2011 TarsTarkas.NET Year in Review

2011 was a banner year for TarsTarkas.NET (as usual!) It is the year we got our mojo (and pageviews) back! It’s the year we got two lawsuit threats. It’s the year we got banned from Google Adsense. We started getting into free sneak previews of films, giving TarsTarkas.NET scoops on films like The Smurfs Our video and podcasts also continued and got better.

For 2012, we have a slew of things lined up, both new and old. Some of the upcoming projects I won’t mention so I don’t jinx them. But we will have more podcasts. More Infernal Brains. More discount Puppet Explosion 411. More weirdo obscure stuff. More awesome less obscure stuff. More reviews. More movie news. More book reviews. More things on the TarsTarkas.NET Blog that don’t seem to be entirely movie related. We’re going to finish some of the projects we’ve started and abandoned on the way (or at least get them closer to completion!) We’re going to pump out some of the 90 drafts sitting in WordPress at 90% done.

Thank you for your support from 2004-2012, and beyond. TarsTarkas.NET hopes to continue to earn your views by giving you quality content and reviews.

Potato Judge

The Potato Judge finds you....GUILTY!!!

Rob Lowe is Untouchable, Bitch!

Coming to Lifetime, the most evil MAN who ever MANNED, Drew Peterson, will be brought to life by Rob Lowe in the most ridiculous Lifetime movie trailer I’ve seen in years. Just FYI, Drew Peterson himself finds the trailer hilarious. Drew Peterson: Untouchable drops in January.

Rob Lowe Drew Peterson Untouchable Lifetime

7 Years of TarsTarkas.NET

Today is the 7th Year Anniversary of TarsTarkas.NET. On this day June 16, 2004, a badly written review of RoboVampire was published on a badly coded site, which marked the beginning of what has become a fun obsession with tracking down cult movies from around the world, cult movie news, and making fun of lunatics. This past year saw the introduction of podcasts and video reviews, and despite life’s best efforts (three hard drive failures!) we’re still going strong and will continue into the future, getting better all the time. Soon there will be some new themes for all the sites on the TarsTarkas.NETwork (delayed slightly due to the latest hard drive implosion) that will give us a more professional look, and hopefully some more new surprises as well. And the Infernal Brains and Discount Puppet Explosions will continue to invade your audio and visual senses. Up next, TarsTarkas.NET will enter Smell-o-vision, where you can scratch and sniff the website to get relevant smells. Thank you for your support over the past 7 years, and we’ll continue to bring you infotainment for many many more!

Forget you, Brian, this is OUR cake now!

MOSS – Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit

Yep, the rumors are true – TarsTarkas.NET signed up with MOSS – the Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit. Because we’re awesome! And be sure to check out these awesome other members:

Beth Loves Bollywood
The Cultural Gutter
Die, Danger, Die, Die, Kill!
Fist of B-List
The Greatest Movie Ever
The Horror!?
Memsaab Story
Million Monkey Theater
Monster Island Resort
Permission to Kill
Teleport City
WtF Film
Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit
There’s even a Facebook Fan Page and a Twitter feed, for those of you who are into those sorts of things. Mysterious Order of the Skeleton Suit – so awesome it’s jawesome!

2010 TarsTarkas.NET Year in Review

2010 was a banner year for TarsTarkas.NET (they all are, because we’re jawesome!) which saw the most activity yet of our six years.

The biggest news is the Politisink spinoff site, the Wingnut Web feature growing into a monster that demanded its own domain name, so we gave it to it! We got two lawsuit threats so far, which have caused the usual laughing in response to the baseless claims.

Over the summer, we decided that Mambo just wasn’t going to cut it anymore as a CMS, and begun the painful conversion to WordPress as our CMS. Actually, it was relatively pain-free, aside from losing six years of links and Google rankings. Our Google rankings got nailed even further thanks to a hacker attack that happened shortly after the WordPress conversion, the hacker operating out of the Ukraine (and probably an automated bot) inserted malicious code via the message board that pretty much is unused except among the writing staff. So that was a headache and a half to fix, but no permanent damage was done and despite thousands of access attempts a day from Ukrainian computers, we defeated those mofos!

Tragedy struck the Tars Tarkas household as both the desktop computer and a laptop computer decided to go to computer heaven. The laptop’s death took about 15 written reviews with it, reviews I hadn’t uploaded to the site yet as drafts because it was right after the hacker mess and I hadn’t gotten around to it. We’re also down to just one computer at home, this lack of computers becoming obvious as updates have slowed, sharing being caring, but not good for updating sites constantly.

As for content, besides the constant flow of movie reviews, we also began video reviews with the Discount Puppet Explosion 411 series and began podcasts with Todd of FourDK. The podcast series now has a name (which will be revealed when the next one is uploaded) and the video reviews are doing better than I though a series where a Cabbage Patch Kid with a fake mustache being waved at the camera would. 2010 is also the only year we’ve skipped a theme/Godzilla month, but one will return in 2011 along with possibly a makeup month. Maybe. Some films are still deep in storage, but I have a scheme to get around that.

2011 will be a banner year, and will bring: More reviews. More videos. More podcasts. More cult movie news. More random articles. More films you never heard of. More films you wish you hadn’t. More intensely-researched films from countries with rich history of cinema not well known in the West. More quickly-written sarcastic pieces on softcore fluff that will get 100x more views. More typos. More more more. Enjoy the more.

2011 might even see me get around to making banner images for the main site and the blog. My copy of Photoshop died with one of the computers, but some of the free software is getting pretty good and I have some images saved for use in eventual banners. But then, 2012 might be a good year to make banner images, I hear it will be a banner year…

The jawesomeness….continues!

Superman Japanese kaiju

Site News

After long last every review has been fixed and tagged, so now all the videos should work and all the internal links should work. Of course, as soon as I say that I’ll find things that are broken…

The complete movie list has been finished as well and added as a page. It’s the easiest way to find all the reviews. I’ll try to add it on the sidebar as soon as I sit down and actually do it. Now the real fun can begin and I can work on making a wordpress theme for the main site! I have a few candidates in mind for modding purposes, and have even figured out how to fix a table spacing issue that was causing problems with some of the themes I wanted to test out/steal parts from. As much fun as hard to read blue menus and a generic mountain range is, it’s time for a change. Hopefully this doesn’t take more than a month or so, but as I got a lot on my plate right now who knows…

The video reviews have started! I’ve been trying to work on an angle for them for a while, and hopefully this will at least be not boring. The first one is up and the second one will be up soon, they’ll probably show up two at a time in keeping with the show’s theme and how quickly I can watch films that would work better in video format. The Discount Puppet Explosion 411 show has pages on YouTube and Blip.tv if you want to follow them that way. We even have a subscriber already, and going through his movies he uses photos from TarsTarkas.NET for his Godzilla reviews. Since he isn’t a jerk like the guys at the Godzilla Wiki, that’s fine by me. This might not be the only multimedia expansion of TarsTarkas.NET in the near future…

Written reviews will continue and the next one should be up in another day or so, maybe sooner if I have time tonight. We also managed to find a way to get twitter to update when we post so now TarsTarkas.NET can be even more lazy. And that’s the greatest victory of all.

The fixed articles mean I will have more time to devote to cult movie news articles here on the blog, so they should start appearing with more regularity, assuming the wireless internet at work gets fixed so I can actually do stuff during my lunch break on the laptop. But if it’s broken still I’ll just have to play more Space Empires 4…