Throwing down the gauntlet here after a certain three-character website barfed up a list yesterday of “The Weirdest Giant Monster Movies Ever Made” that doesn’t seem to acknowledge anything made outside of Japan, the US, or Hong Kong, and even then, picks mainstream targets. As a well-versed traveler in the world of awesome giant monster films from across the globe, the list is bunk. So here is a much much better list of weird giant monster movies, in no particular order. And I’m sure people will drop by with films even I didn’t list. The point is there is a whole world of wonderful cinema to explore. You might think because I dismiss these films as weird, that I don’t like them or I think I’m better than them. That couldn’t be further from the truth! I love these films, and you should too!
(1976) – Aliens have invaded Hong Kong, and only one god can stand up to those crazy space cases – Guan Yu! Yes, suck on that science, as every attempt to bring down the aliens by using technology and innovation fails, an old guy who carved a Guan Yu idol saves the day when it comes to life, grows to gigantic size, and ruthlessly slaughters those aliens bastards. Hey, all those aliens are strangely milky white, while Guan Yu is pure 100% Chinese. Hm…. War God had a release long ago on VHS, and grew to legendary status as it was unavailable for years and years in the States until someone found one of the VHS tapes and soon copies multiplied like grey market rabbits. A DVD release was planned at some point, I know thanks to a handy lawsuit threat from the company responsible, who somehow thought I was the one spreading the tape around. Where the heck that DVD is has become a mystery as well. Until then, we’ll always have the memories of giant aliens getting beaten up.
Yeti: Giant of the 20th Century
(Yeti – Il gigante del 20° secolo, 1977) – This Italian ripoff of King Kong features a gigantic yeti that was frozen in ice, only to be revived and do a step-by-step recreation of the plot of the 1976 King Kong remake. Never fear, Yeti has his own theme song (by the Yetians!) and it’s funktastically crazy!
(1961) – This Danish-American coproduction is actually two different films, as the Danish version features musical numbers, a flying monster, and goofiness, while the American version cuts out the mirth in favor of more monster effects and a focus on damage and destruction. Both films end up crazy, for different reasons. But all you have to do is take a look at Reptilicus and realize there is no way this could possibly not be silly!
Yongary, Monster From the Deep
(1967) – Yongary holds a special place, because it’s the only giant monster movie I know of where the monster is killed by bleeding out of the butt! A shoddy Korean production that looks cheap and feels cheap, while avoiding all that charming stuff. That’s not to say it’s terrible, it’s just not good, and not so terrible it’s good. I am surprised MST3K never got a chance at it. Check out the take by WTF-Film! It was later remade by D-Wars director Shim Hyung-rae as Reptilian, but that bombed. Shim Hyung-rae also starred in a comedic farce version of Yongary in the 1990s, which is hard to find for some reason so I can’t make accurate snide remarks about it.
(1985) – No list of weird giant monster movies is complete without this entry from North Korea! Before Kim Jong-Il was a brutal dictator, he was the son of a brutal dictator who was obsessed with movies. Kim Jong-Il arranged for the kidnapping of South Korean film director Shin Sang-ok and his wife, actress Choi Eun-hee, and forced them to create films. One of the results of this debacle was the film Pulgasari, which involved a mythical creature that grew to gigantic proportions once it eats metal, and thus aides a peasant rebellion against a corrupt ruler. After his flight to freedom, Shin Sang-ok would later reuse the premise for the 1996 American film The Legend of Galgameth!
Daigoro vs Goliath
(1972) – The silliest Toho giant monster film doesn’t feature even feature Godzilla at all, but is about a weird cow hippo monster and how he learns to be brave and fight an evil monster from space. And also learns how to poo. I’m not making that up. There is triumphant toilet stall leaving action in Daigoro vs Goliath! Todd and I covered this movie quite well with an Infernal Brains Podcast!
The Monster X Strikes Back: Attack the G8 Summit
(ギララの逆襲／洞爺湖サミット危機一発, 2008) – Minoru Kawasaki’s strange take on the Monster X film gives us a sequel that’s made up of stock footage, and a bunch of ridonkulous political satire that’s already totally dated (almost everyone lampooned is either out of office or dead!) and features a giant version of Takeshi Kitano taking a missile up the butt (ironic, considering his homophobic comments!) Guilala battles Take-Majin in the final minutes, but it takes far too long to get to the monster fight. Not recommended unless you want a blast from the past, almost every other Minoru Kawasaki film is better.
(1963) – Smart movie fans will know that India has produced their fair share of films that have giant monsters in theme, even if the majority only feature the monster in tiny roles. Shikari is a bit different, because it’s a mix of King Kong and those boring jungle adventure films. Which means we get more giant gorilla action than you’d think! FourDK gave Shikari a once-over. Until someone finds a surviving print of Gogola (the rumored Indian Godzilla film), this is probably the Indian film with the most kaiju bang for your buck.
Banglar King Kong
(2010) – Of all the King Kong ripoffs on this list, Banglar King Kong is not only the most recent, but also the most cheap! Bangladeshi cinema produced this amazing take on the King Kong mythos, produced just in time to be years too late to cash in on Peter Jackson’s remake. Banglar King Kong follows a simplified version of the plot of the original film, with plenty of musical numbers thrown in. King Kong is a guy in a cheap costume, he’s discovered and falls in love with one of the hottest stars of Banglar cinema. Eventually, King Kong rampages in the city (literally made out of cardboard) until he’s gunned down by footage stolen from the 1976 King Kong. Twas editing killed the beast! We sunk our claws into Banglar King Kong here at TarsTarkas.NET!
(Godzilla il re dei mostri, 1977) – The only Godzilla film I’ll dare put on this list (though the unnamed site did correctly point out Godzilla vs. The Smog Monster was weird, Cozzilla is a special case. It’s an Italian edited version of Godzilla, King of the Monsters, which is the American edited version of Gojira. And like the American version, it has lots of added scenes that change large portions of the tone. But unlike the American version, it’s colorized in a format called Spectrorama 70, developed by Armando Valcauda. Spectrorama 70 involved using colored gels to tint the footage, giving it a surreal, otherworld quality. Much footage of actual wars scenes and even the Enola Gay have been added in, and the entire film comes off as a bleak and depressing tale. Luigi Cozzi is the madman responsible, you might remember him for bringing a certain film called Starcrash to life. The only copies to make it to the US are Nth generation VHS dubs, and for the longest time we didn’t even have the ending on tape! Will we ever see a true release of this amazing legendary edited version? Good breakdowns of Cozzilla exist here and at WTF-Film.
Taiwan’s Flying Children Films
(various) – One of the worst genres of Taiwanese cinema is the Annoying Flying Children genre, which features kids of various annoyance running around with magical super fighting powers and usually flying around like idiots. The kids somehow come across giant monsters all the freaking time, which leads to plenty of sequences where these invincible children defeat humongous creatures. The flying kids are almost as bad as the legions of Japanese children who wear short shorts. Almost. Young Flying Hero has a giant frog and dragon battling it out for a few minutes. Dwarf Sorcerer is the youngest and most annoying, he fights gorilla men and dragons. Flyer of Young Prodigalis a cheaper version of the same story, but with dinosaur stabbing and dragon fights. The Boy and the Magic Box has the most creative monsters, a bearded triceratops and a flame-shooting tyrannosaur that uses weapons. But the coolest monster is the three-headed creature that battles the hero for reasons unknown.
(2005) – This sequel to Creepies not only exceeds the original, but it’s a pretty fun b-level monster flick where a giant spider destroys Las Vegas, and a giant robot must defend the city. Made on a budget of whatever the director found in his couch cushions, it looks like they had a pretty big couch, because it’s awesome! The most fun you will have with a giant rampaging spider movie that never got a real US release! Discount Puppet Explosion dealt with the Creepies menace!
The Super Inframan
(1975) – Okay, the other films on this list are just very good suggestions for you to watch. The Super Inframan is the film that if you haven’t watched, you need to track down immediately and watch. I mean, don’t even finish this paragraph, find the freaking film and enjoy! One of the classics of cult cinema, The Super Inframan delivers nonstop entertainment as monsters and mayhem invade the planet, hundreds of people are killed, and a super hero rises to destroy the threats. I mean, how can you watch this and not want to find this film just this instant?:
The Ginseng King
(三頭魔王, 1988) – Taiwan is no stranger to giant monster mayhem, and they feature all over this weird kiddie tale of a 1000 year old ginseng and all the evil people who want to eat him. Also lots of giant things are met along the way. Being a Taiwanese childrens’ film, it gets dark at times. It’s some of the funnest fun you will ever have watching a film about a 1000 year old ginseng man.
Darna and the Giants
(1974) – Darna is the classic Filipino super heroine who has battled her share of evil-doers, from evil trees to evil space ladies. But battling evil giants was her finest hour. Because it meant she could be listed in this article! You did it, Darna! Seriously, the Darna films are some of the funnest things from the Philippines, and the Vilma Santos Darna films are the classics all other versions are held up to. So do yourself a favor and track some down, and be sure to watch this entry for lots of stomping action! Darna expert Todd gives us a guide via FourDK!
Phra Rot Meri
(1981) – The films of Sompote Sands could make their own list of weird giant monster films (or their own series, like FourDK did!), but Phra Rot Meri is by far the weirdest. While Sompote Sands often pilfered Ultraman or Kamen Rider for his films, his original films dealt with aspects of Thai mythology, and the translation get a little lost without the benefit of subtitles. Thus, I couldn’t exactly explain why the giant monster guy in Phra Rot Meri has gigantic boobs, but he does and there they are. And yes, lactation fetishists, he does milk himself. There’s some plot about a prince fighting against evil, but seriously, who cares when we got giant monsters spraying their milk all over the place? Give Phra Rot Meri a prize, any prize, all the prizes! Make Phra Rot Meri captain of the USS Enterprise on the next reboot! Get ready to be confused! (NSFW for giant fake monster boobs!)
If you enjoy giant monsters and want to see more weird ones, but ones that aren’t the focus of the film, or films that just weren’t weird enough to include, you can also check out:
A Field Guide to Cantonese Fantasy Monsters and Creatures – a list of the fabulous creatures discovered so far in old black and white Cantonese wuxia classics. A MUST SEE!
The Mighty Gorga – Cheap as heck US King Kong ripoff with the most hilarious gorilla vs dinosaur fight on film!
Little Hero – big octopi show up on the beach to toss their children at Polly Shang Kuan!
Kinky Kong – King Kong fucks the Statue of Liberty. Also softcore sex happens or something.
The Legend of Mother Goddess has dragons, big eared dudes, and lessons to learn about piety.
Merciful Buddha – yet another giant monkey, though it barely appears. There is a weird horse man and some other goofy effects. Cool for being weird, but not monster enough to satisfy much of anyone.
Hanuman and the 7 Ultramen – Sompote Sands made a career out of stealing intellectual property, and here is one of his most famous examples!
Mars Men – an Italian edit of a Thai giant monster film made by Sompote Sands!
Thunder of Gigantic Serpent and King of Snake – A girl befriends a snake, which soon grows to enormous size and must be mercilessly slaughtered! The original King of Snake version was chopped up and dubbed into Thunder of Gigantic Serpent, the version most famous in the west.
Giant Taiwanese Monsters were discussed on these two Infernal Brains Podcasts (our firsts, so please excuse the quality!)
And there’s plenty more where this came from. But if you don’t have a healthy start by now, you aren’t paying attention… Thanks to Exploder Button and Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill for help with ideas and having covered films I haven’t gotten around to writing about yet!
Siluman Teluk Gonggo
Based on work by Bastian Tito
Directed by Lilik Sudjio
A giant martial arts fighting spider, a mad rapist with an evil parrot, a giant bird that has seen better days, and a bamboo flamethrower are just part of the fun of Siluman Teluk Gonggo. This fantasy martial arts adventure (since it is Indonesia, it is silat) is one of a series of films about pulp hero Wiro Sableng.
Wiro Sableng’s serialized martial arts adventures gained fame in Indonesia and turned the character into one of their most famous pulp heroes. The world of Wiro Sableng is best described as similar to the Jianghu “martial world” of wuxia fantasy, with different clans and martial sect that have different fighting techniques and local drama. Wiro spends much of his time wandering from area to area learning from the various masters and getting involved in local drama. Author Bastian Tito actually spent time traveling around Indonesia to the places Wiro was visiting, so he could write first-hand knowledge of the area. This also occasionally caused the stories to be delayed.
This is the sixth movie in the series starring Tony Hidayat as Wiro Sableng. This series is comprised of Empat Berewok Dari Goa Sanggreng, Dendam Orang-Orang Sakti, Neraka Lembah Tengkorak, Tiga Setan Darah Dan Cambuk Api Angin, Sepasang Iblis Betina, Siluman Teluk Gonggo, and Khianat Seorang Pendekar. There were two television series that portrayed the further adventures of Wiro Sableng, first starring Sukendro Herning (also known as Ken Ken) and then Abhie Cancer.
As you can imagine, there isn’t that much information in English. But I have determined the names of the two men who help Wiro Sableng are Lor Gambir Seta (K. Supranto) and Dewa Tuak (Piet Pagau), though I’m not sure which one is which.
But it’s not the actors that give our attention to Siluman Teluk Gonggo, it’s the monsters. Yes, there are Indonesian giant monsters! We get not only Wiro Sableng’s faithful giant bird companion, but a giant spider, a human-sized monkey creature, and some monster so large we only see it’s eyes and huge King Kong-sized hand. Exactly what it is, is a mystery to the ages. Or at least to people who don’t speak Indonesian, as they probably explain what it is.
Director Lilik Sudjio has a prolific career pumping out lots of Indonesian genre film that has gone barely noticed in the West for far too long. For every The Queen of Black Magic that gets a cool DVD release, there are a dozen Siluman Teluk Gonggos that sit around on vcds. Before his film work he was an actor, and then spent some time in film school in the US before returning to Indonesia and producing a lot of cool stuff. After 1990, he turned to directing television, as that was the way of the future as the film industry was collapsing.
Pulp hero Wiro Sableng has a tattoo that reads “212”, and carries around a variety of weapons. He has an ax that has a dragon-head hilt, and a throwing weapon used like a shuriken, in the film it has a sort of boomerang power and looks like a take on the weapon from Krull, but with just two blades.
The fighting choreography isn’t half bad, either. It’s not The Raid, but it isn’t The Bumbling, either. Though many of the actors are terrible at playing dead, they just casually drop to the floor like they’re going to sleep. The pacing and lack of subtitles (Here at TarsTarkas.NET, we don’t need no stinking subtitles!) might drive some away, but stay for the last 20 minutes, that’s where the real fun and most of the monsters are.
Written by Paul A. Birkett and Eric Forsberg
Directed by Griff Furst
Prepare to get ARACHNOQUAKED!!! That’s when there is an earthquake, and GIANT FIRE-BREATHING ALBINO SPIDERS attack! It’s two disasters in one, crawling on eight legs and ready to roast and chomp you! Griff Furst directs this SyFy creature feature, and he has a pretty good track record of delivering an entertaining flick. Once again, a Furst knocks it out of the park, giving us some fun monster mayhem. The flaws in the flick are easily overlooked in the face of giant white spider death!
Now, a common theme for monster flicks is that the monsters were always there, just chilling in a closed off area that recently comes exposed thanks to mankind doing something awful like being greedy. SyFy flicks such as Caved In: Prehistoric Terror, Malibu Shark Attack, and Jersey Shore Shark Attack all feature a similar scenario. And so does Arachnoquake. The twist is, the earthquakes exposing the spider den were caused by fracking, the controversial process of injecting pressurized liquid into shale beds in order to extract hydrocarbons (aka oil), which has been blamed for everything from earthquakes to contaminating groundwater and making it flammable. Despite the big hubbub, fracking is barely mentioned in media. And while I don’t think it will lead to giant flame-breathing albino spiders destroying the American south, I do think it sucks.
Arachnoquake is more fun than a barrel of spiders. Parts are high energy, though it will veer off as we enter zones of plot development. The action is focused closer to the ground so we don’t really see the scope of the giant spider menace, but it would appear multiple states are in for a lot of problems. Arachnoquake does a good balance of not taking itself too seriously, but still being serious enough you feel the characters are in danger.
Super Batman & Mazinger V
What if Batman was some goofy Power Rangers kid show. And it sucked. Welcome to the world of Super Batman & Mazinger V! For those of you in the know, South Korea during the 80s and 90s produced a whole slew of copyright violating children’s programming that put the insane in the brain, much of which had tie-in low-quality toys. All of these films are horribly awful, and most of them are unknown in the West, rotting away on Korean VHS tapes. But occasionally some of them get brought out into the light of day, blinking in the sunlight, exposure to the bigger world a new and surreal experience for them. And TarsTarkas.NET tells them how much they suck!
Coming soon to the next Nolan film!
This time, Batman has gone all Power Rangers, and is either called Super Batman or Super Betaman (the film and related media cannot make up its mind!) He looks like he should be fighting Krankor and the Neptune Men, but instead fights a space witch and her crappy wolfman army. Besides making a horrific-looking Batman, they also steal wholesale from Mazinger V, an anime you’ve heard of if you’re into giant robot stuff, or will hear of once the new movie comes out in a few years (if you are reading this in the future and the movie already has come out, then read that sentence as past tense, but at least you get to fly hovercars!)
Hey, Teen Wolf Cosplay Guy, carsurfing was outlawed for a reason!
Other Korean kiddie programming includes Our Friend, Power 5 (Wurideul-ui chingu pawo 5) – A 1989 Ninja Turtles ripoff, Ddaeng-Chil and Double Light (땡칠이와 쌍라이트) – A 1990 alien invasion film where Yoda and apes show up, Eagle Man (who looks like another Batman clone), Dragonball: Goku Fights, Goku Wins (1990) – A Dragonball feature that follows the plot closer than any official Dragonball movie, and literally dozens more. Some of the films are all live action, some are all animation, and many are mixed in between, with models waved around and goofy alien costumes. The most frustrating part of the little information I’ve been able to find about these films is that they only have been released on decaying vhs tapes and will probably soon wither away into nothingness. The common denominator of many of this films seem to be to sell cheap toys, heck in this film a character carries around the toy of the giant robot! The legality of the toys I am sure is questionable at best.
Hi, we’re going to go all Star Wars Holiday Special on your ass!
As the film is in Korean with no subtitles (We don’t need no stinking subtitles!), character names are guesses or descriptions, and the plot is put together from what can be understood from the pictures. As it is a kid’s program, the plot isn’t that complicated, so no worries there. We’ve even found this handy plot synopsis: The witch Rinke rules over the plant Astro with an iron fist. She decides that she needs the super-powered robot, Zangga, to spread her rule to other planets. She learns that Zangga is lying dormant somewhere on Earth and sends her agents, Kats and Kobra, to find and collect him. However, she did not count on the intervention of Betaman and some Earth children who are also looking for Zangga.
That doesn’t help at all! Okay, it sort of has what is happening. Is Kobra the name of the Wolfman? I couldn’t ID any of the actors, but I added some names to the tags just in case. And I hope the mysterious II in the Korean title doesn’t mean there is another Super Batman film out there…because…::shudders::
Batman poses for photos, thousands die.
Looks like some lucky family got their family portraits back from JC Penney!
Zone Fighter Episode 09 – Oe! Reddosupaidaa-no Himitsu
aka Search for the Secret of the Red Spider! aka Find the Secret of the Red Spider!
Directed by Kengo Furusawa
Written by Juro Shimamoto
Zone Fighter is back and he’s on a murder spree! Zone Fighter and the rest of the Zone Family have come to kill innocent animals that the Garoga have infected. Curing them is not an option, only MUUUURDER!
We at TarsTarkas.NET do not condone murder, especially of innocent animals. We however do condone the murder of the Zone Family, and are officially Team Garoga! Now, if you’re reading these in chronological order, we’ve skipped a few. That’s entirely the fault of the disks, because technology is dumb. What happened in those missing two episodes? Probably nothing important. In any event, if you are confused as to who’s-who in the Zone Fighter universe, check out the Zone Fighter Splash Page for all your questions to be answered.
Hikaru Sakimori (aka Zone Fighter) still hasn’t bothered to kill all the Garoga, and instead is just sitting around Earth chasing Garoga signals. Lazy, lazy Zone.
Holy crap, a foot long red spider! Flying in the air on it’s web or something. It’s Creepies all over again! The spider floats to a truck just sitting at the side of the road…
Garoga agents! Hikaru gets into a big fight with them. The Zone Fighter theme plays, it’s all very Zone-ish. But Hikaru hasn’t bothered to turn into Zone Fighter, because he’s lazy, and although he’s kicking their butts, Zone realizes he needs to transform to sell more toys.
The Zone Family gets a signal and transform to go help. The Garoga attack with black and white candy cane weapons! Weapons they are too dumb to use properly and soon the Zone Family have grabbed their candy canes and are killing them with their own weapons.
The Garoga goons taunt that their spider is evil, and then run away. Why you would yell that as a taunt I have no idea, as it’s stupid! Way to spoil your plans, Team Garoga. We’re no longer Team Garoga, as both teams are stupid.
But the Zone family doesn’t bother to stop or attack the spider RIGHT IN FRONT OF THEM and instead they go back home to ask Grandpa Zone what is up. Okay, that’s so stupid we’re back on Team Garoga!