The Model Solution (Review)

The Model Solution

Directed by Edward Holzman

The Model Solution is about the tough as nails business of running a modeling agency and having sex and doing girls and making love. But mostly having sex and doing girls and making love. It’s from the Indigo Entertainment family of films, which were noted for bigger budgets, higher quality, better scripts than the average softcore productions coming out as the millennium changed. The Model Solution is no different, an entertaining film even if you ignore the sex scenes, largely due to the likeability of Sebastien Guy, who makes everything watchable. One of the amazing things is how many of the actors are going by different names than they are usually credited by. It’s like everyone drew an alias out of a hat and used that. Besides the main cast aliases, Kimber Lynn is Kimberlee Castaic, Katie Lohmann is Katie Lohman, April Flowers is Diana Espen, Sasha Peralto is Sasha Rochelle, GiGi Erneta is Gigi Erneta, and Kimberly Fisher is Kimberly Kay. I’d make a flow chart, but I’m lazy.

As this stars Sebastien Guy like The Sex Substitute and The Sex Substitute Two, I consider this the unofficial third Sex Substitute film, where instead of accidentally substituting for sex therapists, the character has branched out into the world of modeling. And as Sebastien Guy left the world of softcore films to become an actual model, real life validates my theory. That is why TarsTarkas.NET is the number one website about theories of The Model Solution. And if I see any more Sebastien Guy films, I’ll just add them to the Sex Substitute canon somehow. That’s how we roll here. Girl for Girl, I will fit you in somehow!

Director Edward Holzman helmed the classic late night Cinemax flick Friend of the Family, and produced a lot of the Indigo Entertainment archive. He’s also listed as producer on Corporate Fantasy and some other Mystique Films.

Jack Spencer (Sebastien Guy as Scott Duke) – The CEO of Models, Ltd., a company that provides models (as opposed to polar bears) and our main character, who is too busy enjoying life and working hard to enjoy life and work hard. Wait, that doesn’t make sense…but it does. Hmmm…
Steve (Jason Schnuit as Dave Veleo) – friend of Jack, who gets dumped right at the beginning of the movie and has an adversarial relationship with Jack’s secretary Emma, who we all know he’ll be dating by the end of the flick
Emma (Holly Hollywood) – Jack’s secretary, and owner of a secret crush on Steve, but she works with too many beautiful women to have enough confidence to do anything about it. Holly Hollywood is also in The Erotic Misadventures of the Invisible Man.
Rebecca Knight (Kim Yates as Kim Laurel) – The CEO of Knightware Apparel, and the big client Jack is trying to snag. She’s also a big lesbian, as that factors into the plot.
Caroline Cross (Regina Russell) – Jack’s ex-girlfriend who now runs a rival model agency, Nuance. She competes with Jack over Rebecca Knight’s business, popping up at inopportune times. Regina Russell is a softcore veteran and is also in The Mummy’s Kiss, Bikini Airways, and a cameo in Bikini Girls from the Lost Planet.

Opening dialogue does a great job both in telling us what Jack does, and who his best friend is and what personal problems they have. It’s like we get a quick Twitter update and we’re off into the film! Jack heads a model agency, where basically he gets the models jobs and has the side benefit of having sex with most of them. New girls want to go work for him all the time, including new girl Diane (played by Sasha Peralto of The Mummy’s Kiss fame, credited as Sasha Rochelle because no one uses their most common name in this flick!) who just let herself into his room and into his spa bath. So thus he beds her and signs her. You got to make an honest woman out of her, you see. As he doesn’t date the women he works for (just samples the company ink) that gives him the perfect excuse to send her off (but still get with her later when he bends the policy in order to bend her over the table!)

Jack’s house is a giant white mansion that is also his office and location of many photo shoots. The house is familiar to anyone who stayed up watching softcore films on Cinemax or Showtime, but I can’t remember any titles offhand. If I do, I’ll edit them in later and we can pretend they were always here. No one needs to know.

Secretary Emma let’s Jack know of a big potential deal with Rebecca Knight that could lead to two years worth of steady work, so a meeting is set up. Yes. Exciting times in the modeling world. Wheelin’ and dealin’. And modeling, but that hasn’t happened yet. Rebecca Knight shows up unannounced, and Jack confuses her with a potential model recruit, and ends up blowing the deal before it even starts. Holy Model Fail, Jack!

Steve’s girlfriend comes home, they make love, then she tells him she’s leaving him because she’s moving to London for a job opportunity. Steve is shocked, because he was going to ask her to marry him. Poor, poor Steve. Steve goes to Jack’s to mope, so Jack lets him watch the new bikini shoot. Four girls in bikinis, no waiting. Then they go European style, which is no tops. Then they go Nudist Colony style, which you can probably guess what that is. Then they go skinless…just kidding. Only one of them strips down to the bones…

After the shoot, Jack is sleeping with yet another girl when his dad shows up. Jack’s Dad is from Texas and runs an oil drilling company. He gave Jack the money to start the business, but Jack needs to pay him back…ASAP! Otherwise, he has to go work for his dad drilling for oil. Jack’s Dad is in the Bush family? That means…Jack is President George W. Bush! Things just got serious!

Just kidding, he isn’t Bush, he’s some other rich oil guy. But now Jack has to go to work trying to win the Rebecca Knight contract back, but before he can get to business, his secretary Emma is taking care of her own business, solo style, after she spots Steve swimming. Solo style is when there is a Wookiee in the room, by the way.

Jack scores a meeting with Rebecca Knight by charming her secretary about being a model for him. Emma suggests Jack try to date Rebecca, but Jack feels he should act more like a serious businessman. For the first time ever.
sets up a business only meeting, but also prepares for Steve to do something

One of Jack’s models Kelsey then stops by Steve’s for a quick hookup. She acts amazingly like Holly Madison from Girls Next Door, which is sort of explained because Katie Lohmann is a Playmate herself! It’s like they come from a factory.

Steve lives in a log cabin house that is also familiar to those of us who watch these late night flicks. They should rename this movie The Deja Vu Solution. At Jack and Rebecca’s meeting, she goes on about how business is a war and other pseudo-Sun Tzu type sayings. Jack has Steve come in dressed up all slick like Miami Vice meets the Matrix, and Steve starts saying Jack is all celibate and turning gay. Rebecca picks up the conversation is fake right away because her brain isn’t a cabbage.

Rival Model agent Caroline and her dumbest, most lesbian model Janelle show up to spy on Jack and Rebecca’s meeting. I also find it interesting Jack says “idears” for “ideas”, it’s the kind of things that are charming even though you don’t think they will be.

Caroline confronts Jack after Rebecca leaves, letting slip that Rebecca will sleep with anything that moves. And as Janelle is all lesbotastic about Rebecca, Caroline sends her over to Rebecca’s with a new proposal…a girl on girl proposal Thus, we get a lesbian sex scene, for those of you who are into that, which would be 99% of the Google referrals. Plus, they get it on in the pool, and that’s an extra group of Google referrals. There isn’t someone dressed up as a fox, so we lose those Google referrals, which I am glad of. Some traffic just ain’t worth it!

Jack tries to warn Steve off of Kelsey, but Steve wants to try something new. Model Sierra discusses with Jack how she is concerned over the future of Models Ltd., because the actress was promised two scenes. The point is to tell us that all the models love working for Jack, so we should all cheer Jack on. Go, Jack!

Steve drops off flowers to Emma to give to Kelsey, which annoys Emma. She tells him he’s working with too much glue and makes him close her trunk. Yep, she went there.

Rebecca’s secretary let’s slip to Jack that Rebecca is the queen of lesbos, so Jack goes to yell at Caroline for pimping out her models. She whines that he is so much better than him, and then fight more about how she though he was going to leave her, but he claims to be crazy about her. One thing leads to another and they end up having ex-sex on the couch. But it changes nothing.

Jack mopes, but doesn’t want to resort to pimping his girls. Let’s just ignore the fact he taps them all just before he signs them. Rebecca ends up calling him and inviting Jack over, saying his offer is too expensive but she could be persuaded if he works off the difference. But he rejects her offer because of principles.

Steve stops by because Kelsey is partying all night and he can’t keep up due to his slower nice guy lifestyle. Jack gets all super-irrationally angry at Steve because Steve and Emma aren’t dating, and starts ranting. Steve finally catches the hint, goes to chat up Emma, and soon they are having the sex we knew they were going to have. It literally takes less than one minute. Literally the sex we knew they were going to have. Sorry, Steve!

This inspires Jack to call up Caroline with an offer. Both of them meet up with Rebecca the next day (Jack is laid back and confident while Caroline is sitting edge of her seat nervous) where they instead counter-propose they will handle the account jointly. Rebecca is like “What?” and Jack is like “Oh yeah? We are so cheap you have to hire us!” and they are right. Since Rebecca did everything for the game and not the money, she goes along.

We end with photoshoots with the girls in bubbles and pillow fighting.

Jack gets word of another offer for a contract in Fiji, but Caroline “borrows” his cell phone. To steal his job!! D’oh! That’s a solution you just can’t model. No, that sentence doesn’t make any sense, I’m just trying to bring the synopsis to a closing point. Stop complaining!

The Model Solution is a quality softcore from the era when there were tons of medium budget skin flicks flooding the market. But The Model Solution stands out from the pack due to the good production values and charm of the main character. The vast amount of girls helps, and keeps the film in the public eye years later. Some of the actresses went on to have semi-successful careers. Indigo Entertainment (IIRC, an imprint of Playboy that rose up after Mystique Films slowed production, and explains all the Playmates running around..) was a sign of good stories and films you could watch alone or with your partner. But like all good things, they don’t last forever and after about four years of steady output they went kaput. But their legacy lives on in our hearts…

Rated 7/10 (Guess which one of these lovely ladies is actually Jack’s dad!)

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2 thoughts on “The Model Solution (Review)

    • It’s good to have dreams. Dreams make us what we are. Never give up hope. One day, you will be able to watch The Model Solution, and it will be the greatest day of your life. Don’t let the naysayers keep you down. Live the life. Watch The Model Solution.

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