Cerberus (Review)


Greg Evigan as Marcus Cutter
Garret Sato as Kul Jae Sung
Sebastian Spence as Jake Adams
Emmanuelle Vaugier as Dr. Samantha Gaines
Gelu Nitu as Radu
Directed by John Terlesky

Sci-Fi Channel is the never ending fountain of original films where a monster runs around and terrorizes people until it’s done away with by the few remaining main characters left, barring a “shock ending” that happens around a third of the time. So many creatures have stomped, crashed, slithered, and slimed their way across Sci-Fi’s airwaves, that they are starting to run low on things to make run around. They’ve already made pretty much every snake possible attack at some point, sharks attack more often on one hour of Sci-Fi channel than in a year of real life, dinosaurs run around like Jurassic Park opened on everyone’s street corner, and now it’s time to run into mythology. First there was Manticore, and now Cerberus. Cerberus comes directly to us from Cinetel Films, who is bringing us such future winners as Komodo vs. King Cobra and Caved In: Prehistoric Terror, Directed by the wonderful John Terlesky, whose upcoming film Alien Fire, where aliens emerge from the sun and attack earth, must surely be a future classic, especially with Robert Beltran, Sandrine Holt, and Nicholas Brendon in the cast. Beltrane was last fighting Manticores, Sandrine Bugs, and Brendon nothing that showed up here (get cracking, Brendon!) Enough about the future of this motley crew, it’s time for the present, and that present is Cerberus, a three-headed dog who was the guardian of Hades, and now should just be put to sleep. I’m dog-gone tired of unimaginative films in this genre where they take a halfway decent idea then skimp out on the gore. (Yes, expect many more lame dog puns!) Cerberus attacks people=good idea. Some guy running around with a magic sword, and Cerberus wanders in every once in a while to kill a random person or two, but less than the main villain! It’s lame! Make with the Monster Death! Not shooting, or swording, but dog-chomping! Cerberus should have made kibbles out of the entire cast! Hopefully, those future projects can bring us what we crave, high death counts from monsters eating people! (Well, Caved In won’t…)

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