that vampires actually exist, much less can be used to fight terrorism. Everyone, that is, except for Rip, a police officer, who has spent his entire career hunting one particular Vampire. Rip has faced the Vampire many times, but has never defeated him. The Vampire asks Rip when he’s trying to kill him, as the Vampire is killing terrorists, but Rip feels it’s not their job to be the judge, jury, and executioner. Their job is to catch the bad guys, not kill them.

The Vampire receives word that a terrorist cell lead by a man known as “Bob,” is attempting to acquire a nuclear bomb that would destroy the world. The Vampire’s assignment is to find Bob, dismantle his nuclear bomb, and kill him, if necessary, before it’s too late.

The Vampire breaks into Bob’s lair and begins killing all the terrorists. Rip arrives soon after, and he decides it’s better to fight the terrorists with the Vampire rather than against him. A bomb detonates, almost killing Rip and a piece of wood pierces the Vampires heart, meaning he will die. Before the Vampire dies, he bites Rip, turning him into a vampire. The Vampire says that he has been training Rip to take the Vampire’s place when he died, that’s why he’s never killed him. Rip accepts his fate as a terrorist-fighting vampire, and his first order of business is killing Bob, which he does with pleasure. Rip will now live forever, fighting terrorists and evil-doers across the world.

Site Link
Tars sez: That’s a very complicated plot description that spoils the movie, so thanks a lot! But if you ever wanted to see Nosferatu do his Real American Patriot duty and kill terrorists while double-wielding pistols, then this is the film for you! I hope they stop Bob the terrorist, as Bob has done enough damage with those Enzyte commercials. Die in a fire, Bob! What did Nosferatu hunt before 9-11, Commies?

Bloody Mary 3D
Bloody Mary 3D
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Veronica Ricci, Ron Jeremy
Director – Charlie Vaughn
Writer – Keith Parker

While making a music video, a group of filmmakers accidentally awaken the curse of Mary Worth, a young woman who was brutally murdered a hundred years before. Mary crawls through the mirror and begins killing them off one by one! Shot in True 3D with no conversion needed.

Site Link
Tars sez: Wow, they sure dressed sexy 100 years ago! This is like if A-Ha’s Take On Me video ended in everyone dead. Which I’m sure I’ll see as a Kickstarter by the end of next year…

Bounty Killer
AFM Link
Company – Content
Cast – Matthew Mardsen, Christian Pitre, Kristanna Loken
Director – Henry Saine

It’s been 20 years since the corporations took over the world’s governments. Their thirst for power and profits led to the corporate wars, a fierce global battle that laid waste to society as we know it. Born from the ash, the Council of Nine rose as a new law and order for this dark age. To avenge the corporations’ reckless destruction, the Council issues death warrants for all white collar criminals. Their hunters – the bounty killer. From amateur savage to graceful assassin, the bounty killers now compete for body count, fame and a fat stack of cash. They’re ending the plague of corporate greed by exterminating the self serving CEOs and providing the survivors of the apocalypse with retribution.

These are the new heroes. This is the age of the BOUNTY KILLER!

Tars sez: In the future, the future has become like all those direct to video films from the late 1980s! The only difference is now the people hunted are 1% jerkoffs. How many people named Romney will be in this film? And will the film address that a supposed film for the 99% turns the heroes into people just as bad as the CEOs they hunt down and kill for cash? And where do you spend cash after the apocalypse?

Captain Battle
Captain Battle
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Cuyle Carvin, Andrew McGuinness
Director – David Palmieri
Writer – Kenny White

SAM BATTLE is injured during his tour of duty in the Gulf War. He loses an eye and is near death. His good friend, BRANDON STORM, who is a scientist, injects him with a secret serum that he has been developing that will save his life. The side effects are unknown.

Information about the original Captain Battle
Tars sez: Yes, Captain Battle is a real public domain super hero, even though now he’s starring in a Captain America ripoff of the highest order. I think the Captain America porno was less similar to Captain America!

Captain Nemo
AFM Link
Company – Shoreline Entertainment
Cast – Hugh Bonneville
Director – Pearry Teo
Writer – C. Courtney Joyner

United States, 1871. “Sea monsters” are sinking ships up and down the atlantic seaboard. President Ulysses S. Grant, enraged that his Navy is helpless in the face of this onslaught, is forced to ask for assistance from the notorious Captain Nemo, who’s in federal prison for war crimes. Grant returns Nemo’s submarine, the infamous Victorian Steampunk Marvel Nautilus, and promises a full Presidential pardon if Nemo hunts down and destroys the source of the attacks. Unfortunately, the enemy may be closer than any of them realize.

Tars sez: What the world needs now is yet another Captain Nemo movie! At least this one has giant monsters. Maybe. The quotes around “Sea monsters” has me concerned.

caribbean cartel
Carribean Cartel 3D (spelled wrong in the entry title!)
AFM Link
Company – Robin Hood Films
Cast – tbd
Director – Christopher Robin Hood
Writer – Christopher Robin Hood
Producer – Christopher Robin Hood

When a massive human trafficking ring is tracked to Costa Rica, five tough and sexy Interpol agents are brought in to shut it down. Uncertain which of the drug cartels is behind the kidnappings, the agents have to go undercover, hoping to be abducted themselves, to draw out the mastermind behind it.

Tars sez: Look, if you can’t even spell the name of your Charlie’s Angels ripoff movie correctly…

chupacabra vs the alamochupacabra vs the alamo
Chupacabra vs. the Alamo
AFM Link
Company – Echo Bridge Entertainment

Over the course of one night in the historical fort, an unlikely band of heroes will form a defense against an onslaught of vicious monsters.

Alternate synopsis:

A mysterious creature devours citizens in a suburb of San Antonio, Texas. Could it be the fabled “Chupacabra.” As the attacks increase, police officer, CARLOS SEGUIN must stop the creature before its appetite grows.

Facebook photos indicate Vanesa Tomasino Rodriguez and Erik Estrada
chupacabra vs the alamo
Tars sez: I will kill every last one of you to see this film, even though it will be terrible. But I must watch something called Chupacabra vs. the Alamo, I must! This has SyFy written all over it. Just remember, there is no basement at the Alamo! I hope this is historically accurate. Davy Crockett kilt him an chupacabra when he was only three.

collision course
Collision Course
AFM Link
Company – MarVista Entertainment
Cast – Tia Carrere, David Chokachi, Dee Wallace
Director – Fred Olen Ray
Writer – Jason Bourque

Kate Parks has spent the past year on tour promoting her book, an in-depth look at the attempted cover up of her husband’s death in a plane crash. Now all she wants is to return home to her daughter, 15-year-old Samantha. But when a powerful solar flare strikes her flight home, killing the pilot, knocking out the co-pilot and frying all the electronic systems on the plane, it looks like she may not get there. As panic sets in among the passengers, Kate works with flight attendant Jake to manage the growing chaos and tension on the plane as she tries to keep 30,000 tons of steel hurtling through the air at 500 miles per hour. Flying blind, Kate tries to find a way to communicate with air traffic control – one way or another, this plane is coming down. With the passengers’ lives on the line, Kate will have to find a way to land safely… or never see her daughter again.

Site Link
Tars sez: Airline disaster movies are great because it’s always a crazy roller-coaster as the film tries to keep suspense going for 90 minutes before we find out if the plane crashes. Fred Olen Ray knows how to keep a film interesting, so I have high hopes for Collision Course.

confederacy of the dead
Confederacy Of The Dead – The South Will Rise
aka Confederate-Z
AFM Link
Company – MultiVisionnaire Pictures
Director – Alex Orr
Writer – Alex Orr
Completion Year – 2014

Just like any other American holiday in the South, families and friends have gathered for a beautiful day at the annual Civil War battle reenactment at Buck Head Creek. As the field cleared from all the smoke created by cannons and gun powder, a very real sounding musket goes off in the distance. The mock battle immediately stops in an eerie silence, then a platoon of crazed dead Confederate soldiers in arms attack the group.

The reenactment has resurrected the dead Confederate soldiers buried underneath, and they still think they are in battle. The survivors of the reenactment have to figure out how to survive the attacks and stop the zombie soldiers from reaching the downtown where millions live. It’s a race against time, and possibly the only person that can defeat the zombie soldiers is the great-grandson of Major General William Sherman.

Site Link
Tars sez: Oh, hey, it’s a film that had a cool pun in the title that no one would get upon first reading it, so they changed it to a more generic title. Any film that has people killing Confederates is a good film, even if the Confederates are already dead. Suck it, traitors! Here’s hoping zombie Rhett Butler shows up and gets shot.

DEADLY DESCENT
Deadly Descent
aka Deadly Descent: The Legend of the Abominable Snowman
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – UFO International
Cast – Adrian Paul, Nicholas Boulton, Chuck Campbell
Director – Marko Makilaakso
Writer – Nathan Atkins

In 1992 GLACIER PEAK, WASHINGTON a small group of back country skiiers climb Glacier Peak, one of most remote mountains in the Cascade Range. Lead by JAKE TANNER, a group is somewhere high up on the mountain where they disappear and are never seen again.

PRESENT DAY- GLACIER PEAK. A helicopter soars over the snowy peak. In the rear cabin is a U.S. Special Forces member fresh off a long tour in Afghanistan: BRIAN TANNER. Brian is Jake’s son who is now going to find out what really happened to his father. As he flies in, we see he is checking his gear; a satellite phone, automatic weapon, clips and a number of grenades- he is preparing for battle. After being dropped off on the peak, he skis on the edge of disaster- just ahead of an avalanche, but he is not fast enough to outrun it. It catches him and takes him over a cliff in a massive white wave of ice, snow and destruction… It appears that Brian is gone… no one could’ve survived.

Lead by Brian’s sister NINA, she is joined by a team of world class skiing and boarding experts who are going by helicopter in for a rescue mission to find her brother. With a storm moving in, they have just 24 hours to find him and reach the rendezvous point or they’ll trapped on the mountain facing certain death.

After combating a raging blizzard, the team finds Nina’s brother on the mountain- alive! But now the group learns the truth about the legend of Glacier Peak. They will now have to battle their way down the mountain, skiing and boarding on the edge of disaster- avoiding massive avalanches and hopefully getting to the helicopter before they are all left for dead.

Site Link
Tars sez: EXTREME! EXTREME SASQUATCH! He sure is an abominable snowman! Ha! Crack open some cans of Mt. Dew (or Mountain Lightning if you’re on a budget!) and hit the trails as we’re gonna do a 720 halfpipe on that Yeti bastard. Good thing their crazy friend BRIAN TANNER brought all these weapons to use. Hopefully on the yeti.

Disaster Wars
Disaster Wars: Earthquake vs. Tsunami
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films

Deep underwater in the Marianas Trench an accident results in a devastating Tsunami that destroys the Hawaiian Islands as it continues toward the west coast. Panic ensues all up and down the western coast of North and South America. In an attempt to lessen its impact, scientists launch an underwater explosion that inadvertently makes the tsunami more powerful and focused on Los Angeles. Scientists rush to a solution while the military begins planning for the worst. Los Angeles begins emergency evacuation. Lives and loves are lost even as a brash young grad student comes up with a solution: start the mother of all earthquakes to counter the rushing torrent and raise the continental shelf off the coast of the United States.

Site Link
Tars sez: A trend in these obviously made for SyFy flicks is now they’re starting to take up two cool titles in their names. Not only do we get the instantly sellable Disaster Wars, but we also get a vs. name for all the fighting fans. Just think, if they do an earthquake big enough, it will not only kill the tsunami, it will take out a couple of hurricanes as well no extra cost!

down home alien blues
The Down Home Alien Blues
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Magic Elevator
Cast – Nathalie Biermanns, Jay Mitsch, Derek Partridge, Aaron Groben, Eric Satterberg, Kristen Hansen, Renata Green-Gaber
Director – C. Duke Marsh
Writer – C. Duke Marsh
Producer(s) – C. Duke Marsh, Berenika Bailey

Based on a novel by award winning national author, Linnea Sinclair, who has a national following among women who like romance within a sci-fi setting. The story blends romance, humor and action with a tear jerking ending.

The beautiful alien commander and her strike force are sent to protect earth from destruction by extraterrestrial Devastators. She joins forces with a Florida homicide detective investigating the unexplained deaths.

They fall in love while evading humans and working together to stop the Devastators from killing everyone on earth.

Site Link
Tars sez: Wow, I knew romance novels were popular (they are by far the most popular part of a bookstore, IIRC) but now they’re getting made into indie flicks! This will be a trend, mark my words.

dragon warriors
Dragon Warriors
AFM Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Cast – James Marsters, Kaitlin Doubleday, Luke Perry, Adam Johnson
Director(s) – Maclain Nelson, Stephen Shimek

Two estranged brothers must put aside the past in order to defeat an evil wizard and his enchanted dragon that terrorizes the land.

Tars sez: That’s a pretty generic plot description, but you can guarantee seeing this thing on SyFy, especially with Luke Perry attached. In fact, let’s just have a SyFy flick with the entire 90210 cast! They could fight mutated peaches. And have them all still play high school students for extra fun!

fire quake
Fire Quake
AFM Link
Company – UFO International
Producer(s) – Jeffery Beach, Phillip J. Roth

As a series of underground fires threaten to melt the Earth from within, mankind must take drastic measures before the planet becomes a scorched wasteland.

Tars sez: Fire Quake is such a generic name I’m surprised no one though of it already. Not sure whey they didn’t just call it Lava Quake, that sounds cooler. Or Infernogeddon!

gathering of heroes
Gathering of Heroes: Legend of the Seven Swords
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Inferno Film Productions
Cast – Christopher Atkins, Martin Kove, Mark Grove, Trygve Lode
Director(s) – Mark Grove, Jon Firestone
Writer – Mark Grove

In the mystical realm of Ryntia, the forces of the underworld are aligning to unleash a plague of evil upon the surface. Guided by fragmented visions, a mysterious Oracle gathers seven unlikely heroes to face the threat. …but first they must embark upon a quest to find the legendary seven swords of Draconus.

Site Link
Tars sez: I like the numerous Dungeons and Dragons type films (especially since the latest Dungeons and Dragons is on the AFM list!) so hopefully this one is pretty fun. It certainly has the names down pat.

Ghost Shark
Ghost Shark
AFM Link
Company – Echo Bridge Entertainment
Completion Year – 2013

Two locals must uncover the truth about their town’s dark past or fall victim to a ghost shark that can hunt on land and in the sea.

Tars sez: G-g-g-g-g-ghost Shark! Sharks swimming through land has been pretty popular lately in SyFy flick world. But Ghost Shark kicks it up a notch! What would be awesome is a Ghostbusters cameo, but that would never happen. I hope Ghost Shark returns to fight Ghost with the Most Shark.

Gila
GILA!
AFM Link
Company – CineTel Films, Inc.
Cast – Brian Gross, Terence Knox, Christina DeRosa
Director – Jim Wynorski
Writer(s) – Steve Mitchell, William Dever, Jim Neilsen, Paul Sinor

The tranquility of a peaceful town is shattered by ruthless attacks of an enormous mutated lizard. Hot-rodders band together and try to stop the ‘unstoppable’ Gila monster. Filled with eye-popping special effects, GILA! takes a fond look back at the 1950s with vintage cars, a vicious monster, and 22 original rock &roll oldies from the era. Hot Cars, Hot Music, Hot Chicks, and one big monster!

Tars sez: Jim Wynorski remaking The Giant Gila Monster? Sure. I’ll give it a go.

Gladiators V Werewolves
Gladiators V Werewolves: Edge of Empire
AFM Link
Company – AV Pictures, Ltd.
Director – Rob Green
Writer(s) – Rob Green, Richard Campling
Completion Year – 2013

Gladiators and werewolves fight to the death in the arena the greatest fighters of ancient Rome and a ferocious tribe of captured lupine warriors clash in blood and thunder battles for the entertainment of the crowds.

Other Comments – Edge of Empire will be the first film in the Gladiators V Werewolves trilogy.
Tars sez: Gladiators V Werewolves has to be different, hence the vs. just being a V. Because the Visitors are our friends. I can’t imagine this being popular enough to warrant a trilogy, but someone obviously does. Are gladiators really that popular now?

Elf-Man
Elf-Man
Elf-Man
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Vision Films
Cast – Jason Acuña, Jeffrey Combs, Mackenzie Astin
Director – Ethan Wiley
Writer – Ethan Wiley

When Santa leaves an Elf behind on Christmas Eve, the Harper kids find out his true identity as a super-hero “ELF-MAN”. Together they must save their Dad’s new invention from a bumbling gang of thieves, and enjoy the best Christmas, ever.

Tars sez: One group of films I neglected to give many examples of are the dozens and dozens of Christmas films that are family fare and boringly similar. Except for this golden egg, as Elf-Man combines the Christmas films with the super hero films to make a film that is truly unique. And it has Jeffery Combs, who is always awesome, and Mackenzie Astin, who was in Garbage Pail Kids!

FANGS OF WAR
FANGS OF WAR
AFM Link
Company – Stealth Media Group Limited
Cast – Dominic Purcell, Tom Felton, Gabriel Freilich, Rin Takanashi
Director – Jim Donovan
Writer – Geoffrey Gunn

FANGS OF WAR is an explosive cocktails of Quentin Tarantino’s CAMP, Takashi Milke’s PERVERSION, and Sergio Leone’s COOLNESS.
The Nazis have Count Dracula in their possession and are experiementing on him at the castle. A team of Special Forces soldiers is sent to retrieve Dracula without knowing what they are looking for or what horrors they will discover in the castle. The premise soon becomes clear – The Nazis want to examine Dracula in order to extract the secret of immortality and the Allies want to stop the Nazis from achieving everlasting life. The soldiers simply want to survive and escape the castle.

Tars sez: Based on Bram Stoker’s Dracula? Maybe if retold to you by your stoned unemployed roommate who never actually read the book and fell asleep watching The History Channel. I am also not fond of films that try to say their film is a combo of the best part of multiple directors’ styles, it’s trying too hard. Just name your flick Dracula vs. Nazis.

ice comets
Ice Comets
AFM Link
Company – Echo Bridge Entertainment

A mysterious explosion in space sends ice comets plummeting toward Earth and according to mythology will bring about the end of the world.

Tars sez: But comets are made of ice?

independence daysaster
INDEPENDENCE DAYSASTER
AFM Link
Company – CineTel Films, Inc.
Cast – Ryan Merriman, Tom Everett Scott
Director – David Hogan

When the Earth is attacked by alien machines on the 4th of July, a small town firefighter and a rogue SETI scientist team up to activate the only technology capable of defeating the invaders.

Tars sez: By far the best title not involving the Alamo or Chupacabra, Independence Daysaster will hopefully be the beginning of a whole series of Daysaster flicks. This stuff writes itself. Just wait until Arbor Daysaster and the killer trees.

iron girl
Iron Girl
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – CREi Inc.
Cast – Kirara Asuka, Rina Akiyama, Mitsuki Koga
Director – Masatoshi Nagamine
Writer(s) – Masatoshi Nagamine, Yoshiyuki Ishizuka

When Anne, a village girl, is attacked by evil bandits called Crazy Dogs, a mysterious beauty in shining armor appears and saves her. This superhumanly strong woman is rumored to be the legendary savior, Iron Girl, and she leads the aggrieved village people to fight back Crazy Dogs.

Site Link
Tars sez: Weirdo Japanese super hero flick? They should name this Movie for Tars Tarkas. Also it’s the best sequel Iron Lady could have hoped for!

IRON SOLDIER
Iron Soldier
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Brianna Barnes, Derick Fage, Joe Estevez
Director – Brett Kelly
Writer – David A. Lloyd

A robot created by the military falls into the hands of a group of mercenaries. It’s up to the son of the man who created the robot to stop the mercenaries before they sell the robot to a foreign power.

Site Link
Tars sez: This Optimus Prime Gundam is the future of warfare, folks! I’m down for a killer robot flick, any time, any where. Even in a robot factory where other robots will see me watching a killer robot flick where the killer robots die and then the robot factory robots get all sad that the killer robots died and decided to kill humanity. That is the price we must pay to have good killer robot cinema. And bad killer robot cinema.

THE LITTLE WIZArd
THE LITTLE WIZARD 3D: GUARDIAN OF THE MAGIC CRYSTALS
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Spotlight Pictures
Director – John Cernak
Producer – Jim Woodcock

Join Foible and Knot on their enchanted adventure through a fantastical world filled with dragons, wizards, and one magical medallion in this breathtaking animated adventure for the entire family.

Site Link
Tars sez: I don’t even know, but it looked slightly more creative than a lot of the bad CG kid flicks.

Halloween Puppy
A Magic Puppy
aka A Halloween Puppy
AFM Link
Company – Blue Galaxy International
Cast – Kristin DeBell, Eric Roberts, Susan Olsen
Director – Mary Crawford

Horror movie buff Adam Wilder’s favorite holiday is Halloween, but this year promises to be different from usual when his best friend Molly (who’d like to be something more than that) accidentally turns his mom’s boyfriend into a puppy when she attempts to cast a spell.

Tars sez: Hey, it’s like that tv show Poochinski, except on Halloween! What wacky dog adventures will this dog that was a man get involved in? Will he trick or treat knowing chocolate is poison to dogs and then he dies? Because that would be a bummer way to end the film.

Legend of the Red Reaper
Legend of the Red Reaper
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Boll World Sales
Cast – Tara Cardinal, David Mackey, Ray Eddy
Director – Kristen Stewart
Writer(s) – Arielle Jayme, Kim Pritekel

For a thousand years, the Reapers guarded mankind from the demons that wait in the dark. Now, at the beginning of a new age, the Reapers are betrayed and slaughtered. Only one Reaper remains – Red, and she’s out to exact revenge.

Tars sez: Red Sonja crossed with Jedi, with a comic book pedigree that might give us something interesting, or at least compensate for the lower budget. And, no, it’s not that Kristen Stewart as director, but it is a woman director who had a hand in creating the woman-centric role, so it’s got that going for it.

ninja assassin babes
Ninja Assassin Babes
aka Girls Gone Gangsta
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Meridien Films
Cast – John Goodman, Dominique DuVernay, Deanna Meske, Jamie Alyson Caudle
Director – Joseph Swider
Writer – John Swider

Welcome to Neon City, where three beautiful good-girls-turned-gangsta battle a motley collection of gangsters, clones, witches and cannibalistic clowns in this tale of revenge and redemption. The girls’ effeminate boyfriends and a couple of inept thugs only make the matters hilariously worse.

Alternate synopsis:

It’s a cruel world. In Neon City, 3 young women (Scorpio’s Girls) must fight for the only thing their murdered father Scorpio left them, their body shop. Von Drago, the evil mastermind of Neon City, and leader of the H.O.E.s (Heads of Evil) has a grand plan for one stop criminal shopping, the Von Drago casino. There’s only one problem. He must first get the body shop from the girls, and they’re not selling.

Site Link
Tars sez: John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film. John Goodman is in this film? John Goodman is in this film.

orc wars
Orc Wars
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Highland Film Group
Director – Kohl Glass

An ex-marine has found peace and quiet in the remote American West. His tranquillity is shattered when a strange series of trespassers, including a beautiful elf princess and a Native American mystic, take refuge with him. When an army of orcs invade his property, John must give up his isolation to become a hero before the orcs sacrifice his new charges and unleash a dark magic on our world.

Tars sez: Orcs are popular once again, maybe they’re trying to ride the Hobbit trilogy wave. Don’t you hate it when your farm is invaded by an army of Orcs? That’s why I installed that barbed wire. It worked like a charm, and keeps out those hobbits, who will dig unsightly holes in your yard.

Orcs
Orcs!
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Archstone Distribution
Cast – Adam Johnson, Brad Johnson, Maclain Nelson
Director – James MacPherson
Writer(s) – Anne K. Black, Jason Faller, Kynan Griffin, Justin Partridge

Faced with extinction, two park rangers are forced to defend the national park against hordes of rampaging orcs. Ancient and long forgotten, these orcs are unleashed from the depths of the mountains, and they won’t stop until we’re all dead.

Site Link
Tars sez: The exclamation point makes Orcs! sound like a Broadway musical, but it’s just your normal park rangers vs. magical monsters film. Just what two park rangers are supposed to do against an army of orcs, I don’t know.

patriot act
Patriot Act
AFM Link
Company – Archstone Distribution
Director – Wayne Slaten

Kane is a retired member of The Legion, a hit squad responsible for the extinction of an alien race. Set in a future communist America, Kane must now hunt a renegade Dropa alien intent on killing the former members of his team.

Site Link
Tars sez: I see. Hopefully this doesn’t suck as much as the actual Patriot Act…

perfect android rising
Perfect: Android Rising
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Samantha Talbott, Roberto Lombardi
Director – Chris R. Notarile
Writer – Chris R. Notarile

In the near future, our nation is at war with itself, once again. The United States, on the brink of collapse, transforms into a totalitarian republic. All those who oppose the new Republic are deemed traitors and form the Rebel Resistance.

In an effort to wipe out the rebels, the new Republic authorizes the engineering of the perfect killing machine, an artificially intelligent android soldier named LIA. But while in battle, LIA is captured by the Resistance and reprogrammed to think and feel.

Will LIA switch allegiances, effectively deciding the outcome of this war? Or will she finish her mission and exterminate the Rebel Resistance?

Tars sez: LIA and not Leia, huh? When will the US learn to stop being at war with itself? Also why does it only build one super sexy android assassin?

precious cargo
Precious Cargo
AFM Link
Company – Fleur De Lis Film Studios
Cast – Esai Morales, Andy Lawrence
Director – Esai Morales
Writer – Alan Marcus

John Stokes is used to pushing the legal limits to protect animal rights. Now he’ll test his own limits to stay alive, bring down a brutal animal trafficking ring and stop a terrorist plot to shift the balance of power in the Mid-east.

Alternate synopsis:

John Stokes pushes the limits of his legal authority protecting animal rights. Working off the grid in Central America, he finds himself a fugitive from his own agency when he’s marked for death by a brutal animal trafficking ring and framed for a political assassination. Now, all he has to do is stay alive long enough to clear himself and find the evidence to stop a terrorist plot for a nuclear weapons program.

Tars sez: Okay, so both of the plot descriptions I found make this sound like an action thriller where John Stokes – Animal Defender kicks terrorist butt, but the poster image is filled with dozens of cute baby animals being cute. I am confused.

PROMETHEUS TRAP
Prometheus Trap
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Halcyon International
Cast – Michael Shattner, Rebecca Kush
Director – Andrew Bellware
Writer – Steven J Niles

THEIR SEARCH FOR ANSWERS WILL TAKE THEM TO THE EDGE OF THE UNIVERSE….
In deep space, the military cruiser, VENOM, is diverted from its mission to investigate a derelict freighter ship, the PROMETHEUS. On board, all of the crew are dead – victims of sabotage. And its only cargo is a weapon… one that will change the course of time and their destiny.

PROMETHEUS TRAP
The end begins…Again…

Tars sez: Wow, Prometheus Trap sure goes to a long way to make their film sound like a sequel to Prometheus. Enough I think lawyers might be sending them threatening letters soon.

prometheus unbound
Prometheus Unbound
AFM Link
Company – Stealth Media Group Limited
Director – Isaac Florentine
Writer – Mitch Gould

Modified with nanotechnology to become a human weapon, a young soldier is the only one who can stop a powerful company of warmongering mercenaries from starting a global nuclear war.

Site Link
Tars sez: The other film that tries to cash in on the Prometheus name sounds nothing like Scott’s flick and might be legitimately using the Prometheus tale as an allegory to it’s actual plot with the nanoteched super soldier having special powers. But I’m sure they won’t turn down that extra Prometheus cash!

rise of the black bat
Rise of the Black Bat
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Jody Haucke, Dixie Collins, Leo Frost, Richard Groen
Director – Scott Patrick
Writers – Trevor Payer, Brett Kelly

In a City where crime rules supreme, District Attorney Tony Quinn has the scales of justice stacked against him. When a crime boss has Tony blinded by acid, it seems that crime has won for good. But through a miracle of modern science, Tony is given the ability to see in the dark like a bat. Tony Quinn takes the guise of the Black Bat to see to it that crime pays and that the scales of justice are balanced once more.

Tars sez: Another Public domain hero for TomCat Films to make look like recent super hero blockbusters. Luckily the Black Bat fan community is all behind this film. Yep, both of them!

Rorrim Bo and the Magic Goblet
Rorrim Bo & The Magic Goblet 3D
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – PLANETA INFORM Film Distribution
Cast – Renata Litvinova
Director – Katya Grokhovskaja
Writer – Katya Grokhovskaja

Long ago the inhabitants of a fairytale world imprisoned the evil spirit of witch Vergilda in a goblet and hid it on our planet. Now the goblet is found, and the spell is broken. Vergilda is free and she seeks revenge. Nobody knows that she gets stronger with children’s fears. But there appears a good-natured creature, Rorrim Bo, who is determined to help the kids fight the witch. All Rorrim lacks is a little bravery…

Tars sez: A furry gnome thing and a goofy witch? If I was 4 I’d be all over this film. Getting animal crackers on the DVD, spilling juice on the case, playing it over and over until the DVD player wore out.

saturday morning massacre
Saturday Morning Massacre
AFM Link
Company – Continental Media
Cast – Heather Kafka, Ashley Spillers
Director – Spencer Parsons
Writer – Jason Wehling

When a foursome of paranormal investigators, who happen to travel in a vintage van accompanied by their canine companion (sound familiar?), realize their business is on the rocks, they agree to take on a rambling mansion with a mysterious past. Set more on debunking a hoax than hunting ghosts, the team nonchalantly settles in for the night, but what awaits them in the dark may prove more terrifying, and a lot deadlier, than anything they could have expected.

Tars sez: Jersey Shore Shark Attack was just the beginning, spoofs of tv shows showing up in horror flicks is the new normal, and I’m all for it. But you got to be all in. These better be 100% on the nose parodies of our favorite crime fighting team. That will be what I am judging this on.

shock attack
Shock Attack
AFM Link
Company – Worldwide Film Entertainment
Cast – Anya Prinz
Director – Jaclyn Chessen
Writer – Nicole Lopatin

A well-meaning scientist’s attempt to develop a green source of energy unleashes a frankenstein from the sea. Creature design by Marcelino Newquist (THE AVENGERS, MEN IN BLACK 3.)

Site Link
Tars sez: Shock Attack sounds like Shark Attack, so good job title creator. And it has a crazy sea monster made by a guy who does actual creature making for a living, so it will looks cool.

Snake Club: Revenge of the Snake Woman
Snake Club: Revenge of the Snake Woman
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – TomCat Films
Cast – Veronica Ricci,
Director – David Palmieri
Writer – Kenny White

An ancient legend tells of Lamia a beautiful queen and adultress…. Her lover was put to death and she was transformed into a snake, roaming the earth on her belly, she murders and enslaves the innocent until the gods turn her into a stone statue… She now waits for her time to return…

Tars sez: The first rule of Snake Club is Snake Woman Gets Revenge. You’ll be dead by the second rule as she will have pre-revenged against you. Why isn’t Snake Club called “Whacking Day”? At the very least I hope Snake Woman is killed by famed Snake Whackers from Springfield.

Star Runners
Star Runners: The Web Series
AFM Link
Company – UFO International
Cast – James Kyson Lee

Star Runners: The Web Series

STAR RUNNERS introduced an exciting and vibrant universe where humanity had recently spread to the stars – though perhaps a bit too quickly. As colonies sprung up on distant planets, moons and space stations, the UNITED PLANETS (an extension of the United Nations) struggled to maintain order and stability. While the core planets were relatively easy to regulate, the outer planets, or Outskirts, presented a more difficult challenge. It wasn’t long before the governing bodies tried to force their will on all colonies of man, and just as quickly, there was resistance.

The DISSIDENT FACTION was an underground movement intent on obtaining freedom from the U.P.’s control and ever-expanding empire. This created a black market for goods, and interstellar smuggling was big business. These “Star Runners” were the lifeblood of the resistance. They were also just regular men and women looking to make an honest (or not always so honest) living in this brave new world. TYCHO ‘TY’ JOHNS and LEI CHEN are two such men who often find themselves caught between the U.P. Military and the Dissident Faction.

STAR RUNNERS: THE WEB SERIES will chronicle the years of camaraderie between the two and their many misadventures as space smugglers. Along the way, there will be many run-ins with the law, and of course, more than a few space critters. At the heart of the series, however, is an age old question with which anyone can relate – how far do you have to go to be free?

Finding inspiration from hit films and series such as Star Wars, Starship Troopers, Firefly, The Fifth Element and Pitch Black, STAR RUNNERS was an action-packed thrill ride through uncharted space, mixing classic space opera with Syfy’s popular creature-feature formula. STAR RUNNERS: THE WEB SERIES promises to take it even further.

Ultimately, STAR RUNNERS is about good, old-fashioned adventure in space.
Are you ready to make the jump?

Site Link
Tars sez: This isn’t a film, but I’m including it here because I thought the Star Runners SyFy flick was great and different enough from the others it stood out. I’m glad others thought so, enough that it is getting a web series prequel. It looks like only James Tyson Lee is returning, no sign of Connor Trinneer in the promo material. But I’ll be watching.

sucker
Sucker
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Big Screen Entertainment Group
Cast – Michael Manasseri, Ricky Wayne, Jordan Trovillion, Monty Bane, Lloyd Kaufman
Director – Michael Manasseri
Writer – Jean Paul Epstein

Jim Crawley (Michael Manasseri – WEIRD SCIENCE, BABYSITTER WANTED) is having a really bad day. He’s fired from his job, his car gets impounded then he finds out his wife’s having an affair.

To make matters worse, Jim gets himself abducted by an evil scientist looking to conduct human testing for a vaccine against a deadly mosquito borne virus spreading across the world in a deadly outbreak.

It turns out that years of exposure to nuclear radiation and rabid mosquito DNA don’t mix very well and Jim transforms into a half man-half mosquito, out for revenge.

Amazing visual effects, comic book style action/adventure film, high production value, great characters.

Sucker… payback’s an itch.

Site Link
Tars sez: It’s Mansquito, but without the cool name! The promo material and website seems to be very enthusiastic and it looks like everyone had a great time making the film, so hopefully that energy translates well into the final product, and Sucker doesn’t suck.

Tiger Mask
AFM Link
Company – Shochiku Co., Ltd.
Cast – Eiji Wentz, Sho Aikawa, Natsuna
Director – Ken Ochiai
Writer(s) – Hidehiro Ito, Itaru Era, Ken Ochiai, Micael. W Schock

The fictional masked professional wrestler and timeless hero, Tiger Mask is back in a new Marvel superhero-inspired costume for a new generation of movie lovers! Recently in Japan, anonymous donations have been made in the name of Tiger Mask to underprivileged children. Tiger Mask’s legend lives again! Tiger Mask, the mysterious masked hero with his hidden identity who selflessly guards and provides for children. The movie Tiger Mask brings back his legend to children today. It focuses on the beginnings of the Tiger Mask legend.

1/3 of the movie tells the story of children training to be great wrestlers in a parallel dimension called The Tiger Pit. Focusing on the untold story of young Naoto Date’s early life leading up to his legend as Tiger Mask. This is how it all begins!

A frail but smart and caring boy goes through a transformation to become Tiger Mask, the invincible hero. And he literally transforms with a specially fabricated Tiger Suit which utilizes special, top quality costume design reminiscent of Spiderman and Batman, the movie promises excitement.
The message of the film is that any child can be a hero. While respectfully retelling the original story, the movie also expands on the legend. This new action hero movie aims to be a hit series!

Tars sez: I vaguely remember a Tiger Mask VHS at one of the video stores I haunted, and I would have sworn I rented it. But I don’t remember it at all, which leads me to think it was one of the many films I watched and then fell asleep on the couch while it played and then returned. Sorry, Tiger Mask, the nostalgia isn’t high enough to have me check you out.

tomb of the dragon
Tomb of the Dragon
AFM Link
Company – GFM Films
Cast – Scott Adkins, Dolph Lundgren
Director – Eric Styles
Writer – Andy Briggs

Travis, our heroic cryptozoologist, wants to prove that a prehistoric beast killing construction workers is more than just a myth. But at the same time, his ruthless competitor, Harker, wants to prove he is the best in the business and outdo Travis in any way he can.
Travis finds himself in a race against time to preserve the rare but deadly creature because Harker thrives on trophy killings and shoots to kill…including humans if they come between him and his prey.

Travis is funded by a mysterious wealthy benefactor and finds himself escorted by their slightly overwhelmed lawyer. The rest of his team consists of two friends, seasoned field workers Katie and Brandon, and Jianyu a boy who first gave him video proof of the dragon. Jianyu has his own mission, to prove that the oil company is covering up the truth about the beast killing his father on their site a site which is invading the creature’s time honoured home. Construction has woken the dragon from his tomb, a danger which they cannot fully understand.

As the death toll mounts, can Travis’ team outwit the company, battle against Harker and escape the jaws of death whilst saving the species from brutal extinction?

Tars sez: Okay, this is a busy plot. We got a company having their workers killed and it covering it up. We got an orphan kid from such killings. We got dueling cryptozoologists. We got a mysterious benefactor to the good cryptozoologist. We got a dragon. We got a random lawyer. We got an evil cryptozoologist who has trophies of the rare animals he killed, yet he’s somehow not shot dead by forest rangers. Okay. Sure. Dolph Lundgren = see it regardless!

venom
Venom
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – Worldwide Film Entertainment
Cast – Jessica Morris, Oliviah Crawford, Roberto Sanz Sanchez
Director – Gary Breslin
Writer – Joan Canning Boris

After a car breaks down in an isolated desert, a mother and young daughter are relentlessly pursued by a deadly snake

Site Link
Tars sez: Don’t you hate it when you have a stalker, and it turns out to be a venomous snake? Because that’s happening far too often to me nowadays. The price of fame. Luckily there are some new anti-snake stalking laws on the ballot this November that I’m voting for…

vortex
The Vortex
AFM Link
Company – Blue Galaxy International
Cast – Ted Jonas, Jack Plotnick, Sarah Lieving
Director – Peter Basler

When a convoy of America soldiers disappears in Afghanistan, a Special OPS team is deployed on a search and rescue mission. They encounter mega scorpions, giant spiders and oversized snakes which were created when a vortex into another dimension was opened by a former government scientist. The team has to figure out a way to close the wormhole. Can they close it in time?

Tars sez: The Vortex opens and half a dozen SyFy flicks spill out of it! Might as well get your money’s worth and throw in every monster you can afford the cheap overseas FX house to do!

weebee rapping bear
WEEBEE THE RAPPIN BEAR EP. 1 & 2
AFM Link
YouTube Trailer Link
Company – A1 Media Distribution
Cast – Evan Wecksell, Cheyenne Davidson
Director – Telzy Dennis
Writer – Telzy Dennis
Producer – Telzy Dennis

A rappin bear educates children in class

Site Link (Given site appears down)
Tars sez: This is the greatest movie of all time. ALL TIME. Watch the trailer!!!!

That’s all for now, I’ll do another pass after the fest is underway to see if I missed any stragglers. But I doubt I’ll find anything as awesome as Weebee the Rappin Bear.

1 comment - What do you think?
Posted by Tars Tarkas - October 30, 2012 at 12:51 am

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