Kilink Istanbul’da

Kilink Istanbul’da

aka Kilink in Istanbul

Starring (best guesses here)
Yildirim Gencer as Kilink (Killing)
Irfan Atasoy as Shazem
Muzaffer Tema as Prof. Cemil (Professor Lucy)
Mine Soley as Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant
??? as Turkish Grandpa Al Lewis
Directed by Yilmaz Atadeniz

Looks like an old serial chopped up and combined in movie form. It doesn’t even have an ending! There was supposed to be a whole series of these starring Kilink or Killing. In this one he’s evil, but he’s more of an anti-hero. Maybe I can track one of the others down sometime soon. This one itself took me three years trekking in uncharted Asian rain forests searching for a lost Temple of the Hubatonga tribe, only to have my guide Hadji betray me and sell me for a couple of magic beans to a cannibal witch, from who I stole this video during my escape. (Ebay, $8)

The print looks like it’s leftover from a nuclear war, there are Zero subtitles, and the budget here makes the other Turkish films I’ve reviewed look like $300 million dollar projects. Yet it’s strangely entertaining, even watchable, and is better than some American made serials (Undersea Kingdom I’m looking at you!) Kilink himself is some serial novel character or a rip off of another one.

After the opening credits which show action shots from the film, and what looks like a reworked title card, some somber people drive to a house and carry a casket inside. A blonde woman injects the mummy-wrapped body inside with some sort of liquid, and it soon begins to rise. It’s Kilink, who soon takes off his wrappings and is revealed to be dressed in full skeleton regalia, including mask. Besides the blonde, there is another henchperson of note, an old man who looks like a Turkish Grandpa Al Lewis. Kilink talks to him about some pictures about some young girls, or something.

Cut to a couple playing ping-pong in a yard, as a bikinied babe gazes on. A butler-looking chap comes outside as well, all of this being watched by Kilink as suspenseful music plays. A scientist lives at the house, who is the father of the bikini girl and the guy from the couple. Kilink breaks the butler’s neck as he sneaks into the house, then assumes the butler’s form. He goes to see the scientists, then pulls off his disguise, which he wore for like three seconds. Why the pointless disguise? They probably explained it but it was in Turkish so it flew right by me. The Professor is shocked. Shocked I say. Boy is he ever shocked. The reaction scenes of him being shocked litter this section of the film like beer cans on the highway.

Kilink takes this opportunity to start monologuing, and unfortunately for us it’s all in Turkish, but from what I can gather the Professor is Professor Lucy, and Professor Lucy throws a beaker at Kilink, missing, and Kilink shoots him dead. Kilink then robs Professor Lucy’s safe of gold bars (Is gold bars standard Turkish currency in the 1960’s?) and some papers, then leaves. Kilink is good enough to have also written his name in blood for the police, who are puzzled upon seeing the name, probably because they think he’s dead (See? Who needs the subtitles!) Kilink celebrates with his blonde bimbette and gives Turkish Grandpa Al Lewis the papers he took from Professor Lucy, exciting Turkish Grandpa so much he almost pops his monocle.

Professor Lucy is really Professor Hulusi Tuken according to the tombstone, so I was close, and he’ll just be called Professor Lucy anyway because I’m too lazy to type extra letters. That and I can make Peanuts jokes if I am so inclined. Professor Lucy’s son is at his grave praying, when what looks like a Turkish Norse God appears, and talks a lot, including the word “Shazem.” Turkish Norse God also mentions Mars, Jupiter, and Neptune, only one of which begins with a letter in the word “Shazem.” People who’ve heard of Captain Marvel know what I’m talking about. Turkish Norse God finally convinces Son of Lucy to say “Shazem!” and he becomes the lovechild of Batman and Superman. Batman’s mask sans ears, Superman’s cape and “S” symbol, yet the shirt is green, mask and cape red, and underwear yellow (all according to the VCD cover art, as this film is black and white.) Shazem! uses his new found powers to smash a bench. Turkish Norse God then vanishes is a puff of “Shazem!”

Meanwhile, some of Kilink’s goons break back into Professor Lucy’s house and capture the daughter-in-law and the sister, then search the house. Son of Lucy arrives then, but is immediately take captive, beaten up, and tied up, then left alone in a room as the baddies search the next, and by searching I mean one of them shoots an unlocked safe for some reason. Son of Lucy (whose name might be Rabi) has time to finally say “Shazem!” and becomes Shazem! Bullets bounce off of the chest of Shazem! much to the goons’ chagrin. Shazem! beats and beats on them, chasing them all throughout the house and into the yard. The bad guys learn nothing and continue to shoot at Shazem! uselessly. Finally Shazem! takes them all out, and Shazem!s back to Rabi/Son of Lucy, and he rescues his wife and sister.

Kilink chastises his beaten up men, and he comes up with a plan to deal with Shazem! The Lucy’s are at the police where a detective says something that doesn’t make the Lucy’s very happy and mentions Kilink. Rabi then talks with a different scientist who happens to be his wife’s father, and also has an attractive blonde assistant who wears glasses (henceforth known as “Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant”) After some more talking scenes, Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant strips down to her underwear and checks out her body in a mirror when Kilink arrives. She pulls a gun on him, but he has no fear. I am enjoying this scene very much. The gun is empty as Kilink has taken out the bullets earlier. He forces himself upon her, she resists at first but eventually likes it. Meanwhile some old man and old woman has entered the house, and the Lucy’s talk to the old woman.

Rabi takes his Number 1 Car (It has a “1” spray painted on the side) out to drive the old woman to the Reko Lastick Fabrikasi Store, I guess to buy some Rekor. Inside a mysterious man speaks to them. Old woman sneaks off, while Mysterious man reveals himself to be…..Kilink! Bet you didn’t see that one coming! They are captured, but the police arrive. That is enough of a distraction that Rabi can “Shazem!” himself into Shazem! and start beating people up. Kilink is trying to escape by elevator, but he is foiled as Shazem! pulls the elevator up by it’s cord. Kilink hops off, but the cops shoot him dead. Wait! It’s a trick, that’s not the real Shazem, just some guy in a skeleton costume!

Rabi and his wife head into the woods, and they end up kissing. Back home, Sister Lucy is happy, until Kilink and his goons arrive! Sister Lucy is taken away. Rabi and the wife arrive home and it is empty, Rabi realizes something is amiss and speeds off, leaving his wife alone. Kilink is still there, and coldcocks her. Rabi is in hot pursuit of the goons with his sister, that he must know where they are via magic pixie dust. A car chase adds excitement, as Rabi Shazem!s himself and after being filmed sideways as clouds are projected over him he lands on the goon’s car, he smashes his way in, he cannot be stopped! The goons stop the car and dash out, only to get beat up. They even play a second or two of the Yakkity Sax song while he chases them. Starman and Shazem! would get along fabulously as they both enjoy long sequences of beating up random bad guys. His sister is successfully rescued. Back at Kilink’s lair, the beaten up goons once again arrive home defeated, and are once again chastised. Rabi’s wife is tied up to what looks like a wooden version of the Big Wheel from The Price is Right, and they use it as a rack-type torture device. Kilink is going to shoot her but the blonde girls (the girlfriend and the Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant) talk him out of it.

Something goes on with the new scientist/father of Rabi’s wife then Rabi drives off and talks to a cop who was hiding in his car. The Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant shows up, sans spectacles, still undercover as a good guy, to the new scientist’s house. She lets in some goons who take the scientist and Sister Lucy hostage. They also knock out Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant and leave her, Rabi finds her a few seconds later, and she explains what happened, and helps him.

New Professor won’t tell whatever it is he is working on to Kilink, and is shown his daughter on the Big Wheel. The alarm goes off at the lair, as Rabi has arrived. He shoots Kilink, but it is a puppet (D’oh!) Captured, Rabi is beaten up while Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant now seems to be back on Kilink’s side. New Professor still won’t talk, and Rabi is put on the wheel while his wife is whipped. Finally the New Professor agrees to talk.

Professor takes him back to a mansion with a secret safe. Kilink tries to crack the safe, but a painting opens up and a machine gun pokes through the opening. I am not sure what happens next, but suddenly Kilink and the Blonde Girlfriend are outside with the New Professor. I think some scenes may have vanished in a puff of Shazem!

Kilink and friends escape and carphone Bespectacled Blonde Babe Assistant (they had car phones back then?) and more torture is set up. The movie is now an epic sea voyage set to a hip jazz soundtrack. On Kilink’s Island his men thoughtfully wear “K” shirts to remind us who they work for. The hip jazz has been replaced with 50’s style monster movie music. At the secret lair on the island, Turkish Grandpa has made something or other. Also women in bikinis stand around randomly. Rabi’s wife is thrown into a dungeon while Rabi is hanging around outside. He talks to a cop. The scenes now seem random and disjointed, even more so than usually for this film. Kilink speaks to his Blonde Girlfriend as the movie ends, but not with a “Son!” but with a “Bolum Sonu!” Too be continued! Or not, as there doesn’t seem to be a second half of this movie. From what the last section looks like, they may have thrown part of it onto the end right before the “Bolum Sonu!” part. Again, this must have been styled as an old serial that was attached into a movie, it has all the elements of the old shorts.

Kilink will return in Kilink soy ve Oldur and Kilink Ucan adama karsi (Killing vs. the Flying Man)

Bolum Sonu!

Rated 8/10 (Sneaking, BBBA, Elevator, Kilink, Shazem!, Turkish Grandpa, BBBA vs. Kilink!)

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Written by Tars Tarkas

Tars Tarkas

Runs this joint!