Monster of the Nudist Colony (Review)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

Monster of the Nudist Colony
Written by James Rogers and Bruno Kennedy
Directed by Louis DeWalnut (as Steve Goldenberg)

Even the Monster is nude!

Monster of the Nudist Colony blends monsters and softcore sex mayhem into a wondrous combination that’s now available on your local premium cable channel. Monster of the Nudist Colony is a direct parody of The Beast that Killed Women, directed by schlock exploitation master Barry Mahon! Not only have I seen the film, but the Something Weird DVD paired with The Monster of Camp Sunshine was the first Something Weird DVD I ever bought. If you’ve never seen the various nudie cutie films of the 1960s, filmed back when it was legal to film naked people only on a nudist colony, and with nothing frontal below the waist, then prepared to be bored silly (example: Nude on the Moon) There are endless shots of people walking (with strategically placed towels), sitting (with strategically placed towels), and playing games like volleyball (with strategically placed towels!) The Beast that Killed Women shook up the formula a bit by adding a monster killing women (Barry Mahon in a gorilla suit) that substituted for the sexual release that endless shots of nudists playing volleyball would not deliver. In a way, it was one of the Roughies, the name for underground nudie flicks made soon after the exodus from the colonies that had increasingly violent edges (an example we’ve covered is In Hot Blood)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

How does a gorilla know how to tie knots so well?

Thankfully, Monster of the Nudist Colony avoids all that violent stuff. The guy in a gorilla suit may gank women, but only to tie them up and make them dance for him! Honestly, it makes the film better, because this is supposed to be a silly parody, we don’t need violent acts perpetrated against women with what may be subtextual racism getting in the way! If anything, Monster of the Nudist Colony is a little too on the nose for it’s subject, to the point where it runs out of plot and fills the last 15 minutes with an all star super orgy. That certainly has the ending dance party seen on subpar animated films beat! If you pay attention, there is plenty of references to nudie flicks: people walking along nature trails with towels, a character who’s totally anti-nudity until they learn to cut loose and be nude, something threatening the security of the nudist colony, and even the occasional visit from law enforcement. What is different is all the sex sex sex! Nudie cuties weren’t allowed to have sex scenes, and official nudist colonies shy away from the sexual aspect of nudity, focusing on freedom. Monster of the Nudist Colony ignores all that and has Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony basically one step away from Hedonism II! Sidenote: the Double D’s Nudist Colony is filmed at the Malibu Dry Gulch Ranch.

And, sorry bigfoot-human sex scene fans, the Monster does not have sex with any women until he has been returned to human form. You might like Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot instead!

Monster of the Nudist Colony

The Librarian from Top Secret!, the prequel!

The film features extensive soundtrack work by RooBiE BreastNuT, not only working through the majority of their songs available on iTunes, but featuring a few news ones (including on that sounds written specifically for Monster of the Nudist Colony!) There is even a cameo by Roobie Breastnut herself! While fan favorite song “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang” is not used, you can hear: “I Want Your Love”, “Girls Like Girls”, “This is the Lust”, “Johnny Lapdance”, “Yeah, That’s Triple X”, “Porn to Be Alive”, “Peeping Jon”, “Hypnotika”, “Dance Dance Dance”, “Nudist Camp”, “Suck on This” and many more that can be found on Roobie Breastnut’s iTunes page!

Director Louis DeWalnut is a pseudonym for Steve Goldenberg, who has worked with Jim Wynorski on several of his softcore adventures. The writing is credited to James Rogers (I couldn’t figure out his prior credits) and Bruno Kennedy (co-writer of some of the Busty Cop movies)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

What do you mean, you don’t think Ferris Bueller and Cameron Frye are the same person???

Arch Hammer (Frankie Cullen) – Detective Arch Hammer is totally against being naked, but is totally for solving mysteries. Thus this mystery at the nudist colony disturbs him, but he can’t deny his police mentality, and goes in search of the mysterious Monster. There, he encounters a world he never knew, and if he ever drops his pants, will become part of that world. But will he?
Mary Hammer (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – Arch’s wife, who is a bit more of a free spirit than him. So free she disregards things like marriage vows! But it’s all good in the land of naked sex orgies…
Lucy (Angie Savage) – Lucy runs the nudist colony because the owner is missing and it’s also her job. She doesn’t discriminate, she has sex with the employees and the customers!
Heather (Lexi Belle) – Nudist club member who has fun time relationships with some of the other members, and attracts the attention of the Monster.
Joe (Ryan McLane) – Nudist club member who has a way with women. He’s sort of a jerk who keeps pushing Heather aside to run away faster from the Monster, and later puts the moves on Dana.
Mike (TJ Cummings) – The porter at the nudist colony who gets luggage and makes drinks and has sex with everyone. The SoftcoreReviews boards said this might be TJ Cummings’ last softcore film!
Dana (Bridgette B.) – Nudist club member who enjoys sunning herself, music, and sex.
Tina (Samantha Ryan) – Nudist club member who is makeout friends with Dana. Captured by the Monster and forced to dance.
Kerry (Britney Young) – Nudist club member who has a thing for Mike, which she expresses physically.
Monster (Rickey Ricardo Smith) – The mysterious monster who terrorizes the camp by spying on all the sex going on, and occasionally stealing women for dance parties. Phases in and out of being human while the ladies dance. May or may not be connected to the missing heir Jonah Trout, who was put under an ancient Indian curse.
Jonah Trout (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
Bonnie (Hannah Reilly) – Brunette woman who is walking in the woods with Crystal that enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
Crystal (Amber Ashlee) – Blonde woman who is walking in the woods with Bonnie that also enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
Cop (Roobie Breastnut) – A visiting cop who stops by to let the nudist crew know they need to lay off all orgies while monster reports are running rampant!
Tennis Fan (Bailey Beetleman) – It’s a guy who looks more like what the average nudist colony member looks like. And he likes tennis! Bailey Beetleman also produced.
Creepy Squirrel Puppet (himself) – These woods carry unspeakable horror. You don’t want to know! Stay on the marked paths.

Monster of the Nudist Colony

She’s secretly the Hamburglar!

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Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera

Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera
Directed by Barry Mahon

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

I was photographing naked women before Mary Tyler Moore ever threw her hat in the air!

Those of you unfamiliar with Bunny Yeager are probably at a loss as to why she has several films following her around on her job. Until you learn her job is taking cheesecake photos of naked women at a time when there were few photographers making a living at that job and even fewer women photographers making a living at that job.

Anyone who has spied an old old issue of Playboy (or a newer issue reprinting some of the old photos, or even random Tumblr reblogs) are probably familiar with her work without even knowing it. Though Bunny did spend a little bit of time in front of the camera, her fame came from being behind it and getting large supply of women taking tasteful photographs. Bunny’s strength was her womanhood, which made her 1000 times less creepy when she approached a girl to ask if she would model, as opposed to some greasy-looking old guy. The most famous of her many models was Bettie Page, and Yeager’s iconic photographs of her wearing a leopard print bikini (made by Yeager herself!) helped turn Page into one of the biggest pin-up models in history. Yeager is also credited with taking the famous shots of Ursula Andress in a white bikini on the set of Dr. No.

Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera takes great pains to let us know that Bunny doesn’t consider what she’s doing exploiting women, but in fact elevating them and freeing them from set rules of society. They are able to slip free from their defined roles, given an opportunity to make money, and even their boyfriends who object to the idea often warm up when the pictures are shown or the money paid out. The threadbare plot involves convincing a young woman to pose, as she wants to earn extra money so her and her beau can get married quicker. The girl is given the ability to make her choice of marriage quicker than if she didn’t have the ability to get naked for money. One could argue that it is a shame that educational and employment opportunities for women in the 1960s were such that taking it off was the only real option for some, and I will not deny that. Nor will I deny that many of those problems still exist today. But I will not deny that women and men have the right to strip off if they so desire. As we see in the film, Yeager did all this with a family, able to go out and do photo shoots because her husband Bud worked at home as a print artist (magazine and album covers and such).

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

Director Barry Mahon spends 20 minutes of this nudie film showing how cool he is.

Director Barry Mahon is a story all to himself. The man who directed the Thumbelina’ portion of Santa Claus and the Ice Cream Bunny? Barry Mahon. Mahon was born in the US, but joined the Royal Air Force in 1941 and became an ace on his 98th mission, which also saw him getting shot down and captured. He was interned at the POW camp Stalag Luft III (the camp from The Great Escape) where he escaped twice and was recaptured twice. After he was rescued in 1945 and the war ended, he became the personal pilot for Errol Flynn, and then became involved in the entertainment industry as Flynn’s manager. Mahon’s commpany, The Production Machine, was on the forefront of modernizing production, pioneering use of spreadsheets and computers to handle production work. He also directed an amazing array of films: oddball pro-Cuban Revolution fake documentary Cuban Rebel Girls (featuring Errol Flynn narration!), awful nudist films such as The Beast That Killed Women, propaganda-fest Rocket Attack U.S.A., filmed children’s plays The Wonderful Land of Oz, Jack and the Beanstalk, and Santa and the Three Bears (through his Childhood Productions company), strange erotic films such as Fanny Hill Meets Dr. Erotico and Fanny Hill Meets the Red Baron, and this pseudo-documentary film about Bunny Yeager then puts himself and his airplane in the middle of it. It’s also interesting how he portrays himself as a jetsetting playboy when script girl Clelle Mahon is Barry Mahon’s wife. Mahon followed up Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera with Bunny Yeager’s Nude Las Vegas.

The credits are a mix of models who have drifted to obscurity and pseudonyms that aren’t fooling anyone. Yanka Mann? Irish O’Brien? There is also a Rusty Allen credited, but if she is the famous Rusty Allen, I cannot say. Bunny operates out of Miami, which at that time was a mecca of the tiny but fierce adult entertainment industry. After the Supreme Court allowed filming of nudity on nudist colonies, Florida’s great weather year round and mock-vacation culture (people would work all summer up north, then use the money to live in Miami during the winter) was the perfect place to film and photograph. Like many of the nudie cutie flicks, Bunny Yeager’s Nude Camera is awash with padding. From long shots of various girls posting for photographs to a strange side quest to Key West, the script seems mostly improvised and then narrated over after the fact. Even the tiny bit of plot – the dilemma of if potential new girl Terry’s boyfriend will be okay with her posing in the buff – is a minuscule conflict at best.

The print is chopped up with sound samples missing, but it is probably the only copy left, so stop complaining!

Bunny Yeager (Bunny Yeager) – Our heroine. We follow a typical few days for Bunny as she picks up potential models, strives to take the perfect shots that will win her a fat purse, and spends time checking in on her husband Bud (I am guessing he is the Bud Erwin in the credits) and their kids.

Bunny Yeager's Nude Camera

Dudes in the 1960s were totally turned on by this. I guess. No wonder everyone did drugs!

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Nude on the Moon (Review)

Nude on the Moon

Marietta as Cathy/Queen Moon Nudist
William Mayer as Dr. Jeff Huntley
Lester Brown as Professor Nickels
Directed by Doris Wishman

The first rocketship to the moon finds…a Nudist Colony! One would think that would make this film exciting. One would be wrong. Back in the days before the internet, before Late Night cable, before VCRs, you had to sneak off to the theater to see naked people. You certainly couldn’t see your wife naked, as she was sleeping in the other twin bed. As an added affront, the nudie films all feature people who are nude in name only, just wandering around topless. Because of things like this, the human race almost died off, millions of males having no knowledge of the female reproductive system, and believing playing volleyball with topless women was how you made babies. While that may have been good for stockholders of sporting goods stores, it did little to help the Baby Boomers figure out the birds and the bees until they all went on acid and figured it out.

This movie’s plot, or single sentence, is “Man goes to moon, gets mooned, goes home.” The five minutes it took to establish the story is padded out by long sequences of driving, long sequences of nudists lying around on the moon, and long sequences of nothing. Nudism has never been more exciting! The entire first two minutes or so is the entire song Moon Doll played to a crude cartoon drawing of the moon. Dean Martin has nothing on this guy, and no one will ever worry about that drawing hitting them in the eye like a big pizza pie over this movie. In the unlikely event you are struck in the eye by moon particles, be sure to wash afterwards, you don’t know where those nudists have been.

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Passion in the Sun! (Review)

Passion in the Sun!

aka The Girl and The Geek

Josette Valague as Josette Valague
Dale Berry as Sgt. Mike Green
Mike Butts as The Geek
Dee Dent as Sans Souci girl
Rain Drop as Sans Souci girl
Dick Eason as Raul Ortiz

Back before we were blessed with Cinemax, HBO, VCRs, the Internet, and DVDs, if you wanted to see naked women, you had two choices. Either go to a burlesque house and lose your entire paycheck, or go to a dirty, dingy theater where scratchy prints of “nudie” movies and other schlock played and only be out the price of a seat, and your dignity. When I think about my father or grandfather having to resort to such lengths to see the fairer sex, I feel for them. I feel even more thanks to my viewing of Passion in the Sun!, a typical entry in the mindless nude movies of the time. Short on plot, short on voice acting (everything is dubbed in later), short on special effects, short on full frontal nudity (damn laws keep these films from going full monty), and short on your patience, Passion in the Sun! attempts to make up for these massive flaws by giving us long shots of the main character running and frolicking naked, action dance sequences taking place in the Sans Souci dancehall, monster action (if you can call this guy a monster, I’ve seen janitors that look more frightening), fistfights, and high speed chases.

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