Legend Of The White Snake (Review)

Legend Of The White Snake

Directed by ???

When I first got this, I thought by the name Legend Of The White Snake that it was a Thai take on the Madam White Snake story. Boy, was that wrong! Instead, it is just your run of the mill movie where an evil snake witch invades some baby girl’s body and evil stuff happens years later when everyone is grown up. And there are a few random dances and scares, but this is hardly a fun movie, it is more of a movie you have on in the background while doing other stuff and then you pay attention when the few weird things happen. Or you just look at the clips here, read the synopsis, and never have to worry about tracking down this film ever. Because you won’t, unless you are a Thai snake girl film completeist, in which case I can’t help you unless I charge an hourly rate.

There is absolutely zero information about this film online except for a single place to order the VCD from. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. So if TarsTarkas.NET did not bite the bullet and review this stupid thing, there would be no record that it ever existed. And who would want that? We must record even the boring examples of ridiculous films, because, the world becomes a less magical place if they aren’t here. It is just like when rare animals disappear. It doesn’t affect you personally if the white rhinos go bye-bye, but it is a bad thing to know that something once was there and now it is not. And even if no one knew about this movie before, now you do and you are better for it, despite the film’s little entertainment value.

The score is stolen from various sources including Halloween. There is a secondary track the director must have loved because it plays like 30 times, but I don’t recognize where it is from despite it sounding familiar.

We don’t got names so we got guesses. Okay, I figured out the names of a few of them as they got their named mentioned in subtitles. The rest are complete guesses, and for no one do I know who played them. I was told that the following actors are in the film: Mechai Panchar, Picharak, and Chokiwa Luck. I have no clue who any of them are, and Google finds nothing (though Picharak is a planet in the Rebel Squadrons Wiki.)

UPDATE – After chatting about this film with Todd from 4DK (what, you don’t talk about weird Thai films with your friends?) we’ve determined that this film was actually made in the 1960s instead of the 1980s, as the guy playing Kroo Prakit is probably Mitr Chaibancha, who died in 1970 because man was not meant to hang from helicopters. Thus, Mechai Panchar = Mitr Chaibancha. Picharak = Petchara Chaowarat, who plays Van Far. Chokiwa Luck is still unknown, but he’s probably the guy who came up with Thailand’s many, many translation schemes that make doing research in English agonizingly frustrating! If I ever get off my lazy butt Mitr Chaibancha will be back when I watch the Red Eagle movies I have of his.

Van Far (Petchara Chaowarat) – The elder daughter of the family that adopts Poon Rue and the good, heroic woman who must fight her now evil sister for the man she loves. Her name is close enough to the Vulcan Pon Farr that it deserves to be mentioned.
Poon Rue (???) – A baby adopted by a family that was secretly possessed by an evil White Snake Witch who waits 20 years until she gets around to going all White Snake Witch crazy, which results in deaths, dancing, seduction, and people wandering around dark caves. The last thing is what is truly frightening, because watching people wander around dark caves is boring enough that it could kill you.
Kroo Prakit (Mitr Chaibancha) – The Handsome Investigator who comes to town to investigate why everyone is dropping dead. Becomes romantically involved with Van Far, but Poon Rue gets all jealous and tries to steal him away. Is Kroo short for Kangaroo? Well, it is now!
Old Investigator (???) – The older partner of Kroo Prakit doesn’t rate a name or a love interest, but he does rate a lot of screen time for a guy who doesn’t do much by himself.
Comic Relief Guy (???) – He’s funny! Maybe. Okay, not really. He sucks. Maybe he’s funny if you are Thai and thirty years older than I am. Maybe. Comic Relief Guy is the guide, I think.
Cemetery Guy (???) – Cemetery Guy is an undertaker, but not a pro wrestler. Cemetery Guy and Comic Relief Guy are like R2D2 and C3PO, just bumbling around while the heroes and villains do their thing. And I think a lightsaber shoots out of Cemetery Guy’s butt at one point…
Old Snake Lady (???) – The white snake sorceress’s true appearance. Imagine waking up next to that! The Cryptkeeper should be so lucky!

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