The Last Stand
The Last Stand
2013
Written by Andrew Knauer, Jeffrey Nachmanoff, and George Nolfi
Directed by Kim Ji-woon
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My hand is huge!
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We got both a return of Arnold Schwarzenegger and the Hollywood debut of Kim Ji-woon with the modern day western The Last Stand. But is the title prophetic and a sign that we should stay away? If you are looking for amazing action and a return to form for an actor turned politician, then you might want to keep waiting. But if you want a good forgettable action flick with some funny parts, then The Last Stand is a passable January release. It isn’t terrible, it’s just we’ve seen much better from both the star and the director, so things come out disappointing. And that’s the worst sting of all.
Kim Ji-woon is no stranger to Westerns, he directed The Good, the Bad, and the Weird, one of the best Western-inspired films ever. He’s also responsible for I Saw The Devil, one of those films that people watch and then describe with a single emoticon of a traumatized face staring into the distance. Kim Ji-woon is the first of three popular Korean directors who are making their Hollywood debut in 2013 (Bong Joon-ho with Snowpiercer and Park Chan-wook with Stoker are the other two.) He’s also the only reason I had any interest in taking the time to see The Last Stand.
I am sorry to say that things are up to Kim Ji-woon’s normal standards of excellence. But The Last Stand isn’t a wash, either. It follows the normal arc progression of a Western with the eventual showdown against the gang by the Sheriff and his deputies. There is a lot of scattered action sequences throughout the buildup, as the cartel leader escapes from captivity then carves his way through increasingly incompetent police roadblocks via increasingly ridiculous ambush attacks.
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Minimalist action theater
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In the usual Western, the baddies are constantly harassing the town, the people the Sheriff likes and loves, and the danger is more personal. As Gabriel Cortez is more of a guy who is just passing through town, The Last Stand attempts to counter this by having some of his gang in town building an escape bridge. The gang causes trouble and is involved in a firefight with the Sheriff’s office. Though the gang’s leader is played by awesome dude Peter Stormare, the rest are all faceless militia types and there isn’t enough there to make them feel so evil you cheer when the hero kills them.
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Police Academy: Honey Boo-Boo
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Schwarzenegger, DeVito, and Murphy are Triplets
Mega Triplets! Remember that movie Twins? With Arnold Schwarzenegger and Danny DeVito? It was funny, it was okay, it had a guy crushed by miles of chains falling on his head. They were brothers, yet they looked different. Total wacky! Let’s forget they later made a movie where Schwarzenegger was preggers. Now, 25 years later…It’s time for the Twins…to be Triplets! Yes, there was a brother from another mother, and he’s a brother…Eddie Murphy! Doesn’t this sound like a movie you would watch? Why are you shaking your head? You know you will watch this. I’ll strap you to the chair if I have too. Hey, get back here! I can chase you down! You can’t escape, you’re watching this! I’ve run marathons, you can’t runaway from Triplets!!!!!!
via THR
Whizzing away, just like this movie.... (alternative caption: "My back teeth are floating!")
Categories: Movie News Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Danny DeVito, Eddie Murphy, Triplets
Total Recall (Review)
Total Recall
1990
Starring
Arnold Schwarzenegger as Douglas Quaid/Hauser
Rachel Ticotin as Melina
Sharon Stone as Lori
Michael Ironside as Richter
Mel Johnson Jr. as Benny
Ronny Cox as Vilos Cohaagen
Get your ass to Mars!
Paul Verhoeven directs this Philip K. Dick story turned action film, starring my governor. Full of Verhoeven staple actors and Verhoeven staple mindless action (or satire action, as he likes to make most of it.) Now, that style may work well with obvious pieces such as Robocop and Starship Troopers, but it feels out of place at times in movies like this and Hollow Man. Not that this is a terrible movie, it’s just a few of the actions scenes seem like they are slightly out of it compared to the general tone of the film. This movie is also drowning in Star Trek actors, you can’t kick over a mutant in Venusville without seeing half a dozen scatter.
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Categories: Bad, Movie Reviews Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Mars March, Mel Johnson Jr., Michael Ironside, Paul Verhoeven, Rachel Ticotin, Ronny Cox, Sharon Stone
Around the World in 80 Days (Review)
Around the World in 80 Days
2004
Starring
Jackie Chan as Passepartout/Lau Xing
Steve Coogan as Phileas Fogg
Cecile De France as Monique La Roche
Karen Mok as General Fang
Jackie Chan, Jules Verne, 80 days, and 80 cameos, how could it lose? Apparently very very badly. Even the lovely Karen Mok cannot save this film. The worst part is, this could have been so great. All the pieces and potential is there, is just fails to materialize. This film is akin to working in chemistry lab, carefully adding every component to your reaction, then sitting in disappointment as it fails to do anything at all.
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Categories: Movie Reviews, Ugly Tags: Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cecile De France, Jackie Chan, Karen Mok Man-Wai, Maggie Q, Sammo Hung, Steve Coogan
