Go! Godman: Godman vs. Sanda
Help! Help! Someone call Rorschach, someone is killing capes!!
Sanda is the brown Gargantua seen in The War of the Gargantuas. In the film he is heroic, so of course the blood-lusting Godman wants his head on a platter! March of Godzilla: Godman again presents another episode of Godman’s bloodbath across the world of Toho kaiju, as he slowly slaughters everyone and anyone he comes across.
The Sanda suit has seen better days, it’s half-rotted, but still together enough for Godman to kill Sanda without too many children losing interest and switching the channel to whatever was airing opposite this in 1973.
The DVD has only the fifth episode of Godman’s battle against this Gargantua. It begins with Godman punching Sanda around a bit. Sanda runs to the city, and Godman picks him up and spins around, then tosses Sanda down and punches him a lot.
Sanda gets up from this pummeling and beats his chest in defiance like he’s King Kong. Totally wrong monster, director!
Godman takes the taunt and jumps on a cliff and fires missiles at Sanda, but Sanda continues beating his chest to show Godman that he isn’t as cool as he thinks he is. No one owns Sanda but Sanda.
We end with a tsuzuku so we don’t get resolution whether Sanda just spends the last episode beating his chest of if more things happen and Godman kills him. But never fear, Godman can’t just murder one Gargantua, he’s got to go after the other one…
Go! Godman: Godman vs. Skeleton Man No.1 and Skeleton Man No.2
aka ゴッドマン対スケルトマンNo.1・スケルトマンNo.2 その1 – その6 aka Goddoman Tai Sukerutoman No.1 – Sukerutoman No.2
Week of January 18 – 24, 1973
Wow, two skeleton men for the price of one! Must have been deal week at the Kaiju Bargain Basement Emporium! Or at least at the popup Spirit Halloween store…
The villains are Skeleton Man No.1 and Skeleton Man No.2, and because we are jerks, we’re calling them the Skeleton Man No.s instead of Skeleton Men. Don’t like it? Too bad! That’s how we roll at TarsTarkas.NET, blazing our own path of referring to obscure kaiju be technically correct but odd-sounding monikers.
The biggest mystery of this episode is who is Skeleton Man No.1 and who is Skeleton Man No.2. It is such a mystery that even the data cards included on the DVD aren’t even too clear about which is which. And thanks to this episode not being on the DVD and thus me getting it through a Chinese stream that has some amazingly low quality video, I can’t definitively identify the individual Skeleton Man No.s in each scene. If I blow the images up big, they just get all blocky, and we aren’t in a Minecraft horror reality, yet. So I’m just arbitrarily assigning the first one to show up as Skeleton Man No.1, and the second as Skeleton Man No.2, and not worrying about which pixelated image I use for which one. This isn’t rocket surgery, this is Godman!
A shortpantsed Kenny is fishing, when suddenly a wild Skeleton Man No. appears and puts him in a choke hold! “GODDOMAN!” the voiceless children cry! So these Skeleton Men No. are actually evil and not just misunderstood, unless they are some sort of defenders of fishes or just overly aggressive enforcers of having a fishing license. But probably just evil. It is a sad state of affairs that I have to judge these monsters before we know if Godman’s righteous justice is actually righteous. We can’t be too careful, Godman has a history of harassing innocents, but he’s probably in the clear here if he’s going to kill (rekill?) this Skeleton Man No..
Godman tosses his exploding disk at the Skeleton Man No. who is still holding the kid(!!), but it doesn’t blow up, it just knocks him away from the kid. The Skeleton Man No. (who we are going to assume is Skeleton Man No.1) has teleporting powers, and he and Godman fight with him occasionally beaming around. The fact the Skeleton Man No.1 is basically a fancy leotard with a skull mask allows for some more acrobatic fighting, so there is a lot more flipping going on than the usual drunk wrestling.
The battle continues in Part 2 as the theme song blares, punctuated occasionally by the unearthly electronic chicken shrieks of Skeleton Man No.1. At one point Skeleton Man No.1 teleports away from the fight to chase after the shortpantsed Kenny again! Some pervs just got sick impulses, I guess. He’d clearly demonstrated that he’s a monster that needs to be taken out.
Skeleton Man No.1 can throw knives, because he does so at Godman, but they miss. It’s hard to aim when you only have sockets for eyes! Then Godman tosses his explosive disk back, but Skeleton Man No.1 catches it and tosses it aside before it blows up. Just then, Skeleton Man No.2 pops up where the disk exploded! The two Skeleton Men No.s give each other a cross-armed salute and then dance around each other celebrating as Godman looks on, confused. I am also confused on the logic of this, but let’s just go with it. because we don’t have any other choice. Godman reassures the kid while the Skeleton Men No.s continue to dance around and make arm motions beckoning Godman to attack them
Godman takes them both on, but is sort of confused on the “don’t let one of them grab you while the other beats you” rule of fighting two people at once. Luckily the Skeleton man No.s are dumb and soon are smacking each other because their punches at Godman miss and they accidentally connected on each other, and then they continue to brawl as Godman watches. It’s easy when your opponent do your job for you. Godman then beats them unconscious, but they teleport away.
The Skeleton No.s conduct a renewed assault on Godman, as this is only part 4 of six we got to fill it with plenty of scenes of Godman getting beat up before he turns the tide and finally wins. But it gives me time to write that these Skeleton No.s sure have a bone to pick with Godman!
Godman even kicks the Skeleton Men No.s in their junk, and I guess these Skeleton Man No.s are like Wolfman and have nards, because it works. Not that much of nards, because they easily recover and beat up Godman some more and toss him down a hill.
Godman breaks out the flail to tenderize up these skeletons. Time to grind the bones. Despite having a powerful weapon and fighting two morons, Godman can’t seal the deal and by the end of the episode they are both beating on him as he lies crumpled on the ground. You only got one more part to not lose to piles of bones, you dink! Remember what a wise man said, “Seize the bone!”
Godman prevails, not by doing any smart strategy, but by just fighting back instead of lying their and getting beaten up. And despite dropping his flail and getting beaten up more, he then picks up the flail and wallops the villains. First one Skeleton Man No. explodes into nothing, then the second is beaten and explodes into…a smaller skull with a tiny, child-sized skeleton! What the heck, are the Skeleton Men No.s actually Skeleton Babies No.s???? Did Godman just murder two infants? What in the world??? Godman IS a supervillain!!!! Find out more of his evil deeds at the Godman Splash Page!
Go! Godman: Godman vs. Dongolar
I’m not sure how Godman can justify this at all!
Godman continues his killing spree, this time setting his sights on Dongolar. What crimes Dongolar committed, if any, will remain unknown as only the fourth of six episodes were on the DVD set. For more info on Godman, be sure to drop by the Godman Splash Page!
Dongolar isn’t a giant dong, but looks like a giant ginseng plant (or a butt with a carrot nose and eyes!)
Godman is hurting as we join this series, already in progress. He’s still small while the giant Dongolar lords over him. But a kid throws him a frisbee with one of his golden shoe rings, the lack of which was preventing Godman from growing to large size. Maybe keeping track of those things would be important? I’m no expert in kaiju fighting, except for the fact that I am.
Godman grows big, Dongolar helpfully falling down so he can be more easily beaten up. It’s like Dongolar wants to lose or something. They roll around in the sand together, their physical activity looking more like lovers embracing than enemies grappling to the death. Seriously, this show is the most sexual of monster shows. Luckily we tsuzuku away before things get X-rated! March of Godzilla 2015 will return with more Godman, because his crimes must be exposed to a new generation!
Go! Godman: Godman vs. Kamoebas and Folgon
Karate chop! Karate chop! Karate CHOP!
Folgon looks like a red kappa beaked dinosaur with messy short hair on the top of his head that runs partially down the back until it turns into spines, and tiny pupils that don’t focus on a center point. He squeaks like a baby sea bird from an immobile mouth. Folgon is some sort of bird lizard thing, with claws and a tail. Kids love lizard birds!
He and Godman eye each other for a bit before they start shoving each other. What are they, little children? Having lost the shoving war, Godman fires his explosive fist smoke at Folgon. Folgon dances a bit like he’s on a hot tin roof before Godman and Folgon then fly to rocky bluff right next to the perfectly good rocky bluff they were already fighting on.
Folgon shoves Godman around some more, and gets on top of him, holding him down. We thankfully tsuzuku before things get R-rated..
Episode 2 begins with more goofy fighting, Godman is starting to get the upper hand. But don’t get the upper hand too quickly, Godman, there is still another episode to go and we’re all out of monster costumes this week! At one point they both again fly to a clearly identical rocky location that is probably the exact same spot in the set!
Folgon falls atop Godman and the two embrace, lovingly pawing at each other as we jump to tsuzuku. Geez, these two can’t keep their hands off each other! It’s like Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie while filming Mr. & Mrs. Smith!
Part 3 begins with them back standing and pushing at each other some more, Folgon once again somehow being the better shover and Godman losing the battle again. Godman can’t shove for crap! Eventually Godman flying kicks Folgon and he falls over, Godman gets on top and slaps and slaps and slaps and karates and slaps and karates Folgon on the face over and over and over again. Eventually Folgon just explodes from being slapped and karated in the face some much. Seriously, he does! Folgon is murdered, and Godman flies away in search of more monsters to kill!!!
Go! Godman: Godman vs. Kamoebas and Folgon
This Ninja Turtles reboot sucks…
Godman continues to work his way through all the suits Toho had lying around, and some new suits that were made out of what Toho found at the Goodwill store. March of Godzilla: Godman is proud to present this brief synopsis of the one episode of this story arc that made it to DVD! This week, Godman fights a classic Toho creature, Kamoebas (aka Kameba), from Space Amoeba. Godman also fights Folgon, but he’s just a monster Toho made up for the show, and isn’t even in this episode on the DVD. But we’re all about going above and beyond, so we’ve tracked down this entire story arc to present to you, the people who won’t be reading it and will just look at the photos! If you need a Godman primer, feel free to stop by the Godman Splash Page!
Kamoebas is a turtle, and he does what turtles do, which is stand still and use their shell for defense.
A old couple sees a monster at the beach – it’s Kamoebas! GODMAAAN!!!
Beep beep, back the truck up! Why is Godman being called…by old people? It’s demonstrated in every other episode that children call Godman, there is even an episode where the adults have to have the children call for Godman! So why do these old people get to call Godman? Is there a larger definition of the Godman worshipers beyond children? Is it the children and the elderly? Because I could see that happening. Two groups on extreme ages, working together to call a fighting man from the sky. It’s just weird enough to keep you up at night.
Godman creeps over and sees Kamoebas is just standing there, minding his own business, so Godman bravely attacks!
Kamoebas just stands there. Godman totally punches first. Also second! Then he almost falls over. Godman feels this is somehow an attack by Kamoebas, so now he feels justified in self-defense. It’s interesting to see Godman was the guy who wrote the stand your ground laws.
Godman fights and fights Kamoebas, who barely seems to notice as Godman hurts himself on Kamoebas’ shell. Godman stares at Kamoebas as the episodes jumps to tsuzuku. Now that’s a darn weird ending. But as Folgon is another monster Godman fights that week, maybe Folgon is behind Kamoebas standing still on the shore. This mystery would have had to remain until the rest of the show was located had I just used the one episode on the DVD….
Thanks to the magic of the internet, I found the rest of this episode! Never has the magic of the internet backfired in such fashion as to force me to watch more Godman. Well, except for all that other horrible stuff on the internet. You know what I’m talking about…
So we jump into episode 2, and Godman is preparing to make turtle soup out of poor Kamoebas.
He hugs Kamoebas and they spin around a bit like they are dancing then soon he is throwing ineffective punches and kicks. Godman pulls out his Godmail Flail, and tries to strangle Kamoebas with it! That’s not how flails work, guy!
Eventually he starts beating Kamoebas on the back of his shell with the flail, knocking off chunks of the turtle shell costume (they focus on this like he’s doing the damage on purpose, but RIP Kamoebas costume that was probably already shedding shell scales!)
Godman punches Kamoebas in the back a bit more, then knocks him onto his back and spins him around and around and around and around, then uses his wrist guns to blast Kamoebas in the belly with bullets. Kamoebas slinks back into the sea, regretting getting out of bed and sunning himself on a nice warm rock that morning. Brave Godman, savagely beating up a monster who did nothing, is declaring victory and shouting like a loon.
But another monster is there! He’s like “I’m the real villain, you idiot!” Thus we tsuzuku into… Godman vs. Folgon!!!
Go! Godman: Godman vs. Gorosaurus
Why are you murdering me? I’m just looking for the hospital! Oh, God, NOOOOO!!
Hell yeah, Gorosaurus is back! But he’s getting beaten up by Godman, because Godman is a jerk and kills everything you love. Especially if what you love is ratty old kaiju film costumes like this Gorosaurus suit, which has seen better days by far. The Gorosaurus suit is in such bad condition that pieces of it are flopping around and it’s all crushed inward like all the padding is missing or decayed away. In fact, it’s hard to think anything except Gorosaurus is very very sick and shouldn’t be getting beaten up by this jerk Godman, but should instead be given medical attention for whatever illness is happening to him. Someone call up Medical Jet Jaguar, I don’t care if he hasn’t been invented yet, go get a time machine and then go get Medical Jet Jaguar! We need an intervention to save Gorosaurus before Godman the jerk kills him!
The only episode that made it to DVD is the final episode, number 6, which consists of Godman beating the ill Gorosaurus up for a while before tossing explosive disks at him. Godman follows this up by firing his Godman Supersonic Wave, blowing up Gorosaurus with swirly death!!
BOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Gorosaurus never did anything to you, except live and get in the way of your fists. Godman should have been escorting Gorosaurus to hospice care to help with his obvious disease. Way to be a horrible monster, Godman. Someone needs to call Godman to kill Godman.
There are a few clips of earlier episodes online, which consist of Gorosaurus stomping around the nearby town, expertly not stepping on any building, almost as if he’s avoiding wanton destruction because he’s a good guy (Or more likely, the tv series doesn’t have the budget to break the models!) This makes it even more sad when Godman kills him. I am not sure what episode the clips are from, as they begin in the middle of the show. March of Godzilla: Godman will continue, and check out the Godman Splash Page for more Godman goodies!