2008 Razzie noms – YAWN.

[adrotate banner=”1″]Way to go after High School Musical 3. I see they did bother to remember they were formed to attack Sly Stallone, though.

Worst Picture:
Speed Racer, Disaster Movie and Meet the Spartans, The Day the Earth Stood Still, High School Musical 3, The Hottie & The Nottie, Dungeon Siege, The Love Guru, Postal, Rambo, The Happening, Meet Dave, Witless Protection

Worst Actor:
Zac Efron, Dane Cook, Larry the Cable Guy, Eddie Murphy, Al Pacino, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone, Tom Cruise (Valkyrie), Will Ferrell, Ashton Kutcher, Mike Myers, Adam Sandler, Mark Wahlberg

Worst Actress:
Paris Hilton, Jessica Alba, The cast of “The Women,” Camilla Belle, Cameron Diaz, Kate Hudson, Diane Keaton, Jennifer Connelly, Zooey Deschanel [HOW DARE YOU!], Vanessa Hudgens, Eva Longoria-Parker, Reese Witherspoon

Worst Screen Couple:
Any couple from HSM 3, Cameron Diaz & Ashton Kutcher, Paris Hilton & Joel David Moore, Kate Hudson & Dane Cook, Kate Hudson & Matthew McConaughey, Larry the Cable Guy & Jenny McCarthy, Any couple from Mamma Mia, Eddie Murphy & Eddie Murphy (Meet Dave), Al Pacino & His Hair, Mark Wahlberg & Zooey Deschanel, Mark Wahlberg & Mila Kunis, Sylvester Stallone & His Ego

Worst Director:
Uwe Boll, Scott Derrickson, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Tom Putnam, Marco Schnabel, Sylvester Stallone, Jon Avnet, Diane English, Roland Emmerich, Brian Robbins, Kenny Ortega, M. Night Shyamalan

Worst Prequel, Sequel, Remake or Rip-Off:
Indiana Jones 4, HSM 3, Rambo, Star Wars: The Clone Wars, Disaster Movie, Meet the Spartans, An American Carol, The Women, The Day the Earth Stood Still, Prom Night, Speed Racer, X-Files: I Want To Believe

Worst Career Achievement:
Uwe Boll, Jason Friedberg & Aaron Seltzer, Madonna, Keanu Reeves, Sylvester Stallone

RiffTrax Trip Report – The Happening

[adrotate banner=”1″]So the RiffTrax for The Happening is out, and thus gave me a reason to finally see the M. Night Shyamalan movie about killer plants and Mark Wahlberg.

The Happening has the distinction of being a movie about plants who leak an airborne toxin to kill people, because people are a bunch of douchebags who pollute the planet, kill bees, and spend lots of the film staring vacantly into space. This film is unbelievably bad, and the longer it goes, the worse the movie gets. The only likeable characters all die, and instead we have to follow the complete bore Mark Wahlberg is playing as he wusses his way around the East Coast. Mark is joined by Zooey Deschanel, who cannot act at all and spends most of the film staring with wide eyes. Rather disturbing. The third person in the main group is the daughter of John Leguizamo’s character, played by Ashlyn Sanchez, who is a small girl and thus Shyamalan gives her odd camera angles to emphasize how this is extra traumatic to her, even though the movie is boring. The likable characters such as John Leguizamo, the Hot Dog guy, the Army guy, and the two kids who get shotgunned all manage to die quickly. Everyone who lives does the dumbest things over and over again, to the point where you want them to die, but the movie hates you and keeps them alive. Up yours, The Happening. The film is filled with incorrect science on evolution and plant communication, plus just says “we’ll never know because it was nature” as an answer to almost everything. Even though the film already answered the question like twenty times in the film. Look for Dante from Clerks showing up as a jeep driver who has a need for speed and not wearing seatbelts.

A film like that would be quite painful by itself, but luckily we have Mike, Kevin, and Bill to keep us company. Thank goodness for that! From opening references about What’s Happening and stretching Deschanel, to constant breaking into songs and riffing on the terrible camera angles, fun times for all. Go to hell, plants!

Remember to run from the wind, because the wind is evil. And plants are evil, but it is the wind you run from. The movie tries to have jumpscares with wind! This movie is terrible. But the RiffTrax is golden. Stop by RiffTrax.com and pick it up, you’ll be glad you did, once you get over the fact you have to watch The Happening.

The Happening
Happening wind

Seriously, this movie is TERRIBLE!