Posts tagged "Lexi Belle"

A friendly Samurai Cop 2 Kickstarter reminder!

I’m sure you heard by now that the greatest movie ever made, Samurai Cop, has a sequel in production and has launched a kickstarter! So just in case you lived in a cave, now you know. For those of you not in a cave, now you got a reminder! If you’ve never seen Samurai Cop, then you need to stop whatever you are doing and go watch it. I don’t care if lives depend on you doing stuff, Samurai Cop is more important! Okay, maybe not, but as soon as no one will die, go watch Samurai Cop a couple dozen times. Then open up your wallets for Samurai Cop 2: Deadly Vengeance!

Not only has Matt Hannon returned from the dead to become Samurai Cop Joe Marshall again, but Mark Frazer is also returning as Frank Washington! Melissa Moore also returns as Peggy, and they managed to also get original cast members Cranston Komuro, Gerald Okamura, and Robert Z’Dar to also appear. I’m not sure if they will be reincarnated versions of their classic characters, or original characters who all happen to be identical twins of those killed last time.

It’s 25 years later, and Detective Frank Washington is forced to team up with his long estranged partner Joe Marshall to solve a series of assassinations being committed by a secret group of female vigilante killers.

There is also a whole host of new stars, including some classic people and a bunch of porn stars who readers here will be familiar with due to their appearances in Retromedia and Jim Wynorski movies!

GEORGE LAZENBY (Agent 007 James Bond in “On Her Majesty’s Secret Service”)
ROBERT Z’DAR (“Samurai Cop,” “Maniac Cop,” “Tango & Cash”)
SEYMOUR CASSEL (Oscar Nominee, “Faces,” Wes Anderson films)
HENRY SILVA (Eurocrime genre actor, “The Manchurian Candidate,” “Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai,” “Buck Rogers in the 25th Century”)
LAURENE LANDON (“Hundra,” “All The Marbles”)
KAYDEN KROSS (“Blue Dream”)
LEXI BELLE (Penthouse Pet of the Year, 2014)
NICOLE BAILEY (Mac Miller and the Most Dope Family)
KRISTINE DeBELL (“The Big Brawl,” “Meatballs”)
NICOLE D’ANGELO (“Blue Dream”)
STUART WHITMAN (“The Longest Day,” “Superboy,” “Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines”)
EDDIE DEEZEN (“Grease,” “War Games.” “The Polar Express”)
SHANE RYAN (“Amateur Porn Star Killer”)
MATTHEW MAHANEY (“Days of Our Lives”)
JESSE HLUBIK (“May,” “I Know Who Killed Me”)
SEAN McNABB (“Quiet Riot”, “Dokken”)
NAOYUKI IKEDA (“Hunter”)
LISA LONDON (“Sudden Impact”)
MINDY ROBINSON (“Gym Rescue,” “V/H/S/2”)
RON BECKS (“Hunter”)
RAMZI ABED (“The Devil’s Muse”)
SHAUN PICCININO (“The Lackey,” “Bat In The Sun’s Super Power Beat Down”)
EDWIN A. SANTOS (“Mad Cowgirl”)
MAGDA MARCELLA (“Miracle Mile Girls”)
SHAWN C. PHILLIPS (“Dysmorphia,” “Ghost Shark”)

Now, a lot of older movies that get sequels often have the sequels be terrible, and many movies that became cult classics that got sequels later faced having sequels that were no good. So there is always the danger that this film will just be awful. But the cast seems very excited for it, and Samurai Cop is a film that it is almost impossible to live up to. But with the talent they are throwing in, the film will at least be so full of things happening that we won’t have time to catch our breath. Much like a good portion of the original, that had lots of awesome action sequences that just kept going and kept the funeral parlors in LA very busy with all the bodies.

The best news of this Kickstarter is Amir Shervan apparently had more than the three films he was known for (along with the foreign stuff) back when Samurai Cop was first discovered. Besides Samurai Cop, Hollywood Cop, and Killing American Style, there is also Young Rebels and Gypsy, the last one not having been seen anywhere before.

Regardless of outcome, I’m excited for this event, and have high hopes for the film!

Disclaimer: I plan on donating to this Kickstarter.

Samurai Cop 2 poster

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - September 8, 2014 at 11:43 pm

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Monster of the Nudist Colony (Review)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

Monster of the Nudist Colony
2014
Written by James Rogers and Bruno Kennedy
Directed by Louis DeWalnut (as Steve Goldenberg)

Even the Monster is nude!

Monster of the Nudist Colony blends monsters and softcore sex mayhem into a wondrous combination that’s now available on your local premium cable channel. Monster of the Nudist Colony is a direct parody of The Beast that Killed Women, directed by schlock exploitation master Barry Mahon! Not only have I seen the film, but the Something Weird DVD paired with The Monster of Camp Sunshine was the first Something Weird DVD I ever bought. If you’ve never seen the various nudie cutie films of the 1960s, filmed back when it was legal to film naked people only on a nudist colony, and with nothing frontal below the waist, then prepared to be bored silly (example: Nude on the Moon) There are endless shots of people walking (with strategically placed towels), sitting (with strategically placed towels), and playing games like volleyball (with strategically placed towels!) The Beast that Killed Women shook up the formula a bit by adding a monster killing women (Barry Mahon in a gorilla suit) that substituted for the sexual release that endless shots of nudists playing volleyball would not deliver. In a way, it was one of the Roughies, the name for underground nudie flicks made soon after the exodus from the colonies that had increasingly violent edges (an example we’ve covered is In Hot Blood)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

How does a gorilla know how to tie knots so well?


Thankfully, Monster of the Nudist Colony avoids all that violent stuff. The guy in a gorilla suit may gank women, but only to tie them up and make them dance for him! Honestly, it makes the film better, because this is supposed to be a silly parody, we don’t need violent acts perpetrated against women with what may be subtextual racism getting in the way! If anything, Monster of the Nudist Colony is a little too on the nose for it’s subject, to the point where it runs out of plot and fills the last 15 minutes with an all star super orgy. That certainly has the ending dance party seen on subpar animated films beat! If you pay attention, there is plenty of references to nudie flicks: people walking along nature trails with towels, a character who’s totally anti-nudity until they learn to cut loose and be nude, something threatening the security of the nudist colony, and even the occasional visit from law enforcement. What is different is all the sex sex sex! Nudie cuties weren’t allowed to have sex scenes, and official nudist colonies shy away from the sexual aspect of nudity, focusing on freedom. Monster of the Nudist Colony ignores all that and has Circle Double D’s Nudist Colony basically one step away from Hedonism II! Sidenote: the Double D’s Nudist Colony is filmed at the Malibu Dry Gulch Ranch.

And, sorry bigfoot-human sex scene fans, the Monster does not have sex with any women until he has been returned to human form. You might like Sweet Prudence & the Erotic Adventure of Bigfoot instead!

Monster of the Nudist Colony

The Librarian from Top Secret!, the prequel!


The film features extensive soundtrack work by RooBiE BreastNuT, not only working through the majority of their songs available on iTunes, but featuring a few news ones (including on that sounds written specifically for Monster of the Nudist Colony!) There is even a cameo by Roobie Breastnut herself! While fan favorite song “Pussy Pussy Bang Bang” is not used, you can hear: “I Want Your Love”, “Girls Like Girls”, “This is the Lust”, “Johnny Lapdance”, “Yeah, That’s Triple X”, “Porn to Be Alive”, “Peeping Jon”, “Hypnotika”, “Dance Dance Dance”, “Nudist Camp”, “Suck on This” and many more that can be found on Roobie Breastnut’s iTunes page!

Director Louis DeWalnut is a pseudonym for Steve Goldenberg, who has worked with Jim Wynorski on several of his softcore adventures. The writing is credited to James Rogers (I couldn’t figure out his prior credits) and Bruno Kennedy (co-writer of some of the Busty Cop movies)

Monster of the Nudist Colony

What do you mean, you don’t think Ferris Bueller and Cameron Frye are the same person???


Arch Hammer (Frankie Cullen) – Detective Arch Hammer is totally against being naked, but is totally for solving mysteries. Thus this mystery at the nudist colony disturbs him, but he can’t deny his police mentality, and goes in search of the mysterious Monster. There, he encounters a world he never knew, and if he ever drops his pants, will become part of that world. But will he?
Mary Hammer (Melessia Hayden as Melissa Jacobs) – Arch’s wife, who is a bit more of a free spirit than him. So free she disregards things like marriage vows! But it’s all good in the land of naked sex orgies…
Lucy (Angie Savage) – Lucy runs the nudist colony because the owner is missing and it’s also her job. She doesn’t discriminate, she has sex with the employees and the customers!
Heather (Lexi Belle) – Nudist club member who has fun time relationships with some of the other members, and attracts the attention of the Monster.
Joe (Ryan McLane) – Nudist club member who has a way with women. He’s sort of a jerk who keeps pushing Heather aside to run away faster from the Monster, and later puts the moves on Dana.
Mike (TJ Cummings) – The porter at the nudist colony who gets luggage and makes drinks and has sex with everyone. The SoftcoreReviews boards said this might be TJ Cummings’ last softcore film!
Dana (Bridgette B.) – Nudist club member who enjoys sunning herself, music, and sex.
Tina (Samantha Ryan) – Nudist club member who is makeout friends with Dana. Captured by the Monster and forced to dance.
Kerry (Britney Young) – Nudist club member who has a thing for Mike, which she expresses physically.
Monster (Rickey Ricardo Smith) – The mysterious monster who terrorizes the camp by spying on all the sex going on, and occasionally stealing women for dance parties. Phases in and out of being human while the ladies dance. May or may not be connected to the missing heir Jonah Trout, who was put under an ancient Indian curse.
Jonah Trout (Tony Marino) – Oh, that guy.
Bonnie (Hannah Reilly) – Brunette woman who is walking in the woods with Crystal that enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
Crystal (Amber Ashlee) – Blonde woman who is walking in the woods with Bonnie that also enjoys a good argument and a good woods lesbian sex session.
Cop (Roobie Breastnut) – A visiting cop who stops by to let the nudist crew know they need to lay off all orgies while monster reports are running rampant!
Tennis Fan (Bailey Beetleman) – It’s a guy who looks more like what the average nudist colony member looks like. And he likes tennis! Bailey Beetleman also produced.
Creepy Squirrel Puppet (himself) – These woods carry unspeakable horror. You don’t want to know! Stay on the marked paths.

Monster of the Nudist Colony

She’s secretly the Hamburglar!


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Posted by Tars Tarkas - June 26, 2014 at 8:02 am

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Sex Pets

Sex Pets

aka Lost and Found

2011
Story by Eddie Powell
Written by Mona Sunoy
Directed by Eddie Powell

Sex Pets
I know you purposefully hid my dog to spend more time with me, but you did it while wearing a beret!

Hey, remember that movie Lost & Found, about a guy who helped his hot neighbor find her dog, while the dog was at his apartment the whole time? Well, a movie called Lost and Found was filmed in 2011, which was basically the hardcore porno version of Lost & Found. And thanks to the magic of creative editing and filming a few alternate bits, Sex Pets is the softcore version of Lost and Found. So, yes, Sex Pets is a softcore version of a hardcore version of a David Spade romantic comedy. You got to wonder how many films can claim the same thing, and my guess is a whole zero.

Sex Pets
Yes, 19 boxes filled with framed pictures of me with my dog. Why does everyone thing that’s weird?

Sex Pets follows the same basic plot (though it doesn’t later get complicated like Lost & Found does) with a guy sick of the hookup culture making friends with the newly single hot girl next door and her friendly pooch. Egged on to craft a web of lies by his friend Steve, David lets Jen believe that her dog Boz is still missing after he’s found it just so he can spend more time with her. Because we have to make time for the sex scenes, the plot never gets too complicated, and you know from the start that Jen and David will end up together. The sex scene feature minimal music, often there is no noise except the acting of the actors. I would even say it is too quiet in the background.

Sex Pets is one of those films where I cared more about the plot than I did about the sex. Which is an odd thing to say about a movie called Sex Pets, but it is the truth. One thing Sex Pets does have is some cool cinematography. It looks amazing!

Sex Pets
That’s the worst Mpreg Brony art I’ve ever seen!

David (Xander Corvus) – 20-something slacker tired of the hookup culture and looking for a relationship culture. But instead gets involved in a pile of lies with his neighbor, Jen, and instead of crafting a believable lie to get out of it easily, instead screws it all up. Luckily, the plot dictates he’s adorable enough for Jen to give him another chance. Spoilers.
Jen (Allie Haze) – Newly divorced woman who now lives for her dog, Boz. Boz runs away because Boz likes to initiate complicated romantic comedy plots in his spare time. Ends up sending lots of time with nice guy David as he helps her find her dog, not knowing she’ll be ultimately betrayed. But Jen seems to like betrayal…
Vicky (Kimberly Kane) – Steve’s girlfriend who realizes her boyfriend says and does dumb things from time to time, but is in love with him regardless. Also tries to correct the problems her boyfriend and David cause.
Steve (Chad Alva) – Steve and his girlfriend Vicky spend almost their entire screentime playing video games. I would say this character was an exaggeration, but I know many many many many many many many many people his age who do the same things. Steve is the one who has the bright idea to lie about the dog to spend more time with Jen.
Meg (Lexi Belle) – Jen’s friend, an overly-excited creative artist. Lexi Belle is the Anna Kendrick of softcore versions of hardcore versions of mainstream films.
Roger (Tony De Sergio) – Meg’s boyfriend, who is somehow more weird.
Girl 1 (Zoe Voss) – Woman David is having sex with at the beginning of the movie, who is not interested in a relationship.
Boz (Boz) – Boz the dog is like always high or something. And then he gets lost. Jeez, Boz, get a grip!
Sex Pets
Finally a film captures a true slice of life of 20-something America!

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Posted by Tars Tarkas - May 27, 2013 at 6:51 am

Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly   Tags: , , , , , , , , ,