Flying Centipede

Flying Centipede (Review)

Flying Centipede

aka Fei tian wu gong aka 飞天蜈蚣

1994
Directed by Qingguo Sun

Flying Centipede is a guy who likes to dress up as a Batman copy, except he looks more like a Mothman and call himself Flying Centipede for some reason. Flying Centipede also machine guns down lots of cops, instantly making his hero status questionable. Maybe if we were told all these guys were corrupt cops, it would be better, but instead Flying Centipede is just painted as a villain despite being a super hero. And as this is a Mainland China production, we can’t have villains get away with their crimes. What kind of moral standard is that? So everyone dies. Spoiler alert!

Thanks to our crack research team, we were able to find….not much about Flying Centipede. Time to fire the research team, or at least force them to learn Chinese.

Flying Centipede (It is a mystery) – Don’t reveal the secret identity of Flying Centipede. But it’s revealed below under a spoiler alert.
Ouyang Long (Wu Gang) – He’s a cop, whose job it is to take down Flying Centipede. And also to shoot mushrooms, dancing spiders, and fleas without messing up the trackball too much.
Ailina (Qu Ying) – Ouyang’s female friend and secretary to the Police Chief. Qu Ying is a mainland model/actress/singer who has had a busy career, including roles in Fight For Justice(2004) and Zhang Yimou’s Keep Cool, and in the 2000 mainland China production Charlie Angels.
Black Widow (Xie Xu) – Female gang leader whose gang wears black lines drawn on their faces. I guess she’s watched The Warriors too many times and thinks her gang needs a theme.
Cops Hua and Fatty (??? and ???) – More cops from Ouyang’s group, who help him on his quest of justice.

Thomas the Tank Engine choo-chooses to be a movie

Maybe he didn’t choose it and he’s being forced into it, I don’t care, but Thomas the Tank Engine (particularly “The Railway Series”) is being developed into a film by HIT Entertainment. Shane Acker will direct (the article’s “Shane Acker (9) will direct” quote threw me for a loop as I briefly thought Acker was 9 years old, but it just means he directed the movie 9!) and the script will be written by Will McRobb, Chris Viscardi and Josh Klausner. McRobb and Viscardi are responsible for Pete and Pete and Kablam, so take from that what you will. The story:

“The tale will revolve around a pre-teen boy who has drifted apart from his father,” Acker explains, “The son is introduced into this world of Sodor, a place his father visited as a child but can’t remember. There is a bonding experience.”

So is this a darker Thomas the Tank Engine? Or just more grown up? And world of Sodor reminds me of World of Gor. If you don’t know what Gor is, consider yourself blessed.

We also have this boring art:

Thomas Tank Engine Film

This totally tells me everything...except for anything!


I wish this was being made into the Thomas the Tank Engine film instead:
Thomas The Transformer Engine
I would buy 9 tickets so I could be completely surrounded by empty seats to enjoy this!

duriandave

2 Headed Shark Attack Gemi-Shark pic!

Asylum has released a photo of the two-headed shark (dubbed the Gemi-Shark) from their upcoming 2 Headed Shark Attack film on their Facebook page. Gaze into both faces of sea terror! Which head will be the evil head? Find out when the movie airs, I guess. I predict both heads will be evil.
2 Headed Shark Attack Gemi-Shark

Two heads chomp more than one!

Fairly Oddparents Grow Up Timmy Turner

A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! (Review)

A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner!


2011
Directed by Savage Steve Holland
Written by Butch Hartman & Scott Fellows


When A Fairly Odd Movie: Grow Up, Timmy Turner! was first announced as a live-action feature film, it sounded like it would be terrible. Who needed yet another live action film for a cartoon? Haven’t we suffered enough? But, Grow up, Timmy Turner! instead turned out to be a good surprise, keeping the tone of the cartoon while delving into raging manchild territory with a plot so off the walls that it is brilliant. And yes, that means I liked it very much. I’m shocked, shocked, I tell you! Who knew that I would end up enjoying what appeared to be a terrible Disney Channel-type film? But Grow Up, Timmy Turner is much more than that, it’s fun, and sort of has a message about the need to grow up and move on with your life buried beneath the wacky antics of the hijinks that ensue.

For those of you out of the loop, The Fairly Oddparents is a cartoon series about a child named Timmy Turner’s fairly godparents who grant him wishes, and all the adventures that entails. The series’ bizarro humor helped earn it a cult following among more than little kids, with viewers of all ages tuning in. There has been sporadic tv-movie specials for The Fairly Oddparents, though this is the first live-action special.

Grow Up, Timmy Turner continues the same basic plot, except Timmy is now 23 years old, still in the same grade at school, still living at home, and still not grown up, because being grown up loses you your fairy godparents. It’s in the rules, trust us, they break out the rules to read during the movie!

Cameos from the cartoon show up all over the place. Jorgen Von Strangle (Mark Gibbon), the strongest fairy and the boss of all fairies, appears repeatedly throughout the film to threaten Timmy. He’s an obvious Arnold Schwarzenegger parody. Timmy’s childhood friend Chester McBadBat and A.J. (Chris Anderson and Jesse Reid) appear sporadically as adults assuming the still-childlike Timmy is jealous of their “successes”, though the successes are never elaborated on.

Director Savage Steve Holland was an 80s genius with such classic films as Better Off Dead, One Crazy Summer, and How I Got Into College. He got into tv with The New Adventures of Beans Baxter and the Encyclopedia Brown series on HBO, but his greatest television creation was Eek! the Cat (and accompanying cartoons.) He’s since been making a living directing episodes of family fare tv series, making him perfect for this film packed with Nickelodeon teens.

Timmy (Drake Bell) – Timmy Turner has been 10 years old for the past 13 years. Not literally 10 years old, but living as a 10 year old despite being 23. Thanks to his magical fairy godparents, he can wish for whatever he wants. And what he wants is to keep being able to wish for whatever he wants. But things may change…
Tootie (Daniella Monet) – Tootie was the childhood gross girl that crushed on Timmy Turner despite him thinking girls were gross. But now she’s all hot and Timmy’s like “DAAAAA-YUUUMMM!!!” Daniella Monet has a role in the series VICTORiOUS
Fairy Godparents – Cosmo, Wanda, and Poof – (Susanne Blakeslee, Daran Norris, Jason Alexander, Cheryl Hines, Randy Jackson) – Timmy’s fairy godparents show up for the most part as CGI constructs, but during a few sequences turn into Jason Alexander and Cheryl Hines.
Denzel Crocker (David Lewis) – Mr. Crocker is Timmy’s fairy-obsessed teacher, and has been his teacher for 13 years. It is a tough decision deciding which is less mature.
Hugh J. Magnate (Steven Weber) – It’s your standard evil billionaire with a lost childhood, except he doesn’t have a sled or anything. Though he is evil.

Muppets poster up

Fandango has a new poster for The Muppets, and it is filled with muppets, muppets, muppets. And some meat people, but mostly muppets muppets muppets. Click for HUGE!!!

Battleship

Battleship trailer up

Battleship

In a world where Taylor Kitsch and Eric Northman are brothers, the US Navy will fight alien boats that look like rejects from Transformers. Under a dome force field. And Liam Neeson is there. But not Rhianna, despite all the hoopla about this being her first movie (which it isn’t even!) And also the navy is using battleships despite them all being retired. I’m getting a Battle: Los Angeles vibe, meaning a generic action film that is neither awful nor good.

The only thing I liked was the alien missiles look like pegs from the board game.