GRRR! The cast of the new Star Wars film has been announced:
Actors John Boyega, Daisy Ridley, Adam Driver, Oscar Isaac, Andy Serkis, Domhnall Gleeson, and Max von Sydow will join the original stars of the saga, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fisher, Mark Hamill, Anthony Daniels, Peter Mayhew, and Kenny Baker in the new film.
Which means it’s time to write a bajillion “thinkpieces” about how this cast is great and I’ve totally heard of all these actors, especially the ones who haven’t been in anything, but also the cast sucks donkey balls because it’s not the dream team or diverse cast I wanted. Where’s my American Indian Jedi at?
Now, I’m not saying there aren’t a few immediate problems with this cast. There’s only one female listed in the new crew, and one black guy. But the most important thing is we know nothing about who they are playing or the plot, so all these new people could just be cameo roles in favor of the old school crew, they could be the new stars who the film will lean heavily on, or they could be the younger versions of characters different actors will play later. Anyone could be the villain (Driver was long rumored) or villains, Serkis is probably a whole pack of weird CGI things, and someone might even be gay! (but probably not…)
Still, it would be cool to have two ladies and not just Daisy Ridley. It would be cool to have two black guys and not just John Boyega (where the heck is Lando???) It would be cool if this film was already made so we could be spared two years of articles that make this article look like a shining example of genius. Let the plot rumors and angry nerd screeds swirl around, I’ll be dodging them with my Jedi skills and wait for either something official, or something from the few people who give accurate spoilers despite Abrams’ mystery box.
It does stand to reason that either Boyega or Ridley will be the main stars among the younger crew (their names are listed first for some reason…) Which means the leads of a big budget blockbuster will either be a black guy who isn’t Will Smith (or his kid) or a woman. Or both. Sadly, that’s better than a huge chunk of blockbuster films.
As regular readers of TarsTarkas.NET know, we don’t jump into the casting rumor hype game that often. Partially because for many films there is a new rumor every day (that’s then debunked within hours), and partially because if I’m going to fish for pageviews, I’d like to write about what I want to write about, and not chase the latest pre-debunked rumor that Johnny Depp is rumored to play Jabba’s Butt in Star Wars 9. Which he would be terrible at! But we’re making an exception here because it’s Star Wars and I like doing sort of meta-topics that turn out to be less meta than I hoped when they’re all done. It’s either that, or join the new cottage industry of writing articles about just who in the heck Daisy Ridley is!
So that’s it for now, stay tuned for the next time a major news event happens when I have free time during lunch and can write a bit! If you have some Very Strong Opinions, feel free to share them below, that’s what the internet is for!
Also Lawrence Kasdan is in that photo, which is awesome.
The world of 3D printing is full of a lot of unjustified hype and a lot of more realistic scenarios. But one industry that has been making use of 3D printers since before you even heard of them is the toy industry. There is nothing like quickly producing a 3D prototype to find out just how your figures will look, as opposed to a time consuming wait for a physical sculpture (which you can always do later after you get the general look down, but things are increasingly being done via 3D tools)
To wit this pair of current promotions from the two biggest science fiction franchises. First up, you can send in some photos of your head and get yourself a 3D printed Star Trek figure of YOU! A company called 3D Systems is making this happen through a store on Cubify. There are a variety of poses and genders available, though currently all figures are The Original Series uniforms. You can be pointing phasers, running a tricorder, or just telling someone to live long and prosper while sporting Spock ears. This will run you $70 per figure.
Now, if you are a fan of that other gigantic franchise, Star Wars, then you are also in luck! But only if you can get to Disney Hollywood Studios in Disney World after May 17th, when is when the D-Tech event begins that will scan your face and 3D print you a Star Wars figure! You can either be a stormtrooper or be frozen in carbonite. This action will cost you $99.95 plus shipping, as you don’t get it until it is mailed to you weeks later. In any event, expect more of these promotions as they are great ways to get blogs to write additional articles about movies. Hey, wait a minute!!!
Or maybe not, if you are in to this sort of thing! Because we’re getting yearly Star Wars films beginning in 2015! First up will be J.J. Abrams’ Star Wars Episode VII, followed by alternating spin-offs and trilogy films. I’m sure the internet is filled with a bunch of opinions about this, so feel free to check them out. As for me, I’m on the wait and see plan, which doesn’t fill internet columns with paragraphs of angry bile, but does allow me to get on with my day. I will say that people seem to hate Star Wars, but seem to love their idealized version of Star Wars. It’s all very interesting, but I’m just going to be a spectator than participate in the melee.
Then I can loot the dead! MuHAHAHAHA!!!
Also a Boba Fett movie.
New rumor tomorrow, because there always is!
With the rumors/news of both Marvel’s far future plans for their films and the Star Wars stand alone flick, it would seem that the box office will be getting a bit greener, and not from the cash these films will rake in.
It’s not really a spoiler any more, since several sites rushed over each other to post the news in the headlines of their damn articles, but Latino-Review quoted a source as saying that the Phase 3 Marvel films will include Planet Hulk and World War Hulk. This presumably means that Hulk will be shot into space either at the end of Avengers 2 or the beginning of Planet Hulk. Then by the time Avengers 3 comes about, Hulk will return and be very angry. If you’ve never read the Planet Hulk comics, you literally need to drop everything (even your baby!) and run out and read the comics. It is one of my favorite stories of the past decade, and even got me reading comics again after a long absence (though I went back to ignoring comics again as the last few series I followed have ended and Hulk got really stupid after WWH.) Planet Hulk is basically Hulk transported into a John Carter of Mars style story. It’s full of pulpy goodness, monsters, zombies, fighting, more fighting, evil kings being evil, and weirdo aliens. It’s even been turned into a cartoon feature (though they neglect to include the ending that causes Hulk to return for World War Hulk!)
So needless to say, I hope this part of the rumor is true.
Secondly, the other big rumor is there might be a Yoda stand alone film, possibly an origin story. I personally don’t give a frak about Yoda’s origin and hope it stays mysterious forever, but a Yoda adventure could be cool if done right. But I have no reason to think it will be done right. I also have no reason to think this won’t make a bajillion dollars no matter how done wrong it is. Despite my dark, bitter heart, I know this will be a cash cow and can see why some people are excited. So I will be cautiously optimistic, because that sounds positive even though I can easily spin it into “I told you so, suckers!” when Yoda starts rapping.
With all this green, it is the perfect time for a John Carter (of Mars, dammit!) sequel! Do it, Disney!
I transferred the site over to a VPS this past weekend, learning fun things like Linux and Apache and how to rebuild Apache. Most major issues look fine, just one or two smaller things to clean up. Which means I’ll have time to write more posts and try to make up for all the traffic lost during the multiple times the site was suspended for using too many resources!
While all that was happening, movie news was still raining from Heaven. Dang it, world, still going on while I’m busy! What a jerk… So let’s look at some!
**DurianDave at Softfilm had a song mix on Zoë Baxter’s Lucky Cat radio show, and he did a song-by-song breakdown of all his choices.
**The coolest lawsuit of 2012 has happened thanks to some nutter from Belize who claims that some Americans stole a crystal skull from Mayan ruins 88 years ago, and since Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull had a crystal skull in it, it was an unauthorized use of the likeness. Is he asking for a bunch of money from Indiana Jones’ new owner, Disney? You bet! Is his attorney a bankruptcy attorney from Illinois? Of course! Should this lawsuit be thrown out so hard it breaks the sound barrier? Damn skippy!
Just wait until Westinghouse hears about the fridge in the film!
**Robert Zemeckis was doing the press rounds because of Flight and said that the Roger Rabbit 2 script is written and they are just waiting for Disney to get around to financing it. It would be hand drawn and set in the past like the original, the only difference is it will be 3D.
**Tron 3 has gotten a writer and is going forward (probably due to Wreck-It Ralph making so much dough!) despite the second one being terrible and no one at all caring. When this gets close to release, it’s time to short Disney stock again…
**Speaking of Disney losing money, they’re also planning to do a Don Quixote flick with Johnny Depp, but it doesn’t look like it’s the famous The Man Who Killed Don Quixote film that Terry Gilliam was making at one point with Depp when everything fell apart as shown in the documentary Lost in La Mancha.
**Ready Player One‘s author Ernie Cline is writing a new book called Armada and it’s already optioned for a film at Universal. All we know is:
the ultimate wish fulfillment to every videogame fan on the planet.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, it’s The Last Starfighter except with more gamer callbacks.
**Lifetime and Jennifer Love Hewitt are bringing us Mrs. G’s Bigger Love, which is based on a few fantasy posts at the blog Derfwad Manor. The posts are a gender-reversal of Big Love, where the character Gatticio is a female polygamist married to Hollywood hunks like George Clooney, Brad Pitt, and Ben Affleck. You can read some of the entries via this link near the bottom. It took me a minute to figure out that this was just a few posts being optioned and not the blog itself, which is a middle age woman blog and outside the scope of a blog I would read at all. The gender reversal and fantasy aspects should do well on Lifetime, and hopefully we get some cool internet freak out action once the rest of the world catches wind of Mrs. G’s Bigger Love.
**Kevin Smith basically announced he’s doing Clerks 3 via Twitter. That’s all we know at this point.
**Can’t Stop the Movies meets Dodes’ka-den!
**It’s a CRIMEWAVE! at TheCulturalGutter!
**FourDK goes to the isle of Iodo!
**Exploderbutton presses The Rains of Ranchipur and Bonjour Tristesse!
**NinjaDixon must take some Executive Action!
**The Deadly Doll meets the Junkyard Dog!
**Monster Island Resort chats about gore!