Tag Archives: Nick Swardson

That new Marlon Wayans found footage flick is called A Haunted House

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Marlon Wayans

And A Haunted House just got picked up to come to a theater near you on January 11, 2013! We reported on it a while ago before it even had an official name. And now look at it. They grow up so fast ::sniff:: Remember, A Haunted House was going to be called Smart Ass at one time. That was a thing that almost happened. You be the judge on if we missed out on something cool…

As we said:

From the creators of Scary Movie comes another hilarious horror spoof, a parody of the Paranormal Activity franchise. When newlyweds Malcolm (Marlon Wayans) and Kisha (Essence Atkins) move into their dream house, they quickly find they’re not alone. But it’s not the house that’s haunted, but his wife that is possessed with spirits – or as Malcolm calls it – “relationship baggage.” Malcolm hires everyone from a priest to modern day ghostbusters to rid her of the demon, determined not to let the evil spirit ruin his marriage… or his sex life for that matter.” The pic will also spoof Paramount’s The Devil Inside.

Marlon Wayans cowrote it as well, and Michael Tiddes directs. At one point Cedric the Entertainer was listed on info about the flick, but I don’t see him anywhere any more. Hmmmm… David Koechner and Nick Swardson are listed as costars.

via THR

Jack and Jill

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Jack and Jill


2011
Directed by Dennis Dugan

jack and Jill
Tonight on Unsolved Mysteries…how did this movie get made???

Oh, boy.

Do you love jokes about explosive diarrhea? Do you love seeing great actors slumming it in a film where they’re sexually obsessed with a man in drag? Do you live films that give characters quirks instead of doing any characterization at all?

jack and Jill
Fictitious depiction of a Jack and Jill audience…

Finally, I can hush the naysayers who keep saying “nay” when I try to explain that just because I’ve sold out and get free movie passes and dump trucks filled with money and drugs and keep giving all those films positive reviews, that I’m not a shill. Because there is no way in Hell that Jack and Jill will get a positive review, because the dump truck was three minutes late! And also pretend I worked a “Knights who say ‘Ni'” joke in there that was actually funny, unlike every other reference to the Knights who say “Ni” ever. Even this one.

jack and Jill
Actual depiction of a Jack and Jill audience…

Jack and Jill sucks. I can’t say going into this one I had much high hopes. But I was wishing for maybe something passable. I like some of Sandler’s older work, but I can’t think of anything lately he’s done that I’ve even bothered with. Parts of Jack and Jill seem like they’re trying to ape the older style, but the jokes just do not work. A homeless guy randomly for Thanksgiving dinner, so he can say wacky things. A kid who tapes things to himself, because that is wacky. A bird that says random phrases, because it’s wacky. A daughter who is always in a costume and has a doll that is always in an identical costume…wacky! All seem like they would be funny, but no. Luckily, there are fart jokes to fall back on! Those work…if you’re high on wacky-tabacky! Which probably means you wandered into the wrong theater when trying to check out Harold and Kumar 3.

jack and Jill
She’s totally not crazy. Now can I have my dog back unharmed, Scientologists?

Jack (Adam Sandler) – Jack is an ad executive and a jerk, who will randomly do something sort of kind just as the audience is turning against him.
Jill (Adam Sandler) – Jill is his twin sister who is only slightly annoying. But the movie reassures us over and over that she’s the most annoying thing ever, despite evidence to the contrary.
jack and Jill
Jack and Jill treats women like it does to the audience

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